Meeting People – The Date Mix https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters Sat, 09 Dec 2017 09:00:07 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.5 Questions to Ask Someone You Just Met https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/first-date-tips/questions-ask-someone-just-met/ Tue, 24 Oct 2017 08:00:50 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=15452 Not sure how to get closer to someone you're talking to for the first time? Here are some ideas.

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Knowing what to say when you’re meeting someone for the first time isn’t always easy. Connections are organic, but they can use a little push in the form of good conversation and quality questioning. Being inquisitive is a great way to both show interest and calm your nerves by taking some of the attention off yourself. Wondering what questions to ask someone you just met? After looking into it, I found seven of the best.

A study that examined interpersonal closeness demonstrated that intimacy can result from asking a certain set of escalating questions that move from surface to thought-provoking. You don’t need to skip the small talk, but leave some room for deep conversation if you really want to get to know someone. The good news is that the more profound questions can still be asked in a lighthearted manner.

So, after you’ve gotten your pleasantries out of the way, try these telling questions to get a better idea of who the person sitting in front of you really is.

1. If you weren’t on a date right now, what would you be doing?
This is a fun way to ask about a person’s routine or what they like to do in their free time. Forget asking about hobbies or interests, which people can always make up to sound way cooler, this question will put them into imagination mode, prompting them to think realistically about their typical weeknight habits.

2. What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
Do your interests collide? Does this person live life on the safer side? What is his or her level of adventure? These are all questions you can uncover with this question. Plus, it’s a good way to ease your date into talking about themselves and thinking about past experiences as a primer for the deeper questions.

3. How would your best friend describe you in three sentences?
The way someone believes they’re perceived by others is a reflection of how they view themselves, and a close friend is the best person to reveal that. Ask for three sentences because it leaves little room for fluff; you’ll get a straightforward response.

4. Who do you look up to the most and why?
Insight into who a person looks up to will give you an understanding of what qualities that person finds the most admirable. It tells you the traits that this person either has or would like to develop. People can admire others for a number of reasons, but you can be sure that whatever your date sees in that person, they’d also like to see in themselves.

5. What is the most memorable event from your childhood?
This question will yield more than memories of the past. It can be very telling what events stand out for someone. It shows you what importance they put on things and gives you an idea about how they prioritize events in their life, including which relationships and people are the most important to them.

6. What is one important lesson your ex taught you?
Not saying bad things about your ex is a sure sign of maturity, but being able to pull out some positives from a past relationship is commendable. Not only will you gain some valuable insight into how this person has grown, but you’ll also learn about their level of introspection and aptitude for personal growth.

7. What’s something I can’t tell from looking at you?
Perhaps this person has a hidden talent or an obscure interest. Maybe they’ve achieved some incredible accomplishment. Most people won’t share these things upfront, and you might not be able to tell at first glance. This question provides your date with the opportunity to share openly, and it gives you the chance to see them in their best light.

If you want to make a determination about someone you’ve just met, listen more then you speak, be inquisitive, and dig deeper than the surface. At the very least, this approach will confirm or deny a connection and give you confidence about the next steps.

Of course, the date doesn’t have to be entirely profound. When you’re ready to mix in some more lighthearted questions, try these.

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The Do’s and Don’ts of Dating a Coworker https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/single-life/meeting-people/dos-donts-dating-coworker/ Sat, 24 Jun 2017 08:00:10 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14721 A few things to consider before taking things further.

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Thinking about mixing business with pleasure? (So, in other words, dating a coworker?) With many of us working upwards of 50 to 60 hours per week, office romances can be hard to avoid. According to a recent Office Romance Survey, 51% of business professionals report participating in some type of workplace relationship. Of that number, 16% were lucky enough to meet their spouse or partner at work. And, regardless of the success or failure of the relationship, 64% said they would do it again. But what are the things about dating a coworker you should think about before going for it with someone at work?

Just like relationships forged anywhere else, some office romances will work out but many won’t. One downside to the work fling is if it doesn’t work out, you may be forced to choose between your job and your sanity. However, dating within the workplace has its advantages too. If you find yourself falling for a colleague, the experts offer some do’s and don’ts to follow so you don’t end up with a failed relationship and career issues to solve.

DO: Adhere to company policy.
Some companies have an explicit policy against inter-office dating and for good reason. “Think very carefully before crossing this boundary, as responding to your instinctive urges may alienate you from management and colleagues or could cost you your job,” says professional matchmaker and dating coach, Julie Ferman. Every company is different and the office dynamics may make it easy to be with someone you work with or hard. Either way, if your company says no to relationships take them seriously.

DON’T: Drop your drawers too early; be friends first.
We all know what happens if sex occurs too early in a relationship: someone may mistake that intimate moment to mean something more and heartbreak usually ensues. Ferman points out that a failed love is exacerbated when it’s not only two personal lives that are affected, but professional lives, as well. Be careful about jumping into something too soon, and make sure you have a bond that goes beyond the psychical first.

DO: Consider your priorities.
What’s more important to you? A hard-to-get job and your career or a romance? “A good job and a promising, satisfying career can be tough to find. Be careful not to take this professional opportunity for granted,” advises Ferman.

DON’T: Tell.
If you feel that your office-mate is the one and you’re willing to risk your job, then you might elect to keep the relationship a secret. That means the both of you agree not to tell anyone, especially colleagues who might be inclined to succumb to the gossip mill. And, you must resist the temptation to post your love affair on social media too.

DO: Stick to the dating pool of your peers.
You’re just asking for trouble hooking up with a superior or a subordinate, says relationship expert and author of “Everything’s Relative,” Jenna McCarthy. Many feel office romances are unacceptable when it involves co-workers at different levels and may see an inter-office relationship as a means for the inferior partner to get ahead.

DO: Keep it professional.
In other words, save the make out sessions for home, not at the water cooler.  “It’s nice to sneak in a quick smooch or cop a feel as you pass in a deserted hallway, but nobody wants (or deserves) to catch you getting hot and heavy in the break room,” says McCarthy.

DON’T: Trash talk. (Before, during and afterward)
Sadly, most romances don’t end with happily ever after. Know this going in and refrain from speaking negatively about this person to your coworkers. This also applies to outside the office. “Don’t go on a social media rampage,” advises McCarthy.

DON’T: Ask coworkers to choose sides.
McCarthy says to leave the disagreements at home, as this can make office settings awkward. Once the breakup reaches the office, it can be difficult to stay friends with both people because the ex-partners might get offended as to who is still friends with the ex.

DO: Plan and strategize.
Office romances required good communication, say the experts. Talk openly with each other about your relationship and make sure you’re both on board with the pros and cons that may come with your budding office romance.

The fact of the matter is, we spend a lot of our lives at work and working alongside someone is a good way to get to know them. We’re all only human and attraction and relationships can form anywhere. But when you’re deciding to take an office romance further, consider these do’s and don’ts and how serious you really are about the other person. If you think he or she is the one for you, by all means go for it. But if this person is just someone you admire or enjoy spending time with but can’t see yourself being with long-term, consider the complications before making your decision. Remember, 64% of people said they would have the office romance again, but that’s 36% that didn’t think it was worth it.

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5 Ways to Be a Great Wingman for Your Female Friends https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-advice-men/5-ways-great-wingman-female-friends/ Tue, 06 Jun 2017 19:11:27 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14649 Wanna help a sister out? Here are 5 tips to help you help her.

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Trying to be a wingman for your guy friends is an art in making him look good. But winging for a girl (emphasis on the space) friend is something entirely different. So how do you become an amazing wingman for your female friends?

It’s easy, but there are a few things you should be aware of to do it right.

First (and this should go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway) make sure you’re not romantically interested in her. Being a wingman isn’t a good idea if you’re in an uncertain friendship that could go the way of romantic relationship at any moment. It’s for friendships that have stood the test of time and are comfortably platonic. There’s no room for emotional ambiguity when it comes to being a wingman for a gal pal.

With that out of the way, here are a few tips for helping your female friends get the guy:

1. Make sure the guy knows you’re in the friend zone.
You and your friend may know where you guys stand, but to the guy she’s interested in, it may not be as obvious. If you can, make it clear that you two are platonic and nothing else. Anything that’s considered the kiss of death when you’re on a romantic date is going to work in your favor now that you want to be in the friend zone. A friendly pat on the shoulder might help. Or, better yet, even a friendly punch to the shoulder.

If it’s the bartender that she’s eyeballing, strike up a conversation while getting drinks and make sure to use the word friend often (i.e. “My friend loves gin and tonics.”)

2. Make sure she’s on the same page.
The first thing about being a wingman for a lady friend (or anyone) is making sure you know their taste and who they’re interested in. It might just be that you guys are out for a good time and she’s there for the conversation, the friendship, and nothing else. But if she’s looking to meet someone and you’re there to assist, know who she’s into and how far she wants to go. Is she just looking for a name and a number to text later, or something more? Ask her if she thinks someone is cute and if she wants some help breaking the ice.

3. Do some intel for her.
Just because she’s into him after a short convo doesn’t mean she knows everything. Help her out by talking to the guy and getting some more information on him. Your conversation should be friendly and light but also take note of anything that might be a turnoff, or a turn on, for her. Also, anything that could help her keep the conversation going (Turns out he went to your same college) or that stands out to you as a guy friend (The man knows his basketball) is helpful too. After years of jokes and conversations, you’ll be somewhat familiar with what your friend is looking for in a guy. But more importantly, you want what’s best for her.

4. Give her confidence and encouragement.
Being a wingman for guys is about hyping up their confidence. That sentiment is the same for women. Little words of encouragement (You got this!) go a long way, especially when people are uncertain.

And while you’re in the scene, you’re not as emotionally invested since you’re not the one flirting. That gives you a bird’s eye view of all the small things that are happening. (Not to mention you’re a guy and can give her a male’s perspective on how things are going.) If the guy she’s into is flirting back, send her a text letting her know.

6. Be ready to bail.
Being there for a friend, regardless of their sex, means helping them in a time of need. If the conversation isn’t flowing or she needs to escape from someone who’s getting too friendly or who’s just being annoying, you’re there as an out.

On the flip side, it may be that things are going really well and you should be a good friend by leaving them alone for a bit. This doesn’t mean you have to ditch her and go somewhere else. But give her and the guy a chance to talk and interact without a third wheel.

More than being there to help her find someone, you’re there to support her as a reliable friend. You’re out to have fun and be together but if she’s looking around, you’re there to help. Sometimes that’s just by egging her on or teasing her into going to say hi to someone, other times it’s talking her up or being around when she says it’s time to get outta dodge. Either way, enjoy your time and have fun helping each other out. If she’s a good friend, you know she’ll have your back when you need a little help meeting someone too.

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How to Meet Men in Real Life https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-advice-women/meet-men-real-life/ Fri, 02 Jun 2017 08:00:34 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14643 Step-by-step tips to help you get the guys to come to you.

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International dating expert Hayley Quinn, gives advice on how to meet men in real life to help you be proactive, positive, and creative as you jump-start your dating life. 

I know a lot of women may be thinking that all the good single guys are extinct, or that men never approach women any more. However, after coaching thousands of guys in love, I can promise you that their reality is very different. If you’re wondering how to meet men in real life, there are five super simple pieces of advice that will help you start more conversations and meet someone great.

1. Create free time.
2. Look unoccupied.
3. Become more visible.
4. Move closer.
5. Give him a clear signal.

Unlike the movies, the majority of guys don’t feel fully comfortable (or at least very good) at meeting women in real life. When they see you they feel put on the spot, unsure of what to say, and worried that they’ll come across as creepy.

The five pointers I’m going to give you are built on the simple idea that men want to meet you—You just need to give them clearer signals and better opportunities. (I’m also totally in favor of you beginning the conversation with a guy too by the way! But I’ll save convincing you on that one for a future post.)

Right now, here are five simple ways you can increase your ability to meet men in real life.

1. Create free time.
I know this may sound obvious, but if you’re guilty of constantly running late and being super busy then it’s unsurprising you’re not meeting anyone. Apart from the fact you’re too busy looking at your phone to even notice if there’s anyone cute around you, men interpret your busyness as being unapproachable. Being rushed means you don’t see opportunities and that men will avoid interrupting you. To change this up, try turning up early to meet a friend and spend fifteen minutes of alone time at a coffee shop/bar/party and notice the difference this makes.

(Also note that most men find approaching one woman difficult enough—You plus two or three friends makes you completely terrifying!)

2. Look unoccupied.
To make this more effective, you have to keep your phone/book/e-reader in your handbag. Even if you’re just scrolling Instagram a man will again interpret this as a ‘she’s busy’ signal and won’t engage. The same goes for wearing headphones. I have had no end of questions from men purely on the topic of how do they start a conversation with a woman when she’s into a Spotify playlist. So it’s time to practice some mindfulness. Phone down. Earbuds out.

3. Become more visible.
Part of the way you can meet more men in real life is by looking like you have some free time on your hands, the other piece of the puzzle is making sure you get his attention. This doesn’t mean that you have to drastically alter your personal style, however it does mean when you walk into a venue that you don’t just immediately duck to hide in the corner of the room until your friend turns up. Instead (bear with me here as I sound a little bit like Jane Austen) I want you to ‘take a turn about the room’ (i.e. walk around). When you do sit down choose somewhere like a bar area where there’s heavy footfall and lots of opportunities for guys to see you. You can also give men a helping hand with their conversation starter by wearing something that’s easy to comment on. It is often a lot easier for him to say that he likes your hat/necklace/sweater rather than he finds you attractive. So it may just be time to dig out that bolder accessory or red beret your mom always told you that you looked nice in and give it a try.

4. Move closer to him.
Let’s be honest, even if you were wearing a t-shirt saying ‘approach me’ some guys still will think you don’t mean them. I know you may say, ‘I only want to date a guy who’s got the courage to approach me.’ But just because a man isn’t approaching you at that moment doesn’t mean that he’s not a great guy. He may in fact be a man who’s so considerate that he doesn’t find the right moment to approach you. To help this guy out, move closer to him. Most men fear crossing a bar to talk to you. (And actively imagine if they did that you might reject them in the worst way.) You can reduce their fear by moving into their physical space. This could be queuing up next to them at the bar or sitting next to them at a yoga class.

5. Give him a clear signal.
Now I’m going to imagine you’re standing a few feet away from a cute guy. To complete your clear signals checklist to encourage him to approach you, I want you to focus on making eye contact with him and smiling. I know this sounds easy, but I’ve also worked with many women whose first response when they see a guy they like is to look at their feet. Some eye contact (look at him, look away, look back) and smiling shows that you’re open to being spoken to and enhances your approachability.

Now I would also love you to go one further and learn the skills to say hi yourself. Catch my free cheatsheet on speaking to men in real life at www.hayleyquinn.com/reallife so you can learn some tried and tested conversation starters.

Sometimes finding a great guy can feel like a marathon but if you can stay positive, proactive, and open to all the different ways of meeting men in real life the journey becomes a lot more fun.

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How to Meet Women in Real Life https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/dating-advice/dating-advice-men/meet-women-real-life/ Thu, 01 Jun 2017 08:00:32 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14640 Five fail-proof steps for how to approach women in real life.

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International dating expert Hayley Quinn, gives advice on how to meet women in real life to help give you the skills you need to be great at dating women, wherever you meet them. 


I know right now you may think that real life is a lot more intimidating than sending a woman you like a message on an online dating site, but I’m going to share with you five easy steps to approach a woman in a non-creepy way. If you want to meet women offline, as well as online, follow along.

When you meet a woman in real life (and online) it can be hard to know if and how you should compliment her before the opportunity is lost. Finding that balance between being respectful to her and having that edge that helps her to feel the ‘spark’ of attraction.

You may think that women are used to meeting men all the time, but the reality for many women is that they feel like they hardly ever meet any men they like. This is why I want to help you learn to put yourself forwards in a way that’s respectful to women while still being outgoing.

By following these five steps on how to approach women in real life, you’ll show a woman that the kind of man she wants to meet exists… and that man is you.

1. Get her attention.
The number one reason why approaching a woman may not work is that you don’t have her full attention before speaking to her. By attention I mean you should have her eye contact. This means she won’t be either a. surprised when you speak to her or b. not listening. If she sees you before you begin speaking to her she’ll be more relaxed and you can also checkout her non-verbal signals (is she holding eye contact with you and smiling?) to see if she seems open to talking to you. Sometimes you may need to use a gesture or say ‘hey’ to get her to look up. Then I want you to pause and wait for her to fully realize ‘a man is talking to me’ before you continue speaking with her.

I know that this is easier said than done, but I also really want you to concentrate on being as friendly and relaxed as possible. Sometimes to get into the zone listen to music you find motivating, and keep smiling (even if you feel nervous). It will help you to feel relaxed and help her see you as someone she can trust.

2. State the obvious.
If you want to talk to a woman but she’s in the middle of hanging out with a girlfriend/reading a book/working on her laptop, instead of not saying hello at all I want you to let her know that you realize she’s busy. It’s better to show her that you’re considerate of what else is going on for her rather than waiting for a perfect moment (that never comes) to say hi to her. You don’t need to be overly apologetic you can simply say, ‘Hey (pause) I know you’re in the middle of…. But I wanted to say…’

3. Give her a compliment.
Try to avoid compliments that are overly focused on her looks or very generic. Chat up lines like, ‘did it hurt when you fell from heaven’ deserve to be banned for life. Also avoid clichés like ‘you have beautiful eyes’ as this may well make her think that you’re just another guy hitting on her. If possible compliment her on HOW she’s doing something, ‘I like how focused you are’ ‘I like how you have this big smile, it looks like you’re having a great conversation…’ and if all else fails keep it low key with an implied compliment like, ‘I just had to come and say hi.’ It’s a classic but a good one!

4. Introduce yourself.
After you’ve paid a compliment, lots of the time she may not expect or know how to continue the conversation. A simple way to signal to her that you want the conversation to keep going is to offer your name. This also builds some trust as she gets to know you on a more personal basis. Say, ‘my name’s John by the way…’ before you expect her to share her name with you. If she doesn’t want to share her name this is a good cue that she’s not open to talking to you and you can simply wish her a good day and leave the conversation.

5. Keep the conversation going.
The best way to do this (and there are lots of ways I can teach you to improve your conversations that I’ll talk to you about in later articles) is to share information about yourself rather than asking her questions. I know this seems counter-intuitive but when it comes to meeting women in real life instead of putting her on the spot with a question it will create more trust with her if you can tell her a few things about yourself whilst inviting her to speak.

E.g. Instead of saying, ‘where are you from?’

Say, ‘I don’t know about you, but I live downtown.’

This will create a more open conversation where she feels more comfortable offering you information because you’ve been open with her.

The steps for how to meet women in real life may not be what you were expecting; but after working with thousands of men and women as a dating expert, I know that the conversation starters that work best are those that are built on trust and mutual respect.

For more information on my five steps to approach someone, head to www.hayleyquinn.com/approach where I have a free cheatsheet for you.

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Has Online Dating Replaced the Bar Scene? https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/single-life/meeting-people/online-dating-replaced-bar-scene/ Mon, 01 May 2017 23:53:33 +0000 https://www.zoosk.com/date-mix/?p=14448 Take a tip from a Millennial: The best place to meet someone may not be a bar anymore.

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There is a well-documented trend in the bar and club scene across the US—they’re closing. In the past ten years, over 10,000 bars have shut their doors permanently, and those that are still open are reporting a drop in crowds, causing owners to cut back hours and close earlier. In addition, over 6,500 newly opened night clubs have failed within their first year of operation. And of course, as with any surprising trend that seems to occur these days, heads are turning to us pesky Millennials.

We’re ruining the bar scene.

As a Millennial I can make a few guesses why this is happening… Maybe it’s the long lines and the insane cover charges. Maybe it’s the overpriced drinks and mind-numbing house music. Maybe it’s the Netflix and Chill culture that has us parking on the couch and cutting to the chase.

Or maybe we’re meeting people elsewhere. And where else would we Millennials meet people? Online of course. A whopping 40 million Americans use online dating sites or apps. That’s 40% of the single population, and 27% of that 40% are young adults.

The simple fact of the matter is that online dating apps are beating bars to the punch. We’re not meeting new people at bars, because we’ve met them online already. We’ve done the subtle flirting and the initial “get to know ya” banter. By the time we step out together, we’re looking for an experience with a little more meat to it. Just like the idea of seeing a movie on the first date and exchanging little but flirtatious glances is considered antiquated, so is heading out to a club where you may get the chance to scream your name in someone’s face, share a wordless drink, dance shoulder to shoulder with a potential match (and hundreds of other sweaty bodies) and then contemplate calling them the next day while nursing your hangover. Life’s just too short.

Times have changed, and if you take into account a Millennial’s frame of mind, it’s really not all that surprising. We’re financially conscious—with college debt at an all time high, and the cost of living in major cities rising, we look for experiences that give us the most bang for our buck. Authenticity, uniqueness, and a certain novelty tend to draw Millennial crowds, especially when we’re trying to impress a first date.

In the age of online dating, the typical bar scene is a middleman at best, and a clumsy shot in the dark at worst. And failing nightclubs and trendy bars fail to adapt in order to appeal to the demographic they depend on to stay afloat. A quick Google search for bars that are killing it on the Millennial scene reveals that almost all have at least one of the following: A unique offering (location, décor, music, entertainment), tried-and-true high quality food and drink, or major street cred—they’ve been around literally forever. (In the Millennial measurement of time, that’s all the way back to the 80s.)

The club scene was the norm for so long, it’s now considered “what everyone does.” If a guy I had been talking to online suggested we go clubbing, I’d assume he hadn’t been listening to a word I’d said all along. If he suggested we go to a trailer park themed dive that serves everything with a healthy dose of nacho cheese, I’d think to myself, “Now here’s a guy that gets me.”

I wouldn’t consider this a death of the bar scene, but more of an evolution, and it’s survival of the fittest, baby. Maybe struggling clubs need to take a cue from A+ Millennial first daters, get a little creative, and give us an invitation we can’t refuse.

 

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