First Date Tips – The Date Mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Wed, 21 Feb 2018 19:48:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 How to Make Your First Dates More Fun Sun, 26 Nov 2017 09:00:35 +0000 Because the best first dates are the ones where things just flow.

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Dates are only as fun as you make them. I strongly believe that. If you want to have a fun and successful first date, pay close attention to these three things—choosing the right location and activity, having a positive attitude and open-mind, and making the conversation engaging. To help you achieve this, let me tell you about a fun date I went on recently…

It was a beautiful day. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky and the temperature was in the mid-to-high 70s. We had planned to grab coffee at a local café, but because it was so nice out, we decided to head to the lake instead.

Pick an activity that interests both of you at a location where you both feel comfortable. So yes, this entails asking your date how they feel about the activity and location beforehand versus telling them where to meet you. If you’re not sure what type of date to plan, present your date with a few options. So, if you like to hike, drink, or visit a great café (like I do), present them with these three options and you’ll immediately be able to gauge their level of interest and comfort, and then go from there. This also shows your date that you care about them, as you’re taking their interests into account and engaging them in the planning process. Furthermore, learn to be flexible when planning a first date. When you’re not flexible, your date will pick up on it and feel less comfortable around you. The best first dates are the ones where things just flow, and this starts with an open-mind and a spontaneous spirit.

As I was getting ready for the date, I listened to songs that I knew would elevate my mood, and then went over to my favorite local bakery to pick up some almond croissants to snack on at the lake. So it’s safe to say that I was in a great mood before heading to the lake. I also made sure to try and keep an open-mind and be as friendly as I could be on the date.

Go on first dates with a goal of making a new friend, not to meet your soul mate. A lot people make the mistake of approaching first dates like interviews to land a relationship. When you do this, you’re not only putting too much pressure on yourself and your date, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment, which in turn takes the fun out of dating. Do this instead—say one of childhood friends who lives in a different city tells you that one of their friends is visiting your town and wants you to meet them—treat your date like they’re a friend of a friend. This will guarantee to put you a little more at ease (and you’ll be a little less judgmental too) when getting to know your date, which allows for a better date flow.

When I got to the lake, I was pleasantly surprised to see my date had a nice big blanket to sit on and bottle of wine ready to share (it’s the small things). We exchanged pleasantries, sat down and started chatting. About 30 minutes into the date, my date asked me, “Hey, do you want to play a game?” I replied, “Hell yeah! Which one?”

Two of my favorite games to play on a date are “Never Have I Ever” and “20 Questions.” These two games are great because they not only make the conversation more thoughtful and fun, they incite honesty and build trust.

Are you up for playing “20 Questions (First Date Edition)” with me?

Ready? Here goes:

  1. If you inherited a million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with it?
  2. If you only had one album to listen to or one book to read while stranded on a remote island, which one would it be?
  3. If you could time-travel and go back to any time or period in human history, where would you go?
  4. If you could be any mythical creature, which one would you be and why?
  5. Which animal do you relate to the most and why?
  6. Who are you closest with in your family and why?
  7. How would your best friend describe you?
  8. What were you like in high school?
  9. What was your favorite cartoon as a kid?
  10. Is there any character on a TV show that you relate to the most?
  11. Which was the last movie that made you cry?
  12. Who’s your celebrity crush?
  13. What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you as an adult?
  14. What’s your favorite international city and why?
  15. Name one thing you’re super passionate about?
  16. What’s the last thing you learnt or skill you picked up?
  17. Who are some of your favorite philosophers or thinkers or speakers?
  18. What’s something that terrifies you and why?
  19. If money wasn’t an issue, what would your ideal first date be? You can do absolutely anything you want, what would you do?
  20. Do you have any dating pet peeves (or pet peeves in general)?

If you’re on a first date and feel like the conversation isn’t flowing as easily as you would like, try playing one of these games and/or use some of the questions above (as they cover a broad-range of fun topics) to stimulate the conversation. Just make sure you don’t ask these questions like you’re an interviewer. Listen to how your date responds to the questions, dig a little deeper by asking fun follow-up questions, and by all means go on tangents!

We ended up playing “20 Questions” on the date (in case you were wondering). And on our fourth date, we played “Never Have I Ever.”

Now, it’s your turn—Get out there and go have some fun!

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Questions to Ask Someone You Just Met Tue, 24 Oct 2017 08:00:50 +0000 Not sure how to get closer to someone you're talking to for the first time? Here are some ideas.

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Knowing what to say when you’re meeting someone for the first time isn’t always easy. Connections are organic, but they can use a little push in the form of good conversation and quality questioning. Being inquisitive is a great way to both show interest and calm your nerves by taking some of the attention off yourself. Wondering what questions to ask someone you just met? After looking into it, I found seven of the best.

A study that examined interpersonal closeness demonstrated that intimacy can result from asking a certain set of escalating questions that move from surface to thought-provoking. You don’t need to skip the small talk, but leave some room for deep conversation if you really want to get to know someone. The good news is that the more profound questions can still be asked in a lighthearted manner.

So, after you’ve gotten your pleasantries out of the way, try these telling questions to get a better idea of who the person sitting in front of you really is.

1. If you weren’t on a date right now, what would you be doing?
This is a fun way to ask about a person’s routine or what they like to do in their free time. Forget asking about hobbies or interests, which people can always make up to sound way cooler, this question will put them into imagination mode, prompting them to think realistically about their typical weeknight habits.

2. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
Do your interests collide? Does this person live life on the safer side? What is his or her level of adventure? These are all questions you can uncover with this question. Plus, it’s a good way to ease your date into talking about themselves and thinking about past experiences as a primer for the deeper questions.

3. How would your best friend describe you in three sentences?
The way someone believes they’re perceived by others is a reflection of how they view themselves, and a close friend is the best person to reveal that. Ask for three sentences because it leaves little room for fluff; you’ll get a straightforward response.

4. Who do you look up to the most and why?
Insight into who a person looks up to will give you an understanding of what qualities that person finds the most admirable. It tells you the traits that this person either has or would like to develop. People can admire others for a number of reasons, but you can be sure that whatever your date sees in that person, they’d also like to see in themselves.

5. What is the most memorable event from your childhood?
This question will yield more than memories of the past. It can be very telling what events stand out for someone. It shows you what importance they put on things and gives you an idea about how they prioritize events in their life, including which relationships and people are the most important to them.

6. What is one important lesson your ex taught you?
Not saying bad things about your ex is a sure sign of maturity, but being able to pull out some positives from a past relationship is commendable. Not only will you gain some valuable insight into how this person has grown, but you’ll also learn about their level of introspection and aptitude for personal growth.

7. What’s something I can’t tell from looking at you?
Perhaps this person has a hidden talent or an obscure interest. Maybe they’ve achieved some incredible accomplishment. Most people won’t share these things upfront, and you might not be able to tell at first glance. This question provides your date with the opportunity to share openly, and it gives you the chance to see them in their best light.

If you want to make a determination about someone you’ve just met, listen more then you speak, be inquisitive, and dig deeper than the surface. At the very least, this approach will confirm or deny a connection and give you confidence about the next steps.

Of course, the date doesn’t have to be entirely profound. When you’re ready to mix in some more lighthearted questions, try these.

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Thanks to Online Dating the Zero Date is the New First Date Sat, 30 Sep 2017 08:00:08 +0000 Is the idea of the traditional first date dead?

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There are two types of online daters. The first follows the more traditional online dating path—he finds someone he likes, reaches out and says hi, starts talking, maybe exchanges emails, moves the conversation to the phone or Skype, and then (after he knows the other person fairly well) he and the other person both decide to meet up for a first date. The second type of online dater moves a little faster—she matches, she chats a bit, and she decides to meet up with the other person to see if there’s chemistry. The first type of online dater goes on a first date, the second type goes on what I like to call the zero date.

What’s the Zero Date?
The zero date is a date where people who meet online see if the online chemistry transfers to real-life chemistry, and if there’s any real interest between them. It’s a sort of check-in date that takes place before they’re ready for the real first date.

Zero dates are casual, usually after work, and not on a popular night out like Thursday, Friday, or a weekend. They tend to be a quick meeting for drinks or coffee, sometimes they include a walk with ice cream or some kind of snack at a food cart or truck. They do not take place in venues reserved for first dates such as museums, sit-down restaurants, music, art shows, or other larger events. Overall, they involve very little effort or planning.

Why is the zero date becoming so popular? While meeting and getting to know people online a lot of things can happen… Sometimes you can hit on the perfect conversation topic and end up chatting on a dating app all night with someone. As a result, you create a feeling of intimacy very quickly. Other times while chatting with someone, you’ll find that you have a lot in common, but the conversation isn’t especially exciting. Maybe you’re just not great at texting, or you’re at work and distracted. Either way, you could get along great with this person but the online chemistry just isn’t there. Then there are the times where you’re so attracted to someone’s profile that you barely talk at all before deciding to meet up. You’re already interested and you don’t feel like chatting on the app. You’d rather cut to the chase. These are the types of situations where the zero date can be your best friend.

Just because you had one great online conversation, doesn’t mean you’ll have anything to connect about in person. On the flip side, maybe you weren’t the best at chatting online but when you get together something clicks. If you’re not interested in jumping on the phone and investing a lot of time or energy with someone you haven’t met in person yet, the zero date allows you to meet quickly and find out if you like someone enough to learn more. There’s not a lot of pressure and it’s easy to walk away from if you find out you’re not interested.

The zero date, more than anything else, is a sanity check. You’re meeting up with someone to see if there’s anything there, anything at all. If the two of you can talk without being awkward, and you’re at least a little bit attracted to each other, it’s time to move on to the first date and take it from there.

So is the romance that comes with the traditional first date lost? Is online dating ruining the first date? Not at all. When you meet someone in real life it’s the little things that bring you closer—the way someone holds a drink, the sound of their laughter, the way you do or don’t interrupt each other while talking, or the things you both notice about a room or the people you pass on the street. All these things still exist in the zero date. And the traditional first date—the kind that may or may not include things like flowers, reservations, someone picking someone else up, mini-golf or or a movie, or a kiss at the end of the night—is still taking place. It just comes after the zero date. 

Now more than ever, there are no real ‘rules’ to dating and different people approach dating different ways. Real connections can be made online and there’s nothing wrong with talking on the phone or chatting for long periods of time before meeting someone in person. If that’s what you’re comfortable with, then go for it. But if you’re the type of person who doesn’t enjoy the back and forth banter of chatting on an app, or who just wants to see what things are like when you’re face-to-face with someone before you invest a lot of emotion and energy into them, the zero date could be just the thing for you.

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How to Know If He’s the One on the First Date Thu, 17 Aug 2017 08:00:37 +0000 If you lose track of time, it could be a good sign.

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Plenty of people can tell you ways a man will act on a first date to show that he’s really into you. And those are great things to know. But what about your opinion on the matter? How do you know if you’re really into a guy?

A guy can show up on time, act interested, bring flowers and say all the right things, but does that mean he’s the one for you? There are few sources that can teach you how to read your internal signals to determine whether someone could be good for you. And it’s just as important to be able to read your own cues and learn about the behaviors you show that will tell you this is someone you’re really interested in.

So, how do you know if he’s the one on the first date? Or at least someone you’d like to take on a second? Here are five internal signals that let you know you’re onto something:

1. You’re able to talk naturally.
The first sign that a guy is meant for you is how the conversation flows. You should feel comfortable talking with him about anything. When you do, he doesn’t make you feel judged or fearful about expressing your true opinions, even when he doesn’t agree with them. The two of you are naturally able to create a space where you can speak without reservation. Additionally, the conversation is more than passive listening; it’s an interactive dialogue that feels like it could last all night.

2. You act like you’re with your best friend.
You probably keep things from your family or filter out certain parts of your life when you’re on social media, but the one person who knows you inside and out is your best friend. You share everything with your best friend because you know that he/she accepts you as you are without judgment. Best friends make it easy for you to be your authentic self and that is equally true for the one. While you probably won’t divulge your deepest secrets on the first date, the guy who deserves your time will make you feel comfortable expressing your true self from the moment you meet onward.

3. You lose track of what’s going on around you.
When you’re onto something good, time becomes irrelevant. Nothing else matters. You hardly notice the people around you. Your phone hasn’t come out of your purse the entire date. You’ve forgotten about your to-do list or the things you need to handle the following day. You’re effortlessly present and completely engaged. There is nowhere else you’d rather be in that moment because you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

4. You’re completely engaged.
Call it pheromones, energy, aura or connection. Whatever it is, you’re drawn to it. Maybe he’s not the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, maybe he isn’t the smoothest talker, but something about him has you unquestionably engaged and hanging onto every word. Your body language is a big cue here. You find yourself leaning forward to listen more intently. You grab his hand across the table or graze his arm while you’re walking. These signals are instinctive—they’re like a magnetic pull that you have no ability or desire to stop.

5. You’re not overly excited.
Contrary to popular belief, excitement is actually a defense mechanism by your brain warning you of danger. So, those feelings of nervousness or anxiousness aren’t actually a good sign. While they aren’t uncommon feelings on a first date, they could be an indicator that you should be wary of the person in front of you. On the other hand, feeling at ease, comfortable and relaxed is your brain’s way of telling you that you’re safe and can let your guard down. This isn’t to say that you’ll never feel excited, but how often and when those feelings arise is something to keep in mind, especially as you spend more time together.

6. You head straight for the deep convo.
Sure you may kick things off with a few pleasantries, but after you’ve moved past the surface, the conversation makes a seamless shift toward deeper matters. Like, what you look for in a partner, who you admire most in the world, or what life events have had the greatest impact on you. You enjoy sharing this information. Not only does it demonstrate that you feel comfortable with him, but also that you trust him enough to share important matters with him. It’s a precursor for intimacy and an indicator that you’ll be able to transition to a deeper level easily.

Not every good date will result in fireworks, and, more importantly, not every good guy will be right for you. Pay attention to his cues, but keep yours in mind as well. These intrinsic signals will help guide you to finding the right guy for you.

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12 First Date Conversation Tips That Won’t Make You Seem Weird Thu, 03 Aug 2017 08:00:39 +0000 Tips about how to get the conversation rolling in a natural, easy way.

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When it comes to dating, getting to the first date isn’t the hard part anymore—it’s having the first real life conversation with someone. Forget chemistry, what you ask and what you say can inevitably be the deciding factor in whether the relationship will make it to date number two. An easy, organic conversation is always best, but naturally, we’re all a little nervous on first dates, which either makes us shy and quiet or turns us into chatter boxes or interrogators. That’s why we came up with 12 fist date conversation tips to help your convo flow smoothly.

1. Admit you’re nervous.
Chances are your date is nervous too, so coming out and admitting it can be an excellent icebreaker. Being honest is important and letting your date know how you’re feeling may help take some of the pressure off. Just make sure the conversation is still about getting to know each other. If you don’t give the other person the chance to know more about you, they may not ask you out again.

2. Ask questions.
Conversations should flow back and forth. If you’re not asking the other person questions and are only talking about yourself, you’ll either look A) not interested, B) self-absorbed, or C) both. Asking questions conveys engagement. If you’re shy or unsure of what to ask, remember to think about topics ahead of time. (And if you need some help, check out this list of 75 Creative First Date Questions to Ask Anyone.)

3. Ask about their favorites.
Who doesn’t like talking about their favorite food, hobby, or sports team? Asking your date what some of their favorite things are keeps the conversation light and fun. And, if you both seem to love mint chocolate chip ice cream, then you may have just found a reason to extend the date.

4. Don’t spill your guts.
Be forthcoming and real, but don’t turn the date into a therapy session. “Ease into talking about yourself—remember intimacy is a bit at a time. Let him or her reveal a little, then you reveal a little,” says relationship counselors and co-authors, Drs. Judith and Bob Wright.

 5. Avoid politics.
They say there are two things you should never discuss at the dinner table—religion and politics. The same holds true for the first date. When you have strong beliefs or opinions, it’s easy to get overexcited and even judgmental. Of course, where your date stands on certain issues is important to a long and healthy relationship, but wait a few dates before diving into the political discussions.

6. Don’t lie.
Fudging the truth—even a little—on a first date means you’re starting the relationship with a lie. “When wanting to be liked, we may embellish, hide relevant data, and say anything to make ourselves appear more authentic. However, if you continue to date, the truth will eventually come out,” says Dr. Judith. 

7. Don’t “one up” them.
Your date mentions taking their first trip overseas to London. Don’t follow up by bragging about how you’ve been to every European country and visit there three times a year. Nobody wants to feel like their experiences are insufficient. Instead, be more congratulatory and respectful. Everyone has different opportunities for different experiences.   

8. Ask about their job, don’t ask about their salary.
It’s fine to discuss work and jobs but how would you feel if someone asked you how much you make, if you own or rent, or what kind of car you drive? Those kinds of questions make it seem a little like all someone cares about is how much money you’ll be able to spend on them.

9. Talk about past relationships but avoid too much ex-talk.
Unless you’re specifically asked, avoid getting into relationships past. A recent survey by the dating site and app Zoosk on what’s okay to disclose and when, shows that nearly half of singles say past relationships, including recent breakups, shouldn’t be discussed until after a few weeks of dating. 

10. Speak up.
If the other person does something that makes you uncomfortable—subtly puts you down, is rude to the waitress, makes snide comments—don’t just take it like a punching bag; say something! Dating is about finding the the one, not about torturing yourself with bad company.

11. Don’t start asking about the next date too soon.
You may be thinking about the next date, but you’re still on date number one, so be present. “If you worry about what comes after the first date, chances are you’ll be anxious, appear needy, and may try harder to impress the other person. Be on the date you’re on now,” says Dr. Bob.

12. Don’t talk negatively about yourself.
Modesty is appealing; low self-esteem is not. There’s no need to announce all your flaws on the first date. Joking about how bad you are at dating is also a huge turn off. It’s okay to admit you’re nervous but telling someone on a first date that you’re bad at dating is like a director coming out before the movie to announce that it stinks. It kills interest or motivation the other person might have had.

When it comes to having a good first date conversation, it’s ok to stumble and make a few mistakes. There’s no getting around it, first dates are hard and can get awkward at times. But if you keep talking, remember these tips, and focus on getting to know the other person you might surprise yourself by how easy the conversation will flow.

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5 Unusual Ways to Impress a Guy on a First Date Sat, 01 Jul 2017 08:00:32 +0000 A man's perspective on how to really stand out.

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Most of us know the usual ways to impress someone on a date—being confident, dressing well, or making the person you’re with laugh—but what are the not-so-obvious things you can do that really impress someone? We asked Mark Rosenfeld, dating coach for Make Him Yours, to tell us some of the ways to impress a man that we might not have thought of yet, and what he shared with us were some pretty enlightening tips 

Video Transcript: 

Hey it’s Mark here, Australian dating coach for women from Make Him Yours. And today, I am going through the five unusual ways you can impress a guy on the first date. Stick around until the end of the video as well. I’ve got a free gift for you. Stay tuned.

All right. Unusual ways to impress a guy on a first date. Now, we all know the common ones. We all know that confidence is impressive. We all know passion is impressive. We all know intelligence is impressive. Things like that. But, what are some more unusual ways to impress a guy? And what are some things guys are looking for that really standout?

Well the first one is simply this:

1. Have other people warm to you.
You see, on a date it’s really easy to get focused on the one person. Men do this as well. And, forget everyone else who’s around. One of the most impressive things I’ve seen, and I’ve spoken to men and they’ve seen this as well, is when a woman is able to make amazing impressions on others who are around. So when the Uber driver, or when the waitress, or even an elderly gentlemen in an elevator, when they respond to you in a warm, excited way, and the guy sees that, that is going to be so impressive to him. See, men are so used to having someone focused on them during the date. And, when you show that as part of your world, you radiate a light that just draws others in, and warms others, and they want to spend time around you, it communicates to the guy that you have a presence that he is going to want to be around in the future.

The second one is this:

2. Be willing to break rapport.
See again, when we’re on a date we really want things to go well. And we want to share common interests and find common interests with that person. So, it’s tempting when we like someone a little too much to not want to disagree with them at all. Let’s say for example, you’re not a strong dog or cat person, but you tend to prefer cats. And he makes a statement like, “God, dogs are so much better than cats. They’re friendly and they’re cool. I’m such a dog person. Can’t believe anyone could be a cat person.” And he says, “What about you?” It’s tempting when you hear this to wanna kinda agree with him and go, “Yeah, no. Dogs are pretty cool in that way.” Or even if you’re on the fence to just say, “Look, I could go either way.” But, what really stands out to a guy is when you’re willing to hold your own and speak your opinions to him. When you say, “No actually, I’m more of a cat person. I think they’re more independent and just plain cooler.” And you can get into a fun little debate with him about that. A guy is going to respect that because he knows you’re not going to change who you are or your opinions for him, no matter how much you like him. And, it makes him see you as a cut above.

3. Show him you don’t have an agenda.
No one likes agendas in dating. If you’ve ever had a guy come at you and just want sex, and to just talk to you because you can sense that he has an agenda and just wants sex. You know what a turn off that is. Well, men are also used to meeting women who come at them with an agenda for a relationship. So, when you just show that you’re there purely to get to know him, you’re not wanting anything out of it, you’re just spontaneous and enjoying it for what it is, a guy is going to notice that. It’s going to stand out. He’s going to go, who is this high-value woman? And, how is she so happy in her life that she doesn’t want anything from me? She’s just happy exactly where she is. She’s not putting pressure on. She’s just getting to know me. The irony of this is that he then wonders why you’re so high-value, and wants to get you into a relationship. Even if you’re really into him, if you show men that you’re still expecting them to qualify themselves to you, and you’re still just taking things as they come and enjoying it for what it is, a guy is going to be seriously impressed.

4. Offer to pay for yourself on dates.
I cannot tell you how big of a turn-on it is when a woman offers to pay herself and pays her share. Now, whether the guy chooses to be chivalrous and reject your offer, or chooses to accept it, it’s the offer that’s most important. When you offer to pay for yourself, it communicates something really powerful—that you believe you are his equal. This is seriously impressive to men. You see, no one likes entitlement, right? He doesn’t want to feel like you have this entitlement opinion where you’re entitled for him to pay just because you’re female. Just as he shouldn’t feel entitled to sex because he pays. No one likes entitlement in dating; it’s a huge turn off. So, make sure you offer to pay for yourself. Show that you believe you’re his equal in that way and that you want to contribute, and hopefully he rejects your offer, and will be chivalrous regardless.

Fifth one is simply this:

5. Outwit him.
If you can have fun little social debates with a guy where you outwit him and out-sass him, he is going to be so impressed on a first date. Like let’s say he says to you, “See, I’m a dog person. This is why I’m cooler than you. I’m actually fun to be around.” And you say to him, “Ohh. Yeah right. So, this means you come when called and I get to tell you what to do. Yeah no. You and me, we’re going to work out really well here.” If you can have fun little debates like that with him and put him on his heels, he is going to be seriously impressed by that. Now, it does take practice. It’s not something that—certainly didn’t come naturally to me, and doesn’t always come naturally. But, the more you practice, the more you get out there and meet men, have fun, and just be in the moment, the more that relaxed-sass is going to flow through you, and you’re going to have fun little debates where you outwit men.

Well, those are the five ways unusual ways to impress him on a first date. I hope you enjoyed.

Now, I did say I had something for you at the end of the video. And as you well know, first dates are not just about you impressing him. It’s about him impressing you as well. And, it’s about you spotting the qualities that he might have to make him a potential boyfriend for you. It’s about you qualifying him as well. So, I want to help you be able to do that. Link should be above, but it might be below as well. Hit the link and there’s a free report for you on male dating personalities that lead to heartbreak. So in this report, I describe the male dating personalities that you want to really watch out for. Things like the player, the narcissist, the victim. There’s heaps of others in there. Have a look. And if you’ve been attracting the wrong types of men to your life, it’s incredibly important you’re able to read men early and spot the early warning signs, before you get too emotionally invested in the wrong guy. So, download the link guys. It’s completely my gift to you. And, I hope you enjoy it.

Well, that’s it. Thank you so much for watching.

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