It\u2019s a punchline all by itself\u2014the husband stops in at the bar (\u201cNorm!!!\u201d) where he pulls out a stool and complains about his wife. The throwaway gag has been seen countless times on stage and screen, and, as a bartender, I can tell you that I\u2019ve seen it countless times in real life as well. However, the fact that people in rocky relationships tend to drink more is also supported by science.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to a 2013 study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people whose relationships are seen as going through a bad patch tend to drink more. Essentially, those who see themselves as \u201cpart of a couple\u201d have a high level of what\u2019s called Relationship Contingent Self-Esteem (RCSE). Put simply, a large amount of their self-worth is invested in their relationship. When the relationship is going through a tough time, it seems that people become a little more boozy than normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is sort of expected\u2014alcohol has long been viewed as an act of escapism, and ignoring your problems by stopping at the bar \u201cjust for one\u201d on the way home is a time-honored tradition. Indeed, toward the end of a relationship, some couples may not be able to deal with each other at all without getting a buzz first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As a bartender, I have a few insights on this study that may shed a little extra light on things:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Some People Turn to Alcohol More Than Others<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Select people are more predisposed than others to have an affiliation with alcohol. Studies have suggested that alcoholism is hereditary\u2014be it genetic or simply through exposure in formative years (the old \u201cnature vs. nurture\u201d debate). So, while the study does have merit, there ought to be some consideration for so-called addictive personalities and people who deal with all frustrations and issues in their lives by drinking.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Alcohol May Already Be an Issue in the Relationship <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n It may be a bad relationship because<\/em> someone in the relationship is a drinker. If, when the relationship is first starting out, someone in a couple downplays their drinking, showing their true colors months later (when that Friday feeling is hitting him or her every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday) can become a real problem. By then, people have developed bonds that are tough to break, time has been invested, and resentment is sure to set in after spending too many late nights wondering when you can start making dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Bars Often Become the Third Place in Someone\u2019s Life<\/strong> I can\u2019t pretend to be a font of knowledge on how to solve every individual relationship, but I do know how to resolve conflict: address the situation. Don’t run from the underlying problem. A stiff drink will help you forget a problem, for a while, but it won\u2019t last forever and it won\u2019t solve it for you. Much like a wound will only fester without antiseptic, this fight or disagreement will only rot what you\u2019ve worked so hard to build with this other person. And let\u2019s be real: not every relationship can be saved, and that\u2019s sad. But if you can learn from your mistakes, you\u2019ll become a better person.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Bartender Aaron Peart looks into the reasons why. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":89,"featured_media":12890,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[898],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12889","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\nThere\u2019s a term that gets bounced around the hospitality industry, known as the \u201cthird place\u201d. I first heard it years ago when I worked for a coffee shop. Home is the first place, work is the second. The third place refers to that spot where people can unwind between the two. It\u2019s a fine and effective buffer to have, particularly when you don\u2019t want the pressures of work spilling into your personal life. The problem arises when that third place starts taking over, and you spend more time there than at home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n