You’ve crafted the perfect Tinder bio, included attractive photos of yourself, and now you’re finally connecting with some matches. But you start chatting with your matches and something feels… amiss. Your conversations are stale and fall flat. You’re not making connections so much as you’re making small talk. You find yourself firing off one-word answers or asking boring questions like, “how’s the weather?” With such little depth in your convos, it’s no wonder you’re not landing a date.
If you’re wondering how to have better Tinder conversations that go beyond the usual, “Hi, what’s up?” here are a few tips to help you out.
1. Use their profile as leverage.
While Tinder puts physical attraction above all traits, if you really want to entice someone then you need to lay off the, “You’re hot” messages and instead focus on the person and not the picture. Once you swipe right on someone, be sure to go through their profile. Look through their pictures and interests and pay attention to the activities they like, or where they’ve vacationed. Find a detail you’re genuinely curious about, and form a question around it. “Nice Empire State Building pic! I love New York City. What’s your favorite place to visit when you’re there?” From there, you’ll be able to launch into a full-blown convo about NYC, travel, dream trips, and who else knows what.
2. Make everyday questions special.
Almost anyone can ask, “How are you?” but you don’t want to be anyone. You don’t just want to stand out, you want to form a connection with your match that goes beyond the typical, “I’m good” response. For example, you might ask, “What was your favorite part of today?” Which would give you insight about what makes them smile. If you want to ask something about their profile, like a favorite movie, instead of saying something trite like, “I love Jurassic Park too,” ask something like, “What would play during your ideal movie night?” From there you can ask more questions about what types of movies they enjoy, and what types of snack they might eat, etc. You’re not only taking interest in them, but you’re also getting an idea about what they might like for a future date night.
3. Don’t be afraid to be enthusiastic.
A lot of people get hesitant about coming off too strong, which means their responses could come across as self-deprecating and ho hum. If someone asks you about your job, refrain from saying something like, “I work in advertising. It pays the bills.” Instead, don’t be afraid to discuss your favorite part of your job and why you like it. On the other hand, if you don’t like your job, then talk about the things you do like. Positive energy is contagious—and attractive.
4. Flattery will get you everywhere.
Compliments create positive energy and helps create a connection between two people. But when giving them out, you also don’t want to come across too strong or too cheesy. When in doubt, err on the side of caution, and stay away from comments regarding physical appearance. Instead, compliment your match on their lifestyle or hobbies. Maybe there’s a photo of them rock climbing. Saying something like, “Wow, that climb in your photos looks rough,” is a lot more intriguing than “Nice eyes.”
5. Check your spelling.
Nothing says lazy more like than poor spelling or using tons of slang and emojis in a convo. It makes it seem you’re not putting in a ton of effort or interest in your match if your messages look messy and brief. You want to be taken seriously, which also means ensuring that you’re correctly spelling your match’s name. You don’t want to say, “Kellie” when it’s “Kelli”. The little things make a world of difference, especially when you’re first getting to know someone. No one’s going to want to entertain a conversation, let alone connect with you through one, if you seem rushed or apathetic.
Ultimately, your conversations on Tinder are the gateway to establishing a solid connection between you and a match. If you can’t connect through your messages, then there’s no real chance of ever finding out whether you’re truly compatible. As a result, you’ll be spending more time swiping online than going on real dates offline.