Dating in Your 40s – The Date Mix https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Fri, 15 Dec 2017 09:00:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5 5 Things to Ask Yourself This December if You’re 40 and Single https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-in-your-40s/40-and-single-ask-yourself/ Wed, 13 Dec 2017 09:00:40 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15659 Did you make an effort to date?

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When most people think of December, they think of holidays and the New Year around the corner. But it’s also a time to look back and remember both our successes and (hopefully not) our failures. Remembering can be a form of learning. For those of us who are in our 40s and single, reflecting upon our dating efforts from the past year is a way to learn from our mistakes and reinforce the positives.

To create a positive dating experience moving forward in the New Year, ask yourself these questions:

1. Did you make the effort to date?
Saying you want to meet someone and actually doing something about it are two different things. Think back over the past year and decide whether or not you put enough effort into meeting someone.

2. Were you too picky?
Did you not give certain people a chance because you thought they weren’t your type or they weren’t good enough for you? If you answered yes, you may want to rethink your standards and maybe give a person a second date.

3. Were you overwhelmed with too many choices that perhaps you let a good one slip by?
Maybe it’s time to slow down and give yourself a chance to really get to know someone before moving on to the next date.

4. Have you let someone go because you thought a better catch was on the horizon?
We certainly don’t want to settle, as discussed in my book, “Single and Not Settling! A Journey of Surviving the Dating World”. However, who or what are you waiting for? If you find yourself saying goodbye to someone because of a vague hope for something more, you may not be giving that person (and yourself) a fair chance to see if it’s right.

5. Is your list of qualities you want in a partner realistic?
Remember, nobody is perfect; everyone is going to have some flaw or baggage, especially as we get older in life and date people in their 40s and 50s. It’s great to know what you want but you also shouldn’t let the idea you have in your mind block you from the amazing reality that’s right in front of you.

These are just a few of the questions you should ask yourself as you reflect back and remember your dating experiences over the past year. There are so many factors that come into play while dating in your 40s. You don’t want to settle, yet you do want to be sensible about your dating goals. Take this December to remember the past year and create a realistic game plan for dating in 2018. Let this be the year that, next December, you can remember a positive and fulfilling way.

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7 Essential Tips for Dating After 40 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-in-your-40s/dating-after-40-tips/ Mon, 11 Dec 2017 09:00:30 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15633 A few things you need to know.

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Meeting someone is hard. Sometimes it seems like the older you are, the more difficult it gets. In your 40s, it’s less common to meet other people in bars or through friends. Many of your peers are married (or divorced), and dating just isn’t what it used to be. But fear not, dating is alive and well for people of all ages. Maybe you’re divorced, frustrated with looking, or happily single. No matter what you are, here are some helpful tips for anyone dating after 40.

1. A lot of dating happens online.
It’s increasingly rare to strike up a conversation at a bar or out in the world that leads to something more. Why? Because everyone is online. If you’re new to online dating, welcome. We know it can be a lot to take in at once, but it really is a fantastic (and easy) way to meet quality people who check your boxes. If you’ve been hesitant to join the online dating community, we highly suggest giving it a shot.

2. Not everyone you like online will like you back, or even message you back.
You don’t automatically click with everyone you meet in the real world, and the same goes in the online dating world. It’s exciting to find a profile you like and send a message to a potential match you’re interested in, but it’s also important to be realistic about the response rate. Sometimes, even if you’re certain you’d hit it off with somebody, you just might never hear back from them. There are so many reasons why messages go unreturned, but try not to take it personally. Trust us: It happens to everyone. Don’t look back; look ahead to the next match.

3. Take charge.
You’re in your 40s. You know who you are, what you like, and what you don’t like. You have lots of life experience and great things to offer. If you like someone, take charge and go for it! And if you feel like you’re too old to chase people or play games, then you don’t have to. You’re in charge of your love life, and we encourage you to own it to the fullest.

4. Try not to judge your dates too quickly.
When you know what you want and what you don’t want, it’s easy to assume people aren’t right for you and turn them down. But we’ll be honest: There are simply less eligible fish in the sea than there used to be. We’re not saying that you should settle, but if there’s someone who caught your eye but doesn’t check every single box on your list, consider giving them a chance. You’ll never know if you have chemistry until you give it a shot.

5. Make yourself stand out.
Thanks to online dating, men and women have a lot of options these days. And while it’s great that there are so many potential matches out there, it also means you have to sift through a lot of frogs to find your prince. One way you can help speed the process up is by making yourself stand out. Be unique! Be flirty! Daters so often complain that every single’s profile is filled with the same overused clichés. So dial up what makes you, you, and show the world just how awesome you are. It’ll make a big difference.

6. Don’t rush into things after a divorce or serious breakup.
After a marriage or a serious relationship ends, it can be tempting to jump into the arms of another right away. And while it’s ok to date—hey, it’s a nice distraction!— it’s also important to take some time with yourself. Reflect on why things ended and take ownership of what you can improve about yourself. That way, when you are ready for another relationship, you’ll be much more mentally and emotionally prepared.

7. Be yourself.
If you’re looking for something serious and want to settle down, you don’t have to pretend like you’re interested in casual hookups. If you’re going gray, you don’t have to use pictures on your online dating profile that are from 2004. If you like ice fishing, don’t say you like shopping and going to the movies like everyone else does. Just be yourself! You’ll be much happier, and attract the right kind of people.

Forget about the stigmas and stereotypes of dating after 40. Plenty of people are out there doing it, and they’re waiting to meet you. Be yourself and have fun out there!

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Having One-Night Stands while Dating in Your 40s https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-in-your-40s/one-night-stands-dating-40s/ Mon, 23 Oct 2017 23:00:19 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15447 Sometimes it all depends on what your goals for dating are and what you want out of the specific date you’re on.

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As the author of the book Single and Not Settling! A Journey of Surviving the Dating World I’ve interviewed a number of men and women in their 40s on the topic of one-night stands. Of course everyone has their point of view, but the majority of people I talked to felt that sleeping with someone on the first date was not a wise choice. Personally, I don’t recommend having a one-night stand but I’m not judging those who do. It all depends on what your goals for dating are and what you want out of the specific date you’re on.

With that in mind, here are some pros and cons of having a one-night stand while dating in your 40s:

Con: One-night stands are risky.
In the heat of the moment, when passions are in full swing, it’s easy to give in and spend the night with someone. However, you really don’t know their background and if you forgo using protection (which you should never do) you may suffer the obvious consequences of your decision.

Because you don’t know the person or their intentions, one-night stands can be a risk. You’re putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. Whether you’re at their place, your place, or a hotel, you’re alone with a virtual stranger and your friends or family don’t know where you are. If you decide to change your mind, leaving can get awkward and uncomfortable. Not to mention, the next morning.

Con: If you really like the person, you’re sending the wrong message.
If the person you’ve just met is someone you really want to get to know and have as a part of your future, they may look at you in a different light after sleeping with you. After all, they don’t call it a one-night stand for nothing. If you sleep with someone the first time you meet them, chances are you won’t be hearing from them again. You may find yourself dumped after one night of passion, or end up as a booty call whenever the person you met is in the mood. If this is what you want, then great. Go for it. But if you want something more serious, and really like the person you’re with, jumping into a physical relationship too soon may not get you what your after.

Con: It’s hard to be on the same page with someone.
It’s not unusual for people to bond during a night of passion. One of you may feel connected from this one-night stand while the other doesn’t, which can create animosity and emotional turmoil.

Con: People talk.
Remember, we live in a small world where everyone knows everyone, especially with social media. Your one-night stand could end up being someone’s tweet or text for the whole world to know.

Despite all of these negatives, there can be some positives to a one-night stand too.

Pro: Sometimes they turn into something more.
With some one-night stands, the connection is so strong that it grows into something serious. Maybe this just happened to be your future soulmate and the passion and connection is so deep that you live a happily ever after.

Pro: You get to have sex.
So this one’s obvious, but it’s worth stating. We all know how miserable we can feel when we haven’t had a lovefest for some time. A one night stand can relieve that sexual tension, and give you the confidence in yourself and your desirability that you need. Having a great night of intimacy can create a feeling of excitement and being needed. Who doesn’t love that?

Pro: It’s good practice.
Because the pressure’s off, one-night stands can be a good opportunity to explore sexually. You may learn things about yourself and also different sexual techniques that you can add to your arsenal of sexual satisfactions. It’s sort of like practicing for the future when you’re with someone you really like and want to impress.

Since you’re a mature adult over 40, the decision about whether or not to have a one-night stand is ultimately yours. Just keep in mind; there are pros and cons to everything. You may end up regretting it and then again, you may not.

 

To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her book Single and Not Settling, visit toniadecosimo.com or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.

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Dating Again at 40: Ways to Jump Back In the Game https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-in-your-40s/dating-again-at-40/ Wed, 11 Oct 2017 08:00:18 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15301 Remember... dating is about searching for another person, but it's also about finding yourself in the process.

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Whether you’re recently single or just took a break from the dating game for a while for personal reasons, you can’t just pick up where you left off, two, five, ten, years ago. The world changes and, when it comes to dating and relationships, it changes fast. If it’s been a while and you’ve found yourself dating again at 40, here are seven ways to get yourself back in the game.

1. Prepare your body and mind.
Try to look at mingling and dating as a new adventure. Thinking about dating as a new experience you’re open to trying out, and not a dreaded job or chore you have to do, can raise your energy and excitement, suggests Patti Wood, a body language expert and author. Also, do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel ready to dive into dating again. Get your nails done, dye your hair, or change your wardrobe. They’re little things but they can give you confidence. Now’s the time!

2. Talk to strangers.
Whether you’re in a coffee shop, in a store, or in line at the grocery store, start conversations with interesting, safe people wherever you go. Not only is it good practice, but you never know who you’ll meet and where. “My mom met my dad at a dance she hadn’t wanted to go to because she was tired from a long day at work but her sister said, ‘Go, you might meet somebody.’ She met my dad on a Wednesday and married him a WEEK later,” says Wood.

3. Avoid blind dates.
If you’re just getting back into the dating game, David Essel, a life coach and best-selling author, says you should both exchange photos, and a little bit about yourself before you blindly go off for anything more than coffee. “If you’re going to go on a blind date, make it super short. Coffee, ice cream, a short walk in the park, or on the beach. Don’t put yourself in a situation of a blind date and a three hour dinner. Bad move.”

4. Look for Meet Ups.
Ask yourself what you like to do, or if you’ve been a homebody for a while what you use to like to do. Do you enjoy painting? Find a group and go to a studio that’s holding a class, or you can even start your own meet up and invite others. This is the perfect opportunity for you to be in your own comfort zone and the chance to talk to new people.

5. Go out by yourself.
It’s never fun being the third wheel and traveling in packs with friends can sometimes intimidate people who may be interested otherwise. “Eat out at restaurants you feel comfortable in and that the kind of people you feel good around go to. Sit at the bar where you can make new friends. If that seems overwhelming, go sit at the bar and order take out and get a drink, (sodas work if you don’t drink) so you sit there for a few minutes, then build up to sitting there for a full meal and talking to strangers around you,” suggests Wood.

6. Make an online dating profile.
This is a good way to put yourself back out their virtually, and once you start getting messages, it’ll help build up some confidence and self-esteem, too. “Too many individuals don’t have the time to go on a ton of blind dates, or out to bars hunting and searching for the perfect life partner. Online dating, if done correctly, can help introduce you to a variety of people you would never meet,” says Essel.

7. Ask your friends for help.
If you’re jumping back into the dating game, don’t go at it alone. Ask your friends and family if they know anyone who they can set you up with. “Keep saying what you’re looking for. Your friends and family may forget you’re looking. Remind them!” says Wood.

Dating again at 40 can seem intimidating at times but with the right attitude and a little structure, you may be surprised how much fun you’ll have. Approach every date as an opportunity to learn about someone new, don’t put pressure on yourself to meet ‘the one’ right away, and dive in. Dating is about searching for another person, but it’s also about finding yourself in the process.

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What Do 40-Year-Old Men Want in a Woman https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-in-your-40s/what-do-40-year-old-men-want-woman/ Sat, 22 Jul 2017 08:00:33 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14814 Online dating data shows us the things men in their 40s ask for in a woman.

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When you reach your 40s a lot changes but not as much as you may think. By your 40s you’ve experienced enough that your ideas about the world and your place in it don’t just come from your parents, your schooling, or what you’ve been told. You’ve learned a thing or two and have come up with your own ideas about the world and become accountable for your own life and happiness. As as result, the people you want to form relationships with change too. If you’re wondering what 40-year-old men want in a woman that’s different from younger men, the answer is plenty.

It’s easy to make assumptions about what men in their 40s want in a woman but to get to the heart of the matter, we turned to the popular online dating site Zoosk. They data-mined 656,356 profiles to see what words men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s mention most often when describing what they’re looking for in a romantic interest.

And though a lot of what men look for is the same, there are some key differences between 40-year-old men and other age groups. 

Top Characteristics Men in Their 40s Want In a Woman

30s 40s 50+
fun fun fun
honest honest honest
laugh laugh relationship
humor humor laugh
funny caring loving
nice loving sense of humor
sense of humor kind happy
smile sense of humor caring
caring relationship kind
open happy open
loving have fun smile
smart loyal intelligent
kids family romantic
down to earth positive active
happy intelligent easy going
family easy going down to earth
to have fun beautiful open minded

Here are some key takeaways…

Men of all ages want a fun, honest women.
The most popular characteristic for all men of all ages is fun. And the second most popular characteristic for all men of all ages is honest. Across the board, men are looking for honest women they can have a good time with. (Interestingly enough, women’s top characteristic is honest as well.)

Men in their 40s want someone caring, loving, and kind. 
Unlike their younger counterparts, who mention things like a nice smile or nice personality more often, men in their 40s bring up a caring, loving, and kind when describing who they want. 

Men in their 40s value intelligent women more than younger men.
For men over 40 intelligence is the 16th most popular characteristic, while for men over 50 it jumps to the 13th most popular trait. Interestingly enough, men in their 30s don’t mention intelligence as often but instead use the word smart when describing the women they’re looking for.

All men love a good sense of humor
Perhaps this goes along with being fun, but men of all ages mention humor or a sense of humor as a top trait. And women who know how to have a good laugh are popular too.

40 year-old men want someone who’s loyal.
Unlike other age groups, men in their 40s list someone who’s loyal as a top trait. Perhaps because they’ve experienced a few heartaches or perhaps because they’re looking for someone who wants to be a partner in life and stay by their side. 

Men in their 40s want happy, positive partners.
Another popular trait among all men was happy and, though it didn’t make the top list for other age groups, men in their 40s were interested in being with someone who’s positive as well.

After looking into what men in their 40s want there are a few key takeaways—for the most part, men of all ages want an honest, caring person who they can also have a great time and laugh with. However, men in their 40s mention put a lot of emphasis on traits such as being loyal, easy-going, and positive.

A man in his 40s isn’t that different from the younger men or older men you may have dated before. They simply have lived enough to want things their younger selves may not have valued, and are still looking for that person to share their life with.

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Women Over 40 Who Are Owning It https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-in-your-40s/women-over-40/ Tue, 27 Jun 2017 17:51:18 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14700 A few women who are thriving in their 40s.

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Once upon a time, somebody coined the term “over the hill,” and turning 40 became regarded as a dreaded milestone. The big 4-0 became synonymous with the idea that it’s all downhill from there. But in reality, that couldn’t be farther from the truth for women over 40!

Age is just a number, and while turning 40 is a big moment, it doesn’t make you any less capable than you were in your 20s or 30s. Case in point: These women over 40 who are completely owning it in life and in love. They’re proof that age is just a number, and that success can thrive at any life stage.

Vera Wang

vera-wang

Not only is Vera Wang owning it over the age of 40—she didn’t even start designing wedding gowns until she turned 40. After she opened her first bridal boutique in New York, the rest was history. Vera has designed gowns for celebrities like Michelle Obama, Victoria Beckham, and Kim Kardashian. In addition to her gorgeous dresses and her Kohl’s line, Simply Vera, she also lends her name to shoe, jewelry, fragrance, eyewear, and home goods collections.

Tonia DeCosimo

tonia

Turning 40 shouldn’t signify the need to “have it all figured out,” because everybody’s path is different. If you’re not ready, why settle down just because it’s what other people are doing? That’s the mentality of dating and relationship author Tonia DeCosimo. She recently self-published a memoir, Single and Not Settling, about her experiences dating at 40. Tonia writes openly and honestly about everything from online dating to broken engagements, offering readers an inside look at searching for love later in life.

Kris Jenner

krisjenner

Business manager, executive producer, reality TV star, author, talk show host, momager extraordinaire. Kris Jenner wears a lot of hats, and she does them all expertly. Regardless of your opinion of the Kardashian family, there’s no denying that she’s one of the hardest working women in Hollywood. Kris has been at it for decades. She’s 61 and showing no signs of slowing down.

Jenny Lawson

jenny

You might know Jenny Lawson from her wildly popular website, The Bloggess. Or maybe you’ve read her New York Times bestselling books Let’s Pretend This Never Happened, Furiously Happy, and You Are Here: An Owner’s Manual for Dangerous Minds. Jenny attracts big audiences because she writes openly and honestly about her struggles with mental health, including depression, anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. In addition to her musings on mental health, she also writes about her relationship with her husband, Victor, and the joys of raising their daughter, Hailey. Jenny completely owns where she is, and it’s that level of candor that keeps her readers coming back for more.

Angelina Jolie

angelina

It’s hard to believe that Angelina Jolie is in her 40s. Partly because she looks so good, but mostly because she’s accomplished so much for others in such a short amount of time. Angie is a selfless humanitarian who uses her celebrity status for good. She advocates for refugees with the UN, fights tirelessly for human rights, and works to educate women about important health matters. Even though she’s technically in her second act, we think there will be many more acts to follow.

Whether you’re nearing 40, not quite there yet, or you passed it long ago, own it! These inspiring women certainly are. Remember, the number of candles on your birthday cake doesn’t dictate your success. With the right mindset, you can thrive at any age.

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