When you\u2019re in your 40s, dating can be a little bit tricky to navigate. Many of us are getting back into the dating scene after taking a break (or yes, even going through a divorce) and aren\u2019t used to the rules and subtle etiquette that goes along with meeting and getting to know people. And when you\u2019re older there are different things to consider that just don\u2019t come up for younger people\u2014when to bring up finances, how much importance to put on physical chemistry, or whether or not you should give someone a chance even if they don\u2019t check off all your boxes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In order to help you out, I outlined a few of the do\u2019s and don\u2019ts of dating in your 40s that you may not have thought of\u2014the little things that go a long way towards changing your experience and helping you find that one person who just may be the perfect fit for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. Don\u2019t Make It All about You<\/strong> 2. Do Look Past the Physical<\/strong> 3. Don\u2019t Forget Proper Table Etiquette<\/strong> Ladies, the same standard and respectful table manners apply to you, too. Also, never check or apply makeup or fix your hair at the table. Excuse yourself and go to the ladies room if your need to check your appearance. You might want to avoid ordering food items that can be difficult or messy to eat on a first date, such as spaghetti-type pastas, raw clams or oysters on the half- shell, or whole lobsters. I\u2019m guilty of ordering lobster and clams on the half-shell, but my date did as well. If you\u2019re not sitting down for dinner, but are meeting your date at the bar, please do not dip your hands into the peanut or pretzel dish, lick your fingers, and stick your hand back into the bowl. This is double dipping! These are all standard things we should know before the age of 40, but unfortunately I have witnessed horrible table manners while dating in my 40s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Do Take the Time to Get to Know Someone before Passing Judgement<\/strong> 5. Don\u2019t Show Your Hand Too Soon<\/strong> Keep these suggestions in mind while making your way through the over 40 dating maze and hopefully you can come out the other end with a partnership based upon mutual love, respect, and admiration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n To read more of Tonia\u2019s work and learn about her upcoming memoir, visit toniadecosimo.com<\/a> or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A few things you should know when hitting the dating scene in your 40s. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":96,"featured_media":13508,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[975],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13507","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-in-your-40s"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\nWhen you\u2019re getting to know someone, it\u2019s important to share details about yourself. But it\u2019s one thing to talk about yourself and another to do all the talking. Being over 40, we all have a lot of life stories to tell, but being a good listener is just as important, if not more, than being a good conversationalist. Sometimes when we\u2019re nervous, the words just keep pouring out in a verbal barrage. That\u2019s when it\u2019s wise to remember the quote, \u201cThe quieter you become, the more you can hear.\u201d When you talk too much it becomes boring for the other person, is a turn off, and prevents you from learning about him or her and assessing how compatible you are. Remember, conversation is give and take. It can\u2019t all be about you. There are two parties involved who want to learn about each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nEveryone, both male and female, likes to look at some eye candy or have a trophy on their arm. We can\u2019t deny chemistry and physical attraction are important. However, as we mature, looks change and we must realize that an amazing, loving person may be inside someone whom you would never have dated if you were still in your 20s. In your 40s, are you still looking for the same kind of look that you were searching for in your 20s? Of course, cleanliness and hygiene are non-negotiables, but don\u2019t immediately rule people out because they haven\u2019t aged like Paul Newman or Raquel Welch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThankfully, we are not in Victorian times when it comes to table etiquette, however there are standard and respectful table manners everyone should follow. Gentlemen, what is wrong with pulling out a chair for a lady or allowing her to sit first? What happened to putting your napkin on your lap so your date does not have to look at your dirty napkin? Try keeping your cellphone off the table and on vibrate to show your complete attention is on your date. Ask your date if she would like you to order for her or if she\u2019d prefer to order for herself. If you\u2019re eating family style, serve your date before yourself. If you\u2019ve ordered a bottle of wine, pour her glass before yours. Please sit up straight while eating to keep your face out of the plate or bowl and use your utensils properly. Never talk with your mouth full and keep your mouth closed while chewing. Excuse yourself if you leave the table for any reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSometimes in life, we prejudge or judge too soon without any valid evidence to justify our decision. As the saying goes, you can\u2019t always judge a book by its cover. I\u2019ve heard of too many situations where people dating in their 40s have immediately rushed to judge someone only to realize that they may have let a good person pass them by. We talk about first impressions being valid, but there\u2019s also the flip side of rushing to judge someone and being too critical because we have preset criteria by the age of 40 of what we deem to be the \u201cright\u201d person for us. The person you think may be wrong for you might actually be the exactly right person for you. Sometimes we\u2019re pleasantly surprised when we give someone a chance. It\u2019s one thing if your inner voice is telling you to run for the hills, but if you\u2019re crossing someone off your list because he or she doesn\u2019t match who you think you should be with, you may doing yourself an injustice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nIf you\u2019ve ever played poker, you know not to show your hand too soon. The same rules apply while dating in your 40s. Unfortunately, I\u2019ve heard too many stories about people who have married for monetary gain rather than for love. I\u2019m not saying not to show your true self and your financial place in life, but I do feel that it\u2019s nice to know that the person likes you for the true you and not your wallet. It\u2019s not necessary to discuss your bank account, 401k, life insurance policies, and status of your mortgage on your first few dates. Showing off can end up backfiring in the end. Be smart and cautious when discussing finances.<\/p>\n\n\n\n