George Miller, a famous psychology professor from Princeton University, determined the human mind can only remember about seven pieces of information. This can\u2019t be right. When it comes to romance and dating, I can only remember three. It could be my ADD. It’s also likely that, as a long time bachelor now married, I have only gained three pieces of insight from some slowly wrought trial and error. Remember how they say men mature slowly? Yeah, they forgot to mention the learning curve never ends. So here\u2019s my 2 cents:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had a long career as a single man (with varying degrees of success and failure\u2014okay, failure). And when I think about why many of my relationships fizzled it\u2019s because I lacked one thing: faith in the relationship\u2014and more importantly, faith in myself (i.e. \u201cwhy would someone want to love me?\u201d).\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0What does faith really mean? Part of it means accepting that life is unsettled, messy and unfinished. Embrace the surprises that life has to offer, and focus on just reinforcing the bond with your loved one. Don\u2019t let fear of the unknown stunt your efforts. Know that real love can endure anything you throw at it. That’s faith.\u00a0\u00a0If you love them, believe in it, and be okay with not being able to control every aspect of your romantic destiny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u00a0Faith is meaningless if you\u2019re dating someone you know is bad for you; someone who has no interest in really working to be happy, or, especially, someone who\u2019s just dating you for sex to fill a lonely void. To be in a successful relationship you have to really believe that you deserve it. If you do, you will attract someone who wants the same thing. Yes, it\u2019s easier said then done. And it requires, in some cases, years of patience and fine-tuned discrimination. But never give your heart to someone you know doesn\u2019t want to be in a relationship.\u00a0\u00a0You\u2019ll only be hurting both of you. If they say \u201cI\u2019m only going to hurt you in the end\u201d believe them–they will. And you\u2019re no Dr. Phil, so don\u2019t try to reform them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My own relationship with my wife is kind of easy. I adore her. Does she annoy me sometimes? Hell, yeah! But I always let the love between us take charge. And that means not holding onto things that will only fester down the road. Love should always be the reference point. I ask myself: \u201cWould I rather be right, or happy?\u201d Being right is great if you\u2019re a mathematician, but not if you\u2019re a lover.\u00a0\u00a0This doesn\u2019t mean I roll over every time. If I\u2019m upset I deal with it. But again, let the love absorb the mistakes you both make\u2014and never hold on to anger because it will only\u00a0\u00a0be toxic. If you accept people are fallible then you understand the most important thing in the world: yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
About Jod Kaftan: A long recovering bachelor (some would say “lout”) who decided to make the leap and marry the girl he loved, Jod Kaftan is still figuring it all out–if only he’d follow his own advice. Jod is a contributing editor at the LA Times Magazine<\/a>. He has contributed to Rolling Stone, Salon, The Los Angeles Times and the New York Times. Follow Jod on Twitter at Jodspeed<\/a>!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Recovering bachelor Jod Kaftan shares some insight. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":12099,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[888],"tags":[395],"class_list":["post-1048","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-online-dating","tag-online"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n