Breaking Up – The Date Mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Wed, 21 Feb 2018 19:48:03 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Pros and Cons of Breaking Up and Getting Back Together Fri, 24 Nov 2017 09:00:38 +0000 Can on-and-off again relationships work out in the end?

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Ross and Rachel did it. So did Carrie and Mr. Big. As did Miley and Liam (in real life), and, of course, Jelena. These are examples of couples—both fictional and real—who dizzied us with their off-and-on antics. Experts, including real ones and the so-called ones (otherwise known as your friends) might warn against getting back together with an ex, but is it really such a bad idea? After all, if you’ve once experienced such a close connection with an ex, isn’t reuniting with them what rom-com (and real) happy endings are made of?

If you’re considering getting back together with your ex, no doubt you have a lot to consider. Which is why we came up with a list of pros and cons to help you figure it out.

PRO: You’re already comfortable with each other.
No awkward silences or fumbled attempts at small talk are necessary here. Not only are you starting again from a comfortable foundation, but due to your connection, you’ll also experience the butterflies common with new relationships. It’s basically a win-win situation.

CON: You’re not as secure with one another.
Sure, you might be comfortable with each other, but that doesn’t mean you feel completely secure. Studies have shown that married or couples who had at one point been on-again/off-again—or what psychologists refer to as “cycling”— have more uncertainty about their relationship’s future.

PRO: You’ve seen each other at your worst.
The honeymoon period of dating often shrouds the true nature of your partner, as well as the true compatibility of the relationship. But with an on-and-off partner, you’ve seen each other at your worst. You’ve cried and you’ve yelled. Your partner knows that you can be petty about which Netflix series to watch, and you know your partner gets hangry. You know what to expect, so you aren’t entering a relationship with any idealistic expectations.

CON: Old habits die hard.
You might know how to push each other’s buttons, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good thing. It might be easy to fall back into a routine with an old flame, but if you aren’t both consciously choosing to break old patterns—especially the ones that caused your relationship’s demise in the first place—then you can expect to repeat the cycle again. Communicating what you both need the other to fix is a good place to start. However, people are creatures of habit, and if they don’t want to change, they won’t.

PRO: You have a special connection.
There’s a reason why you keep reconnecting with your ex. You probably had other relationships that you knew weren’t going anywhere, thus didn’t think twice about after their ends. But if there’s a special type of energy pulling you back towards your ex, there might be a special reason behind it. Maybe your gut is telling you he or she could be the one, but the timing was wrong before. That’s more than enough reason to give it a second shot.

CON: It’s harder to forget than to forgive.
You might forgive your ex for the pain he or she might have caused you, but that doesn’t mean you entirely forget it. Harmful words and heartbreak—as well as the emotional baggage attached to it—can be difficult to shake. Getting back together with your ex means facing the hurt and rejection you’ve experienced before, which can be a hurdle to your relationship getting off to a good, and lasting, start. If you aren’t willing to let go of the past, then you won’t have much of a future together.

Though they’ve been proven to be more stressful and confusing at times, the on-and-off relationships that are successful are the ones in which both parties allow their breakup(s) to serve as opportunities to improve themselves, both individually, and together. Instead of imagining what a relationship with an ex could be, openly negotiate what needs to work in order for you and your partner to grow together, rather than apart. Using a breakup as a time of growth and renewal, as well as applying the lessons you’ve learned in the interim, could give you the happy ending you deserve.


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Breakup Messages: Quotes About Breaking Up Sun, 12 Nov 2017 09:00:44 +0000 "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss

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When you’re in the middle of a breakup it can feel like the moment you’re in and the things you’re feeling will last forever. There’s a feeling of permanence that comes with the particular pain of heartbreak that’s hard to see past. But as anyone who’s ever been through a breakup will tell you, the pain does fade with time and the way you’re feeling now won’t last forever. But we’re not going to lie, it can take a while. To help you through the hard times in a breakup, we’ve compiled over X breakup messages and quotes about breaking up from people who have been there before and come out on the other side.


May the bridges I burn, light the way. – Dylan McKay

If you have to beg someone to be in your life then then don’t belong there. – Mandy Hale

There will always be a place for you in my life, just not in my heart. – Unknown

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. – Marilyn Monroe

Breakup Message: One bad chapter... doesn't mean your story is over.

How I felt about you hasn’t changed, but you have. – Unknown

You’re not worth my love if you need reasons to find me worthy of yours. – Unknown

You don’t lose a good man, you lose a man who’s not good for you. – Steve Harvey

Life isn’t easy
Love never lasts
You just carry on
And keep moving fast.
– Linda Ronstadt

Not everyone you lose is a loss. – Unknown

There are times when sorry seems the only truth. – Oscar Wilde

I know that’s what people say—you’ll get over it. I’d say it, too. But I know it’s not true. Oh, you’ll be happy again, never fear. But you won’t forget. Every time you fall in love it will be because something in the man reminds you of him. – Betty Smith

I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.  – Haruki Murakami

Breakup Message: You are going to date a few cowards before you meet someone brave enough to love you.Like some wines our love could neither mature nor travel. – Graham Greene

I walked away because you were busy finding faults in me, and I was busy overlooking yours. – Unknown

Before something great happens, everything falls apart. – Unknown

Nothing changes you…. I left you because I knew I could never change you. You would stand in the room so still sometimes, as if the greatest betrayal of yourself would be to reveal one more inch of your character. –  Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient

Some things can be fixed. Some things are just too broken. – Susan Vaught

When someone walks away from you, it’s not the end of your story. It’s just the end of their time in your story. – Unknown

I want to be in a relationship that feels good on the inside, and doesn’t just look good on the outside. – Unknown

Sometimes people cry not because they’re weak, but because they’ve been strong for too long.  – Unknown

And now you’ve lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive. – Keith Urban

Trust is like a glass, once broken it will never be the same again. – Unknown

Breakup Messages: Just because someone desires you, doesn't mean they value you.I may have lost someone who didn’t love me, but you lost someone who truly loved you. – Unknown

So I would choose to be with you. That’s if the choice were mine to make. But you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break. – Billy Joel

A lesson hurts before it teaches. – Unknown

Love is worth fighting for, but not if you’re the only one fighting. – Unknown

Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. – Dalai lama

Lies don’t end relationships, the truth does. – Unknown

I miss the time when I actually meant something to you. – Unknown

How come you don’t want me now? Why don’t you want to wait this out? How come you always lead me on, never take my call, hear me out? Why don’t you want to win me now? Why don’t you want to show me off? Tell me why you couldn’t try, couldn’t try and keep me. – Tegan and Sara

We broke up, but my feelings didn’t. – Unknown

Never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary. – Oscar Wilde

It’s ok to be alone, that’s when you find yourself. – Unknown

I will survive and be the one who’s stronger. I will not beg you to stay. I will move on and you should know I mean it. Wild horses run in me. – Birdy

I don’t hate you, I just lost respect for you. – Unknown

The toughest part of letting go is realizing the other person already did. – Unknown

You can’t choose what stays and what fades away. And I’d do anything to make you stay. – Florence and The Machine

Sometimes the best revenge is to smile and move on. – Unknown

He needs space and time, as if this were physics and not a human relationship.  – Kathryn Stockett, The Help

I’m tired of fighting. For once I want to be fought for. – Unknown

It’s really over, you made your stand. You got me crying, as was your plan. But when my loneliness is through, I’m gonna find another you. -John Mayer

Now I see things for what they are, not what I want them to be. – Unknown

I never stopped loving you, I just stopped showing it. – Unknown

A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too-big world. – Jack Kerouac

He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. –  Vladimir Nabokov

Hatred would have been easier. With hatred, I would have known what to do. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. -Margaret Atwood

Was I heartbroken or furious? I didn’t know. I did know: that’s it. Our relationship could not continue like this, out of balance, unequal. And as surely as I knew this, I knew something else: But of course it can. We can continue to live exactly as we do right now, in a heavy-lidded state of love and unspeakable compromise. Isn’t that what people do? Every day? Don’t they ache but rename it tired? It made me wonder: Was it even fair to expect the person you’re with to be just as happy as you? Furthermore, how could you ever even know for sure? You couldn’t, was the truth of it. You could not know this.”  – Augusten Burroughs, Lust & Wonder

In time I will fade away. In time I won’t hear what you say. In time, but time takes time you know. – Ben Folds

What happens to people that love each other? I suppose they have whatever they have, and they are more fortunate than others. Then one of them gets the emptiness forever.  – Ernest Hemingway

Breakup Messages: No person has the right to rain on your dreams.I’m not leaving you for making mistakes, I’m leaving you for making the same mistakes too many times. – Unknown

I miss your smile, but I miss mine even more. – Kid Cudi

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain. – Vivian Greene

There will always be a place for you in my life, just not in my heart. – Unknown

Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck. – Daliai Lama

There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. – C.S. Lewis

Love is like quicksand, the further you fall in the harder it is to get out. – Unknown

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss

Missing you isn’t what hurts, it’s knowing that I had you that’s killing me. -Unknown

Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger. – Sarah Evans

One day they’ll realize they lost a diamond while playing with worthless stones. – Turcois Ominek

Your absence is teaching me things your presence never could. – Unknown

He brought out the worst in me, and was the best thing that ever happened to me. – Coco J. Ginger

Only time can heal a broken heart, only time can heal his broken arms and legs. – Miss Piggy

If they’re stupid enough to walk away, be smart enough to let them go. – Unknown

Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the starts. – Violeta Para

Breaking up is a natural evolution when you try to figure out what you want in life. – Usher

I used to hope that you’d bring me flowers. Now I plant my own. – Rachel Wolchin


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The Bad Breakup Guide: How to Stay Positive and Move On Tue, 07 Nov 2017 09:00:39 +0000 It's hard to keep a positive mindset after a breakup. Here are some tips to help.

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Chances are you’ve been through a breakup at some point in your life. Whether it was a recent and difficult breakup, or a high school sweetheart from years ago, these events shape who we are and how we form new relationships. Learning how to accept and validate your feelings is critical to moving on and forming a new happy and healthy relationship.

This bad breakup guide is created from the knowledge Rachel Dack, a licensed therapist, who shared her insight with me and my husband Chase on our I Do Podcast #118: Bad Breakups: Learn How Past Relationships Shape Who We Are. In the interview we go even more in-depth about accepting and validating your feelings so you can move into a new happy and healthy relationship.

Take the time to heal. 
After a breakup, it’s tempting to avoid dealing with your feelings and not take the time to heal. You may find yourself denying, disowning, or ignoring your feelings and trying to distract or numb yourself with alcohol, emotional eating, sex, or dating too quickly. These avoidance tactics become problematic and keep you unavailable and unable to gain the healthy closure you’re looking for. If you want to be fully emotionally available to attract the right person, you must take the time to heal. The goal during your healing process should be to accept your feelings and validate your emotions about the relationship and breakup without any judgement. You have to grieve the loss before you can welcome in a new relationship without baggage. Acknowledging the pain you feel now will allow you to heal permanently instead of on a temporary basis.

Prepare to date again.
Unfortunately, there is no set amount of time it takes for someone to heal and be ready to move on, however, if you’re experiencing any of the following behaviors, you may not be ready to start dating again:

  • You’re stuck in the past.
  • You have a negative mindset.
  • You’re still angry about what happened with your ex.
  • Your guard is up.
  • You feel fearful about relationships.
  • You reject people that treat you well.
  • You become a serial dater.

If you’re going on dates, and all you can think about is your ex or an unresolved breakup, you’re not going to be present enough to connect to the person sitting across from you. Before you start dating again, it’s important to be willing to participate in self discovery in order to learn from your breakup and previous relationship.

Create a healthy mindset.
Even if you don’t feel completely ready to start dating again, you can use positive affirmations to help rewire your brain. A healthy mindset is key to successful dating and keeping the past in the past.

Positive Affirmation Example: “I am open and ready to connect.”

This research based technique allows your thoughts and goals to guide your actions. If your thoughts are not supporting your dating goals, then your focus should be on changing your mindset.

Negative Mindset Example: “I don’t want to date a jerk.”

Positive Mindset Example: “I want to attract a partner who treats me well, and who wants to make our relationship a priority.”

In addition to positive affirmations, do a thorough investigation of your own beliefs. Take ownership of your own thoughts and feelings and gain awareness of your patterns. Understanding and being aware of your patterns is a critical step in having a successful future relationship.


To hear the full interview and get more tips about online dating and relationships check out Episode 118 of the I Do Podcast with Sarah and Chase: #118: Bad Breakups: Learn How Past Relationships Shape Who We Are. And to get more great advice to improve your relationship and fun ways to keep the spark alive, check out the I Do Podcast on iTunes or download the show directly.

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10 Signs You Need to Break Off Your Engagement Fri, 03 Nov 2017 08:00:04 +0000 Are you still waiting for them to change?

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Being engaged is exciting and amazing. You’re happy, you’re exciting for the future, you’re relationship is moving forward, and you and your partner are confident that you want to spend the rest of your lives together… forever. Or are you?

Sometimes, certain traits and feelings about your partner don’t come to light until after the ring is on your finger and it can leave you feeling unsure about your relationship and where you’re headed. Before you vow to spend the rest of your life with someone, keep an eye out for these 10 signs that mean it might be time to break off your engagement and walk away.

 1. You can’t get excited about anything related to the wedding.
It’s normal to be nervous, but if you find that you can’t get excited about wedding planning (your bachelorette party, trying on wedding dresses, or hair and makeup trials) it could be a sign of a possibly bigger issue, according to Carolyn Wagner, a licensed counselor and psychotherapist. “It would be wise to examine what’s getting in the way of you enjoying these things like you deserve to.” Even if you’re the more reserved type, you should still get excited about marrying the love of your life.

2. Your fiancé cheats at his bachelor party.
So this may seem like a completely obvious reason to walk away from a relationship but you’d be surprised by how often this happens. A recent study shows that one-third of bachelors cheat at their bachelor parties. “Surprisingly, this is one of the few times a man will admit to cheating because it was his ‘last chance’ to have sex. Oftentimes, men do it because they’re not ready for the responsibility of marriage and could be too cowardly to break off an engagement. He could be hoping that once you find out he cheated on you, you’ll do it for him,” says Dr. Caroline Madden, an author and a therapist who specializes in infidelity. Definitely put the marriage (and perhaps the relationship) on hold until you address the infidelity.

3. You’re waiting for some of your partner’s behaviors/beliefs to change.
You thought that taking the relationship to the next level would make them save more money, drink less, and spend more time with you. Or maybe there were other behaviors you were hoping would change while dating… and they haven’t. “Unfortunately, problematic behaviors while dating rarely resolve themselves just because you get engaged, or married, or have kids. These things need to be addressed directly and mindfully worked on. If something is still troubling you, it’s time to have a serious conversation and possibly delay or call off the engagement until it’s resolved,” advises Wagner.

4. You’re not having or enjoying sex anymore.
Your sex life shouldn’t be fading this early in your relationship. If you find yourself cringing through sex, doing it as little as once every month or few months or have to fantasize about another person to get turned on, your next stop shouldn’t be the altar. A lack of sex does not bode well when you think about what your sex life will be like for the next 60 years, says dating coach, Josie May. If there’s no attraction or desire for one another, it could eventually leave one or both of you to seek sex elsewhere.

5. You realize you’re getting married for the wrong reason.
Perhaps you only wanted to get married because all of your friends are married, you’ve reached a certain age, someone is in the military and about to be deployed, there was an unplanned pregnancy, he has money, he’s the first guy that ever loved you, or you’re just tired of being single… there are a lot of reasons to get married, but are these the right ones? A marriage based around circumstances rather than love is likely to fail. If you feel yourself simply going through the motions and questioning the reasons why, then it may be time to end things.

6. Your fiancé trash talks your friends, family, even you.
It’s not uncommon for some men to treat a ring almost like a bargaining chip. (AKA, “If I give you a ring, you stop/start doing this.”) Break things off if your partner doesn’t love and accept who you are and who you surround yourself with, advises life coach Samantha Siffring. “If your partner blows up your phone while you’re out, criticizes all of your friends, or restricts when you can go out, it’s a major red flag of future abusive behavior. Don’t let your partner ruin your relationships with other influential people in your life.”

7. You can’t see yourself with this person for the foreseeable future.
Do you really envision the future you want with this other person in it? Any doubt is a reason to stop and think. “This isn’t about lack of imagination, but rather, you can see the party, glitz, and glam of the wedding, but you don’t actually WANT to be married to the person you are with. Having a great party on your own with you as the center of attention might be what you could try instead of saying words you don’t mean to someone you don’t love,” says licensed therapist, Dr. Donna Oriowo.

8. You haven’t set a date and he/she dodges the conversation.
Even if you both want a longer engagement if there’s no date set or even a timeline established, then you haven’t solidified the engagement, explains relationship writer and author, Samantha Gregory. “Too many times the engagement lasts for years. The engagement is not a permanent state of affairs.” For some, getting engaged is the goal and they don’t have any plans or focus beyond the ring.

9. You discover some major secret or learn about something they’ve been withholding.
There are certain secrets that come out that are so surprising that they show that you really don’t know the person you’re about to become legally entangled with. Maybe they’ve been married before, have children, have a hidden drug addiction, are very deep in debt, have a rap sheet, or you learn they’ve cheated on you. Anything big like this means you need to put the breaks on the engagement so you can sort through the issue before moving forward. Breaking off an engagement is much easier than going through a divorce.

10. They demand to sign a prenuptial agreement at last minute.
Prenups are common. It’s fine if you’ve talked about a prenuptial agreement before the engagement, explains Gregory. However, it is a sign of distrust to demand one AFTER the engagement. You may feel like you got tricked into saying yes and now don’t agree with the terms of the prenup. “This is a big topic that should be discussed before the engagement if one or both are persons of wealth/means and/or involved in a family business,” says Gregory.

Breaking off an engagement is a serious decision, but so is getting engaged. When people are caught up in the excitement of the moment and momentum of a relationship, it can be hard to stop and think about whether saying yes and bonding yourself to this other person for life is really what’s best for you both. When considering your decision, keep in mind these red flags and trust yourself and your judgement. Walking away from something can be hard but it will save you a lot of heartache down the road.

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Why You Can’t Get Over Your Ex Thu, 26 Oct 2017 08:00:45 +0000 A few things that may be holding you back from moving forward.

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We all have that friend who instantly bounces back after a breakup. Within days, she’s already revamped her online dating profile; deleted all of her ex’s social media accounts, photos, and anything else that proved his existence; and moved on. Within weeks, she’s dating someone new, having fun with her girlfriends, and basically living her best life. All remnants of her ex and her so-called broken heart have vanished.

Then there are those of us who are completely gutted after a breakup. It doesn’t matter how long we were with someone—weeks, months, decades—or how much we know, deep down, how incompatible we really were, breakups leave us completely devastated for a long, long time. We find ourselves in a negative spiral of depression and anxiety as we try to determine what went wrong, and wonder how we can ever be happy again. And then there are some of us who might even find ourselves in a brand new relationship, but yet still think about their ex for years afterwards.

So what gives? Why can’t you move on? Here are some very common, and normal, reasons why you can’t get over your ex.

1. It’s your brain chemistry.
Love is all about chemistry, literally. According to Dr. Berit Broagaard, when we find ourselves attracted to someone who’s unavailable or unstable—basically a bad match for us—the uncertainty fuels our attraction. In other words, we’re chemically inclined to love someone who’s bad for us. Great.

Their unpredictable behavior decreases your brain’s serotonin levels (the feel-good chemical) as well as your dopamine levels (the pleasure seeking chemical) when they’re away or unavailable. But once they text you, or are in your vicinity, your dopamine levels immediately shoot up, and want to feel that pleasure again, and again…

No wonder our attraction to the bad boy becomes like an addiction. Dr. Brogaard recommends treating this addiction like any other—don’t go cold turkey, but gradually get this person out of your life. If you must, try not to even think or talk about your ex. Taking charge of your own mind, including studying meditation or mindfulness, will eventually help you kick the habit.

2. You haven’t allowed yourself to grieve.
Breakups can activate old wounds, like past losses, relationships, and rejections. If you haven’t allowed yourself to fully process your experience, then there’s a good chance you’ll remain stuck thinking about your broken relationship. There isn’t a timeline on grief, but generally, it’s best to acknowledge your feelings as soon as you’re experiencing them. Grieving looks and feels different to everyone. Maybe it’s allowing yourself to sob or scream, maybe it’s writing down everything you’re feeling in a journal, or maybe it’s speaking with a professional. Often times we want to distract ourselves as soon as a breakup occurs, and tell ourselves to just get over it. But refusing to process and recognize our emotions will only lead to further emotional upheavals down the road.

3. Your image of your ex is allowing you to play it safe.
Romanticizing your ex is an easy thing to do, especially when you’re feeling lonely. You might even believe that you’re still in love with your ex after a long trip down memory lane. However, as much as it’s nice to replay your relationship like the rom-com it never was, the nostalgia is just your ego trying to hold you back from finding someone new. Here’s the thing: your ego wants you to play it safe. It doesn’t like risks. Which is why it’s easier to obsess and fantasize about an ex rather than risk falling in love with someone new.

Risking your heart is scary. No one likes being hurt. But it’s important to remember that you have fallen in love with new people before—and you can definitely do it again. Humans are wired to love. Remind yourself of the times you took a chance to get to know someone new, and take pride in that. Use that as your fuel and go try out that dating app, or say hi to the cute barista at your local coffee shop. Each little step forward will help you break the cycle.

By accepting that the relationship is over and processing our emotions, while actively reshaping our mind after a breakup, we can shove our ego aside and be open to new love—the kind we deserve.

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8 Subtle Signs It’s Time to Break Up Tue, 17 Oct 2017 08:00:55 +0000 Are all their cute quirks suddenly excruciatingly annoying?

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Oftentimes the red flags are pretty clear in a relationship that’s not working—things like constantly fighting, cheating, or finding out the other person actually really likes listening to Nickleback. (You know, the obvious.) But then there are the not-so-obvious signs that it’s time to break up, the ones that indicate that your relationship is going nowhere good. These are the subtle signs that sneak up on a relationship. The ones that you might brush aside time and again because, really, are they that big of a deal? In some cases, yes, they are.

The following eight subtle signs are basically your Bat Signal, trying to tell you that you’re in a doomed relationship, and now it’s time to finally cut it loose and be free.

1. You look forward to your alone time just a little too much.
Independence is crucial to any successful relationship. Carving out some me-time whether it’s attending a favorite fitness class or having a night out with friends is not only healthy but also perfectly normal. However, when you find yourself looking forward to your alone time more than hanging out with your partner, or even scheduling more time away from them than with them, then you have a problem.

2. You aren’t as excited about sex.
Or, basically, any form of physical contact. The idea of them touching you does nothing for you. Maybe it doesn’t outright repulse you (or maybe it does) but it certainly doesn’t turn you on anymore. If that initial attraction isn’t there, and hasn’t been there for a while, it signifies pretty big trouble in so-called paradise.

3. You’re annoyed by everything they do. 
Whether it’s the way they chew their food or even the way they breathe, you find that you can’t stand anything your partner does. Even their quirks, the ones you thought were cute at one time, like how they sing in the shower or hum while making dinner, make your skin crawl. If you find yourself rolling your eyes more than a few times at your partner’s behavior, that’s a sign of disrespect. And if you don’t respect or accept your partner for who they are… then why are you with them?

4. You’re happier when they’re not around. 
Is your mood lighter when you’re not in the same room as your partner? Do you feel relieved when you don’t have to see them? If you’re generally happier when they’re not around, then your emotions are giving you a clear cut sign that you’re going to be much happier when you’re officially single.

5. You’ve given up on your goals. 
If you’ve had a number of goals and dreams fall to the wayside since you’ve been in your relationship because it’s taken up so much of your time and energy that you are ultimately left with nothing to offer yourself, that’s a sign that you’ve been putting someone else’s needs before your own, which only fosters tons of regret and resentment. In other words, no bueno.

6. You’re constantly insecure. 
You fear your partner will cheat on you, or leave you on a regular basis. Not only are those bad vibes totally bad for your health and peace of mind, they also indicate that your relationship isn’t rock solid. In fact, your fears might actually be turning into something true—that you aren’t meant for each other.

7. You’re more interested in your phone than them.  
If you find yourself scrolling through your phone whenever you’re chilling with your partner on the couch rather than inquiring about their day and learning about them, then it’s official: you’ve checked out of the relationship. If you’re completely uninterested in what’s going on with your partner, whether it’s their work life or any struggles or triumphs they might be experiencing, then it’s time to do both of you a favor and cut the cord.

8. You’re lonely. 
The loneliest a person can feel is when they’re with someone. It’s often a feeling of disconnection, being misunderstood, and feeling like you’re not being cared for the way we want to be that causes us to feel lonely in relationships. You might not be technically alone, but you don’t feel valued, loved, or understood as much as you should by your partner, which is worse. You might as well be officially alone, and seek the companionship you deserve from someone else.

Though all relationships will have their ups and downs, as well as their dry periods, for the most part your relationship should enrich your life, not leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled. If you find yourself thinking that this all sounds really familiar, you might want to have the talk with your partner and let it go.

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