Have you ever noticed that people can be very defensive of their dating advice? Protective, even? They cling to what formula they think works\u2014swear by it, even\u2014and expect you to embrace it and follow it like it\u2019s the law. But let\u2019s face it: Not all dating advice is good. It might be well-intended, but that doesn\u2019t mean it’s going to work.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I spoke candidly with seven men and women of varying ages in varying cities about dating advice\u2014specifically, the worst pieces of dating advice they\u2019re ever received.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019ll never find \u2018the one\u2019 online. Online dating is fun, but you won\u2019t find anything serious.\u201d \u2013Matt, 26, New York \u201cWhen you stop looking, the right guy will fall into your lap.\u201d \u2013Jason, male, 29, Philadelphia The truth is that “looking” is subjective. Whether you’re actively browsing profiles for a partner or just keeping your heart open to someone new, you’re looking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019ve been online dating for a few months now, and everyone\u2019s said the same thing: If you want to meet someone worthwhile, you have to look like a model on your profile.\u201d \u2013Courtney, 21, Chicago \u201cDon\u2019t tell her you have a daughter until the 3rd date.\u201d \u2013John, 44, Philadelphia<\/em> \u201cYou\u2019re only allowed one great love in your lifetime.\u201d \u2013Anne, 57, Tulsa \u201cJust keep putting yourself out there, and you\u2019ll eventually meet someone.\u201d \u2013Kristin, 31, Washington, D.C. If you’re single, you’ve probably heard at least one of these pieces of bad advice. The best way to handle? Recognize the good intentions of those supplying it, and continue going on dates.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Have you ever noticed that people can be very defensive of their dating advice? Protective, even? They cling to what formula they think works\u2014swear by it, even\u2014and expect you to embrace it and follow it like it\u2019s the law. But let\u2019s face it: Not all dating advice is good. It might be well-intended, but that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":79,"featured_media":12421,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10083","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\n<\/em>We disagree with this for obvious reasons, because we believe online dating is what you make of it. If your attitude is that you aren\u2019t going to meet anyone worthwhile, you probably won\u2019t\u2014your mind is already closed off to the idea of finding meaningful love. But if you approach online dating with an open mind, you have the opportunity to search for what you\u2019re really looking for. If you want to have fun, you can! If you want to find \u201cthe one,\u201d you can do that too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/em>This one\u2019s tricky. You hear this clich\u00e9d advice often, but personally, I think it\u2019s something that newly paired-up people tell their single friends to make them feel better. It serves both parties: The person giving this advice romanticizes their own new-found love by claiming that it \u201cjust happened,\u201d and the person hearing it hopefully has renewed hope that the right person is out still out there, and they don\u2019t have to try so hard to find.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/em>There are certain qualities that are perceived as desirable in online dating: having the perfect picture, living the party lifestyle, having a lucrative job. But the point of online dating is for someone to fall in love with you<\/em>, not what you think someone else will find attractive. Be truthful online\u2014people appreciate it, and you might be surprised how far it gets you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nI see the good intentions behind this bad dating advice, but still tend to disagree with it. What if there isn\u2019t a spark, and we don\u2019t go beyond a first date? No need to even mention my daughter.<\/em> If your daughter is a big part of your everyday life and who you are, I would mention her. If someone sees it as a turnoff, you definitely don\u2019t want to be dating them anyway. If the tables were turned, wouldn\u2019t you be a little miffed if the person you\u2019ve gone on three dates with confessed their secret of having a child? It\u2019s best to be upfront.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/em>Anne lost her husband a few years ago, and has heard this piece of advice a lot. Nobody will ever replace her beloved partner, but in time, the doors to new and different love will open up. And if that\u2019s what Anne wants, there\u2019s nothing wrong with that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/em>This is a bit tricky, because putting yourself out there is the first step, but only the first of many steps. You can\u2019t go out to a bar or attend networking events or create an online dating profile and expect the act of being present to be enough. Those are wonderful first steps, but to be effective, they require follow-through. There isn\u2019t a magical threshold where the universe says, This is your 3rd speed dating event\u2014you unlocked the True Love achievement, and tonight we will reward you with a match.<\/em> If only, right?<\/p>\n\n\n\n