Lesbian Dating Advice That’s Actually Useful

happy lesbian couple laughing after following useful lesbian dating advice

Dating through dating apps while being LGBT is a minefield. But, honestly, dating while LGBT anywhere isn’t that easy. How do you approach another woman if you’re not sure she’s even interested in other women?

Perhaps that’s why LGBT adults are twice as likely to turn to online dating than straight adults. But there’s no guidebook of lesbian dating advice to tell you how to use those apps to actually meet someone. Especially when some of those apps are definitely not very lesbian-friendly. Sure, we know that Grindr isn’t your best bet because it’s for gay men, not gay women. But what about OkCupid? Or Tinder? What apps will actually help you meet gay women?

If you’re looking for lesbian dating advice, we might not have a full guidebook (yet), but here are some of our best tips. 

Get off Tinder because it’s not going to help you meet single women.

Tinder doesn’t have a way for you to make a couple’s account, but they might want to consider inventing one. Because they don’t have one yet, if a couple is looking for a threesome, the woman in the couple will typically be the one to create an account. They’ll set their specifications as if they were a gay woman, looking for another gay women. What they really are is a couple, looking for a bisexual woman or a gay woman who would be interested in being with a guy and a girl for an evening. 

Any lesbian on Tinder now knows the frustration of swiping for hours, hoping to match with someone, and only getting matches that lead to messages asking if they’re interested in a threesome. 

There are other apps out there that help couples get threesomes, like Feeld, and even OkCupid lets you say you have a partner and are looking for a third. But they aren’t as mainstream as Tinder, so that’s what most people turn to for hook-ups. But Tinder doesn’t let someone actually let someone know that they are interested in a threesome only, except for just writing it in the bio. 

If Tinder really wanted to help change this, they would have a setting that lets you filter our couples, but that can’t happen until they at least allow couples’ accounts. Which is why, unfortunately, lesbians get the short end of the stick and end up in a dating pool littered with couples instead of singles.

There are lesbian dating apps. But they have fewer people. If you use them, be prepared.

Just like Grindr is for gay men, HER is for gay women. Unfortunately, unlike Grindr, HER is a lot less well known. As Robyn Exton, the founder of HER, put it, a queer-founded business is never going to have the same funding as other apps because too many investors doing see queer women as a profitable demographic. It’s left Robyn with an inability to market her company the way she wants and it’s left lesbians unaware that this app even exists.

But it does and it actually has an okay amount of users. Sure, it isn’t Tinder numbers, but HER has 4 million users in 113 countries. But, based on those relatively small numbers in comparison to other big-name apps, it should generally be assumed, then, that lesbians swiping in the city are going to find more people, at least in the near vicinity, than those in smaller towns. So far the app has basically survived by word of mouth and, if you like the app, you may want to spread the word so that more people in your area may hear about it and join. 

Fem is also similar to HER and is recognized as a safe, women-only app, but it has an even smaller client base than HER.

Just because it says “women-only” doesn’t mean it’s lesbian friendly.

The best lesbian dating advice out there is that, while it’s great to look for women-only apps, they aren’t all lesbian friendly. Always look for apps that have a thorough screening process. There are some apps out there that are very easy to join and it’s simple to fake an account. Unfortunately, it’s somewhat common for men to fake such accounts on apps like that.

Fem makes users send videos to prove that they are indeed who they say they are. If you’re going to open an account anywhere, do some legwork to look into just how they do their screening process. If the screening process isn’t thorough, or if you can’t even figure out if they have one, opt for a different app instead.

There are mainstream apps that have been doing better in terms of dating as a lesbian.

Although Tinder isn’t exactly the gold standard in lesbian dating, OkCupid has made many changes to make their site more lesbian friendly. It’s become a trusted name in the gay dating world, which is why there’s a huge pool of women that you could potentially match with. Moreover, the app even has added many more sexual orientation options, as well as gender options, so you know immediately who you are matching with and who they are interested in. 

And, you can set up filters so you don’t have to be matching with couples who are just trying to add you to a threesome. 

With this lesbian dating advice in hand, navigating the online world of dating should be a little easier and hopefully keep you from having to spend all your time online saying, “No thanks” to women who are trying to get you in bed with their boyfriends.

Jacqueline Gualtieri

Freelance Writer

Jacqueline Gualtieri is a writer and blogger whose best friend once told her to quit her job and become a couples and sex therapist. Since she’d miss writing too much, she figured writing for The Date Mix would be the next best thing.

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