If you\u2019re dating over 40, you come to the dating scene with a lot of experience from your past loves and relationships. Sometimes that experience can work in your favor\u2014you know what you want and are better at identifying when things are and aren\u2019t working. Other times, however, your experience can work against you. Here are 5 things many people dating over 40 may be doing wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Talking too much about your ex\/exes So, of course, you start talking about your ex or exes and how they were horrible, or how they cheated on you, which conjures up any number of bad memories, and suddenly you realize that you\u2019ve spent your first date looking back instead of forward. You chatted aimlessly about the people you\u2019re no longer with instead of trying to get to know the person right in front of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s normal to be curious about someone\u2019s past, and I\u2019m sure you\u2019ll come across a date who will want to know more about your history. My advice is to spend minimal time talking about past lovers on your first date and spend more time finding out about the person you\u2019re with. Telling someone how badly you were treated in the past might make them think there\u2019s something more to the story you\u2019re telling. For example, if you tell your date that you constantly got into fights with your ex, they might feel that the same thing could happen between the two of you. Or if you were cheated on, it may enter your date\u2019s mind that there\u2019s a reason for the cheating, and suddenly they\u2019ll wonder about your compatibility, your state of mind, and any number of things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Your past is past. Focus on the present situation and your current date.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Making the wrong fashion statement Men: It shouldn\u2019t be that difficult for you to get dressed, but I see bad examples every day. You throw on a shirt with a pair of pants and shoes and you think you\u2019re ready to head out the door. But take a good look at the button-down shirt you\u2019re wearing\u2014is it clean and properly pressed? Why go out in a wrinkled shirt and express your lack of know-how with an iron and board? Also, leave the ripped jeans at home until a second or third date. And I know sneakers are a big deal to a lot of you, but again, wait for a couple of dates before you sport your designer Nikes. Gentlemen, wearing a baseball cap on your first date is a fashion and personal faux pas, unless, of course, you are at a baseball game. If you\u2019re doing this to hide your thinning hair or baldness, why not let your date see the real you from the start? Don\u2019t be embarrassed, be proud of who you are! As with women and their perfume, don\u2019t use the whole bottle of cologne on a first date\u2014in fact, don\u2019t do it ever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Drinking to excess 4. Too eager or too indifferent So just try to be the person in the middle. Don\u2019t play the excited puppy dog, but don\u2019t be the disinterested lazy cat lounging on the couch either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Jumping in the sack too soon Sex more often than not means seeing one another naked. That is a huge step for two people who have just met. Real intimacy requires comfort and trust in one another, and it\u2019s really hard to get those things after a two-hour dinner, or drinks at a bar. Try to get to know each other a little better. I think if you have sex too soon, it can interfere with getting to know the real person. Lust has a way of making us forget everything else, and that includes personal feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Try to keep the date PG-rated, okay? Yes, we are all adults, but that also means we should have a level of maturity that allows us to hold out for a while and not succumb to carnal desires just yet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As we get older, we tend to overthink the dating process since we have a larger frame of reference than a 25-year-old. If we remember to relax and be ourselves while keeping in mind the advice above, I\u2019m sure good things will follow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To read more of Tonia\u2019s work and learn about her upcoming memoir, visit toniadecosimo.com<\/a> or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Sometimes experience can work in your favor, other times not so much. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":96,"featured_media":13447,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[975],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13446","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-in-your-40s"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\n<\/strong>Let\u2019s face it, if you\u2019re over 40 and single, chances are you\u2019ve already been in several relationships, if not a marriage or two. One of the first questions that usually gets asked after you meet someone is, \u201cSo, why are you still single?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Ladies: Did we forget what the word \u201clady\u201d means?! I recently went out with a few friends for a drink. While in the bathroom, I overheard this woman who had to be in her late 40s talking to her friends about how she looks better than most 20-year-olds. I admit she looked good, meaning she was physically fit and had a pretty face, but she was wearing a mini-mini skirt with a cut-off shirt, and her breasts were virtually hanging out. Listen, I get it. You want to look sexy and feel young, but don\u2019t give away the farm! How about just a nice, short skirt and a little cleavage? Let\u2019s leave something to the imagination. Trust me, the guy will be able to see if you have a nice figure or not. Also, when it comes to perfume, why is it the older some women get, the more they put on? Try just spritzing on a nice, clean, mellow scent so the guy doesn\u2019t choke to death. You don\u2019t need to smell like you just bathed in it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>I know the first date can be a little nerve-wracking, no matter what age. Believe it or not, I hear more stories about people in their 40s drinking a little too much on the first date than any other age bracket. I think it may be due to tension and nervousness, and the fact that maybe you\u2019re just sick and tired of dating. First off, we all have to keep DUIs and safety in mind. Second, you\u2019re old enough to know what happens when you drink a little too much. You may say something, or worse, do something you\u2019ll regret in the morning. All I am saying is, pace yourself and be smart. Save the shots for another time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>I think one of two things happen to us mentally when we date in our 40s. We either start to feel desperate, or we start developing an, \u201cI\u2019m fine on my own!\u201d attitude. The desperate people who are dating over 40 and want to be married may come on a little too strong, or be so overly willing to please that they scare off their potential mates. Then we have those who think, \u201cIf it happens, it happens,\u201d and won\u2019t put honest effort into the date. Their dates are made to feel like these people don\u2019t honestly care for them, and the lack of emotions indicate, if incorrectly, that settling down isn\u2019t in their future. Egos really play a part here, and if there\u2019s too much of it, the date can turn south quickly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>I hear from many older women and men, \u201cI\u2019m an adult and I know what I\u2019m doing!\u201d Of course you do. I understand that you\u2019re tired of being alone, and that you can use a good night of ardent, passionate, loving sex. I\u2019m not questioning the fact that you\u2019re an adult\u2014I\u2019m questioning whether you absolutely need to jump in the sack right away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n