Dating Advice for Women – The Date Mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Wed, 21 Feb 2018 19:48:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 How to Talk to Men Online Mon, 19 Feb 2018 09:00:53 +0000 A few tips to get him talking.

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Generally, women have an advantage over men while online dating. Especially when it comes to taking the initiative and making the first move. When single women send the initial message to start a conversation on a dating app, they are four times more likely to get a response than men are. But don’t let that go to your head — getting a response from a guy you’re really interested in can still be tough. And when you’re staring at that blank text space where your amazing message should be, it’s not always easy to know what to say.

A girl can drive herself crazy continually checking her dating profile and waiting for a notification. It’s like the new waiting by the phone, and it can make you start to doubt every word in every message you send. Was saying “hi” too generic? Was asking about his dog too personal? Was the message too short? Was it too long? Maybe he’s just not that into you — but why not?

If you’re wondering how to talk to men online, here are a few handy tips.

1. Pick the right dating app or site.
First of all, you have to make sure you’re in the right place to find romance. Some niche sites have relatively few dating prospects in your area, so the silence may not be your fault — it might be because the dating profiles you’re messaging are inactive. That’s a bummer, but it’s easily remedied. Just sign up for a dating platform with a large and active membership base. Do your homework by looking at customer ratings and reading expert reviews of popular dating apps, so you can join a legit dating platform where guys will be happy to meet you.

2. Be authentic, upbeat, and interesting.
Everyone has a story to tell. Your life history, your opinions, your personality all make you you, and that’s something worth sharing with a date. You don’t have to write an autobiography on your profile or in your messages, but definitely reference the best bits. If you’ve been out of the country on a  trip or for study abroad, mention that in passing. If you have a particular talent, bring it up in conversation as seamlessly as you can. You want him asking follow-up questions and wondering what else you have going on.

Guys often like to pursue, so you probably won’t have to work too hard to get his attention. Just make sure you have interesting things to say once you’ve got it. As Heath Ledger said in “Casanova”—be the flame, not the moth.

3. Keep it light.
This is a good tip for guys and gals longing for long-term love. Don’t bring up commitment too early in the conversation. Even if you hear wedding bells ringing in your head, play it cool or he’ll have warning alarms ringing in his. It reeks of desperation to talk about meeting parents, going on trips together, or otherwise riding off into the sunset when you’ve just met someone online. Let all that unfold naturally. The time to talk about your relationship is after two or three great dates—it isn’t after two or three messages on a dating app or website.

4. Ask questions that get him talking.
This tip is pretty straightforward, but it’s worth noting. If you want to get a guy to talk to you, give him something to say. Ask questions about his life, hobbies, aspirations, and opinions. If you can pull something specific from his dating profile—“I see you like Marvel comics, what did you think of the latest movie?”—all the better!

If his profile doesn’t have many personal details, you can ask general conversation starters to get the ball rolling. This’ll help you get to know each other and find common ground. Try to strike a good conversational balance between the two of you. I’d recommend ending every message with at least one question; that way, you hold up your end of the conversation while giving him things to say back.

5. Stay positive.
Look, we all feel frustrated, impatient, cynical, and down every once in a while, but unfortunately that black mood isn’t going to make dates line up at your door. People want to be around people who make them feel good. A little sarcasm and dark humor is fine. A consistently negative attitude is not. Instead of complaining about the dating scene, the weather, your job, your family, or other parts of life, focus on the positive things—your passions, your hopes, your bffs—so your date will see your best and most attractive side.

In the dating world, the getting-to-know-you phase is about making your date smile and feel good about themselves. Those happy feelings are going to make them want to talk to you more and more frequently.

You don’t have to act like Pollyanna or look like Margot Robbie to attract date prospects online—just be yourself and keep these tips in mind. If you approach online dating with a light-hearted attitude, you’re bound to start building connections and having fun while you’re at it. Of course, getting a guy to talk to you isn’t always as simple as typing “Hi” and pressing send. Sometimes you need to catch your crush’s eye by asking good questions, telling interesting stories, and being friendly and flirty in every message.


Amber Brooks is a Contributing Editor at When she was growing up, her family teased her for being “boy crazy,” but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating expert. As an English major in college, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about topics that interest her. Now with a background in writing, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to

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Date Outfit Ideas: 5 Dresses Perfect for Any Season Mon, 05 Feb 2018 09:00:04 +0000 Wondering what to wear on your next date? Here are five go-to dresses you should have in your wardrobe.

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Anyone who has ever gone on a date knows the struggle of that What do I wear?! moment. Well, end your wardrobe wondering with these date outfit ideas centered around five dresses for your next big date night.

Why start with a dress? Not only are they easy to throw on, but they’re comfortable, too—and when it comes to dating, comfort is key. The last thing you want to be doing on a date is adjusting your pencil skirt, gasping for air because your jeans are too tight, or covering your stomach as you dare to bare it in a crop top. Dresses require minimal effort and come in plenty of styles to fit and flatter most women, regardless of their shape or size. I’ve never put on a dress and felt anything less than fabulous, and neither should you!

The key is investing in items that are functional and can be styled differently throughout each season. To find unique styles on a budget, try consignment shops and online thrift stores like—you’re bound to score something that will make you stand out. Look for dresses that work year-round so you get the most bang for your buck. With the right accessories, most dresses can transition from day to night or summer to fall, which lets you spend more time with your date and less time with your closet.

Here are five date-worthy dresses every girl should have in her closet:

1. A printed mini dress.

A woman who used one of these date outfit ideas sitting on a bench in a floral mini dress.
A flirty mini dress, whether it features a simple star print or colorful stripes, screams cute. It’s effortless, it’s playful, and it’s fun. In the summer, pair it with white sneakers and a jean jacket for a day of riding bikes and eating ice cream. In the winter, wear it with sheer tights, a textured cardigan and ankle boots for a shopping date downtown. Best of all, you can find one at any price point because printed mini dresses are currently a popular trend.

2. A midi slip dress.

A woman who took these date outfit ideas modeling a midi slip dress in front of a grey background.
Not to be confused with a mini dress, a midi dress hits between your knee and your ankle- commonly known as “tea length.” Choose one with a slip silhouette, and you have a dress that will be turning heads. Whether you dress it up or down, it looks as sophisticated as it does sexy. Pair it with tennis shoes for the farmer’s market, platform heels for a dinner party, or a blazer and loafers for a day at the museum. For those cooler nights, thrown on a longline cardigan to keep the look chic and streamlined.

3. A black maxi dress.

A woman who took these date outfit ideas wearing a black maxi dress in front of a pool.
People tend to think of summer when they hear the words maxi dress. However, if you buy a maxi dress in a dark, solid tone, it can serve as a blank canvas throughout the entire year. Use it as a quick cover-up at the beach or make it the star of the show with statement earrings and a fun bag. When the weather turns, add studded boots and a leather jacket for a laid-back vibe perfect for attending a concert or late-night drinks at the bar.

4. A jersey wrap dress.

A woman who used these date outfit ideas wearing a jersey wrap dress.
The best thing about jersey material is that it’s forgiving. Jersey wrap dresses are formfitting and tend to tie at the smallest part of your waist, creating a slender silhouette. They are also extremely comfortable and come in a plethora of prints, patterns, and colors, so you’re guaranteed to find one that you like. Wear one with wedge heels and dainty jewelry to meet his parents, or pair it with stilettos and a trench coat for a dinner date out on the town.

5. A fancy dress.

Two women who took these date outfit ideas wearing fancy, sparkly dresses.
Chances are you have a handful of sparkly dresses in the back of your closet that never see the light of day. When you’re single, dressing up doesn’t happen too often, but add dating into the mix and your event calendar basically doubles. Invest in a fancy dress you can reach for regardless of the event, whether it’s his company holiday party or a summer wedding. Buy a dress that highlights your assets, in a color that compliments your skin tone and a fit that accentuates your body type. Look for a wear-anywhere dress in a timeless, neutral color that doesn’t require many accessories—a simple heel, a small clutch, and your favorite shade of lipstick. It’s much less stressful to buy accessories that match the mood of an event than to buy an entirely new dress!

In the end, regardless of what you decide to wear, you want to feel comfortable and confident. Be sure to keep in mind the activity, location and time of day. When in doubt, wear a dress!


When not working as an IT consultant, Allie Lochiatto is a style blogger and model. She writes for her own blog, Allie Wears, and for thredUP, an online and offline thrift store that has an amazing selection of brands and styles, including women’s dresses.

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Early Signs of an Abusive Relationship Sun, 04 Feb 2018 09:00:29 +0000 Not all abuse is physical. Here are some behaviors to watch out for.

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According to a study from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime. But physical violence isn’t the only kind of abuse—other forms of abuse can include verbal and emotional abuse, coercion, or stalking to name a few. And it’s not uncommon for people to spend months, years, or even decades in a relationship or marriage that was filled with signs of an abusive relationshipright from the start.

But how can you know if you’re dealing with someone who may be abusive?

How you’re treated in the early stages of a relationship is the best indicator of how you’ll be treated in the future. If you’re in a constant state of worry, anxiety, and disappointment it’s time to hold up the stop sign. What might seem like a personality quirk or a bad stage can turn into a harmful relationship that chips away at your self-esteem—and the longer you stay, the harder it is to walk away from.

Here are early signs of an abusive relationship to look out for:

He has an explosive temper.
Do you find yourself worrying about what you say and do because you’re afraid that your date will get angry, put you down, or stop liking you? Are you constantly trying to please him and not rock the boat too much? Walking on eggshells will not prevent an abusive partner from getting upset. But it will drain your energy and destroy your self-esteem. If the man you’re with has an explosive temper you’re constantly trying to navigate, it’s a big warning sign.

He’s unpredictable.
Your cell phone rings and you see his name on the screen. Your stomach drops, is it bad news again? Do you answer the phone or let it go to voice mail?—Because if you let it go to voicemail you can listen to his message, analyze what he said, and craft your response. You never know what’s up with this guy, so you want to be prepared. When you see an email from him with a vague subject line like Hi or Plans, you’re reluctant to open it because you don’t want to be disappointed.

Having a perpetual knot in your stomach, a continuous lump in your throat, and your heart pounding every time you hear from someone is hazardous to your physical and emotional health. Constant anxiety is not normal in a healthy relationship. And you shouldn’t have to worry about how the man you’re with will react.

He constantly criticizes you, especially the things you can’t change.
Are you inundated with damaging comments about your weight, body, facial features, or the clothes you wear? There is no place in a healthy relationship for relentless, negative feedback. It is grueling to be on the receiving end of this kind of vicious denigration. It’s especially cruel for your date to criticize something that you can’t change and it’s one way an abusive partner will try to manipulate and control you.

He’s always right and the expert on everything.
It is completely infuriating and exhausting to be with someone who has to be right 100% of the time. If you’re with a guy who thinks he knows better than you, no matter what you say, it can slowly make you doubt yourself and your own knowledge and expertise. A typical example: You’re talking about buying a new car and no matter what car you think would be best for you, he says, “No way, the SUV is the car for you.” Then, even after you explain that you had an SUV and hated it, he keeps insisting. Deciding things that you should decide, like what you should wear or eat, is one type of verbal abuse.

Another thing to look out for is someone who corrects whatever you say, especially on subjects you have more knowledge about. Imagine if you were a pharmacist telling the man you’re with about the side effects of an antibiotic and he said, “That’s not true, whenever I take that medication it never happens to me.”

Watch out for a man who has a problem letting you, the woman, be the expert or letting you, the woman, make decisions for yourself. If he’s doing these small things early on in the relationship, think about what it could mean later on—A man who has a problem letting you own your own decisions and intelligence, is a man who man who may think he owns you in other ways.

He gets jealous and upset when you spend time away from him.
You tell your date that you went out to dinner with friends last night and he says, “Of course you did, NOW tell me the truth!” You laugh it off and tell him who you went out with, where you went, and what time you came home. A few days later you tell him that you overslept for work because you were up late studying. He says, “Were you really out partying?” Someone who mistrusts your every move and accuses you of lying or cheating is someone who is trying to control you and make you feel like you’re doing something wrong, just by living your life. If your date has problems trusting you, constantly accuses you of coming on sexually to other guys, or tries to make you feel bad for going out without him, he’s displaying signs of a potential abuser.

He demeans you or puts you down in front of others.
It may just seem like your date is being jerk, but when a man demeans you in front of other people it can also mean more than that. A man who tries to make you feel small, or less than what you are, either through humiliation, name calling, or insults isn’t just being a jerk, he’s verbally abusing you.

He has old, outdated beliefs about the roles of men and women in relationships.
Does the guy you’re with think a woman’s place should be in the home? Does he want to control your finances? Or does he try to talk you out of going to school or pursuing a career? These types of antiquated beliefs about the roles of men and women can be one sign of a potential abuser.

Sometimes it’s hard to distinguish what an abusive partner really looks like when you’re in the middle of a relationship and really care about someone. Other times, a relationship may not be explicitly abusive but may have serious problems that make it unhealthy. Abuse can have serious physical and emotional effects, and an unhealthy relationship can damage you as well. If you think someone may be abusing you or someone you know, get help. And for more information on relationships and safety, visit


Fran Greene LCSW is a nationally renowned relationship expert. Flirting is her hobby, love is her passion, and her dream is for you to have a loving relationship! She has a private practice working with singles who want to maximize their social life and couples who want to improve their relationship. And she’s also an accomplished online dating coach. To learn more about how to get back into the dating world check out her newest book Dating Again with Courage & Confidence. She is also the author of The Flirting Bible.

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10 Dating Red Flags to Help You Spot Mr. Wrong Mon, 29 Jan 2018 09:00:33 +0000 Does your relationship seem one-sided? It may be time to walk away.

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Dating can be expensive; and it’s not just the money you spend. It’s about the investment of your heart, your time, and your emotional energy. And you definitely don’t want to waste another minute on the wrong person. But how can you know if you’re dealing with a Mr. Wrong before the relationship goes too far?

You deserve someone who wants you totally and completely, because you’re worth it. If you find yourself stressing out about your new relationship, here are a few signs that the man you’re with isn’t worth your time.

1. He lies or exaggerates the truth.
All meaningful relationships are based on mutual trust. If you can’t trust the person you’re with, everything else is meaningless. It doesn’t matter if he’s drop dead gorgeous (even if you’ve never dated such a hunk), has a great job (even if you’ve always wanted to date a doctor), or takes you on great vacations (even if you could never have afforded to go to those fabulous resorts on your own), a man who does not honor his word has no value.

If you can’t be sure that your date is being honest you’ll always doubt him. And there’s nothing more exasperating than a guy who exaggerates the truth. For example, your date tells you he’s the VP of his company, only later you find out he’s a part-time salesman on commission. Or maybe your date boasts that he received a football scholarship to Notre Dame but had to turn it down because his dad was very ill. Turns out his dad was ill and he was accepted to Notre Dame, but he never even played football in high school and no scholarship was ever offered.

It’s true that some people may stretch the truth in order to impress you, but habitual lying and a pattern of deception are far from healthy behaviors

2. Your date is a financial mess.
Your date takes you out for expensive dinners and showers you with extravagant gifts. Wow, you think, This guy is so different than the stingy boyfriends of my past. Simultaneously, he asks if he could borrow money, which he promises to pay back when he gets paid but he never does. He has an expensive car yet he’s driving on bald tires because he can’t afford new ones. It’s your birthday and he says I wanted to get you a really nice gift but money is tight, so if you don’t mind I’ll get you a gift next week. Sadly, you never get anything. Financial fitness is essential for a healthy relationship. Irresponsible spending is a warning sign that this guy isn’t ready for something serious.

He promises you the world but delivers nothing.
If your date has broken promises to you over and over again you do not ignore it. Do any of these sound familiar?

  • He promises to get tickets for your favorite concert, but by the time he gets around to buying the tickets they’re sold out.
  • He swears he’ll take you to the airport, but at the last minute says, sorry I can’t.
  • He gives you his word that he’ll bring dinner to your place because you’re sick, and even offers to pick up your prescription at the drug store. At 7:30 p.m. he calls you and says he has a meeting.
  • He vows that he’ll never be late again. Guess what? It’s your next date and he sends you an apologetic text that he’s stuck in traffic.

He is an expert at justifying, explaining, and defending his position. He’s so good at it that you start doubting your reaction. Please, take a look at how many times this guy lets you down and stop making excuses for him. In baseball, it’s three strikes and you are out. How many strikes does it take for you?

4. He never plans ahead.
He calls you at the last minute to go out. He’s never sure when he’ll be available and thinks you’re crazy for wanting to know when you’re going to see each other. Your plans together constantly change to meet his needs. And yet, when it comes to his friends, sports, and work his life is scheduled weeks ahead. Do you want to be your date’s last priority? Feeling special and important is crucial for a relationship to flourish. We all have busy lives, yet we make the time for what’s important. A guy who’s into you knows that if he wants to see you he has to book you ahead of time.

5. He’s selfish.
If it’s all about him, all the time, he’s being selfish. When you’re dating someone who’s selfish there’s very little room for your voice to be heard or your needs to be met. Even picking a movie or a restaurant becomes a battle. What does a bank account and an ideal relationship have in common? The more you deposit the greater the return. Men who understand the value of compromise know that the more you put in, the more you get. And the more you give the more the interest gets compounded. If compromise, concession, finding middle ground, and negotiation don’t exist in your relationship, then it’s time for you to give him his walking papers.

6. He doesn’t want you to meet his friends or family.
If your date is genuinely interested in you he’ll want everyone to meet you—and that includes his friends, family, and coworkers. He’ll also want to show you off at weddings, work, and social events. If none of this is happening, and your relationship is exclusive, it’s time to find out what the deal is. Is he dating someone else, or is a future with you out of the question? Why are you being kept a secret? If you bring it up and he says, sure I want you to meet my family and friends but I’m not ready, it’s time to ask yourself if you’re ok with that.

7. He never calls when he says he will.
Unless there’s a natural disaster or a major catastrophe there’s no excuse for not calling. Okay, his battery went dead, or he misplaced his phone, or he overslept… it happens. But, does he always have an excuse and the only thing you can count on is that he doesn’t call when he says he will? A guy who is into you will call you when he says he will. And also when you least expect it.

8. He gets too serious too quickly.
Picking out china after one date, going on a vacation together after two dates, or moving in together after three dates is outrageous. Does your date want you or does he desperately want a relationship with anyone? Don’t be misled by this whirlwind. When it’s too good to be true, it usually is.

9. The relationship is one sided.
One of the most revealing signs that you’re with Mr. Wrong is that you’re working way too hard to make the relationship work. Do you find yourself putting in all the effort to please your date, doing all the planning, and constantly making sure that he’s happy? It’s exhausting when you’re the only person invested in making the relationship work. There’s no way to sustain a relationship like this, and it’s up to you to cut your losses before he does.

10. Commitment isn’t in his vocabulary.
You meet this great guy—You really like him and he does all the right things, he calls when he says he will, takes you out on great dates, he’s affectionate, tells you he really likes you, wants you to meet his friends, and you’re on cloud nine. Then you tell him that you’ve never been happier and he stops calling. When you ask him what happened he says that he wants to slow things down. You give him his space and hope for the best. Then he tells you he misses you and things start getting better and better again. You’re back on cloud nine and tell him that your feelings are growing for him. His immediate response is to tell you he’s not ready for anything serious and that he’s feeling pressured. Although the chemistry is right and you feel that you’re a perfect fit, if he’s not willing to commit to you in the way you need, he’s not right for you.

You deserve a great relationship!

Are any of these red flags familiar to you? Are you experiencing them right now or have you experienced them in the past? Think of them as flashing lights alerting you to the fact that no matter how charming or attractive your date is actions always speak louder than words. I know how hard it is to meet someone, but staying with Mr. Wrong will eventually lead to heartbreak.

Always remember that you’re worth it and that you deserve a loving, committed, equal partner.


Fran Greene LCSW is a nationally renowned relationship expert. Flirting is her hobby, love is her passion, and her dream is for you to have a loving relationship! She has a private practice working with singles who want to maximize their social life and couples who want to improve their relationship. And she’s also an accomplished online dating coach. To learn more about how to get back into the dating world check out her newest book Dating Again with Courage & Confidence. She is also the author of The Flirting Bible.

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6 Ways Men and Women Need to Change the Way They Date in 2018 Sun, 28 Jan 2018 09:00:35 +0000 Ways men and women can approach their relationships as equals.

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You don’t need to be a data scientist to recognize that the dating game has changed beyond recognition. We’re meeting more people online than ever before, but the surplus of choices has made people flakier, and in some ways it’s harder to actually go on a date. In addition, women are becoming more empowered and men aren’t always sure how to connect with them in a way that is both attractive and respectful. If you’re single in 2018, now’s a good time to take a new approach to love—one that’s a bit more modern and better suited to this bold new world of dating.

As a dating coach I have a theory that the old dating rules we used to live by are holding both men and women back from connecting with each other. So instead of giving you more rules about what you should and shouldn’t do, I want to show you six ways men and women can approach dating differently.

Three ways men should approach dating differently…

1. Only pursue women who show interest in you.
Guys have often been told that it’s their job to make all the first moves—things like asking someone out, setting up dates, or being the pursuer have long been considered so-called man’s work. But I’ve noticed this creates a few big problems with the men I work with. For one, they often aren’t selecting women based on the women’s interest in building a relationship with them. (AKA, the men can be so focused on the chase, that they aren’t being choosy enough about who they’re chasing.) Sending unanswered message after unanswered message without considering what a women’s silence shows about her interest in dating you isn’t good for the man or women. Apart from the critical importance of being able to accept a no, it’s also important for men to pursue women who make an effort to make time for them. Don’t you want to be with someone who’s excited and interested in you? Yes!

Guys—You need to stop thinking that a woman is playing hard to get and tripping over yourself to win her over. Instead, look for women who respond back quickly, who write longer messages asking you questions, and who don’t repeatedly cancel dates. Choose women who know what they’re looking for and who show genuine interest in you.

2. Be more selective.
Choosiness and being selective about who they date is advice that women often get that men should listen to as well. No woman wants to be asked out just because you think she’s hot—this sends the message that you don’t respect the women for who she is as a person and also suggests that you don’t hold high standards for the people you spend time with. There are a lot of people out there for you, so have an idea of the types of qualities you want in a women. Having standards makes you more attractive and keeps you focused on who the women you’re with are as people, not just how great they look in a picture.

3. Uphold your own boundaries.
You and your date are equally responsible for controlling the pace of the relationship. If you feel that the relationship is moving too fast (Woah! Did she just leave her toothbrush in my bathroom?!) or too slow (If we only ever meet every two weeks how are we going to build this up?) you need to communicate that the pace isn’t working for you. Communicating your boundaries is one way to express how you expect to be treated and how you view the relationship. Without this communication you could find yourself six months down the line in a relationship that you’re not 100% on board with—and that’s when you feel the need to back pedal. No one likes back-pedalling so it’s actually easier and more respectful to communicate how you’re feeling in the moment. It could be saying something like, I noticed you left your toothbrush over and although this isn’t easy for me to say, I felt a little uncomfortable because I need to take some time to get to know someone before they begin consistently staying over. Or I noticed we’re only able to catch up every couple of weeks. I know we’re both busy but I’d like to get to know you better.

Men and women’s roles in the ritual of dating aren’t so clearly defined as they were 50 years ago—And, you can disagree with me, but I think this is a good thing! And it’s not just the guys who have something to learn.

Three ways women should approach dating differently…

1. Be more proactive.
One day your Prince will come? Well… if you’re a little tired of waiting don’t assume a guy has to make all the first moves. Online dating data has shown that women who make the first move are more successful at getting what they want. For example, women who send a message asking a man to dinner, drinks or lunch get 73% more responses than the average. This is a clear indicator that instead of a man longing for the chase, they’re usually quite relieved to have a woman who is a direct communicator. If you see a cute guy’s profile don’t be afraid to send that first message. As I explain in my dating training for women I’m also a huge fan of women making the first move offline as well. It can be as simple as a smile, standing closer to the guy, or saying, Hi, do you mind passing me that menu? I’m never quite sure whether to go for a juice or some wine after work. Being open and giving people the opportunity to connect with you is smart: don’t rely on just dating the guys that make the first move on you.

2. Enjoy the moment you’re in.
If you think that guys send mixed signals this is because (surprise!) they may not have worked out how they see things progressing with you—at least not yet. Men tend to approach dating in a way that’s more experiential, to see how things go. Give yourself time to connect with and explore how the guys you date fit into your life rather than going straight into boyfriend or relationship mode with everyone. Building trust, a connection, and an understanding of what someone is about all takes time. So slow down and enjoy getting to know someone before you start planning your future together.

3. Be clear about what you do and don’t want.
It can feel more polite to gradually drop out of contact with someone instead of making it clear that you’re not interested in dating them. But in the age of ghosting, I think we can all agree that clarity is best. If you know you don’t feel a connection with a man let him down in a way that is kind but also very clear. Ditch the messages like Maybe when work’s calmed down or I’ll check my schedule and get back to you. It’s harder but more respectful and far better in the long run to send a message that says, Hey, thank you for taking the time to meet me last night. I wanted to be upfront with you (and you probably feel the same) that I didn’t feel that connection when we met up but wanted to wish you well.

The dating game may always be changing but in 2018 it’s more important than ever for men and women to enter as equals. As individuals we all need to focus on building respect, clear communication, and taking responsibility for our own happiness.


To learn more about Hayley’s approach to dating check our her free video mini course for men and her free video mini course for women.

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6 Online Dating Tips for Women Dating Today Thu, 25 Jan 2018 09:00:42 +0000 When navigating online dating, the most successful women plot their own course.

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When I joined my first dating site a couple years ago, I felt like I was lost in a sea of unwanted attention. I didn’t know how to turn down the “sups” and “heys” in my inbox, so I just responded to everyone. And I quickly learned why it’s so tempting to ghost someone (stop communication without telling him or her why) while online dating. I wasted a lot of time on forgettable conversations and the same pick-up lines because I was waiting for some stranger to throw me a lifeline instead of simply swimming for myself.

What I learned from that experience was this: When navigating online dating, the most successful women plot their own course. I know it’s tempting for single women to sit back and play defense while waiting for their Prince Charming to come knocking, but being proactive can save them a lot of time and headache in the long run. To help you embark on a successful dating experience, here are six practical online dating tips for today’s single women.

1. Go into online dating with the right mindset and realistic expectations.
As much as singles wish there were a magical algorithm-based shortcut to love, the truth is you have to do some legwork to get a date. Online dating makes it easier to find potential love interests, but no website or app can gift wrap a happily-ever-after for you. You have to use those high-tech tools to showcase your charming self and get your crush’s attention.

Single women should expect to do their part in the wooing process. That means knowing what you want, being an engaging conversationalist, and, yes, even sending the dreaded first message to someone you like. Although men are more likely to send the first message on most dating platforms, women actually get better results than men do when they have the courage to start the conversation and show interest from the get go. Female online daters are 2.5 times more likely to receive a response to a first message than men are, so go ahead and initiate a chat next time someone catches your eye. The odds are in your favor!

2. Ask around before joining a site or app.
Anyone new to the online dating scene shouldn’t be too quick to commit to the first dating platform you see. Many brand new apps or free dating sites don’t offer a safe and scam-free environment for women. Ask your friends which dating sites they’ve used and which ones they’d recommend. Search online for full reviews of the top dating apps written by dating experts. Look into customer testimonials, membership demographics, and any other information you can find before deciding which dating sites or apps are best for you.

3. Add more than one photo to your profile.
On a dating site, a selfie speaks a thousand words. You don’t want yours to say, “I use Snapchat too much” or “I took this photo in my car and put zero effort into my profile.” You should have at least one non-blurry, unfiltered photo of yourself on your dating profile, but more is always better because it shows you’re a real person with many facets to your personality. Your photos are often your first impression while online dating, so make the most of it and showcase what makes you who you are.

According to Zoosk’s internal stats, four is the magic number when it comes to online dating photos. Members who uploaded four or more photos received the most messages. That’s right, you can get guys to message you more just by adding another selfie to your profile. If you have pictures of yourself traveling abroad or doing something awesome, use them to catch a guy’s attention and make your dating profile stand out. Make sure your face is clearly visible so people know you have nothing to hide.

4. Don’t rush into anything but don’t take forever either.
Every woman has her own pace when it comes to dating. Some people are anxious to skip the small talk and start planning a date right away while others are content to spend months trading messages before even mentioning meeting in person. You should find the middle ground between these extremes so you don’t wind up on a date with someone you haven’t vetted at all and don’t waste your time talking to someone who has no intention of ever meeting you. I typically wait a week before agreeing to a date because that helps me weed out flaky guys who can’t keep up an interesting conversation.

If it’s been a week of chatting and he hasn’t asked you out, ask him out yourself! Say something like, “We should continue this conversation in person,” or “Are you doing anything this weekend?” His response will let you know what his intentions are, and then you can either go on a date or move on to someone else.

5. Be authentic to attract dates who are the real deal.
Don’t lie on your dating profile. Don’t even fib. The whole point of joining a dating platform is to find someone who likes you—maybe even someone who loves you. So be you.

It’s common for women to lie about their weight and age. Single women may want to hide their curves and their gray hairs while online, but guys are going to see them in person eventually and then feel cheated and deceived. That’s not a good first impression. If you’re honest about who you are, you’ll wind up in better quality relationships based on a real connection.

6. Don’t be discouraged.
Online dating is basically a numbers game. You might hit it off with someone right away or you might have to talk to dozens upon dozens of guys before finding the one you’re looking for. It can be frustrating to continually get your hopes up for someone who turns out to be so not worth it, but giving in to your frustration isn’t going to help you succeed the next time. Just keep going and keep it light. Dating is supposed to be fun, so don’t take it too hard if things don’t work out the first or second or hundredth time. You can always conduct a new search and try again tomorrow.

My online dating journey wasn’t always smooth sailing, but I soon found my way once I learned how to politely reject guys I wasn’t interested in and pursue the guys I wanted to get to know. Bottom line: You can’t wait for your dreamboat to come to you—you have to make an effort to swipe, like, favorite, and message your way to an actual date.

If you go into a dating site or app with the right attitude and frame yourself in a positive light, you’re going to seem more attractive and have more fun throughout the online dating process. Once you join a reputable dating platform, you have advanced matching and search tools at your disposal, so all you need is the self-confidence and the nerve to propel yourself to the type of guys you’re interested in meeting. As long as you’re enjoying yourself, that’s what matters most. Good luck!


Amber Brooks is a Contributing Editor at When she was growing up, her family teased her for being “boy crazy,” but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating expert. As an English major in college, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about topics that interest her. Now with a background in writing, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to

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