How to Respectfully Find a Hookup on Tinder

So, you want a casual hookup. Maybe you’re fresh out of something long-term or maybe you just want to feel your mojo. No judgment. It’s simple on the surface, but the art of hooking up is two fold: first, finding the person who’s into it, second, not being a tool when you do. Contrary to popular opinion, you can hook up respectfully. Here are our favorite tips.

Here’s what you need to know: 

1. Be Upfront With Yourself

In dating, knowing what you’re looking for is half the battle. One of the most common reasons any relationship fizzles is because expectations are communicated clearly. One of the most common reasons expectations aren’t communicated is because many people don’t know what they want. Don’t be that person. Or if you’re going to be that person, be clear that you’re not sure what you’re looking for. People you date will thank you for it, and it might give you some clarity on what you’re looking for. Stay rooted in integrity and treat people right.

2. Be Upfront With Them 

Communication is everything in any relationship. When our communication fails so do our relationships. And it’s in our communication that we usually fall out of step with our integrity. We make promises we have no intention of keeping because we tell ourselves we’re saving their feelings. Sometimes, we’re ashamed of our wants so we don’t present them straight up. So start by owning up to what you want. Don’t be crude, but no need to beat around the bush either. Odds are, there are people in the same boat as you, looking for the same thing. 

So when you match on Tinder, ease into the conversation but don’t put off telling them what you’re looking for. See if it lines up with what they want. If they pass, take the rejection gracefully. Don’t act entitled. Don’t try to change their mind. It’s not going to work.

3. Set Ground Rules

Whether you’re looking for a while or for a night, it’s important to set ground rules. How do you expect to be treated? How often do you get together? Do you chat casually or only bootycall? Are things pre-planned or spontaneous? It’s a new thing for casual relationships to be this common. A lot of the etiquette hasn’t been worked out. That means expectations can be mismatched, so figure out rules you can agree on. 

4. Play it safe 

Just because you want something casual doesn’t mean you shouldn’t play it safe. On the first time, meet them in a public place and let your friends know where and when you’re meeting. Be picky. Casual doesn’t mean you take what you get. It’s important to get to know the person you’re connecting with no matter the circumstance. And definitely take the necessary precautions against STIs, STDs, and unwanted pregnancy. 

If you’re respectful of your choices and other people, then chances are you’ll be able to connect with someone in a respectful manner even if you’re only seeking something casual on Tinder. By being clear with what you’re looking for and creating healthy boundaries, you’re sure to find exactly what you’re looking for.

Brianne Hogan

Freelance Writer

Brianne is a Canadian freelance writer who’s been writing about dating and relationships longer than any of her relationships. She applies a “do what I say, not do what I do” approach to her articles, and believes you can find Your Person mostly when you aren’t looking. So enjoy your life, and eat lots of cheese (at least that’s her motto). Her byline’s been featured on Thrillist, The Huffington Post, HelloGiggles, Elle Canada, Flare, Awesomeness TV, among others.

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