Over 50 Dating – The Date Mix https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Fri, 15 Dec 2017 09:00:42 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5 Dating a Widower: 10 Things You Need to Know When Starting a Relationship https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-a-widower/ Fri, 15 Dec 2017 09:00:42 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15690 How to respect the loss they've experienced while also respecting your own needs.

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When you’re dating someone who’s lost a spouse or partner, you’re entering an area of dating that not many people have experience of. You may worry that this person is always going to be talking about their spouse or that he or she will never give you the type of relationship you want. While those concerns are expected, they’re often not the case. Some people grieve over their lost partners, others may not have had the marriage they wanted. More often than not, it’s complicated. But your relationship with them doesn’t have to be.

Here are 10 tips for dating a widower you should know when starting your relationship:

1. Don’t get offended.
It may take a while for you to have a relationship that’s as strong as their deceased partner, or you may never be put on the same pedestal. “When someone loses a spouse, they usually idolize the lost partner on some level, so don’t be threatened if they refer to them in adoring ways,” explains licensed psychologist, Dr. Wyatt Fisher.

2. Don’t ask for too much information about their spouse.
Being a good listener is key in any relationship, but when you’re dating a widower don’t dig for information they don’t want to share. “It takes time to get to know someone and understand them,” explains Stef Safran, a relationship expert and dating coach. “Asking a lot of personal questions is no shortcut.”

3. Take it slow.
Each person is different and it will take time to learn if the person you’re with is ready to be in a relationship again, so try to mirror the pace they’re taking. “It wouldn’t be any different than dealing with someone who’s divorced. It sometimes can take time to see if someone is ready for the relationship that you are,” says Safran.

4. Honor the memory.
Regardless of how often they bring up the deceased, it’s important to respect them. “When they bring up memories of their deceased spouse, be sure to honor them with respectful language, such as ‘sounds like they were a great person’ or ‘I’m so sorry for what you’re going through,” says Fisher.

5. Watch out for warning signs.
If your significant other is comparing you to their deceased spouse constantly or if there’s incessant talk about the death, it could be that they’re stuck in grief and it could get pathological. Get out if this sounds like your relationship, explains international dating coach, Cynthia Spillman. “He or she may not be emotionally available right now, but keep the door open if you want to.”

6. You may not be included.
Be prepared for potential animosity. Spillman says this can come from his former in-laws as well as any children and even friends. “If they have children, don’t try and be their mother [or father]. The best you can hope to be to them is a good friend.”

7. Take honest stock of your expectations.
It’s unpredictable and your date may be cycling in and out of the stages of grief, explains relationship expert, Linda F. Williams. “They may do more talking about their spouse than you might be in the mood to hear. But you’ll do the relationship a disservice if you expect them to compartmentalize that part of their lives. Focus on the friendship first. From there you might be more patient as they move through the process of grief.”

8. Watch out for the rebound.
“Sometimes when someone loses a spouse they try to find someone to fill the void. Be careful that person isn’t you. Be cautious dating anyone who has lost their spouse within the last 6-12 months,” says Fisher.

9. Don’t try to fill a void left by the loss.
Nobody can. That’s too much pressure for anybody, and you shouldn’t take it on yourself. “If it appears that he or she is seeking someone to fill a hole their spouse has left, have an honest conversation about the matter. Then, based on that information, you might decide to permanently, or temporarily, end the relationship.” says Williams.

10. Do realize that widowers can make wonderful partners.
“Sometimes there isn’t the bitterness that divorce can entail and sometimes there is a chance for their significant other to express that they want them to find love again,” says Safran.

Losing someone is always hard, but losing a spouse is a profound experience that effects much more than your single status. With the loss of a loved one, a whole life can change. When dating someone who’s a widower, respect the loss they’ve experienced and the changes they may have went through or may still be going through. But also respect yourself. It may be that you have a wonderful relationship with a wonderful person ahead of you, or it may be that your time with this person is another chance to grow.

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60-Year-Old Men in Relationships: What You Need to Know https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/over-50-dating/60-year-old-men-in-relationships/ Fri, 01 Sep 2017 08:00:48 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15038 Experts tell you what to expect.

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For women looking date older men, or who are already dating someone 60 or older, many of the rules and expectations you’ve grown accustomed to in your youth have drastically changed. For example, when dating older men, you’re dealing with someone who has decades of life experience, compared to someone in their 30s or 40s, who may still be figuring out their life. On the flip side, some tried and true dating rules apply regardless of how old you get. If you’re wondering what 60-year-old men in relationships are like, here’s what some of the experts say you should expect. 

1. They’re not good at talking about their feelings.
Men, in general, are not good about expressing their feelings and even more so for men who are older. “Few men in the over 60 generation are practiced in talking about their feelings. This means that patience is the key to getting men to reveal their emotions, and it’s key for women not to judge what men share because that will turn them off sharing with you again,” says Ken Solin, a relationship author and columnist.

2. You’re competing with lots of other women. 
Single men over 60 are a vanishing demographic. “Men in America die five years earlier than women. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, for every single man aged 60 there are three and a half single women,” says Rich Gosse, author and chairman of The Society of Single Professionals.

3. They generally do not date women in their own age bracket.
“The average 60-year-old woman dates 68-year-old men (and there are very few bachelors still alive and dating in this age bracket). The solution is to date younger, not older men,” says Gosse.

4. Be ready to ditch the old geezer stereotype.
“It doesn’t always hold true since many older men exercise regularly, still work, and actively pursue their hobbies. So, if you assume you’re in for a boring, slow relationship, you could be wrong. If anything, many guys in their 60s have a lot of material resources and want to live life to the fullest,” says Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and relationship coach. You might be in for more of an adventure than you expected.

5. Many men over 60 are still looking for hot, sexy women. 
Every man has his own definition of what is hot and sexy. “In many cases, these men may look for younger women because they’re still interested in having sex, but not necessarily in building relationships. Their minds are still locked into what turned them on when they were younger,” says Davida Rappaport, an adult dating expert.

6. They rather settle quickly than date extensively. 
“My date-coaching clients over 60 frequently ask why men go immediately from one relationship to the next without any pause. I explain that few men take the time to process their feelings regarding a failed relationship, preferring to jump into the next one instead. I advise my clients not to date any men divorced less than a year for this reason,” says Solin.

7. They still want sex. 
“Just because people are older doesn’t mean their sex drive is non-existent. In fact, from 2000-2010, the CDC reported that STDs among older individuals doubled. There’s a good chance the guy you date will have a strong sex drive and the ability to act on it,” says Bennett.

8. Many men over 60 are retired. 
“These men often want to travel and are on the go—looking for adventures and new things to do and explore. If you’re able to take time off and travel—weekends and/or otherwise, there are a lot of men out there who are looking for you. However, if you’re not financially equipped or have too many obligations, these types of men are not for you,” says Rappaport.

9. Some men over 60 may have young children still. 
“If you’re prepared to deal with an ex-wife and make time to do things with your guy’s children, you might be ok looking for someone with young children or shared custody arrangements,” says Rappaport.

10. Don’t hold your breath if he says, “I’ll call you.” 
Often there is no follow up. “It’s difficult for men to look a women in the eye and tell her he’s not interested in seeing her again,” explains Solin. “So, instead they utter the famous three words. Women should look a man in the eye at the end of a coffee date and ask him whether or not he’s interested in another date.”

11. They’re technically savvy. 
Newsflash! Men over 60 use smartphones…”More older men than ever are using social media, smartphones, and other electronic methods to connect with others, including people they date. So, even if a guy is older, you can’t assume he’s technologically illiterate. If you want to keep his time and attention, you might have to embrace new technology, just to keep up,” says Bennett.

12. People over sixty have full lives.
“Children, grandchildren, work, groups, etc., so finding time to be dating or be with someone who is more mature can be a bit difficult to schedule. You will figure it out if you both are willing to make the time,” says Rappaport.

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7 Things Men Should Know About Women in Their 50s https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/over-50-dating/7-things-men-know-women-50s/ Sun, 28 May 2017 08:00:14 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14631 You won't have to worry about biological clocks ticking or strained conversations.

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If you’re a man in his 50s who has taken a break from dating after some time or are re-entering the dating scene for the first time in decades, it’s hard to know what to expect. Dating in your 50s is pretty much what you remember from your 20s—it’s still exciting and nerve-wrecking, while communication and connection continue to be important. However, dating women in their 50s compared to women in their 20s is a completely different experience.

Dating a woman in her 50s means you’re dating a woman who is finished with repeating the same mistakes, and is ready to find her grown-up love story.

If that sounds exciting to you, here are seven additional things to keep in mind about women in their 50s.

1. They don’t always need a relationship.  
A woman in her 50s has learned that she doesn’t need a relationship in order to be happy. She has a full life, including close friends, family, and plenty of hobbies and interests. So if a woman in her 50s is interested in dating you, chances are she thinks you’re worth her time. If you turn out to be just another dependent, she’ll simply move on because a woman in her 50s is very rarely clingy.

2. They know what they want.
A woman in her 50s knows what she wants in life, including in her relationships. Which is why she is way better at choosing a compatible partner than she ever was in her 20s. Her maturity also means she can easily communicate her wants—outside or inside of the bedroom—clearly and effectively. There aren’t any guessing games with a woman in her 50s. If you can’t do the same, she’ll show you the door.

3. They’re sexy AF.
If you ever doubted the sexiness of a woman in her 50s, then take a look at Elle Macpherson, Cindy Crawford, or Michelle Pfeiffer. They’re all women in their 50s who are just as gorgeous and sexy, if not more so, than they were in their 20s and 30s. A woman in her 50s knows the importance of taking care of herself, which includes working out, eating well, and receiving regular spa treatments. If anything, her age has bestowed a newfound confidence that is nothing short of hot.

4. They’re not worried about their biological clock.
More than likely a woman in her 50s already has kids who are now grown up or moving out of her house any day now. Her schedule is no longer tied down to shuttling between baseball practice and doctor appointments, nor is she pressured to find “The One” ASAP due to a ticking biological clock. She is free to enjoy getting to know you, and letting your relationship flow easily. If you’re also a father, her maternal instinct means she’ll have no trouble bonding with her brood, either. Bonus? Her time and attention is primarily dedicated to you.

5. They can make conversation.
No longer awkward or uncomfortable due to the inexperience and insecurity of her youth, a woman in her 50s knows not only on how to hold a conversation, but she also knows how to steer one. She’ll let you talk about yourself, while also ensuring she shares enough about herself. Her confidence means she isn’t afraid to be vulnerable and laugh at herself either. Expect a smooth, flowy conversation peppered with witty jokes that will surely make your night.

6. They’re over their exes.
More than likely, a woman who’s dating in her 50s is over her ex. This means she doesn’t want to bond over your baggage either. She’s not down to reminisce about past hurts or regrets, and she’s mature enough to halt any negative speak about her ex or yours. She’s intent to move forward with her life, and hopefully, with you in it.

7. They’re happier than ever. 
A woman in her 50s is happier than she’s ever been. She’s probably experienced more than enough of Oprah’s infamous “aha” moments to understand and accept (and love) who she is. She’s no longer riddled with the anxiety and insecurity of her 20s and 30s. She appreciates life for all that it is, including both the ups and downs, and is committed to making the most out of the time she has.

Like a fine wine, a woman in her 50s has only gotten better with time. If you’re lucky enough to date her, it’s sure to be an extraordinary experience.

 

 

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11 Myths About Dating Over 50 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/over-50-dating/11-myths-dating-50/ Wed, 22 Mar 2017 08:00:47 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14273 Midlife dating experts debunk assumptions we have about over 50 dating.

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There are a lot of misconceptions about men and women dating over 50 and what they do and don’t want in a relationship.  Many assume they’re more committed, mature, and ready for a relationship, or that they’re possibly looking for someone younger. But are they really?

Dating over 50 can be and incredibly fun and rewarding experience. You know more about yourself, what you want, and other people you’re interested in. But it has its challenges too.

To help you get the most of your time, we talked to dating coaches who specialize in midlife relationships to learn the 11 myths (and the truths they’re hiding) about dating over 50.

Myth #1:  Men and women who have children or are divorced have more baggage than those who never married.
The Truth: Everyone has baggage, it’s not exclusive to divorced people with children. “Even those who may have children without having been married or those who never married or had children may have elderly parents that need special care,” says Davida Rappaport, a psychic, personal growth counselor, and mature dating expert. “Most mature men and women do not abandon their responsibilities and obligations. This can impact any prospective dating situation, kids or no kids.”

Myth #2:  Men and women aren’t interested in sex after age 50.
The Truth: Certain medical conditions that come with age—menopause or impotence for example—can make sex more difficult, but it doesn’t negate the fact that most people, regardless of age, still want and enjoy sex. “In a Gallup survey sponsored by the North American Menopause Society, 51 percent of postmenopausal women reported being happiest and most fulfilled between the ages of 50 and 65,” notes Bobbi Palmer, a dating and relationship coach for women over 40 and founder of Date Like a Grownup.

Myth #3:  Men still love the chase.
The Truth: Even if they once were that guy, most grownup men no longer see the value in the challenge of chasing women. “First, the woman-to-man ratio is now in their favor and they don’t have to compete like they did in their 20s. Also, their hormones have mellowed and they have broadened their vision of themselves; reducing the need to rack up sexual conquests,” says Palmer. Not to mention, midlife men have more responsibilities and don’t have the time and energy to play cat and mouse.

Myth #4:  Men and women in their 50s are looking for someone their own age.
The Truth: In some instances, yes. However, a large portion of these daters still behave like they’re in their 20s and 30s. “Some older men may be motivated by eye appeal and still want what they wanted back then, or still desire to have children with someone younger. While some women are looking for age-appropriate men, some still like younger men,” says Rappaport.

Myth #5: Daters over 50 are looking for a wealthy partner who can support them.
The Truth: Men and women over 50 are looking for someone who is at a similar financial level; someone who can carry his/her own weight. “They prefer someone who will desire a similar level of extravagance of lifestyle in terms of recreation and travel, and can eventually share equally in expenses,” says Heidi Krantz, a certified dating coach and founder of Reinvention Life Coaching.

Myth #6: Men and women become less selective as they get older.

The Truth: Men and women are just as picky as they were when they were younger. “They may want a partner that is still attractive with a nice body; they may request someone who looks their age and whose body is less than perfect. People still look for a type which can become harder and harder to find once someone reaches their late 50s and beyond,” says Rappaport.

Myth #7: Men in midlife want younger women.  Therefore, older women are at a disadvantage because there are more, younger options for older men.
The Truth: There are plenty of men who want to date someone their own age or older! “The reality is that in that deal-breaker list that most people who date have, age is a sliding number. What people really look for is attraction, and that can be a mystique, a spark, a great sense of humor or a compatibility based on feeling really good when you’re with that person,” says April Masini, a relationship and etiquette expert.

Myth #8:  Men and women in midlife don’t need love.  They’re fine on their own.
The Truth: The need to love and be loved remains strong throughout our lives. Palmer points to a study by AARP that showed 70% of 50-64 year-olds and 63% of people 65+ reported being currently in love. Of those over 65, 46% reported being passionately in love. “Don’t underestimate the intensity with which we can both give and receive love later in life,” says Palmer.

Myth#9: Daters over 50 are more mature and have learned how to treat prospective dates respectfully.
The Truth: Some people never grow up which can be why they’re still on the market. “Some older men will still treat women disrespectfully—they catfish, ghost, and all of the other things that their younger counterparts are doing. Self- esteem issues, in both men and women, can still exist and they may not be able to handle things in a mature, adult manner,” says Rappaport. The reality is, it doesn’t matter what someone’s age is, some people just do not want relationships and are only interested in hookups.

Myth #10: Men don’t desire women over 50.
The Truth: Men in midlife care a lot less about your appearance than they do about your enthusiasm, your interest, and your enjoyment. “While appearance is always important, many women feel paralyzed because they don’t have the body they did the last time they were single—sometimes decades ago. They may be surprised to find that they are desirable when they feel desirable,” says Masini.

Myth #11: People who are dating over 50 are dating to get married again.
The Truth: Not necessarily. Men and women dating over 50 have often experienced marriage previously; sometimes for many years. “After a divorce, they often spend time healing and become very accustomed to their own space, their independent lives, and their interactions with their adult children. Although they do desire companionship and even love, many are not interested in cohabitating or marrying,” says Krantz.

 

 

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Should You Be Dating an Older Woman? https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-advice-men/dating-older-woman/ Mon, 06 Mar 2017 09:00:02 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14217 If you're not connecting with your dates, it may be time to try dating someone older.

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George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin. Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. There’s no mistake that older men have a thing for dating younger women. But if you’re an older man who doesn’t give an older woman, or a woman who is the same age as you, a second glance, then you are seriously missing out. Dating an older woman can show you that you have more in common with them than you realize.

If you’ve been dating younger women for a while and something just seems off, here are a few reasons why a woman your own age or older could be a better fit for you:

1. She can laugh at herself.
An older woman generally has more confidence. She no longer lives with the insecurities that plagued her in her twenties and thirties. Now she’s so comfortable within her own skin that she’s able to poke fun at herself and roll with whatever life brings her way. The bonus of being with someone who’s totally comfortable with herself? She instantly makes you comfortable to be yourself too.

2. She’s strong.
An older woman has led a full life, and that includes many trials and tribulations, which have undoubtedly made her stronger. Whether she’s held her own in the workplace or held her head high after a tumultuous breakup, an older woman comes with the inner strength that makes for a rock-solid partnership.

3. You have more in common.
A woman who’s from your same generation will understand you in a way that someone younger just can’t. If you’ve been married before and/or have children, an older woman most likely has experienced the same or similar, and can relate to your family background. Plus, because you’re the same age, she’ll get your pop cultural references and remember songs and movies from your era that won’t make you feel, well, old.

4. She’s got your back.
An older woman has a tightknit group of best friends that have experienced life and all of its up and downs together. With the drama of their younger years behind them, her friendships are borderline family now. The trust and emotional-intimacy building skills that she’s developed with her friends easily transfers to her relationship with you. Simply put: she can be both your lover and your best friend.

5. She doesn’t need saving.
Most likely, an older woman is financially stable, and isn’t looking for a sugar daddy. She can, literally, afford to be selective about whom she chooses to spend time with. You don’t have to worry about saving an older woman from distress, either emotionally or financially. If an older woman is actively dating you, it’s because she enjoys you, not your money.

6. She has time for you.
Because she’s already climbed the corporate ladder and/or no longer hears the ticking of a biological clock, an older woman has the time to devote more energy to a relationship. Because she doesn’t have to answer to little ones or worry about breaking the glass ceiling, she’s open to new adventures and enjoying life with just you.

7. She can grow old with you.
Let’s be honest: as we age, our bodies change. In the past you might have been embarrassed to show your graying hair, wrinkles, or expanding girth to a younger woman. An older woman, on the other hand, totally understands what you’re going through because she’s undergoing major changes herself. The two of you can weather the aging process, while learning and laughing through it, together.

Undoubtedly a younger woman might seem more attractive, but if you were to date an older woman, you might discover that they’re on similar page as you, which will make romance, passion, and commitment a whole lot easier and way more exciting.

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The 3 Biggest Dating Mistakes Women in Their 50s Make https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/over-50-dating/dating-mistakes-women-in-their-50s-make/ Mon, 09 Jan 2017 09:00:00 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14020 A few simple things you may not realize you're doing.

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Internationally recognized expert and dating coach for women over 50, Lisa Copeland, shares the three things you may be doing wrong without knowing it.

Over the years, I’ve worked with thousands of women in their 50s to help them overcome the challenges they’ve faced while dating. Three mistakes repeatedly show up over and over again. As someone, who’s very familiar with what works for women dating in their 50s, I’d like to share these mistakes with you, plus fill you in on what you can do to overcome them in order to find love after 50.

Mistake #1: Dating like you’re in your 20s.
When you were in your 20s and dating, you looked for men who were handsome and strong. It was, and is, part of your DNA coding from the caveman days to look for a man who could ultimately give you strong, healthy children.

When you’re over 50, you’re no longer looking to procreate. Yet, you go online or out to events and who do you look for? A handsome and strong man. The thing is looks and strength alone won’t get you what you need at this time in your life. (Or any time of your life really.) Why is that? Because you want a partner who can be there for you through the ups and downs of life, who can be a great lover, a friend, and a fun and playful companion.

When you’re looking for a man who might be the one for you, look for more than just looks. Figure out what’s important to him and see what values you share. This is the glue that will hold your relationship together.

Mistake #2: Looking for love vs. a relationship.
Falling in love is amazing. You have amazing chemistry because you’re body is releasing a hormone called Oxytocin that makes you feel like the two of you were always meant to be.

During this time, you’re wearing rose color glasses that can make a man appear perfect for you.  At this point, what you are doing is fitting that square peg into a round hole and making it work. He can do no wrong!

Love is amazing but when the rose color glasses come off, which they will, you want to have fallen into like with this person too. You want to know that the two of you can deal with the day-to-day issues couples face together.

Chemistry is sexy and wonderful but it’s not the quality that sustains a long term relationship. Look for someone who can be there for you through the ups and downs of life. Someone you can communicate with. Someone you can easily work issues out with when they come up. Someone you like at the end of the day.

Mistake #3: Hanging out with Debbie Downers.
Nothing brings your hopes down faster than a Debbie Downer.  This is the woman who thinks no good men exist, especially online, and they’ve given up.

Their attitude will affect you and keep you from making your dreams of love after 50 come true. Why? Because negativity is contagious and if you hang out with enough people that tell you it isn’t possible, that’s what your belief system will become over time.

If you want to find love after 50, hang out with people who are out there having fun dating and attracting the relationship they want. You need to believe in your dreams and surround yourself with people who will support you as you make them come true. Love after 50 is possible!

No one was born knowing how to date and that’s why over 50 dating tools and skills are so important. If you’d like to check out more of my advice, a  great place to start is with a free report called the 5 Little Known Secrets for Finding Love after 50.

 

Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on dating over 50. She’s the best-selling author of The Winning Dating Formula for Women Over 50 and her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your FREE Report, 5 Little Known Secrets to Find A Quality Man, or to check out her 7 Day Over 50 Dating Challenge visit http://www.findaqualityman.com/.

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