Dating Advice for LGBTs – The Date Mix https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Fri, 15 Dec 2017 09:00:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5 How to Avoid the 5 Most Common First Date Mistakes https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/first-date-tips/how-to-avoid-the-5-most-common-first-date-mistakes/ Mon, 02 Nov 2015 15:07:59 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=7684 Let an expert tell you what the most common first date mistakes are and learn to avoid them.

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If you want to get to date #2, it’s much more important to avoid the first date mistakes than to blow your date away.

We talked to author, motivational speaker, and Huffington Post contributor, Carole Brody Fleet, about the most common first date mistakes and how you can avoid them. Here, she recaps the biggest obstacles that stand in the way of date #2.

1. Choosing someplace romantic. Although you definitely want to set the mood to make sure your date knows you’re officially on a date and not just “hanging out,” you don’t want to overdo it. If you break out the candles and violins on date number one, it can be more than a little overwhelming. As Fleet explains that type of evening is great for the 10th date in, but for the first one, keeping it “light” with coffee or a casual lunch or dinner will go over much better.

2. Keeping your phone on the table. Yes, we live in this wonderful world of technological advances, but give your phone a break. All business emails, and personal calls and texts can wait until after your date. Even having your phone on the table is basically saying, “I’m not really interested in what you’re saying, because I’m waiting for my phone to notify me of a text.” That’s not OK, and actually really hurtful.

3. Being rude to the waiter. When nerves hit, it can be easy to be a bit cranky or rude, especially if you’re under pressure. However, keep that in check, especially when talking with your server. It’s important to think about what sort of message you want to send to the person you’re on the date with, says Fleet, and you definitely don’t want that message to be that you’re a jerk.

4. Not respecting personal space. Some of us are huggers, some of us prefer pecks on the cheek, while others prefer to say hello and goodbye with a handshake. But no matter what you prefer, you need to take into consideration what your date prefers. Nothing says awkward like leaning in for a goodnight kiss as your date puts out their hand. It’s important to be cognizant of your date’s comfort level and give them the personal space they need and want.

5. Getting drunk. Of course there’s the obvious fact that drinking-and-driving is a major concern, but even if you don’t have to worry about driving home, getting drunk on a first date is pretty much the worst thing you can do to someone you’ve just met. “Too much alcohol lowers inhibitions and pretty much eliminates common sense,” says Fleet, “You don’t want to say – or do – something that you will regret the following day.”

 

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Dating Someone Who Just Came Out https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/gay-dating-advice/dating-someone-just-came/ Mon, 22 Jun 2015 15:18:41 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=7808 Follow these tips to nurture a great relationship.

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Closet, meet world. If you’re dating someone who just came out as gay/lesbian/bisexual, it’s easy to forget how difficult and complex and stressful the process might be for him or her. The best way to encourage those insecurities to vanish is to simply be there for your partner and be as supportive as possible. Here are three ways you can help your partner get used to the wild, wonderful world of GLBT dating:

Take One Step at a Time

If your partner is newly out, they may not feel 100% comfortable with being gay/lesbian yet and that’s perfectly okay; big life adjustments take time.

The best way to show support is to ease your partner into the GLBT scene one step at a time.  Introduce your partner to a couple of your GLBT friends one day or encourage him or her to join you at a GLBT-friendly place. Share your own experiences and encourage him or her to always share feelings.

There’s nothing wrong with taking your dating adventures one step at a time, either. Start by taking your partner to restaurants, theaters, and bars where you have more privacy so he or she can get used to being seen in public as a couple.

Never Discourage

Maybe your partner is unsure about whether to label himself or herself as bisexual or gay/lesbian. Sexualities are often fluid, and it important for you to recognize and cultivate an environment that fosters personal growth and exploration.

Become Involved

One of the hardest parts about coming out of the closet is knowing how to tell friends, family members, and coworkers. Be available to help your partner share the news. Be patient with the process while also stressing the importance of being honest with loved ones.

Dating someone who’s newly out can seem like a game of patience at times, but by encouraging your partner, becoming involved in their acceptance process, and learning to take the relationship one step at a time, you can nurture a healthy relationship that’s capable of growth, plenty of love, and a bright future. The wait is worth it.

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3 Tips for Arranging Your First Gay/Lesbian Date https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/gay-dating-advice/3-tips-arranging-first-gaylesbian-date/ Thu, 11 Jun 2015 20:10:07 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=7801 Make sure you have a great time with these three tips.

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If you’re newly out and haven’t had much experience in the gay/lesbian dating world, it’s crucial to ease your nerves so you can reveal the best parts of your personality. Those first few dates are the most nerve-wracking, but you can curb those first date jitters by preparing for your date ahead of time. Remember, your date, like you, is also probably feeling nervous.

Here are three tips for arranging your first gay or lesbian date:

Keep the First Date Simple

The secret to great first dates is keeping them short and casual. Since you are trying to figure out if you two share a decent connection, give yourselves some time and space to know each other. Avoid theaters or concerts that make it more difficult to speak openly, and opt for places that are conducive to conversation instead.

Choose GLBT-Friendly Venues

Depending on where you live, you may or may not need to be careful about where you meet. If you’re doubting how the general public may react to seeing two women/men holding hands, play it safe. Meet somewhere public that is GLBT-friendly.

Great suggestions include your local GLBT club, a gay/lesbian-friendly bar, a casual, “trendy” restaurant, coffee shop, or bookstore. In general, if you stick to the newer more progressive areas of town, you’ll be able to avoid close-mindedness.

Prioritize Safety

It’s crucial to always keep you and your partner’s safety in mind while out on a date. As mentioned above, keep the places you meet progressive, open, and as public as possible.

As Dr. George Forgan-Smith writes on his blog The Healthy Bear, a public venue is essential no matter the type of date you’re on since it gives you an easy out in case things aren’t going well. An especially progressive, public location also discourages most types of negative behavior.

If someone does give you a nasty glance and/or remark, simply walk away and find a new place to sit/eat. Don’t be afraid to politely speak up for yourself and your partner if need be.

Ultimately, if you remember the three rules of any first date: keep calm, stay safe, and have fun–you’ll be more likely to find the connection you want and have a better chance at getting to date #2.

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5 Gay Celebrity Couples Who Have It All https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/gay-dating-advice/5-gay-celebrity-couples/ Sun, 03 May 2015 14:34:15 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=8089 A list of the top 5 gay celebrity couples we love.

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It’s been a good couple of years for LGBT celebrity couples. Every day, more gay celebrity couples are finding themselves happily in love, posing proudly in front of the camera, and sharing their ultra-cute stories about how they met and fell in love. These stories inspire us and help us remember that love is often right around the corner–even if that corner happens to be blanketed in red carpet and a shining spotlight.

Here are the top five gay celebrity couples we love:

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Elton John and David Furnish

Sir Elton John has never been one to hide in the closet and stay quiet about his passion for music, LGBT rights, and his husband, filmmaker David Furnish. For this, we applaud him. After nine years in a civil partnership that started as a relationship in 1993, the couple finally married in 2014 after same-sex marriage was legalized in England. Many cute pictures were shared that day.

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Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka

Neil Patrick Harris, actor and star of How I Met Your Mother, married David Burtka, fellow actor, in September 2014. They celebrated with a gorgeous wedding ceremony in Italy. The couple dated for ten years, five of which were in secret. The two met while filming How I Met Your Mother when Burtka played a minor role that lasted seven episodes. The marriage was officiated by the TV show’s producer.

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Jim Parsons and Todd Spiewak

Jim Parsons, star of The Big Bang Theory, has been in a longtime relationship with Todd Spiewak, art director, for more than eleven years now. In 2013, Parsons opened up about the relationship, stating that it was “an act of love, coffee in the morning, going to work, washing the clothes, taking the dogs out– a regular life, a boring love.” D’aww.

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George Takei and Brad Altman

George Takei will always be one of our most beloved Star Trek actors, but he’s also been a prominent spokesperson for the LGBT community since the ’80s. He has been married to Brad Altman since 2008. Until Takei officially came out in 2005, the couple kept their relationship a secret from the public eye for 18 long years. Fun fact: These two lovebirds were also the very first same-sex couple to receive a marriage license in West Hollywood in 2008.

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Lance Bass and Michael Turchin

Lance Bass, former *NSYNC member, married artist Michael Turchin in December 2014 after dating for almost two years and being engaged twice during the year before the big wedding. The couple faced interesting challenges due to Bass’  Southern Baptist upbringing and Turchin’s Jewish roots, but love, as always, truly does conquer all. In a February 2015 interview, Bass went on record as saying, “Religion is the reason why we’re still fighting about the word ‘marriage’, and I think this is going to be so important for people to see– take religion out of it, it’s all just about love.”

Photo Credits: BBC Online, SourceFed, DailyMail, PopSugar, Digital Spy

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I’m a Woman—How Do I Ask Another Woman Out? https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/gay-dating-advice/im-a-woman-how-do-i-ask-another-woman-out/ Tue, 07 Apr 2015 19:36:57 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=7814 Some tips to make sure she says yes.

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As a newly-out lesbian or bisexual woman, the idea of meeting women and asking them out can seem especially complicated. What are the rules? How do you meet other women? How do you learn to initiate contact when you were taught to let the “guy” initiate?

It’s time to toss away that giant instruction booklet. There are no rules. Here are three tips to keep in mind when you’re wondering how to ask another woman out.

Don’t Stress the Gaydar

One of the most complicated parts about asking another woman out is figuring out if that woman who caught your eye is  gay. This is less of an issue online, of course, which is one reason why online dating tends to work extremely well for newly-out LGBT folks.

In person it’s a whole different story. It’s easy to find yourself staring longingly at a captivating woman, hoping for a sign from her, and wondering if your gaydar is broken.

The problem with staring and wondering instead of taking action is that there’s a good chance she’s doing the very same thing, wondering if her gaydar is broken. Having fantastic gaydar—that is, being able to tell whether a woman sways your way just by looking at her—is useful, but it’s certainly not necessary.

That time you spend worrying about who’s going to make the first move should be spent making the first move.

Show Her You’re Interested

The easiest way to find out if she’s gay is to talk to her! Direct questions like “What brings you here?” or “Are you here with your boyfriend?” are often a good way to find out which way she swings. Another idea is to bring up a subject that’s LGBT-oriented. For example, you can mention that you’ll be going to the next pride event in town. Her reaction is your answer.

Once you find out she’s gay, keep the conversation rolling, ask a few more questions, and talk about yourself as well. Remember, knowledge is a two-way street. Get to know her. Ask if she’s with someone. Ask about her hobbies or what she does for a living.

It’s a great idea to express interest in other ways, too. Eye contact, plenty of smiles, and a casual shoulder touch at just the right moment can let her know that she’s caught your eye. If she returns the smiles, gestures, and subtle flirts, there’s a good chance the feeling is mutual.

Take the Plunge

If you sense an awesome connection, it can again be tempting to wait for her to pop the big date question, but there’s nothing wrong with taking the plunge yourself. Making the first move will give you confidence and guarantee that you won’t let a good one slip by. Even if your attempt isn’t successful, learning how to be confident can be a huge asset. Confidence is inherently sexy.

Don’t get hung up on the idea of formally asking her out, either. A simple “I’d like to see you again” or “Can I have your phone number?” is often the best way to express interest in seeing her again. Keep it simple and focus on putting yourself out there.

It’s easy for a newly-out woman to get caught up with “who should initiate?” The trick is to forget about social expectations and rules–it’s time to make your own.

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5 Tips for LGBT Dating in a New City https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/gay-dating-advice/5-tips-for-lgbt-dating-in-a-new-city/ Mon, 15 Dec 2014 18:36:23 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=6967 Here are tips to settle in and start dating in your new city.

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You’ve finished unpacking and are settling into your new city. But, there’s just one part of your life that’s left unsettled—your love life. Dating can be difficult after moving to a new city, especially when you’re gay, lesbian, or happen to fall anywhere under the broad LGBT spectrum.

Gay-friendly city dynamics can vary significantly from city to city, and LGBT hangouts can be hard to predict. There’s also the added difficulty in moving from a large city to a small town. It’s easy to find yourself doubting the existence of gay-friendly venues in a town with a single main street, 1.5 grocery stores, and a row of tiny, rundown gas stations.

Don’t stress! There are LGBT singles and safe places to meet them everywhere. Here are 5 tips for LGBT dating in a new city:

Explore the City

Explore your new home. Drive around and see the sights. See what entertainment venues are especially gay friendly. Check the web and local newspaper to find local LGBT events and/or gatherings. If you have friends in the area, ask them if they know of any.

Be Open to New Places

Oftentimes, you’ll have to do a bit of research to find LGBT-friendly venues and events, especially in smaller towns. You may even have to drive a bit to reach those locations. Ask other LGBT locals which places they recommend.

Sometimes, you may need to broaden your search to unique places. Bookstores, clubs, coffee shops, libraries, academic centers, and local events like farmer’s markets and craft fairs can be great places to meet LGBT singles.

Remember Online Options

Online LGBT communities, forums, social media platforms, and dating sites can be particularly useful when it comes to meeting local singles. Reach out to others who share your interests and hobbies.

Prioritize Safety

While meeting people both online and in person, always prioritize your safety. Pick a public place to meet someone for the first time. If you’re not sure about the place your partner suggested, feel free to suggest a place where you’ll feel most comfortable.

Get Yourself Out There

Finally, an obvious tip,but one that’s paramount to your LGBT dating success. You’ll never know what—or who—is out there unless you make yourself available and put one foot forward and take it one step at a time. Meet people. Explore your options. Don’t hesitate to make the first move. The love of your life could be waiting around that next bend—or in that tiny coffee shop you may have otherwise ignored.

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