{"id":13142,"date":"2016-07-18T01:00:55","date_gmt":"2016-07-18T08:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=13142"},"modified":"2021-05-31T23:22:15","modified_gmt":"2021-06-01T06:22:15","slug":"how-to-end-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/moving-on\/how-to-end-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to End a Relationship Properly"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

You\u2019ve been mulling it over for a while now and the time has come to breakup with your partner. For whatever reason, vows were broken or you just know they\u2019re not the one, you\u2019ve made up your mind to break things off. But it\u2019s hard to know how to end a relationship the right way. Often, many will opt to breakup over text or even tell their partner they \u201cjust need a break\u201d as a way to soften the blow. But, you\u2019re only postponing the inevitable and dragging out the pain for both people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don’t say you need a break if you’re set on terminating the relationship, said licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Paul Hokemeyer<\/a>. \u201cThe best time is when you’re 90% sure that it’s the right thing for you to do. Don’t wait for the decision to be 100%. You’ll be waiting around in relational purgatory for far too long and wasting a lot of precious time there if you do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A breakup is rarely smooth, so here are some tips for how to end a relationship properly:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Choose the time and place carefully.<\/strong>
\nDecide on a time when you know you\u2019ll have the privacy to talk it out. \u201cDon’t ruin a special day for them or do it when both of you are on the way to work. Choose a time when it can be discussed respectfully and the other person does not feel ambushed,\u201d said licensed clinical psychologist and author of \u201cShould I Stay or Should I go? Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist\u201d Dr. Ramani Durvasula<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Break it off in person<\/strong>.
\nYou may be tempted to take the easy way out and text, since it\u2019s normal to want to avoid conflict. \u201cSchedule a face to face meeting in a neutral and public space with a distinct beginning and end. A neutral space will allow you to enter and exit with autonomy and strength. The public nature of the space will keep the process contained,\u201d said Hokemeyer. If you fear your partner may physically retaliate or it\u2019s logistically impossible to break up in person, as a last resort you can break up over the phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be direct and honest, yet gentle and respectful.<\/strong>
\nNobody wants to be left, but when you know it\u2019s over, there is no point in prolonging the agony. \u201cYou’ll be compelled to hedge your truth, but don’t,\u201d said Hokemeyer. \u201cIt will only drag the process out and add to its messiness.\u201d In the same sense, don’t make it a laundry list of their failures. It also doesn\u2019t help to just talk about ephemeral stuff like magic and connection. \u201cRelationships end often because of behavioral stuff (e.g. what someone did or did not do), so stick to the facts,\u201d added Durvasula.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Choose your words wisely.
\n<\/strong>Stick to “I” phrases. For example, “I need to tell you that our relationship is not working for me and I am going to call it off\u201d. Be honest with your reasoning but don\u2019t spend all your time defending yourself and your decision to end the relationship. Hokemeyer says to avoid trite phases, such as \u201cthis isn’t about you, it\u2019s about me.\u201d  \u201cOf course it’s about them. If they met your needs and expectations you wouldn’t be breaking up with them,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t offer false hope.<\/strong>
\nYou may feel propelled to offer a continued friendship with your now ex, but unless that\u2019s what you really want, don’t make promises you can’t keep just to assuage their sadness or you may risk having to start this whole painful process again. \u201cMake sure you are firm and unwavering in your commitment. It’s all too easy to waffle and be pulled off course by your partner’s disappointment and ego injury so don’t get sucked into the whole perpetrator victim drama,\u201d says Hokemeyer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Give them space to process.<\/strong>
\nYour now ex is going to be upset, but it\u2019s not your job to fix their emotions nor are you the best candidate to comfort them right now. \u201cLet them have their emotions and opportunity to vent. It may hurt to hear some of it\u2014athey have the right to feel the way they feel. Ask them what would feel better\u2014a you there or not there\u2014and then act in accordance with their wishes,\u201d said Durvasula.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Take care of yourself afterwards.<\/strong>
\nYou may feel like scum after the deed is done, but don\u2019t. \u201cDon’t beat yourself up for standing up for yourself and honoring your needs. You deserve to be happy and aspire to personal and sexual fulfillment in your romantic relationships,\u201d said Hokemeyer. It\u2019s best to have a social support system in place as you’ll need the comfort and support of your friends and family immediately after you deliver the news and for the weeks and months after.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hint: Never say you want to ‘take a break’. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":13143,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[973],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13142","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-moving-on"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to End a Relationship - EXACTLY What to Do<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Want to know how to end a relationship the right way? 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