Online Dating First Message – The Date Mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Sat, 09 Dec 2017 09:00:07 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Men Tell Us What They Want to See in a Dating Message Tue, 31 Oct 2017 08:00:18 +0000 You might want to try just saying hello.

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If you didn’t already know, men love it when women make the first move. In a recent survey of over 3,000 men on the online dating site and app Zoosk, 96% said they prefer it when a woman messages them first on a dating app. And what guy wouldn’t? When a woman approaches the guy first, it takes the pressure off of him and let’s him know she’s interested. But if you’re a woman trying to make the first move and message a man online, it’s hard to know what to say. 

Writing a first dating message can be tough, for a man or a woman, so we cut right to the chase and asked those same 3,000+ guys what they like to see in an online dating message.

Here’s what we found:

1. Just say hi.
The truth is, most men are pretty easy. The majority of men said the best way to start a conversation with them online is to just say hi. Because men get fewer messages than women, and are usually the first to pursue a conversation, any woman who takes the time to reach out first is already going to stand out. Because of that, even a simple hello can go a long way. 

2. Tell him what you like about his profile.
After saying hi, the second thing men said they want to hear is something about what you liked about him or what about him stood out to you. Did you like that he’s a big reader? Or recognize a location in one of his photos? Letting him know the little things about his profile or photos that drew your eye can be a great way to start a conversation while also giving him a small compliment.

3. Talk about yourself.
No really. Believe it or not, men listed sharing something about yourself as one of the top ways to break the ice while online dating. Maybe you’re new to the area, love baseball games, or are a total foodie—talking about the interesting things about yourself that can lead to a longer conversation can be a great way to start things off. 

So there you have it, three ways to break the ice with a man that aren’t very hard at all. Next time you find yourself interested in a guy but at a loss for what to say, consider what they’d like to hear. You may be surprised how easy it is to get thing rolling. 

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Over 100 Online Dating First Message Examples Thu, 20 Jul 2017 08:00:57 +0000 Because there are a lot of ways to say hello.

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Breaking the ice is hard anytime but when you’re only dating, it can feel impossible. Most of the time you have so little to go on—just a few photos, or maybe a short description about someone—so it can be hard to come up with something worthwhile to say. Other times, you’re busy trying to introduce yourself to a lot of people at once, so it’s hard to put together a perfectly crafted message for every single person. To help inspire your own messages and to give you a place to start, we put together a few online dating first message examples you can pick and choose from.

Ranging from a simple hello or an interesting question, to funny and flirty messages that help you stand out; there are over 100 online dating first message examples to help you get the conversation started.

Ways to Just Say Hi:

  1. Hi, how was your weekend?
  2. Hey, how’s your week going so far?
  3. Hi. What have you been up to lately?
  4. Hey, how are things with you today?
  5. Hi, any fun plans for the weekend?
  6. Hi, I hope your week is going well.
  7. Hi, how are you? 🙂
  8. Hi there. How’s life treating you today?
  9. Hey, what are you up to today?
  10. Just stopping by to say hello. Hello!
  11. I just had to say hi to you. Hi!
  12. What’s up? How are you? 
  13. How’s your day going so far?
  14. I hope you’re having a nice day 🙂
  15. Hi there, how are you?
  16. Just wanted to say hi!
  17. Hey there! 🙂
  18. Hi, I hope you’re having a great day.
  19. Saw your profile and just had to say hi.
  20. Hey, what are you up to right now?

Flirty/Funny Hellos:

  1. I can’t think of anything better than getting a reply from you.
  2. I want this message to be the reason you smile at your screen.  
  3. Do you ever feel like something really great is about to happen? I kind of feel that way now.
  4. If you respond to one message today, let it be mine.
  5. I kind of, sort of, well, pretty much think you seem amazing. Want to chat sometime?
  6. If you wanted to talk, it’d definitely make my day… or maybe year.
  7. Hello. Also, you are amazing.
  8. Could you please reply to this message and make me feel like the luckiest person in the world?
  9. You have no idea how happy it would make me to talk to you.
  10. You had me at It’s a Match. 
  11. I tend to wear my heart on my profile. 🙂
  12. Hello, bonjour, aloha, salut! (I wasn’t sure how to say hi, so I tried a bunch.)
  13. Rawr means hello in dinosaur. RAWR!
  14. That awkward moment when you try to message a guy/girl and all you can think of is hello.
  15. Just saying hi. Because I’m annoying like that.
  16. I’m willing to risk the cooties if you are.
  17. I like how your nose is in the middle of your face. That’s really cute.
  18. I like hugs.
  19. I will always tell you when you have something in your teeth. That’s just the kind of person I am.
  20. I’d love to talk to you. For reals. No fakesies.
  21. I think I quite fancy you.
  22. You seem super duper.
  23. Double thumbs up to you.
  24. Anyone can be cool but awesomeness like yours takes practice.
  25. You (yes, you) are the person I want to talk to.
  26. I don’t flirt, but I will totally seduce you with my awkwardness.
  27. I’m looking for someone I can be a complete nerd with. You interested?
  28. I like it when a guy/girl  talks nerdy to me.
  29. I’m the good kind of weird. How about you?
  30. You deserve a whole sheet of gold stars.
  31. The truth? I like you a lot. And I don’t even know you yet. I just have an idea.
  32. I passed by your photo too many times not to stop a say hi.
  33. My atoms are attracted to your atoms. It’s chemistry.
  34. Hello amazingness.
  35. You make me smile. That is all.
  36. You had me at online now.
  37. I want to be the reason you look into your phone and smile.
  38. I was more excited to see your profile photo than pizza. And I really like pizza.
  39. I bet my dog would like you.
  40. I bet my cat would like you.

Questions to Break the Ice:

  1. What’s something you could talk about for hours?
  2. What type of stuff do you like to do on the weekend?
  3. What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?
  4. What’s a typical day in your life like?
  5. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
  6. What do you like to do when you go out?
  7. What type of stuff do you do in your spare time?
  8. If you could be a character in any movie, who would you be?
  9. What actor/actress would play you in the movie of your life?
  10. What’s your favorite book?
  11. What’s one thing I should know about you that’s not on your profile?
  12. What’s your favorite sports team?
  13. How did you pick your Zoosk display name?
  14. What’s one saying you try to live by?
  15. Do you have any tattoos? If you got one what would you get?
  16. Are you close to your family?
  17. If you could choose a superpower what would it be?
  18. What’s the nerdiest thing you’re willing to admit?
  19. What are you most likely to stay up all night talking about?
  20. I love hearing other people’s stories. Do you have a good one to tell?
  21. What’s your idea of the perfect day?
  22. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
  23. What’s one city you want to travel to?
  24. What’s your favorite band?
  25. What’s your favorite movie?
  26. What’s your favorite song?
  27. What’s one great book you’ve recently read?
  28. Are you an adventurous person?
  29. What’s your favorite cocktail?
  30. What’s your favorite restaurant?
  31. Would you describe yourself as a romantic person?
  32. Yes or no: Do you like to dance?
  33. Yes or no: Do you believe in love at first sight?
  34. Yes or no: Are you romantic?
  35. Do you have any pets?
  36. Do you have any nicknames?
  37. Where did you grow up?
  38. Are you an outgoing person or are you on the shy side?
  39. Do you like working out?
  40. What’s your favorite TV show?
  41. What are your favorite things to do in your spare time?
  42. Do you have any hobbies you’re passionate about?
  43. Are you an outdoorsy person?
  44. Do you play any sports?
  45. What’s one thing you’d bring with you to a deserted tropical island?
  46. What’s the fondest memory you have?
  47. What’s your favorite place in the whole world?
  48. Tell me one random fact about yourself.
  49. If you had three wishes from a genie, what would you wish for?
  50. If you could redo a year of your life over again, what year would it be?

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How You Should Be Using Humor While Online Dating Thu, 20 Apr 2017 17:57:12 +0000 To lol or not to lol.

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Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Etch, who?

Bless you!

Ok… so maybe knock knock jokes aren’t the best way to flirt online. In fact, did you know that using a knock knock joke in an online dating message can get you up to 2% fewer messages? Or that messages with hilarious get a whopping 87% more responses?

Maybe you don’t need data to know knock knock jokes aren’t the best approach for online flirting, but just in case we’ve compiled the Dos and Don’ts of how you should be using humor to find someone online.

Humor and online dating infographic

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Data Reveals the Biggest Online Dating First Message Mistakes Wed, 05 Apr 2017 02:03:46 +0000 Are you making one of them?

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When it comes to men and online dating, it may seem like a numbers game. The more matches you make, the more messages you send, the better your chances… right? Well, as it turns out quality matters too, and a lot more than we thought. While trying to find out what makes a good online dating first message, the online dating site and app Zoosk, stumbled across an interesting truth—even if you’re a good-looking guy, sending the same message to multiple women will hurt your chances. Big time.

To find this out Zoosk looked at male members on the site who got the most matches, likes, and attention from other women (aka the guys who were either the best looking or had the most compelling dating profiles) but still didn’t get a lot of responses when they sent out messages. Why were these handsome men all striking out?

87% of the good-looking guys who weren’t getting replies to their messages, were sending the same exact message to multiple women.

And on average it was around 15 women. So even though copying & pasting the same message to multiple women may seem like a good way to save time, it just plain doesn’t work.

After looking more closely into the messages themselves, Zoosk also found that a lot of these men were sending very similar, generic messages (which makes sense because they were copying and pasting them). By looking for the five-word phrases that appeared most often they were able to pull out some of the phrases that got repeated the most.

So if you’re wondering what online dating first message clichés to avoid (copying and pasting aside) here are a few of the big ones:

Getting to know you…
The most common phrases that didn’t do well were things such as to get to know you, like to get to know you, to know more about you, would like to get to, love to get to know, and get to know you better.

Hope to hear from you…
Other phrases that women didn’t respond to were hope to hear from you, to hear back from you, forward to hearing from you, to hear from you soon, look forward to hearing from, and I hope to hear from.

I’m looking for…
Phrases such as looking for a nice girl, guy looking for a nice, looking for someone with similar, I’m looking for a person, a nice guy looking for, or nice guy looking for a didn’t do so well either.

Hi, how are you…
As we’ve found out before, the hi, hey, hello, how are you messages aren’t very successful and now we know it doesn’t matter if you’re attractive or not. Other common phrases among our good-looking guys who didn’t get a lot of replies are hello how are you doing, how are you doing today, hi there how are you, hi how are you doing, and how are you doing today.

While you’re online dating, it may be tempting to try and cut some corners to make things easier on yourself. It’s perfectly understandable to want to save a little time. Unfortunately, cutting this particular corner isn’t going to help you get what you want.

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Online Dating Conversation Starters Women Actually Respond To Mon, 27 Mar 2017 18:36:56 +0000 A look into the data shows what women really want to hear.

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Hi. Hey. Hello. What’s up? If these are the types of messages you’re sending while online dating, the time has come to try something new. According to recent data put together by AskMen and the online dating site Zoosk, saying hello or hi in an online dating message can actually hurt your chances of getting a response.

So what does work? Here’s a look into the data about what online dating conversation starters woman actually respond to:

online dating conversation starters that get women to respond.

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4 Online Dating First Message Tips You Probably Haven’t Tried Yet Fri, 17 Mar 2017 18:39:56 +0000 As it turns out, people really do like talking about the weather.

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Trying to get a woman’s attention while online dating can be rough. There’s a lot of competition and the pressure is on you to break the ice and get things started. So how can you stand out from the crowd without looking like you’re trying too hard? We looked into the data from the online dating site Zoosk’s over 38 million members to find a few online dating first message tips to make your job easier.

1. When in doubt, talk about the weather. 
This one may seem counter intuitive. After all, what could be more mundane than the weather? But according to the data, first messages with the word weather get 39% more replies from women. And if the weather is bad, it’s even better for you. Messages with the word rain get 20% more messages, while sun actually gets 6% fewer messages than the average. The reason? It’s hard to say. But it could be that talking about something going on locally (like severe weather) is just an easy, universal way to start a conversation. While just bringing up that the sun’s out, isa little boring and makes for a lame start.

2. Don’t bother saying hello. 
Wait… what? No hello? That’s right. According to Zoosk data, using a greeting like hello or hi actually gets you fewer messages.

– Saying hey gets you 35% fewer messages.
– Saying howdy gets you 19% fewer messages.
– Saying hello gets you 21% fewer messages.
– Saying hi gets you 22% fewer messages.
– Saying what’s up gets you 10% fewer messages.

So what’s so bad about saying hello? Well, when you’re trying to start a conversation with someone online, just saying hi (or hey, howdy, or hello) isn’t very helpful to the woman you’re try to talk to. Women see a lot of the same “Hi, how are you?” and “What’s up?” types of messages every day and they put the pressure on her to come up with an entertaining response. Instead of saying hi, try diving right in with something like “You went to Jefferson High? Me too!” or, even better, “What’s up with all this crazy rain we’ve been having?”

3. If you’re going to ask her out right away, make sure she’s free first. 
A lot of guys like to go straight for the date in the first message, but you might be better served by feeling her out first. Being confident and coming on strong can work sometimes. But, according to the data, asking someone to go out in a first message gets you 56% fewer responses, and using the word date gets you 14% fewer messages. Yikes. On the flip side, if you ask her what she’s doing tomorrow night, you’re response rate goes up by 26%.

4. Ask about her profile, not her photos.
It’s great to mention a woman’s profile but don’t make her feel like you’re only interested in her looks. First messages that mention a woman’s profile get 12% more messages than the average. But mention her photo and you’ll get 25% fewer messages.

So next time you’re trying to think of a way to break the ice, keep these four tips in mind. Don’t focus on her looks. Make sure the lady’s free before you ask her out. Say more than hello. And, remember, a little rain never hurt anybody.


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