Online Dating First Message – The Date Mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Wed, 21 Feb 2018 19:48:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 How to Talk to Men Online Mon, 19 Feb 2018 09:00:53 +0000 A few tips to get him talking.

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Generally, women have an advantage over men while online dating. Especially when it comes to taking the initiative and making the first move. When single women send the initial message to start a conversation on a dating app, they are four times more likely to get a response than men are. But don’t let that go to your head — getting a response from a guy you’re really interested in can still be tough. And when you’re staring at that blank text space where your amazing message should be, it’s not always easy to know what to say.

A girl can drive herself crazy continually checking her dating profile and waiting for a notification. It’s like the new waiting by the phone, and it can make you start to doubt every word in every message you send. Was saying “hi” too generic? Was asking about his dog too personal? Was the message too short? Was it too long? Maybe he’s just not that into you — but why not?

If you’re wondering how to talk to men online, here are a few handy tips.

1. Pick the right dating app or site.
First of all, you have to make sure you’re in the right place to find romance. Some niche sites have relatively few dating prospects in your area, so the silence may not be your fault — it might be because the dating profiles you’re messaging are inactive. That’s a bummer, but it’s easily remedied. Just sign up for a dating platform with a large and active membership base. Do your homework by looking at customer ratings and reading expert reviews of popular dating apps, so you can join a legit dating platform where guys will be happy to meet you.

2. Be authentic, upbeat, and interesting.
Everyone has a story to tell. Your life history, your opinions, your personality all make you you, and that’s something worth sharing with a date. You don’t have to write an autobiography on your profile or in your messages, but definitely reference the best bits. If you’ve been out of the country on a  trip or for study abroad, mention that in passing. If you have a particular talent, bring it up in conversation as seamlessly as you can. You want him asking follow-up questions and wondering what else you have going on.

Guys often like to pursue, so you probably won’t have to work too hard to get his attention. Just make sure you have interesting things to say once you’ve got it. As Heath Ledger said in “Casanova”—be the flame, not the moth.

3. Keep it light.
This is a good tip for guys and gals longing for long-term love. Don’t bring up commitment too early in the conversation. Even if you hear wedding bells ringing in your head, play it cool or he’ll have warning alarms ringing in his. It reeks of desperation to talk about meeting parents, going on trips together, or otherwise riding off into the sunset when you’ve just met someone online. Let all that unfold naturally. The time to talk about your relationship is after two or three great dates—it isn’t after two or three messages on a dating app or website.

4. Ask questions that get him talking.
This tip is pretty straightforward, but it’s worth noting. If you want to get a guy to talk to you, give him something to say. Ask questions about his life, hobbies, aspirations, and opinions. If you can pull something specific from his dating profile—“I see you like Marvel comics, what did you think of the latest movie?”—all the better!

If his profile doesn’t have many personal details, you can ask general conversation starters to get the ball rolling. This’ll help you get to know each other and find common ground. Try to strike a good conversational balance between the two of you. I’d recommend ending every message with at least one question; that way, you hold up your end of the conversation while giving him things to say back.

5. Stay positive.
Look, we all feel frustrated, impatient, cynical, and down every once in a while, but unfortunately that black mood isn’t going to make dates line up at your door. People want to be around people who make them feel good. A little sarcasm and dark humor is fine. A consistently negative attitude is not. Instead of complaining about the dating scene, the weather, your job, your family, or other parts of life, focus on the positive things—your passions, your hopes, your bffs—so your date will see your best and most attractive side.

In the dating world, the getting-to-know-you phase is about making your date smile and feel good about themselves. Those happy feelings are going to make them want to talk to you more and more frequently.

You don’t have to act like Pollyanna or look like Margot Robbie to attract date prospects online—just be yourself and keep these tips in mind. If you approach online dating with a light-hearted attitude, you’re bound to start building connections and having fun while you’re at it. Of course, getting a guy to talk to you isn’t always as simple as typing “Hi” and pressing send. Sometimes you need to catch your crush’s eye by asking good questions, telling interesting stories, and being friendly and flirty in every message.


Amber Brooks is a Contributing Editor at When she was growing up, her family teased her for being “boy crazy,” but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating expert. As an English major in college, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about topics that interest her. Now with a background in writing, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to

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5 Online Dating Message Tips: Examples of What to Say Wed, 20 Dec 2017 09:00:21 +0000 Go beyond a simple hello and craft the perfect message.

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You filled out your online dating profile. You took the perfect profile pictures. You searched for potential matches and even found some that caught your eye. But that was just the beginning, the question remains… What should you say to them?

Composing an online dating message is one of the hardest parts of online dating. Should you pay them a compliment, or is that too forward? Should you use a pick-up line, or keep it simple? You want to catch their eye and stand out, but you don’t want it to seem like you’re trying too hard. Well, fear not, because we can help. Here are some online dating message tips to help you write something that has a high chance of getting a response.

1. Start with “hi,” but give it a spin.
When you meet somebody in real life, chances are you do two things: say hello and tell them your name. So why not employ the same greeting tactic online? Saying hi and introducing yourself is polite, easy, and effective—and you’d be surprised by how few people actually do it in their online dating messages. But instead of just saying “hi,” “hey,” or “hello” like everybody else does, make things interesting.

-How’s it going? I’m Elizabeth.
-Fancy meeting you here. I’m Elizabeth.
-Hola, bonjour, ciao, guten tag, hello. I’m Elizabeth.
-Come here often? I’m Elizabeth.
-Oh, hey, I didn’t see you there. I’m Elizabeth.

2. Comment on their profile.
Commenting on someone’s online dating profile shows that you actually read it and that you’re a good listener. When you meet a new person online, it can be tempting to compliment their looks. And while physical compliments are nice, they can sometimes be, well, empty. Most people would rather receive a compliment about something they wrote in their profile. Bonus points if you add a little information about yourself. It keeps the conversation going and gives them something to respond to.

-I see that you like to cook. I’m trying to be better at cooking myself. I made a great vegetarian lasagna a few nights ago.
-I like that you’re into sports. My favorite is baseball. I’m a lifelong Yankees fan.
-Your dog is very cute. I’m a dog person too. I have an Australian Cattle Dog named River.
-I have some friends who went to Cornell. I wonder if we have any friends in common.
-I enjoy going to museums too. I enjoyed the Stephen Shore exhibit at the MoMA.

3. Ask a question.
One of the best ways to start a conversation is by asking a question. Again, it gives them something to respond to. Even better if this can also relate to something they wrote in their profile.


-What’s your favorite dish to cook?
-Where were your profile pictures taken?
-What’s it like being a surgeon?
-Have you read any good books lately?
-What’s your favorite hidden gem in your neighborhood?

4. Cut to the chase.
Be honest and say what you feel. That doesn’t mean you have to be overly forward or aggressive; it means that if you’re interested in somebody, it’s ok to be clear about it. After all, isn’t that what you signed up for when you joined an online dating site?


-Your profile made me smile.
-I’d like to get to know you better.
-Based on your profile, I think we’d hit it off.
-I’m interested in learning more about you.
-I think we make a great pair.

5. Suggest meeting for a date.
Is it bold? Yes. Is it risky? Maybe. Is it effective? You bet. One of the biggest complaints about online dating is that people spend too much time messaging and not enough time actually dating. It’s gutsy to ask someone out right away, but it sends the message that you’re serious about your level of interest. Be bold! And have a plan. Are you free? doesn’t give someone much to respond to. But Are you free for coffee on Thursday? does.


-I’d like to meet for a drink sometime if you’re interested.
-Are you free for a date soon?
-Let’s grab coffee sometime next week.
-Want to have dinner on Tuesday?
-Let me know if you want to go for a walk in Central Park.


There you have it: Some examples for constructing the perfect online dating message. Keep it short, simple, and polite, and you’ll be getting replies in no time.

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Men Tell Us What They Want to See in a Dating Message Tue, 31 Oct 2017 08:00:18 +0000 You might want to try just saying hello.

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If you didn’t already know, men love it when women make the first move. In a recent survey of over 3,000 men on the online dating site and app Zoosk, 96% said they prefer it when a woman messages them first on a dating app. And what guy wouldn’t? When a woman approaches the guy first, it takes the pressure off of him and let’s him know she’s interested. But if you’re a woman trying to make the first move and message a man online, it’s hard to know what to say. 

Writing a first dating message can be tough, for a man or a woman, so we cut right to the chase and asked those same 3,000+ guys what they like to see in an online dating message.

Here’s what we found:

1. Just say hi.
The truth is, most men are pretty easy. The majority of men said the best way to start a conversation with them online is to just say hi. Because men get fewer messages than women, and are usually the first to pursue a conversation, any woman who takes the time to reach out first is already going to stand out. Because of that, even a simple hello can go a long way. 

2. Tell him what you like about his profile.
After saying hi, the second thing men said they want to hear is something about what you liked about him or what about him stood out to you. Did you like that he’s a big reader? Or recognize a location in one of his photos? Letting him know the little things about his profile or photos that drew your eye can be a great way to start a conversation while also giving him a small compliment.

3. Talk about yourself.
No really. Believe it or not, men listed sharing something about yourself as one of the top ways to break the ice while online dating. Maybe you’re new to the area, love baseball games, or are a total foodie—talking about the interesting things about yourself that can lead to a longer conversation can be a great way to start things off. 

So there you have it, three ways to break the ice with a man that aren’t very hard at all. Next time you find yourself interested in a guy but at a loss for what to say, consider what they’d like to hear. You may be surprised how easy it is to get thing rolling. 

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Over 100 Online Dating First Message Examples Thu, 20 Jul 2017 08:00:57 +0000 Because there are a lot of ways to say hello.

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Breaking the ice is hard anytime but when you’re only dating, it can feel impossible. Most of the time you have so little to go on—just a few photos, or maybe a short description about someone—so it can be hard to come up with something worthwhile to say. Other times, you’re busy trying to introduce yourself to a lot of people at once, so it’s hard to put together a perfectly crafted message for every single person. To help inspire your own messages and to give you a place to start, we put together a few online dating first message examples you can pick and choose from.

Ranging from a simple hello or an interesting question, to funny and flirty messages that help you stand out; there are over 100 online dating first message examples to help you get the conversation started.

Ways to Just Say Hi:

  1. Hi, how was your weekend?
  2. Hey, how’s your week going so far?
  3. Hi. What have you been up to lately?
  4. Hey, how are things with you today?
  5. Hi, any fun plans for the weekend?
  6. Hi, I hope your week is going well.
  7. Hi, how are you? 🙂
  8. Hi there. How’s life treating you today?
  9. Hey, what are you up to today?
  10. Just stopping by to say hello. Hello!
  11. I just had to say hi to you. Hi!
  12. What’s up? How are you? 
  13. How’s your day going so far?
  14. I hope you’re having a nice day 🙂
  15. Hi there, how are you?
  16. Just wanted to say hi!
  17. Hey there! 🙂
  18. Hi, I hope you’re having a great day.
  19. Saw your profile and just had to say hi.
  20. Hey, what are you up to right now?

Flirty/Funny Hellos:

  1. I can’t think of anything better than getting a reply from you.
  2. I want this message to be the reason you smile at your screen.  
  3. Do you ever feel like something really great is about to happen? I kind of feel that way now.
  4. If you respond to one message today, let it be mine.
  5. I kind of, sort of, well, pretty much think you seem amazing. Want to chat sometime?
  6. If you wanted to talk, it’d definitely make my day… or maybe year.
  7. Hello. Also, you are amazing.
  8. Could you please reply to this message and make me feel like the luckiest person in the world?
  9. You have no idea how happy it would make me to talk to you.
  10. You had me at It’s a Match. 
  11. I tend to wear my heart on my profile. 🙂
  12. Hello, bonjour, aloha, salut! (I wasn’t sure how to say hi, so I tried a bunch.)
  13. Rawr means hello in dinosaur. RAWR!
  14. That awkward moment when you try to message a guy/girl and all you can think of is hello.
  15. Just saying hi. Because I’m annoying like that.
  16. I’m willing to risk the cooties if you are.
  17. I like how your nose is in the middle of your face. That’s really cute.
  18. I like hugs.
  19. I will always tell you when you have something in your teeth. That’s just the kind of person I am.
  20. I’d love to talk to you. For reals. No fakesies.
  21. I think I quite fancy you.
  22. You seem super duper.
  23. Double thumbs up to you.
  24. Anyone can be cool but awesomeness like yours takes practice.
  25. You (yes, you) are the person I want to talk to.
  26. I don’t flirt, but I will totally seduce you with my awkwardness.
  27. I’m looking for someone I can be a complete nerd with. You interested?
  28. I like it when a guy/girl  talks nerdy to me.
  29. I’m the good kind of weird. How about you?
  30. You deserve a whole sheet of gold stars.
  31. The truth? I like you a lot. And I don’t even know you yet. I just have an idea.
  32. I passed by your photo too many times not to stop a say hi.
  33. My atoms are attracted to your atoms. It’s chemistry.
  34. Hello amazingness.
  35. You make me smile. That is all.
  36. You had me at online now.
  37. I want to be the reason you look into your phone and smile.
  38. I was more excited to see your profile photo than pizza. And I really like pizza.
  39. I bet my dog would like you.
  40. I bet my cat would like you.

Questions to Break the Ice:

  1. What’s something you could talk about for hours?
  2. What type of stuff do you like to do on the weekend?
  3. What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?
  4. What’s a typical day in your life like?
  5. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
  6. What do you like to do when you go out?
  7. What type of stuff do you do in your spare time?
  8. If you could be a character in any movie, who would you be?
  9. What actor/actress would play you in the movie of your life?
  10. What’s your favorite book?
  11. What’s one thing I should know about you that’s not on your profile?
  12. What’s your favorite sports team?
  13. How did you pick your display name?
  14. What’s one saying you try to live by?
  15. Do you have any tattoos? If you got one what would you get?
  16. Are you close to your family?
  17. If you could choose a superpower what would it be?
  18. What’s the nerdiest thing you’re willing to admit?
  19. What are you most likely to stay up all night talking about?
  20. I love hearing other people’s stories. Do you have a good one to tell?
  21. What’s your idea of the perfect day?
  22. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
  23. What’s one city you want to travel to?
  24. What’s your favorite band?
  25. What’s your favorite movie?
  26. What’s your favorite song?
  27. What’s one great book you’ve recently read?
  28. Are you an adventurous person?
  29. What’s your favorite cocktail?
  30. What’s your favorite restaurant?
  31. Would you describe yourself as a romantic person?
  32. Yes or no: Do you like to dance?
  33. Yes or no: Do you believe in love at first sight?
  34. Yes or no: Are you romantic?
  35. Do you have any pets?
  36. Do you have any nicknames?
  37. Where did you grow up?
  38. Are you an outgoing person or are you on the shy side?
  39. Do you like working out?
  40. What’s your favorite TV show?
  41. What are your favorite things to do in your spare time?
  42. Do you have any hobbies you’re passionate about?
  43. Are you an outdoorsy person?
  44. Do you play any sports?
  45. What’s one thing you’d bring with you to a deserted tropical island?
  46. What’s the fondest memory you have?
  47. What’s your favorite place in the whole world?
  48. Tell me one random fact about yourself.
  49. If you had three wishes from a genie, what would you wish for?
  50. If you could redo a year of your life over again, what year would it be?

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How You Should Be Using Humor While Online Dating Thu, 20 Apr 2017 17:57:12 +0000 To lol or not to lol.

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Knock, knock.

Who’s there?


Etch, who?

Bless you!

Ok… so maybe knock knock jokes aren’t the best way to flirt online. In fact, did you know that using a knock knock joke in an online dating message can get you up to 2% fewer messages? Or that messages with hilarious get a whopping 87% more responses?

Maybe you don’t need data to know knock knock jokes aren’t the best approach for online flirting, but just in case we’ve compiled the Dos and Don’ts of how you should be using humor to find someone online.

Humor and online dating infographic

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Data Reveals the Biggest Online Dating First Message Mistakes Wed, 05 Apr 2017 02:03:46 +0000 Are you making one of them?

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When it comes to men and online dating, it may seem like a numbers game. The more matches you make, the more messages you send, the better your chances… right? Well, as it turns out quality matters too, and a lot more than we thought. While trying to find out what makes a good online dating first message, the online dating site and app Zoosk, stumbled across an interesting truth—even if you’re a good-looking guy, sending the same message to multiple women will hurt your chances. Big time.

To find this out Zoosk looked at male members on the site who got the most matches, likes, and attention from other women (aka the guys who were either the best looking or had the most compelling dating profiles) but still didn’t get a lot of responses when they sent out messages. Why were these handsome men all striking out?

87% of the good-looking guys who weren’t getting replies to their messages, were sending the same exact message to multiple women.

And on average it was around 15 women. So even though copying & pasting the same message to multiple women may seem like a good way to save time, it just plain doesn’t work.

After looking more closely into the messages themselves, Zoosk also found that a lot of these men were sending very similar, generic messages (which makes sense because they were copying and pasting them). By looking for the five-word phrases that appeared most often they were able to pull out some of the phrases that got repeated the most.

So if you’re wondering what online dating first message clichés to avoid (copying and pasting aside) here are a few of the big ones:

Getting to know you…
The most common phrases that didn’t do well were things such as to get to know you, like to get to know you, to know more about you, would like to get to, love to get to know, and get to know you better.

Hope to hear from you…
Other phrases that women didn’t respond to were hope to hear from you, to hear back from you, forward to hearing from you, to hear from you soon, look forward to hearing from, and I hope to hear from.

I’m looking for…
Phrases such as looking for a nice girl, guy looking for a nice, looking for someone with similar, I’m looking for a person, a nice guy looking for, or nice guy looking for a didn’t do so well either.

Hi, how are you…
As we’ve found out before, the hi, hey, hello, how are you messages aren’t very successful and now we know it doesn’t matter if you’re attractive or not. Other common phrases among our good-looking guys who didn’t get a lot of replies are hello how are you doing, how are you doing today, hi there how are you, hi how are you doing, and how are you doing today.

While you’re online dating, it may be tempting to try and cut some corners to make things easier on yourself. It’s perfectly understandable to want to save a little time. Unfortunately, cutting this particular corner isn’t going to help you get what you want.

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