Online Dating Tips – The Date Mix https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Fri, 15 Dec 2017 09:00:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5 5 Online Dating Tips to Help You Meet More Interesting People https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/5-online-dating-tips-meet-interesting-people/ Wed, 13 Sep 2017 18:51:00 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15103 Sarah and Chase from the I Do Podcast share their online dating cheat sheet.

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Let’s face it, online dating can be tough. You might be asking yourself things like:

“How do I fill out my profile?”

“What’s the best way to send an initial message?”

“When should I respond to messages?”

And many other nerve-racking important questions. So how can you stand out from the crowd and attract more quality dates? As part of our I Do Podcast, my husband Chase and I interview today’s most successful and inspiring relationship experts, therapists, and couples to answer questions just like these. This week we teamed up with the Editor-in-Chief of The Date Mix, Megan Murray, to create this awesome Ultimate Cheat Sheet for Online Dating.

Zoosk is an online dating site and app that has over 40 million members. So they know a thing or two about our dating tendencies and what works for their successful members. These tips compliment our interview with Megan in episode 112: Don’t Make These Online Dating Mistakes. In the interview we go even more in-depth with online dating tips, so if you haven’t listened and are craving more, listen to episode #112.

1. Fill out your dating profile.
When it comes to setting up your dating profile, most people would say photos are the most important part. In a way, they’d be right—the majority of online daters do pay attention to your photos more than any other part of your profile, but new data shows that your dating profile description may be just as important.

People who fill out their description actually get 28% more messages than those who don’t. But that’s not all, they also get 14% more likes and 8% more profile views.

If you’re using a dating site that requires a display name, make sure to fill that out too. Daters who didn’t have a display name got 20% fewer messages than those who did.

They found that daters who fill out the description of the person they’re looking for can get up to 31% more messages, while those who described their favorite date got 21% more messages.

2. Don’t bother saying hello.
Wait… what? No hello? That’s right. According to Zoosk data, using a greeting like hello or hi actually gets you fewer messages.

Saying hey gets you 35% fewer messages.
Saying howdy gets you 19% fewer messages.
Saying hello gets you 21% fewer messages.
Saying hi gets you 22% fewer messages.
Saying what’s up gets you 10% fewer messages.

So what’s so bad about saying hello? Well, when you’re trying to start a conversation with someone online, just saying hi (or hey, howdy, or hello) isn’t very helpful. Woman (and men!) see a lot of the same “Hi, how are you?” and “What’s up?” types of messages every day and it puts the pressure on them to come up with an entertaining response. Instead of saying hi, try diving right in with something like “You went to Jefferson High? Me too!” or, even better, “What’s up with all this crazy rain we’ve been having?”

3. Talk about the weather.
This one may seem counterintuitive. After all, what could be more mundane than the weather? But according to the data, first messages with the word weather get 39% more replies. And if the weather is bad, it’s even better for you. Messages with the word rain get 20% more messages, while sun actually gets 6% fewer messages than the average. The reason? It’s hard to say. But it could be that talking about something going on locally (like severe weather) is just an easy, universal way to start a conversation. While just bringing up that the sun’s out, is a little boring and makes for a lame start.

4. Don’t wait to respond.
If you’re wondering where to focus your efforts, instead of messaging new people or making new matches, reply to the people you’ve already messaged first. It seems like a normal thing to do but a lot of people overlook it.

According to Zoosk, if you want to get a reply back and keep the conversation going, reply back to messages within the day.

Men who message women back in the same day have a 62% response rate. Men who wait a day to message a woman have a 50% response rate, which is a 24% decrease. Men who wait two days before responding have a 45% response rate.

When it comes to online dating, the two day rule definitely does not apply.

5. Remove your filters. 
According to Zoosk data, using filters while online dating may actually make it harder for you to meet someone you’re interested in. People who use filters tend to find a lot of people they’re interested in, so they’re more engaged in reaching out to those people and starting a conversation. However, they’re not leading to a deeper connection.

So what does the data mean for those of us trying to find someone? Well, while we often have a pretty good idea of what we’re looking for in another person, it may pay off to be more open-minded. Maybe we don’t actually know what we’re looking for until we find it.

 
To hear the full interview and get more tips about online dating and relationships check out Episode 112 of the I Do Podcast with Sarah and Chase: Don’t Make These Online Dating Mistakes. And to get more great advice to improve your relationship and fun ways to keep the spark alive, check out the I Do Podcast on iTunes or download the show directly.

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Why the End of Summer Is One of the Best Times to Online Date https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-tips/online-dating-summer/ Tue, 25 Jul 2017 00:10:11 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14855 When's the best time to look for your summer love?

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We’ve all heard about summer loves and summer flings but are all the songs and sayings really true? Do more people look for love during the summer than the rest of the year. According to online dating data, the answer is yes.

The online dating site an app Zoosk paired up with AskMen, and looked into data from their over 40 million members to see if they really do use the site more in the summer than the rest of the year, and found some very interesting details.

Online dating data infographic about why summer love is a real thing.

1. Lots of people taking a break from dating come back in July and August. 
Other than January (which is the most popular month for online dating due to New Year’s resolutions) July and August are the months when the most people resubscribe with a dating site. So if you’re looking to take advantage of the extra large dating pool, late summer is the time to do it.

2. July is a peak time for people trying online dating for the first time.
Though the summer as a whole doesn’t see that many more people signing up than the rest of the year, there is a small peak in July. Sign ups are 13% higher in July compared to June and 6% higher compared to August.

3. August is the peak time for women trying online dating. 
After looking into the data more, Zoosk also found that women sign up for online dating 6% more in August than any other month.

4. Women also reply to more messages in August. 
It’s hard to say what it is about August—the sun, the heat, the certain something in the air—but women really like it. No only to they sign up more in August but they also reply to messages 10% more. 

5. People are more active later in the summer.
When it comes to activity on the site, daters tend to ramp up their dating efforts later in the summer. In fact, people are 21% more active in July and August than they are in May or June. That means they’re sending 18% more winks, initiating 17% more conversations, and sending 21% more messages.

So if you’re looking to find your summer love, now is the time!

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25 Quick Online Dating Tips Based on Data https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-tips/online-dating-tips-based-data/ Fri, 27 Jan 2017 09:00:33 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14087 What the data tells us about looking for love online.

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Navigating the intricacies of online dating can get a little tricky. It’s hard to know how to break the ice, what to say to keep the conversation going, or when it’s time to stop chatting and ask for a date. That’s why to help out, we looked into data from the online dating site and app Zoosk to get some quick and easy online dating tips that can help you right away.

From ditching the group photo to talking about your kids, here are 25 quick tips to keep in mind as you look for love online.

1. Show off a little. 
Adding a full body photo can get you 203% more messages.

2. Focus on you.
People with more than one person in their profile photo get less messages.

3. Mix it up men.
Men with at least one outdoor photo get 19% more messages.

4. Keep it honest.
People who use the word honest in their profile get more messages.

5. Take a selfie ladies.
Women with selfies get 4% more messages.

6. Short first messages work best. 
First messages between 61 and 69 characters get the most replies.

7. Mention his or her profile.
Messages that mention someone’s profile get 25% more responses.

8. Have a sense of humor.
Saying that something’s funny in a message can boost responses by 108%.

9. Don’t be afraid to get cute. 
Messages that use the word adorable get 106% more responses.

10. Be interesting. 
Saying that something’s interesting can boost responses by 94%.

11. Mention your pet. 
Messages that mention a pet get 88% more responses.

12. Religion is an ok topic. 
Messages with the word religious get 156% more responses.

13. Go ahead and talk about your kids. 
Mentioning kids in a first message can get you 34% more responses.

14. Be a health nut. 
People with the word healthy in their profile get 17% more messages.

15. Give a compliment.
Messages with the word cute get 54% more responses.

16. Laugh it up. 
People with the word laugh in their profile get more messages.

17. Flatter away.
Messages that use the word gorgeous get 45% more responses.

18. Mention his or her hair. 
Messages that compliment someone’s hair get 84% more responses.

19. Have fun with it. 
Messages with the word fun get 28% more responses.

20. Talk about tattoos. 
Messages that ask about someone’s tattoo get 76% more responses.

21. Ask about his or her day.
Messages with the word day get 56% more responses.

22. Always be nice.
Using the word nice in a first message can boost responses by 68%

23. It’s ok to admit when you have a crush.
Using the word crush in a message boosts responses by 121%.

24. Compliment his or her eyes. 
Messages that mention someone’s eyes get 64% more responses.

25. Keep it cool.
Messages with the word cool get 62% more responses.

 

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Dating Message Examples: 6 Different Tactics and Tips https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-first-message/how-to-write-an-online-dating-message/ Sat, 11 Jun 2016 08:00:36 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=10236 Real examples of what to say to keep your online conversations going.

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Writing a message, whether you’re kicking off the conversation or continuing an exchange, is easily the most intimidating part of online dating. But here’s a secret: It gets infinitely easier once you write that first message. There is no perfect opener, but there are ways to make it easier for someone to send you a response. We talked to a few experts and came up with six tactics and dating message examples to help you kick things off right.

1. Tailor your message to your recipient.
“People almost always see themselves as unique,” researchers Khalid Khan and Sameer Chaudhry (Barts and the London School of Medicine) note in their 2015 online dating study published in Evidence-Based Medicine. By that reasoning, the most effective messages are those that highlight details in the other person’s profile: a shared interest in favorite movies or books, or somewhere you both want to travel; asking the person to expound on an anecdote he or she mentions; creating an inside joke between the two of you based on a point in their profile.

Dating Message Examples:
– Happy we can agree that Wes Anderson always gets it right, but Life Aquatic is the clear winner, right?
– That picture you have at the top of a summit is amazing. What trail was that? I’m always interested in finding new hikes.

2. Keep things upbeat and funny. Similar to the above points, you want to keep the conversation breezy and enjoyable. You don’t have to banter like a movie character, but you want to write something that makes the person on the other end smile.

Dating Message Examples:
– I don’t know who’d be more excited about us going on a date, me or my mom.
– You had me at burrito.
– Please tell me that’s a photo of your dressed as Bart Simpson for Halloween. 

3. Don’t make it too superficial.
Women are not fans of messages telling them how beautiful or sexy they are; as Khan and Chaudhry observe, “We routinely reject unrealistically positive views of ourselves, because this raises suspicion about about the motives of the complimenter.” No doubt men are similarly wary. You’re messaging someone because you’re at least somewhat physically attracted to them; no more needs to be said on the subject.

Dating Message Examples:
– That Netflix queue of yours is quite impressive, but we’ll need to discuss why you’ve listed ‘The Rock’ as your favorite actor over drinks.
– You said you read a lot so what are you into now? I love a good book recommendation.
– You have a ton of travel photos. Where’s your next adventure going to be? 

4. But flirting is more than fine.
Just because you’re not going over-the-top on compliments doesn’t mean you can’t still make the other person’s heart skip a beat.  Zoosk created a data-backed infographic on writing good messages that suggests you use flirty words like “crush” and “trouble”—there’s nothing wrong with showing that this person has an effect on you.

Dating Message Examples:
– I’m starting to have a little crush on you. Very small. Tiny crush. Almost negligible.
– I might have just done a happy dance after seeing your message pop up.

5. Suggest date ideas.
As witty as your online rapport can be, no one signs up on a dating site just for a pen pal. The goal is to translate your chemistry from messages into a real-life meeting; what better way than to start thinking about the first date?

Now, you don’t want to do this on the very first message, as that can be as impersonal as copy-and-pasting a generic message; you need a little bit of a back-and-forth to know what would be ideal for you two. Maybe there’s a movie you’d both be interested in, or an outdoor event in the local park? Regardless, this is the perfect way to transition the conversation from messages to a shared event.

Dating Message Examples:
– You say Tony’s pizza, I vote Sal’s. Obviously, we should settle this at once. I’ve got Thursday open.
– Do you like beer, wine, or cocktails? Whatever your choice, the drink is on me.
– Have a favorite after-work spot you enjoy? We should meet up. 

6. Mirror the other person.
This is a difficult one to remember: Your messages should match the other person’s in terms of length and tone. You wouldn’t want to dominate a conversation in real life, right? Keep room for a back-and-forth; ask questions that require more than a yes or no answer to extend the conversation.

Dating Message Examples:
– What inspired you to visit Paris?
– What’s the best part of your job?

Remember, there will always be inexplicable reasons why someone might not write you back, but with millions of profiles at your fingertips there’s no sense worrying about a one person’s lack of response. Dating, whether it be online or traditional, is a numbers game. The more people you message, the higher the likelihood you find what, or who, you’re looking for.

 

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Simple Tips for Starting a Conversation Online https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-first-message/starting-a-conversation-online/ Wed, 18 May 2016 08:00:59 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=10159 A few easy ways to get things going.

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So, you’ve carefully selected the best photos for your online dating profile, you’ve matched them with a pithy “about you” section, and you’ve got a promising message (or several) in your inbox. Things are going well. But wait… Now what? You have to send a message. But how do you do that? Starting a conversation online, whether you’re kicking off or continuing an exchange, is easily the most intimidating part of online dating.

But here’s a secret: It gets infinitely easier once you write that first message. Keep a couple of key points in mind—which we’ve included below—and remember that practice makes perfect.

1. Tailor your message to your recipient.
“People almost always see themselves as unique,” researchers Khalid Khan and Sameer Chaudhry (from Barts and the London School of Medicine) note in their 2015 online dating study published in Evidence-Based Medicine. By that reasoning, the most effective messages are those that highlight details in the other person’s profile: a shared interest in favorite movies or books, or somewhere you both want to travel. So try asking the person to expound on an anecdote he or she mentions or create an inside joke between the two of you based on a point in their profile.

2. Keep things upbeat and funny.
Similar to the point above, you want to keep the conversation breezy and enjoyable. You don’t have to banter like a movie character, but you want to write something that makes the person on the other end smile. It shouldn’t feel like a job interview, so keep it light. Ask questions but also give out information freely or tell a story.

3. Don’t make it too superficial.
Women are not fans of messages telling them how beautiful or sexy they are and men often distrust messages praising them on looks or ambitions as well. As Khan and Chaudhry observe, “We routinely reject unrealistically positive views of ourselves, because this raises suspicion about about the motives of the complimenter.” You’re messaging someone because you’re at least somewhat physically attracted to them; no more needs to be said on the subject.

4. But flirting is more than fine.
Just because you’re not going over-the-top on compliments doesn’t mean you can’t still make the other person’s heart skip a beat. A look into online dating data from the online dating site Zoosk on how to write good online dating first messages suggests you use flirty words like crush and trouble—there’s nothing wrong with showing that this person has an effect on you.

5. Suggest date ideas.
As witty as your online rapport can be, no one signs up on a dating site just for a pen pal. The goal is to translate your chemistry from starting a conversation online into a real-life meeting; what better way than to start thinking about the first date right away?

Now, you don’t want to do this on the very first message, as that can be as impersonal as copy-and-pasting a generic message; you need a little bit of a back-and-forth to know what would be ideal for you two. Maybe there’s a movie you’d both be interested in, or an outdoor event in the local park? Maybe you just come out and ask, “What do you like to do on the weekend?” or “What are you doing after work this week?” Simple questions are the perfect way to transition the conversation from messages to a shared event.

6. Choose an ideal time of day to send.
The same look into online dating data, found that the best time of day for men to send an online dating message is 9-10 a.m., with women having more success around 10-11 p.m. Both genders won’t have any luck if they send around 2-3 p.m., likely because it’s in the middle of the day and recipients are less likely to be able to respond immediately or to pay much attention.

7. Mirror the other person.
This is a difficult one to remember: When staring a conversation online, your messages should match the other person’s in terms of length and tone. You wouldn’t want to dominate a conversation in real life, right? Keep room for a back-and-forth; ask questions to extend the conversation. And if you find that the last eight chat bubbles are your own, try asking a question and giving the other person a turn.

8. Don’t overwhelm with follow-ups.
94% of online dating message responses come within 24 hours. Of course, there are always outliers; people might be slammed in a particular week with work or personal issues. But you’ll have a pretty good sense, fairly soon after staring a conversation online, if the other person is interested. What you should not do is immediately send another message prompting a response; men who did so saw a 34% decrease in message responses, while women saw a 65% decrease. Harsh, but true. And that ties into our next point…

9. Be patient.
Don’t forget to keep calm and chat on. Half of all online dating conversations take five messages before both parties feel comfortable meeting up. Rushing the other person will limit your chances for a real date. Don’t see messaging as a means to an end, see it as a way to…

10. Have fun!
The best way to approach messaging is as an amusing challenge for yourself; as long as you write a message you’re proud of, you’ve succeeded. There will always be inexplicable reasons why someone might not write you back, and then one day someone will write you back, and you’ll meet in-person, and then…

Well then, you won’t care about much else but the time you’re spending together.

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Online Dating First Message Tips: Opening Lines that Work https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/online-dating-advice/online-dating-first-message/online-dating-first-message-tips-message-guide/ Wed, 11 May 2016 08:00:29 +0000 https://about.zoosk.com/en/?p=9620 Find out why opening lines are better than pickup lines.

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I’ll just come right out and say it: Most first messages on online dating sites are terrible. They’re lame, impersonal and just make you feel, well, kind of icky. The immediate thought is Oh, he must say this to everyone or Great, she didn’t even read my profile. I don’t know who invented pickup lines and publicized the notion that they’re a catalyst to romance, but I wish we could all recognize there are better places to start that aren’t thinly-veiled catcalls. Nobody likes being fed a line, period. So I came up with some online dating first message tips that can help you get more responses and get that much closer to meeting someone special.

Online dating can make you feel vulnerable. You’re putting yourself out there and inviting people to pass judgment on your hobbies, interests, and looks. So when you get a message that disregards the special things that make you who you are, it makes you feel disrespected.

I get it, though. If you rely on pickup lines, I kind of see where you’re coming from, and there’s a chance that you mean well. It’s easy to succumb to the pressure of pickup lines, because they’re just that—easy. We see the “cool” guys effortlessly use pickup lines in movies, to great success. We read listicles about the funniest and most clever and most sure-fire things to say when you want to ask someone out. But in reality, no matter how winning a line seems or how many times you’ve practiced it, the line usually falls short. The good news is there are better ways to go about it.

I’m suggesting we say “no” to pickup lines and “yes” to opening lines. There—that already sounds a little friendlier. If you want to make the first move or send the first message while online dating, more power to you. But don’t panic and fall back on a cheesy pickup line, or you run the risk of coming off as demeaning and predatory. Instead, let’s explore opening lines that will actually get you somewhere. These work especially well for online dating. These are specific to me, so adjust accordingly.

“Hi, I’m ____.”
It’s mind-blowingly simple advice, but oh-so effective: Just say hi. The most overlooked word in the online dating world is hi. There’s some merit behind Jerry Maguire’s “You had me at hello”—sometimes “hi” is the perfect thing to say. Simple? Yes. Effective? Absolutely. A polite introduction goes a long way and echoes something you would actually say in real life, demonstrating that you have good manners.

“I’ve visited St. Louis before, I almost went to WashU for grad school.”
Don’t you hate it when somebody messages you and asks, “So, where are you from?” or “What do you like to do for fun?” It makes you feel like they skipped the profile and just messaged you as part of their numbers game. I can’t stress this enough—actually read their profile! Commenting on something he or she wrote in their profile shows that you actually took the time to read what they wrote.

However, don’t push your luck and try to be cute. “I’ve visited St. Louis before, I almost went to WashU for grad school. Maybe you can show me the city some day.” This is an opening line turned pickup line. There’s no need to add the second part—it reads as overly cocky and confident, and negates the good of the first part of the sentence.

“What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!”
Another online dating first message tip is to break the ice with a (clean) joke. It can work wonders for clearing up any awkwardness you might feel during the first few messages. It’s not, however, an excuse to infuse the conversation with sexual innuendo. A joke could technically be classified as a pickup line, but I think as long as you tell it with good intentions, you’re in the clear.

“You look great in hats.”
I can’t tell you how thrilled I would be to receive this message from a potential match. It’s more specific than the expected “You have nice eyes” go-to compliment. The person might genuinely have great eyes, but try giving a compliment that’s a little quirkier and tailored to what they show in their photos. It will show that you actually absorbed information and remembered the details of what they presented to you in their profile. It also serves as a conversation starter—for example, if the person was wearing a baseball cap, you could ask if they’re a fan of the sports team on the front.

“Hey, your profile caught my eye. I think we have a lot in common. Do you want to meet for a drink tomorrow and see if we hit it off?”
The formality of the initial message exchange can be a little slow at times. If you’re genuinely interested in pursuing someone, why beat around the bush? Instead of exchanging polite banter back and forth, sometimes it’s just better to go for it in person.

Now, it’s time for you to try these online dating first message tips for yourself! Remember, it’s not just what you say—it’s also how you say it. Pickup lines are intended to give you confidence, whereas opening lines have confidence—and respect—baked in. And the simpler, the better. Ask yourself, Would I say this to somebody’s face? Or Is this how I want our “how we met” story to go? If your first message comes from a top 10 list or it’s something your friend “swears by,” chances are it’s a pickup line that will fall flat.

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