Dating your best friend. It\u2019s the stuff of romantic teen comedies, and in romantic teen comedies, it always works out in the end (you know, after a big mess in the middle). But we all know life isn\u2019t ever as simple as it is in the movies. So much of a healthy relationship involves a strong friendship, so it\u2019s not uncommon for a person to look over at their bestie and think, \u201cHey, what if?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a scenario that\u2019s not unappealing, but is so high risk\/high reward that waves of trepidation may discourage the idea. Quantifiably speaking, the pros of dating your best friend tend to outweigh the cons\u2014<\/strong>They already know all your quirks, they\u2019ve already seen you at your worst (and likely have helped you out of it), the trust is there, and most important of all, you like<\/em> them. But out of the short list of cons, there\u2019s one BIG con. Losing a good friend.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Every friendship is different, but here are a few things to consider if your mind occasionally wanders toward the idea of turning something platonic into something more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How did the friendship start? What\u2019s the most valuable part of your friendship? What does your friend have in common with people you\u2019ve dated in the past, and what\u2019s different? How do you feel about their significant others? Why haven\u2019t you dated yet?<\/strong> If you\u2019ve considered all there is to consider, and you\u2019ve arrived at that, \u201cI\u2019m gonna go for it!\u201d moment, keep a few things in mind:<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Your best friend\u2019s honest feelings are as important and as valid as yours. 2. Don\u2019t confuse a bruised ego for a broken heart. 3. Keep in mind how the dynamic in a larger group of friends may change. Is it worth the risk? Here’s how to tell. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":90,"featured_media":13293,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13292","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\n<\/strong>Did you start spending time with this person because of an initial attraction? If so, some of those feelings could still be lingering, and that\u2019s why you can\u2019t get this idea out of your head. If you began spending time with this person because you have mutual interests and are just now noticing what a catch they are after, say, 10 bad Tinder dates, you might just be in a lull that\u2019s clouding your judgment. It\u2019s not that your best friend couldn\u2019t <\/em>give you what Tinder never has, it\u2019s just that you want to be careful not to date someone just because you think they’re safe or you’re frustrated with dating in general.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Identifying what’s most important to you in your friendship will help you decide if giving dating a try is worth the risk. If she\u2019s the best drinking buddy you have and your mutual love for the same dive bars are what ties you together, you may decide that a deeper romantic connection is more valuable. If she\u2019s the most constant and stable source of emotional support in your life and you go to her for advice on absolutely everything, the chances of losing her should the worst happen may feel too risky.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Answering this question can be very telling. If you\u2019re always into guys with a sense of humor, and no one can make you laugh harder than your best friend, he may be just what you\u2019re looking for. Alternatively, if you\u2019ve fallen into bad patterns with past significant others, does your best friend mirror or encourage those behaviors, or is he a departure from those types of people? Measuring your bestie up against past loves can give you an idea of what a relationship might be like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>If you\u2019ve always gotten along just dandy with your bestie\u2019s significant others and it doesn\u2019t bother you in the least when they\u2019re with someone else, chances are your feelings are, and always will be, strictly platonic. But if you\u2019re constantly finding fault with the people they\u2019re sweet on (He\u2019s just not good enough, she doesn\u2019t seem to value him, I hate it when he\u2019s with him and not me, etc.), there\u2019s a real chance you\u2019re harboring some deeper feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Take a good honest look at why, after all this time, you two haven\u2019t gotten together. Maybe one or the both of you were in a relationship when the friendship started. Maybe you\u2019ve felt discouraged because you\u2019re a brunette and he exclusively chases blondes. Maybe you\u2019ve never been turned off by the idea, but there was always someone else who seemed to catch your attention first. If there’s a glaring and immovable obstacle in your way it\u2019s probably best to cherish the friendship for all that it is, and not push for more. If the reason can be chalked up to bad timing or less than ideal circumstances, there\u2019s a chance it could work if both of you are in the right place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>They may have concerns that you hadn\u2019t considered, or simply may not see you in a romantic light (at least not right away). Asking if they\u2019ve ever thought of you as more than a friend is a safer move than just showing up at their doorstep one day with a dozen roses and your bedroom eyes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>If, heaven forbid, you put yourself out there and they\u2019re not into it, it\u2019s going to be okay. <\/em>You\u2019ll be embarrassed for a while, but keep in mind there is a reason you guys were friends first, and you can remain friends so long as you remember all the things you\u2019ve valued from the very beginning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>If you two hop on the dating train, it may shift the vibes in a larger friend group. It shouldn\u2019t discourage you, but just be aware of it. There\u2019s a potential, as there is with any new relationship, that you two may inadvertently seclude yourselves. Make a conscious effort not to let that happen and maybe keep the honeymoon phase PDA to a minimum.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"