The Date Mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Sun, 18 Mar 2018 08:00:24 +0000 en-US hourly 1 11 Tips for Singles Over 40: How to Get Back Into Dating Sun, 18 Mar 2018 08:00:24 +0000 Advice on getting back into dating.

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Modern dating has changed dramatically over the past decade, so if you’re newly single it can be daunting to get back out there. (Especially when you’re a little out of practice!) But here’s the good news for all of you singles over 40—you’re wiser, you know what you want, you’re less impulsive, and you’re going to be so much better at dating than you were twenty years ago.

Naturally, you’re going to be a little unsure dipping your toes back into the dating pool, so here are 11 tips about getting back into dating in your 40s.

1. Make sure you’re ready to date again.
A lot of newly single men and women rush back into dating, either because their friends and family push them into it thinking it’s what they need in order to heal, or they themselves think they need a relationship to feel complete. But it’s so important that you recover from your previous relationships before jumping into another one, or you’ll continue to carry that emotional baggage with you forever.

When you’ve spent years alone or with one person, it can be difficult putting yourself out there and connecting intimately with someone new—so take as much time as you need. Take things slow, get to know each other, and allow that trust to grow organically over time.

2. Let go of the past. (But learn from it.)
Once you reach 40, you’re at a stage in your life where you finally understand what’s important when it comes to romantic relationships. You’re able to look back at your past ones and recognize any unhealthy patterns or mistakes you made, and learn from those so you get it right this time around.

Even if things ended on a bad note with your ex, try your best not to focus on it and move onwards and upwards. Dwelling on the past won’t do you any good, and mentioning your ex to someone new can be a big red flag that you’re not ready to meet someone yet.

And if you’re not ready yet—that’s okay too.

3. Take care of yourself.
There’s a lot of competition out there all the time, so you’ve gotta make sure you look and feel your best. Make sure you’re exercising, eating a healthy diet, keeping well groomed, and dressing in flattering clothes for your figure.

If you’re a woman, you don’t need to cake yourself in makeup and if you’re a man, you don’t need need to be sporting a six pack, but take care of yourself and you’ll be a total magnet when you start dating again.  

4. Don’t settle.
When a lot of people hit 40— especially women—they believe they’re past their prime and think there won’t be many good opportunities coming their way. This leads people to settle for the first okay person who shows up, even if they can’t ever see themselves truly falling in love with this person.

Use your head, but make sure you’re choosing with your heart, and holding out for that special someone. You deserve that.

5. Do some confidence building.
Being newly single in your 40s can mean your confidence has taken a hit after a tough breakup or divorce. This can leave people feeling insecure, and lacking in self-worth and self-love, which makes it extremely difficult to regain a positive outlook and move forwards.

But there are so many ways you can start building yourself back up and feeling happy and at peace within.

Spend some time getting acquainted with who you are today, and start dating yourself before you begin dating other people. Take yourself out to a fancy dinner, explore a new city, or go and visit a local gallery or exhibition that interests you. The more confident you feel inside, the more confident you’ll appear on the outside.

6. Explore your passions.
When you’re married and kids are on the scene, your hobbies and interests often get put on the back burner, and you can begin to lose a sense of who you are without this other person. Taking time to explore your passions will help you gain a new lease of life, and it might even lead you to your next relationship.

Take a dance class, start playing an instrument, take photography lessons, go to a cooking class, try yoga, or go rock climbing—there are endless new things you can try, and who knows what you’ll end up enjoying.

7. Spend time with other singles.
If all your current friends are settled or married, you need to start getting out there and making some new friends. You’ll struggle to meet someone if you’re only ever hanging out with your married friends and their children.

Trying out new hobbies is a great way to meet single people of a similar age who are at the same stage of life as you, and get you out into the social scene after work and on the weekends. Remember, you won’t meet someone sitting at home on the sofa.

8. Take the pressure off.
Most people find it difficult to walk up to a stranger they’re attracted to and generate a conversation out of thin air, and when you’re just getting back into dating this is probably the last thing you want to do.

Lucky for you, we live in the age of online dating. You can chat to single strangers at ease, and get comfortable meeting new people at your own pace, with no pressure. After the first few times, you’ll feel like it’s no big deal, and you’ll become more relaxed in new situations.

9. Get clear on what you want.
Before you begin dating again, think about the qualities you’re looking for in a partner. You don’t have to be too specific, this will simply help you become clearer about the kind of person you want to attract.

Not everyone you meet will be on the same page as you, or be looking for the same things you are—so getting clear on what you want will prevent you wasting any of your precious time with someone who isn’t going to be able to reciprocate your feelings in the long run.

10. Don’t be afraid to make the first move.
A lot of people are shy or lacking in confidence, so it doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman—don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and make the first move if you’re interested in someone.

After all, what’s the worst that can happen? They’re already taken or not interested, and you can move on to the next person knowing you didn’t miss out on something potentially great!

11. Forget that you are 40!
Just because there are younger people out there it doesn’t mean you’ll get passed over for them—so quit thinking that and let people make their own minds up, okay?!

Your age is simply a number, and I encourage you to forget all about it. Instead, make a list of all your best qualities, and the things that make you amazing. Celebrate who you are today. Attraction is largely down to self-confidence and energy. When you feel good within, people can pick up on those infectious vibrations.

Whatever you do, make sure you enjoy yourself, getting back into dating can see daunting at first but it can also be incredibly fun if you let it. 

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Loving Yourself Again: 6 Things You Need to Give Up Sat, 17 Mar 2018 08:00:33 +0000 Moving on from something can be hard. Here are some things you can do.

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Everything seemed to be okay yesterday. But today you woke up and suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of stress from all the changes in your life. I get it because I remember experiencing those same feelings several years ago. It’s not just one event, but a series of events, that began to pile up and make me feel emotionally drained.

A lot of things can cause an emotional pileup. You could be going through something serious like the sickness of a friend or a loss of someone you love. It can be changes at work like a new boss, a promotion you didn’t get, or a missed opportunity. Maybe you’ve recently moved, had kid go away to college, a fight with someone you’re close with, or a change in your routine. Whatever caused you to feel drained, after a period of change or turmoil in your life, it’s normal to feel weary and unsure. You may not even recognize or like yourself very much anymore.

No one wants to be unhappy and everyone wants to feel love. Statistics show that 85% of the population is affected by low self-esteem. The culprit is the absence of self-love.

So how do you get your love of self back?

Well, there are things you can give up in order to return to a place where you can love yourself again. It sounds simple but people often don’t think about the subtle things we do to create a sense of who we are. As I explore in my book, “Truth to Triumph” to love yourself is to experience peace in all situations. But to get there, you need to look at who you are and how you interact with the world.

If you’re ready to fully love yourself again but aren’t sure where to start here are six things you can give up:

1. Defining yourself by the changes in your body.
Changes in your body can sometimes redefine you, causing you to stop loving yourself. Don’t fall into that egotistical trap. Losing or gaining some weight or buying that new face cream may make you feel different, but ultimately your worth and your sense of self should come from something more. You’re a beautiful person but the best thing about you isn’t your body or how you look. Who you are is more than that.

2. Seeing events as your life.
Sometimes it’s easy to see big life events such as getting a job, moving to a new city, getting married, or having a child as the moments that make up your whole life. But these events are just things. Know that your natural ability to love yourself is in the present moment, not in an event that has or hasn’t happened. Live in the moment and do as much as you can now, instead of constantly looking forward or backward.

3. All judgment, including self-judgment.
When you experience unkind judgment from others it can be debilitating if you believe it. The same holds true when you judge yourself. So don’t do it! It’s ok to be honest with yourself or want to improve and better yourself, but this should come from a place of love not shame or fear.

4. Identifying yourself with others.
It’s easy to let a relationship with someone, especially a romantic relationship, define you. And even the loss of that relationship can have the potential to be a part of your personality or how you view yourself. It’s natural to identify yourself with the people in your life, but along the way you can lose who you are by attaching yourself too closely to another person. Give up identifying yourself with others and see yourself as a unique and loving person all on your own.

5. Your fight against change.
When things change that are beyond your control it can make you feel less needed or unimportant because the role you used to play doesn’t exist anymore. This is why so many people fear change. There will come several points in your life where you’ll have to stop fighting an inevitable change and voluntarily move on. You have to give up things in order to grow.

6. Your fear.
You can’t love deeply without experiencing loss. One of the biggest things holding you back from personal growth and choosing to love yourself is fear. If you’re living in fear, you’re not moving forward. It can paralyze you.

When you get to a place where you don’t love yourself, it can feel like there isn’t a way forward. Focus on these six tips and see where they take you. Loving yourself isn’t always easy. It’s something you’ll have to work at your whole life. But when you love yourself that love naturally translates to others. And it can fill your whole life.


Lily Sanders is a noted author, speaker, co-host, and life coach, recently named one of the 15 Top Coaching Experts in NYC. Her newly released book “Truth to Triumph” is a spiritual guide to finding your truth. Lily’s passion is for humanity and she thrives on helping others live life at a deeper level. Download her free e-book “Soul Bread” and start benefiting from her daily affirmations that feeds the soul. Follow Lily on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram.

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33 Online Dating Tips for Women (from Men) Fri, 16 Mar 2018 08:00:20 +0000 Men on dating sites give their best pieces of advice.

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Over the past couple years, as online dating has grown in popularity, it’s grown in a lot of other ways too. The apps we use have changed, the way we communicate has changed, and the social norms have changed too. Technology moves fast and, as a result, so does the way we use it. If you’re single trying to online date, it can be hard to keep up at times. That’s why we went straight to the source and asked single men and women who are online dating to give each other some online dating tips about what they’d like to see from each other.

We already gave the guys their online dating tips from women, so now it’s your turn ladies. We surveyed over 3,000 men on the online dating site and app Zoosk and asked them about their experiences and what their top online dating tips for women are. What we got was some great insight and some short but sweet tips you can start using right away.

Here are 33 online dating tips for women from men:

1. “Do what feels right for you.”

2. “Don’t be so quick to judge, there are a lot of choices out there especially with a dating site. And if you judge someone negatively after the first lull in a conversation, you may just be passing up Mr. Right.”

3. “Any pictures you post, especially your main photo, shouldn’t hide your face or body. Be proud of you. Show yourself. Post pictures of you!”

4. “It helps if you provide a conversation starter in your profile. I think we’d both prefer that I ask about your career or a hobby over a generic, ‘Hey, you’re cute’ message.”

5. “Figure out what matters most to you in life, then find someone who has matching priorities.”

6. “If you’re viewing someone several times a day/week, don’t be afraid to say something. You might lose out by remaining silent, because we’re not sure if you’re really interested, or just passing by.”

7. “Be yourself. You’re not trying to win a man, you’re trying to find the right fit together.”

8. “Don’t rush things, of course. Though we’re all looking for a special someone, it’s more fun when you don’t try looking but rather stumble right onto it. I know it’s ironic that I’m saying this about a dating site, but I’m really just looking for a good conversation before anything else.”

9. “Using more emoticons while online is really helpful. Sometimes it’s hard to read into the meaning of a conversation via a text chat.”

10. “Don’t be afraid to be the first one to say hi. We really appreciate it.”

11. “If all a guy can start off with is hi, don’t blow him off because he’s not blowing your mind with the most amazing greeting you’ve ever read. Give him a little patience and a moment to open up. You could be ignoring someone that just needs a moment to get the pleasantries out of the way.”

12. “Many of the things you look for in a relationship, a man is looking for as well. Things that you like, men like: compliments, engaging conversation, eye-contact, all of it.”

13. “Some of the best guys in the world don’t know how to interact with women but have so much to offer. So be kind to the shy guys.”

14. “Be a little flirty and go for it!”

15. “Try to limit any talk about exes, unless someone makes a direct inquiry.”

16. “Make plans too. Don’t rely on the man to make all the decisions.”

17. “Be understanding. Many guys are dense as doorknobs and you have to be direct with them.”

18. “Use pictures of yourself doing the things you say you do. For example, instead of saying you like to walk on the beach, have a picture.”

19. “Most men are poor at picking up the subtle cues, so some explicit direction is sometimes needed for us to make those early connections.”

20. “Focus on what you want in your profile, not on what you don’t want.”

21. “If you like a guy’s profile, then go ahead and message him, even if it’s just to say that you liked his profile.”

22. “Spend some time trying to get to know someone by asking questions about him. In our culture a lot of people make quick judgements and move on without truly getting to know someone.”

23. “Don’t be afraid to go somewhat deep in your conversation.”

24. “If the person is within the scope of what you’re looking, spend some time and see how it goes with no pressure.”

25. “Be open to new things and new kinds of men. You may be surprised.”

26. “Don’t put in your profile that you want ‘to be treated like a princess,’ that you are ‘high maintenance but worth it,’ or that you ‘want to be spoiled.’ It can come across as selfish instead of confident.”

27. “Don’t use a photograph with other people in it, especially men.”

28. “Stop with the one word answers. It’s hard to keep a conversation going.”

29. “Don’t be too shy. When you’re chatting online or texting it sounds like you aren’t interested.”

30. “Keep it simple and don’t try to learn everything about each other in the first conversation.”

31. “Don’t try and change a man, celebrate your differences and be open minded.”

32. “Be willing to meet and talk. Don’t make everything about a few profile sentences and pictures.”

33. “Be brave enough to share your heart and express your feelings.”

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I Just Want to Be Loved: Getting Past the Frustrations of Dating Thu, 15 Mar 2018 08:00:12 +0000 Dating has its low points, here's how to get through them.

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When you’re in the dating game, it can sometimes feel like you’re on a non-stop merry-go-round, and you’re about to throw up. You want to get off, but your mind is telling you just to hang on a little longer and it’ll all be over soon. But it just keeps on spinning.

You go on date after date, meeting a mix of the ones who aren’t that into you, the ones who you don’t feel a genuine connection with, and the ones who are downright strange. It’s no wonder most of us end up incredibly frustrated, and wondering what it is we’re doing wrong.

When you keep on watching your single friends slowly pair off, while you keep on throwing yourself out there and getting shot down, it can lead to feelings of loneliness, jealousy, and have a huge knock on your self-esteem, too.

At the end of the day, we all just want to be loved, and when it’s just not happening for you it can make you feel low in all kinds of ways.

So here are some of our top tips on getting past the dating lows, so you can snap out of that funk you’re in, and enjoy the single life again.

Remember, it’s not about you.
When you’re striking up connections with new people and going on a lot of dates but find yourself being rejected a lot, you might start looking inward and blaming yourself. What’s wrong with me? Why do I keep messing this up?! I just want to be loved. Will I EVER find someone to love me?

Here’s the thing: when someone rejects you, hurts you, or disappears on you, it’s one hundred percent on them. It’s got nothing to do with you, so stop blaming or judging yourself.

You could be spending your time and energy in a much better way. So be patient, be forgiving, and be strong, because dating isn’t a bed of roses—but I promise it’s worth it in the end.

Realize that rejection gets you one step closer to the one.
You might see being rejected as a terrible thing, but that’s because you’re looking at it the wrong way. Rejection is actually a blessing in disguise. You know why?

Because that person is doing you a massive favor in the long run. They’re telling you that they aren’t the one for you, and they’re not allowing you to waste any more time on them.

So the next time you get knocked down, remember that you’re one step closer to finding the one who is your perfect match.

Don’t get stuck in old, bad habits.
Maybe you continue to date people who aren’t a good match for you, and you don’t even realize you’re doing it. Maybe you select emotionally unavailable partners, or you’re trying to fill a void within your own life. Or maybe you go for someone who is covered in issues because you like the idea of being able to fix them…

Whatever it is, this will inevitably lead to you getting hurt or feeling taken advantage of. Take a look at your past dates and relationship history and try and see if there are any common characteristics between them. Once you understand the pattern, you’ll be able to begin changing it.

Know that there’s no timeline when it comes to love
So many of us get frustrated when we continue to go on dates that lead nowhere because we put ourselves on this ridiculous timeline. We think we have to find our dream partner, fall in love, and get married by a certain age. And we worry what our friends or society will think or say about us if we aren’t there.

Just like your first kiss, your first relationship, and losing your virginity—finding the one doesn’t have a deadline on it. There is no right time to fall in love, and it’s certainly not an achievement you have to tick off by a certain age.

Let go of what you can’t control.
You are not the master of the universe, and there are so many things that you cannot control when it comes to dating. You could be smart, beautiful, kind and doing everything right, but still end up on terrible dates, or ones that just don’t go anywhere.

That’s because people have minds of their own. You might meet someone who is perfect for you on paper, but they’re simply in the wrong place in life to date you right now. You might meet someone who thinks you’re incredible, but their ex ends up walking back into the picture. So the next time something happens that is totally out of your control, accept that you can’t do anything to change it, and move on.

Take a break if you need to.
If non-stop dating has left you feeling deflated or burnt out, it’s perfectly okay to pause and take some much needed time out. Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you have to be dating. Don’t allow pressure from your family or friends or the culture force you to do something you’re simply not enjoying anymore.

Sometimes we need time alone to work through our own problems, and give ourselves time and space to heal. Listen to what your gut is telling you. Taking a break will allow you to regain perspective and clarity on what it is you’re really looking for, take the pressure off, and help you recover from any of the negative energy that might’ve built up within you from any of the recent dates you’d like to forget.

Remember, you are somebody who is worthy of love.
We’re led to believe that if we’re not in a happy relationship, then there’s something wrong with us. A string of bad dates can leave us in a permanent state of insecurity, and so we start looking inwards at what we can fix in order to be more desirable and worthy of someone else’s love. We think we need the perfect beach body, that we need to wear expensive clothes, or be an expert when it comes to flirting.

I hope you know that you are not broken and you don’t need fixing. You are perfect exactly as you are right now. 

The post I Just Want to Be Loved: Getting Past the Frustrations of Dating appeared first on The Date Mix.

Zoosk Data Study: Fashion and Dating Wed, 14 Mar 2018 17:44:49 +0000 Ironing is sexy. Socks and sandals, not so much.

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It’s no secret that fashion and dating have a close connection. When you’re meeting someone, it’s often what they’re wearing that catches your eye and makes a first impression. Whether it’s a sultry dress, a smooth dinner jacket, a great pair of shoes, or a funky accessory, what we wear can be a reflection of who we are. And because of that, it can also send a message to any potential love interest out there. But exactly what that message is saying… Well, that depends on the person. And the clothes.

To get a better idea of how fashion influences the way we date, the online dating platform Zoosk surveyed 6,646 of its members and analyzed over 34,579 profiles to gain insight into how daters dress, what’s proper date attire, and what fashion trends singles like best. Here’s what they found:

Mentioning fashion in your dating profile can get you more messages.
Are you into fashion, clothes, or designers? Then go ahead and mention it in your profile, because it could help you get more incoming messages. Profiles that talk about being stylish or people who say they like dressing up are especially popular while online dating—they can get up to 135% more incoming messages.

Word mentioned in profile

Increase in inbound messages









dressing up












If you have bad style, it could be a deal-breaker.  
How important style is to someone choosing a date, really depends on the person’s age and gender. 54% of women say it’s a deal-breaker if a date is dressed poorly or has bad style, while the majority of men (73%) say just the opposite—they have no problem looking past how someone’s dressed. Millennials also don’t worry about fashion as much. 77% of both male and female Millennials say they can look past someone with bad style.  

Bonus stat: 69% of singles say that the best way to make a good first impression is to look nice and presentable.

94% of women say dressing nice on a first date is a must.
When it comes to getting ready for a date, 86% of singles say it’s important to dress nice. And guys, the majority of women feel strongly about this one94% of women agree that dressing nice for a date is a must. However, once again, Millennials tend to be a tad more laid-back when it comes to fashion. Only 76% of them think dressing nice on a date is important.

Ironing is sexy. Socks and sandals, not so much.
Ok, so we know fashion is important but what are the fashion trends we should avoid? First off, don’t be sloppy. 66% of singles say wrinkled clothes are the biggest turn-off, and baggy clothes weren’t popular either (50% listed them as a major fashion faux pas). So, even though it can be a pain, put in the extra time to iron the wrinkles out before your date. Wearing socks with sandals or Crocs were other big no-nos, which just goes to show that people really do pay attention to what’s on your feet.

The Biggest Fashion Faux Pas for Singles

66% – Wrinkled clothes
55% – Socks and sandals
53% – Crocs
50% – Baggy clothes
45% – Granny panties
45% – Board shorts/swimwear
44% – Dressing too young for your age
39% – Pants that are too short/long
38% – Low-rise/slung pants
34% – Super tight shirts

Don’t underestimate the power of jeans and a t-shirt.
So what outfits do people feel the most confident and sexy in? 36% of all daters said the simple combo of jeans and a t-shirt is the best for feeling confident. However, wearing all black everything was a favorite as well, while men overwhelmingly agree that a button-down shirt is the way to go.

Top 5 Outfits That Make Singles Feel Sexy and Confident



60% – a button-down shirt
36% – a blazer/jacket
33% – jeans and a t-shirt
16% – all black everything
15% – sportswear or athleisure

40% – all black everything
39% –  jeans and a t-shirt
38% – high heels
32% – sexy underwear
31% – a sundress

Bonus stat: Mentioning that you’re a jeans and t-shirt kind of person in your dating profile can get you more messages too. Profiles that mention jeans get 80% more incoming messages than the average, while those that mention shirt or t-shirt get up to 67% more. 

Women typically take longer to get ready for a date than men.
The amount of time it takes people to get ready for anything can vary depending on the individual, but when it comes to dating, 32% of all daters admit that it takes them about 30 minutes to get ready. However, this changes when you compare women’s prep time to men’sthe majority of women (37%) take an hour to get ready, 25% take 45 minutes to get ready, and only 18% take 30 minutes.

How Long It Takes Singles to Get Ready for a Date



40%  – 30 minutes
27%  – 45 minutes
19%  – 1 hour
9%  – 15 minutes or less
2%  – 1 hour and 30 minutes
1%  – 2 hours or more

37% – 1 hour
25% – 45 minutes
18% – 30 minutes
13% – 1 hour 30 minutes
3% – 2 or more hours
3% – 15 minutes or less

Women also try on more outfits than men before a date.
(Which might account for the extra time it takes.) 60% of women say they typically try on 2–3 outfits before a date, while the majority of men (67%) say they only try on one outfit.

Athleisure is the most-popular fashion trend.
47% of singles say that sportswear or athleisure is the 2018 fashion trend they’re most excited about. Another big winner in fashion is Pantone’s color of the year, lavender. It was the second most popular trend with 21% of the vote. And men are also looking forward to seeing more sheer/transparent styles hit the streets26% of them listed sheer clothing as their favorite fashion trend.

Most Popular Fashion Trends with Daters

47%  – Athleisure/sportswear
21%  – Lavender
20%  – Sheer/transparent clothes
18%  – Bold florals
18%  – Art-infused prints
13%  – Vertical stripes
13%  – Plaid/checkered prints
11%  – All pink everything
9%  – Trench coats
9%  – Fringe/ruffles

Bonus stat: 69% of people say that workout clothes are attractive and they wouldn’t judge someone for wearing them on a date.

When it comes to makeup, keep it natural.
90% of daters, both men and women, say light and natural makeup is the best way to go. So when it comes to putting your date-night look together don’t go too heavy. A bit of fun isn’t a bad idea either22% of men also like the classic look of red lipstick.

George Clooney and Jennifer Aniston are the biggest fashion icons.
George Clooney’s mix of classic Hollywood style and confidence make him the #1 male fashion icon with both men and women, while Jennifer Aniston’s fresh, simple look makes her the #1 female fashion icon.

Top Male Fashion Icons

Top Female Fashion Icons
  1. George Clooney
  2. Brad Pitt
  3. Sean Connery
  4. Paul Newman
  5. Steve McQueen
  1. Jennifer Aniston
  2. Jennifer Lopez
  3. Kate Middleton
  4. Angelina Jolie
  5. Audrey Hepburn

But William and Kate are the most fashionable couple.
When it comes to the most fashionable couple, Prince William and Kate Middleton are the most popular couple, with George and Amal Clooney coming in second. Millennials also listed Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds as a top couple.

Most Fashionable Couples

  1. Prince William and Kate Middleton
  2. George and Amal Clooney
  3. John F. Kennedy and Jackie O
  4. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
  5. Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn

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33 Online Dating Tips for Men (from Women) Tue, 13 Mar 2018 08:00:50 +0000 A fun collection of short but sweet tips from women who are online dating.

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As the editor of a dating magazine, I see a lot of dating tips from a lot of different sources. Whether it’s experts in psychology and relationships, dating coaches, a bartender, best-selling authors, or someone’s best friend, some of the best dating and relationship advice comes from the most unlikely of places. But sometimes, it helps to got to the most likely place too… In this case, straight to the source. If you’re looking for some good online dating tips for men, why not ask other women who are online dating what tips they would give you?

To help out we surveyed over 3,000 women on the online dating site and app Zoosk and asked what their top online dating tips for men are. What we got was some great insight and some short, but sweet tips men can start using right away.

Here are their 33 online dating tips for men: 

1. “Be honest from the beginning! Kindness truly is hot, so if you’re trying to impress a woman, that’s an excellent place to start.”

2. “Don’t just say hi, personalize your message at least a little. You don’t have to write a novel, but a couple of sentences so that I know you’re aren’t just fishing helps a lot.”

3. “When you take a picture for your profile, make sure we can see your eyes.”

4. “Like, winks, etc. are how women give you the signal to message them.”

5. “If you’re chatting with me and we have a lot in common and you like me, let me know. I want to move forward to see if we should meet.”

6. “Don’t use the word drama in your profile. Life is full of ups and downs—that’s what gives life color and depth. Using that word makes the assumption that women are the only ones that are involved in drama.”

7. “Smile! (I’m always amazed at how many men have pictures of them frowning or not smiling.)”

8. “With online dating, you need to find the right balance between chatting online and having real-life experiences. If you go too long chatting, you can turn into a pen pal.”

9. “Have a good, recent photo. Don’t have pictures of your cars or other trophies and don’t crop out former significant others and leave behind a hand on your shoulder.”

10. “Don’t limit yourself to finding true love in a 5 mile radius. Your soulmate may live further away than that.”

11. “Say something! Don’t keep sending hearts or smiley faces.”

12. “When approaching a woman, don’t start out with a compliment on her physical appearance, or just say hi or hey. Comment on something in her picture, but not her looks, or comment on something in her profile that caught your eye.”

13. “You aren’t trying to impress another man, you’re trying to impress a woman, which means, you might have to show a softer side. A slimy fish photo might not be the best thing to use in your profile.”

14. “Don’t start out by calling a woman sweetie or beautiful. Until you get to know someone that comes off as just another line.”

15. “Start a general conversation and go from there.”

16. “Don’t talk too much about yourself at first. Ask about her.”

17. “Be kind, be understanding, and above all be yourself.”

18. “Always end your conversations with a question to show you’re interested and want to continue talking.”

19. “Be strong and confident enough to know what you want and go for it.”

20. “Don’t text or email excessively. Exchange a few messages then ask about meeting. Coffee or a drink is best.”

21. “Asking for more photos is a turn off. Don’t do it.”

22. “Get to know her, and what she likes and dislikes. You want to build a friendship with her that builds up your relationship.”

23. “Make the first move by saying something fun and/or interesting.”

24. “Women are just as nervous and scared as men. Just talk to us like you would anyone else.”

25. “Take good pictures, ask me questions to get to know me better, make me laugh, and be open.”

26. “Never walk away from a conversation even if it’s online. Just tell her you have to go and talk later.”

27. “Be yourself from the very beginning. When you try to impress someone, your true self gets lost and that might be what the other person really wants.”

28. “Don’t be afraid to tell a woman how you really feel about something. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion and she will appreciate the honesty.”

29. “Give her a second chance if she’s shy.”

30. “Talk and chat like you’re hanging out with a friend at first.”

31. “Don’t look at a woman’s dating profile a million times and say nothing. Even hi is good if you’re at a loss for what to say.”

32. “Consider someone you might not usually be attracted to.”

33. “Approach online dating with an open heart. Everyone is a new person.”

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