Pretty blonde woman having tinder conversations on her phone

In today’s dating world, it’s so easy to feel like a number. So how do you stand out on Tinder? The truth is more analog than modern: it’s all about establishing a connection. While we’re more connected to each other now than ever, we’re not connecting, and there’s a difference. Connecting means establishing a common ground, a foundation, so that something is able to grow, and, hopefully, building from there. The more connection you have with someone, the more likely you’re able to move things forward, or at least get off the app and meet in person.

One of the easiest ways to do this, and stand out from the crowd, is being an awesome conversationalist. While it’s sometimes awkward to keep the convo going on Tinder, successfully chatting up your newest match is crucial in landing that all-important first date.

 Not sure where to start? Here are four smart steps for successful Tinder conversations.

 1. Study your match’s profile

Not in a creepy way. But in a way that shows them that you’re not solely chatting them up based on their looks. While physical attraction is key, and probably why you swiped right in the first place, a conversation that starts with “You’re hot” will only go so far.

So, see what they’re into. What are their hobbies and interests? Maybe they wrote something that made you smile or LOL. Whatever that thing is – that thing that makes you think, “Hey, this person seems cool” – start with that.

 2. Break the ice

Do not start with just “hey.” I repeat, do not start with just “hey.” This is boring and unoriginal, and practically places the responsibility of the recipient to kick off the conversation, which isn’t cool. After studying your match’s profile, you now know a few things about them. So this is where your homework comes in handy.

Lead with your knowledge and do it in a unique way. How…..? If you both love to rock climb, start with that. If you thought they said something funny in their profile, mention it. You can even lead with a joke that touches on something in their profile. Whatever you do, make it personal and don’t say “hey.”

 3. Acknowledge and Ask Another Question

If your opener line worked and they responded, congratulations! Now’s your chance to keep the conversation flowing. First, acknowledge their reply. If they asked you a question, answer it sincerely using more than one word. Piggyback on their response, and ask another question.

If they didn’t ask you a question and simply responded with a smiley face, then you can still ask a question at this point. Act genuinely interested and ask something that you’re curious about. 

4. Keep Them Wanting More

If you’re still in convo mode, meaning you haven’t reached the point where an in-person meetup hasn’t been mentioned yet, then you want to know how to keep them wanting more. After all, you don’t want to keep asking endless questions for hours on end. You risk coming across as needy or annoying. So after a few minutes of pleasant conversation, let them know how much you’ve enjoyed chatting with them and if you’re interested in reconnecting with them later on, let them know!

You could say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you tonight and I would love to do it again. Same time tomorrow?” It’s cute, builds connection, and it leaves them wanting more.

Tinder conversations don’t needn’t be stress-inducing. By using these simple tips, you’ll be a bona fide conversationalist who’s able to make solid connections, hopefully both online and online. The online world is just another platform for us to meet new people. Using real-life skills still work. Show up and be you, see who you connect with in a fun and authentic way, and who knows where your next Tinder conversation could lead…

Brianne Hogan

Freelance Writer

Brianne is a Canadian freelance writer who’s been writing about dating and relationships longer than any of her relationships. She applies a “do what I say, not do what I do” approach to her articles, and believes you can find Your Person mostly when you aren’t looking. So enjoy your life, and eat lots of cheese (at least that’s her motto). Her byline’s been featured on Thrillist, The Huffington Post, HelloGiggles, Elle Canada, Flare, Awesomeness TV, among others.