The Date Mix https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Wed, 18 Oct 2017 00:10:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5 8 Subtle Signs It’s Time to Break Up https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/relationship-advice/breaking-up/8-subtle-signs-it-is-time-to-break-up/ Tue, 17 Oct 2017 08:00:55 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15423 Are all their cute quirks suddenly excruciatingly annoying?

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Oftentimes the red flags are pretty clear in a relationship that’s not working—things like constantly fighting, cheating, or finding out the other person actually really likes listening to Nickleback. (You know, the obvious.) But then there are the not-so-obvious signs that it’s time to break up, the ones that indicate that your relationship is going nowhere good. These are the subtle signs that sneak up on a relationship. The ones that you might brush aside time and again because, really, are they that big of a deal? In some cases, yes, they are.

The following eight subtle signs are basically your Bat Signal, trying to tell you that you’re in a doomed relationship, and now it’s time to finally cut it loose and be free.

1. You look forward to your alone time just a little too much.
Independence is crucial to any successful relationship. Carving out some me-time whether it’s attending a favorite fitness class or having a night out with friends is not only healthy but also perfectly normal. However, when you find yourself looking forward to your alone time more than hanging out with your partner, or even scheduling more time away from them than with them, then you have a problem.

2. You aren’t as excited about sex.
Or, basically, any form of physical contact. The idea of them touching you does nothing for you. Maybe it doesn’t outright repulse you (or maybe it does) but it certainly doesn’t turn you on anymore. If that initial attraction isn’t there, and hasn’t been there for a while, it signifies pretty big trouble in so-called paradise.

3. You’re annoyed by everything they do. 
Whether it’s the way they chew their food or even the way they breathe, you find that you can’t stand anything your partner does. Even their quirks, the ones you thought were cute at one time, like how they sing in the shower or hum while making dinner, make your skin crawl. If you find yourself rolling your eyes more than a few times at your partner’s behavior, that’s a sign of disrespect. And if you don’t respect or accept your partner for who they are… then why are you with them?

4. You’re happier when they’re not around. 
Is your mood lighter when you’re not in the same room as your partner? Do you feel relieved when you don’t have to see them? If you’re generally happier when they’re not around, then your emotions are giving you a clear cut sign that you’re going to be much happier when you’re officially single.

5. You’ve given up on your goals. 
If you’ve had a number of goals and dreams fall to the wayside since you’ve been in your relationship because it’s taken up so much of your time and energy that you are ultimately left with nothing to offer yourself, that’s a sign that you’ve been putting someone else’s needs before your own, which only fosters tons of regret and resentment. In other words, no bueno.

6. You’re constantly insecure. 
You fear your partner will cheat on you, or leave you on a regular basis. Not only are those bad vibes totally bad for your health and peace of mind, they also indicate that your relationship isn’t rock solid. In fact, your fears might actually be turning into something true—that you aren’t meant for each other.

7. You’re more interested in your phone than them.  
If you find yourself scrolling through your phone whenever you’re chilling with your partner on the couch rather than inquiring about their day and learning about them, then it’s official: you’ve checked out of the relationship. If you’re completely uninterested in what’s going on with your partner, whether it’s their work life or any struggles or triumphs they might be experiencing, then it’s time to do both of you a favor and cut the cord.

8. You’re lonely. 
The loneliest a person can feel is when they’re with someone. It’s often a feeling of disconnection, being misunderstood, and feeling like you’re not being cared for the way we want to be that causes us to feel lonely in relationships. You might not be technically alone, but you don’t feel valued, loved, or understood as much as you should by your partner, which is worse. You might as well be officially alone, and seek the companionship you deserve from someone else.

Though all relationships will have their ups and downs, as well as their dry periods, for the most part your relationship should enrich your life, not leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled. If you find yourself thinking that this all sounds really familiar, you might want to have the talk with your partner and let it go.

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4 Unique Dating Tips That Make You Stronger https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-tips-that-make-you-stronger/ Sat, 14 Oct 2017 08:00:10 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15203 Are you paying attention to the energy you put off?

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Being mesmerizing isn’t about how you look, what you wear, or even what you say. It’s about the energy you radiate. A dating tip you may not hear as often, is that you should pay attention to how people respond to your energy and be aware of the energy you put out. The way people feel about you and the energy around you, is all about what you hold in your mind. What do I mean by this?

Well, if you always think of yourself in terms of how you compare to others or how others view you, you’ll always find and feel lack within yourself. As a result, the energy you radiate will be about your self-doubt, your insecurities, or how you’re not good enough. After a while, you’ll start projecting those things onto others, and will seek validation from other people and forces outside of yourself. Instead of being positive, your energy will come across as desperate, restless, or even needy.

You can be an attractive, beautiful person, but if others sense a negative or confused energy about you, they may have a hard time connecting with you.

On the other hand, when you feel secure with yourself, you project self-confidence and self-assuredness and the energy you radiate will be joy, groundedness, understanding, and tolerance. When you don’t need other people’s approval to be okay with yourself, you tend to gravitate towards and attract people who have the same positive energy that you do. That’s the very basic foundation of being mesmerizing—self-love.

Now if you want to be mesmerizing to someone in a romantic context, there are four tips to follow that will help you get yourself in the right mindset:

1. Stop thinking too far ahead.
A lot of people start getting ahead of themselves the minute they meet someone they find attractive. They start to fantasize about this new person and form expectations about what a relationship will be like with them, instead of going with the flow and finding out as they go along. This is a common mistake thousands of people make. They cling to the fantasy and idea of the person they’re with, instead of focusing on actually trying to get to know them.

2. Don’t forget about your own happiness.
For many people, the minute they’re interested in someone romantically, they begin to revolve their life around the new relationship and can forget to nurture themselves. They try too hard to please the other person, thinking they’ll become indispensable to them. Wrong. The more you please someone else, the more you invest emotionally and the more you’ll expect reciprocation. This can make your energy pushy, anxious, and smothering and the entitlement you feel can push the other person away. By no means stop doing nice, pleasing things for the person you’re interested in. But if you do something nice, you should do it because you want to make someone happy not because you expect them to owe you  for it.

3. Don’t wait around for the other person.
The more you’re hooked on someone, the more you need to spread your energy around or you’ll become a mess. Fill your life with activities and interests that aren’t related to the person you’re interested in. And don’t stop talking and meeting new people or seeing the people you’ve already been seeing casually. Having your own life and interests will fulfill you and give you energy that transfers over into your relationships.

4. Don’t make someone your priority, when you’re only an option.
Many people insist on being a girlfriend/boyfriend to someone even thought the relationship hasn’t been made exclusive yet. As a result they stop talking to other people and start expecting the same treatment as someone who’s in a committed relationship, when the other person clearly isn’t all the way in yet. The pressure doesn’t help the other person fall any faster, and the resulting clinginess and insecurities about where you are in the relationship can push the other person away. Instead, pay attention to the other person’s interest and level of investment. Even if you’re not always on the same page, understanding and respecting where the other person is in the relationship and giving them the time to grow in their feelings for you will show what a strong, caring person you are.

If you follow these four tips you’ll be a stronger person that others seek out and want to be with. Keep your energy positive, focus on being your best self, and you’ll be amazed at how many people become interested in you.

Katarina Phang is a dating/relationship coach and Feminine Magnetism expert par extraordinaire who has worked and helped thousands of women from all corners of the world transform their relationships using her very profound, unique, and counter-intuitive teachings of inner work/personal transformation through her Feminine Magnetism Method. To hear more from Katarina, follower her on Facebook or Twitter.

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Dating Again at 40: Ways to Jump Back In the Game https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-in-your-40s/dating-again-at-40/ Wed, 11 Oct 2017 08:00:18 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15301 Remember... dating is about searching for another person, but it's also about finding yourself in the process.

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Whether you’re recently single or just took a break from the dating game for a while for personal reasons, you can’t just pick up where you left off, two, five, ten, years ago. The world changes and, when it comes to dating and relationships, it changes fast. If it’s been a while and you’ve found yourself dating again at 40, here are seven ways to get yourself back in the game.

1. Prepare your body and mind.
Try to look at mingling and dating as a new adventure. Thinking about dating as a new experience you’re open to trying out, and not a dreaded job or chore you have to do, can raise your energy and excitement, suggests Patti Wood, a body language expert and author. Also, do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel ready to dive into dating again. Get your nails done, dye your hair, or change your wardrobe. They’re little things but they can give you confidence. Now’s the time!

2. Talk to strangers.
Whether you’re in a coffee shop, in a store, or in line at the grocery store, start conversations with interesting, safe people wherever you go. Not only is it good practice, but you never know who you’ll meet and where. “My mom met my dad at a dance she hadn’t wanted to go to because she was tired from a long day at work but her sister said, ‘Go, you might meet somebody.’ She met my dad on a Wednesday and married him a WEEK later,” says Wood.

3. Avoid blind dates.
If you’re just getting back into the dating game, David Essel, a life coach and best-selling author, says you should both exchange photos, and a little bit about yourself before you blindly go off for anything more than coffee. “If you’re going to go on a blind date, make it super short. Coffee, ice cream, a short walk in the park, or on the beach. Don’t put yourself in a situation of a blind date and a three hour dinner. Bad move.”

4. Look for Meet Ups.
Ask yourself what you like to do, or if you’ve been a homebody for a while what you use to like to do. Do you enjoy painting? Find a group and go to a studio that’s holding a class, or you can even start your own meet up and invite others. This is the perfect opportunity for you to be in your own comfort zone and the chance to talk to new people.

5. Go out by yourself.
It’s never fun being the third wheel and traveling in packs with friends can sometimes intimidate people who may be interested otherwise. “Eat out at restaurants you feel comfortable in and that the kind of people you feel good around go to. Sit at the bar where you can make new friends. If that seems overwhelming, go sit at the bar and order take out and get a drink, (sodas work if you don’t drink) so you sit there for a few minutes, then build up to sitting there for a full meal and talking to strangers around you,” suggests Wood.

6. Make an online dating profile.
This is a good way to put yourself back out their virtually, and once you start getting messages, it’ll help build up some confidence and self-esteem, too. “Too many individuals don’t have the time to go on a ton of blind dates, or out to bars hunting and searching for the perfect life partner. Online dating, if done correctly, can help introduce you to a variety of people you would never meet,” says Essel.

7. Ask your friends for help.
If you’re jumping back into the dating game, don’t go at it alone. Ask your friends and family if they know anyone who they can set you up with. “Keep saying what you’re looking for. Your friends and family may forget you’re looking. Remind them!” says Wood.

Dating again at 40 can seem intimidating at times but with the right attitude and a little structure, you may be surprised how much fun you’ll have. Approach every date as an opportunity to learn about someone new, don’t put pressure on yourself to meet ‘the one’ right away, and dive in. Dating is about searching for another person, but it’s also about finding yourself in the process.

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Dating Tips from a Former Sorority Girl https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-tips/dating-tips-former-basic-sorority-girl/ Mon, 09 Oct 2017 08:00:54 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15255 Hey betches, here are some tips that may give you more insight than you'd think.

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Hey betches. If you’ve stumbled upon this article you either 1) genuinely want to learn some useful dating tips or 2) you literally have nothing better to do than read another millennial dating article. Whatever your motivation is, I can assure you that you’ve come to the wrong place. Unless you’re looking for actual, real life-changing advice you should just leave right now.

No? Okay. Let’s move on.

Let’s get right to the point—dating sucks for everyone and trust me, no one knows how to do it. Take it from a former sorority girl, I literally had no interest in dating for the first two years of my college experience. Why waste precious time chasing one guy when you can go to a frat party and leave with whoever you want? Beats me. But whether you’re dating, into one night stands, or into a combo always abide by these three rules:

Rule #1: Don’t listen to societal standards.
Why can guys hook up with as many girls as they want and be considered a stud, but when a woman does it she’s a slore? You know what, screw those double standards. Don’t think that every guy you sleep with needs to be your next boyfriend—90% of the time he certainly doesn’t think that way about you. If you really genuinely like a guy and only sleep with people you have feelings for, then that’s totally okay too. You do you and don’t worry about what anyone else has to say about it.

Rule #2: Don’t get attached and move on quickly.
One thing I had an issue with early on in college was getting attached to guys. If you start seeing someone and then find out he is just not that into you, don’t waste your time and your heart. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. There are plenty of other people out there that are more deserving of your heart (and body). Don’t dwell on the ones that got away, it’ll only make moving on that much harder.

Rule #3: Have fun with it.
I know it’s cliché, but just have fun with it. Don’t take dating too seriously. It shouldn’t feel like a chore—dating should be something that you’re genuinely super excited to do. If you’re spending hours a day crafting that perfect text to send to someone, chances are it’s not worth it. The conversation should come naturally. A fun and natural conversation translates well over into an actual relationship. Trust me.

Now I’m no dating expert, but when I stopped caring what other people thought and started having more fun I met “the one.” Dating has a reputation for being scary, frustrating, and expensive. And yeah, it totally can be that way. But the moment you let down your boundaries and allow yourself to be who you really are is when the magic truly happens.

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Short Dating Profile Examples: Over 30 Fun Bios https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-profile-tips/short-dating-profile-examples/ Sun, 08 Oct 2017 08:00:39 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15251 Because on some apps, less is more.

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Similar to how explaining a joke ceases to make it funny, overkill in your dating profile can suck the intrigue out or a first encounter. Too much information can come off as overbearing, leave you with a conversation void on a first date, or simply take up way too much of your time and energy. Below are over 30 short dating profile examples and ideas for some short and sweet approaches to writing your bio that will help you knock this annoying task off your list and get you swiping sooner.

Approach 1: Keep It To The Facts
If you had to whittle yourself down to an elevator conversation, what would make the cut? Three to five quick and essential thoughts in your About Me will do the trick, so long as they’re memorable enough for someone to remember you.

1. Natural redhead, unnaturally good at limbo contests, hates seafood but loves goldfish crackers

2. Top 5 movies: Amelie, Se7en, Moulin Rouge, The Emperor’s New Groove, Wet Hot American Summer.

3. I have a twin brother, no he doesn’t look like me, DO NOT EVEN ASK IF WE ARE IDENTICAL.

4. My #1 vacation destination is the Minnesota State Fair, and I don’t understand why it doesn’t make more appearances on Insider.

5. I majored in art. I work as a writer. One Art Degree for sale, perfect condition, $35,000 OBO.

6. I’m afraid of heights, and I can’t swim, so let’s do some land activities.

Pick A Fave And Roll With It
Is there a movie you know every line to? An album that shaped your entire adult identity? A hobby you turned into an Etsy empire? Share a quick blurb about it. Those who respond will find a huge part of your life intriguing, and that’s a great place to start.

7. All I want is someone who can sing the Elephant Love Medley Duet from Moulin Rouge with me. My sister could do it, but she always makes me be the boy.

8. You haven’t lived until you’ve tasted a bacon peanut butter chocolate malt from Five Guys. If you’d like to argue with me, I’d be HAPPY to do a taste test.

9. I know every word of the ten-season run of Friends by heart, and my next goal in life is to watch them en Español until I know Spanish.

10. What’s your favorite Jonas Brothers song and why? Mine is Good Night and Goodbye, and in the following dissertation I will explain in detail why they were the best boy band of all time. (cont.)

11. Three years ago I started a book club. We mostly read wine labels.

12. My mood is either the end of Monument Valley, or the end of Inside. Never in between.

13. Sriracha makes everything better.

 

Obscure References FTW
If you’re not that into pleasantries and small talk, this is a great way to comb through the weeds when it comes to meaningful connections. Go with a line from a TV show that always busts your gut, a not-so-famous historical quote that you identify with, or a nod to your neighborhood’s best kept secret, and those who get the reference are automatically in the club.

14. 42

15. People tend to overlook Vince Vaughn’s most brilliant and nuanced work as “Luke Zoolander.”

16. Do you think Postmates will deliver me a plate of chicken drummies from the Nan’s menu circa 1994?

17. I’m more of a Russ than a Ross.

18. I shot first.

19. Oh to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, with all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves; let me forget about today until tomorrow…

 

Lead With A Teaser
Some may call this click bait, but hey, whatever opens the door to conversation… Tell a joke, but leave out the punch line, post a pic of you with a celebrity and a caption alluding to the insane story, anything that comes off as quirky or intriguing will leave people dying to chat with you.

20. I dare you to ask me what happened when I met Snoop Dogg at a wrestling event in New York City.

21. Look I’m not good at a lot of things, but I can do my make up to look exactly like Blanche Devereaux from Golden Girls, so we should go clubbing.

22. What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland?

23. I have the greatest idea for an app of all time, please inquire if you’re interested in investment opportunities.

24. A/S/L? …No I don’t want to know yours, I want you to guess mine.

25. Of all the things you could walk out of a Jonas Brothers Meet and Greet with, you wouldn’t think it would be a banana. And yet…

 

Let Your Social Do The Talking
Your social media accounts likely give a pretty well rounded view of who you are as a person, so skipping the cheesy intros and just linking to or referencing the one you’re most active on cuts out the boring middle man. Plus it gives your potentials permission to stalk you, which, let’s be real, they were going to do anyway. At least this way, you own it.

26. Share your top pinned tweet—It’s usually the one that has gotten the most attention. Mine says “I’m tired the way old people are tired at the end of their lives.”

27. Link to your Instagram page—fire selfies and all the delicious food you could be cooking for your future partner… it’s a no-brainer.

28. Download and share a particularly good Snapchat story—Nobody wouldn’t love a 14 second snap of your roommate’s cat being a weirdo.

29. Share the results of your latest Buzzfeed quiz—In case you were wondering, based on my favorite kind of bread, Ryan Gosling is my husband.

30. Link to your list of Twitter faves—They’ll get a good sense of what makes you laugh, your political stance, or whatever it is you choose to focus on on a regular basis.

31. Share the latest Facebook-generated word cloud you made—the center of my last one was my mom’s name, which I know isn’t that appealing, but it’s a conversation starter to say the least.

 

You can use any of these approaches or a combination to get you started on a short, but sweet dating profile bio, but no matter which approach you take, the key is to be warm, fun, and engaging. If you can infuse some humor or an interesting talking point into your description, people are going to want to get to know you.

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Why Women Like a Man with Confidence https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-advice-men/why-women-like-men-with-confidence/ Sat, 07 Oct 2017 08:00:31 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15248 "How do you become more confident? You become more confident by doing."

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Ever wonder why women find a confident man so attractive? Marni Kinrys from The Wing Girl Method explains her views about why women are attracted to confident men and why it’s so important.

Video Transcript:

Hey, my name is Marni and from here on out I am going to be your very own Wing Girl. That means it’s my job to tell you everything you need to know about women. So you can attract, date, and get the women you want.

Confidence. How freaking annoying is that word? It’s what you constantly hear everyone telling you that women find most attractive. But what the hell does it actually mean? How does one even become confident and why is it so freaking attractive to women? Let’s tackle the last question first because that’s the most important one, right? Why is confidence so freaking attractive to women? It’s attractive because as a woman I want to be attached to the man that provides me with the highest chance of keeping me alive. Sorry, I know I just took you back to the cave days by going all biological and evolutionary on you. But, you have to think of things in that way to truly understand why women go gaga over confidence. David Buss, writer of The Evolution of Attraction or Desire, (I totally forget), a professor of evolutionary psychology, and past guest of my popular podcast, What She Wants (available on iTunes) has stated that women are most attracted to attributes that bring them closer to resources that will guarantee optimal survival. Now I know some of you trolls and bitter men out there who will be writing nasty things on my comment wall after this video will take in that information to mean that all women are just money-hungry, but I assure you that’s not what it means. Even though we are no longer living in the cave days and daily threat of death is no longer an issue, survival and surviving well is still a thing. And those around us that seemingly have attributes like good health, wealth, intelligence, social status, friendship circles, and character are people that we want to attach ourselves to.

On a non-evolutionary level, but an emotional level, women are attracted to men with confidence because we innately feel that these men will be able to take care of us no matter what happens. A confident man will know what restaurant to go to, he’ll know how to take care of us in the bedroom, he’ll know what to do if there’s danger, he’ll know how to handle my emotions, he’ll know how to take care of me, which in turn will make me want to take care of him. Simply put, confident men do. And they do it well. Being around a man who knows what to do is intoxicating.

Since we’re on a sciencey path (talking about evolution), I wanted to share something really interesting with you. There are stats from the team at Zoosk, one of the leading online dating sites. They found that men with the words, “maybe”, “sort of”, “kind of”, and “not sure” in their profile in opening messages, got 25% less attention online. These stats show that women are not only turned on by men with higher confidence, they’re actually repulsed with men with lower confidence. Which leads me to answer one of the other questions I asked at the start of this video. How do you become more confident? You become more confident by doing. Ask for her number even if she potentially could say no. Ask for a date even if you could be rejected. Go for the kiss even if you might land on her cheek. My point is to start going for it and being okay with it if things don’t go the way you want. Just doing and going for what you want when you want it is going to grow your confidence.

For more tips and exercises that will help you boost your confidence quickly and easily, go to winggirlmethod.com and check out how to become a man women want. Or, you can keep watching my videos on YouTube.

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