Maybe you’re familiar with the idea of a wolf in sheep\u2019s clothing\u2014a master manipulator who presents a perfect image yet has evil ulterior motives. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, a wolf in sheep\u2019s clothing is, \u201csomeone or something that seems to be good but is actually not good at all.\u201d I think we\u2019ve all encountered a man like this once or twice in our romantic lives, and most of us have probably even dated one. Wolves can be tricky it\u2019s true, but there\u2019s another man you need to look out for. Because the sad truth is that the men who will hurt you the most won\u2019t be the wolves, or even the wolves in sheep\u2019s clothing. It\u2019s the sheep you have to watch out for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Don\u2019t know what I\u2019m talking about? Have you ever met a \u2018nice guy\u2019 who seemed sweet, caring, and, well, nice, but then there was just always something off about him? Maybe his demeanor was sweet and caring but his actions weren\u2019t, maybe there was a certain look you caught in his eyes during an argument, or maybe he was just too immature or focused on himself to make the relationship work. While these men didn\u2019t mean to hurt or manipulate you, they always ended up doing it. No, they\u2019re weren\u2019t wolves. Just sheep with good intentions, who couldn\u2019t follow through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I call these sheep the Not-So-Nice Nice Guys\u2014the guys who want to be nice, who want to be good men, but don\u2019t want to do the actual work that goes into it. The Not-So-Nice Nice Guy is a strange breed. He\u2019s hard to identify and even harder to understand. So, to help you out, here are the four major signs that the guy you\u2019re with isn\u2019t as nice as he seems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. He can\u2019t or won\u2019t deal with conflict. One common behavior, that I\u2019ve experienced myself, is when a man ignores you after an argument until he\u2019s \u2018ready\u2019 to talk about it. When faced with an argument, an emotionally immature man won\u2019t know how to handle the conflict and so he\u2019ll try to avoid it. He may think he\u2019s being nice because he\u2019s not being mean or yelling at you, but what he doesn\u2019t realize is that by ignoring the situation or putting it on hold, he\u2019s making you feel even worse. And because this behavior doesn\u2019t fit in with the typical idea that most of us have about what a \u2018bad guy\u2019 looks like, it\u2019s hard for everyone in the relationship to realize what\u2019s going on. (I know it wasn\u2019t easy for me.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n But eventually, after being ignored more times then I\u2019d care to admit, I realized that someone who would rather let me feel bad than have a hard conversation is actually pretty selfish. Every relationship will have bumps in the road, some bigger than others. When one person in the relationship is closed-off and avoids conflict, it can make the other person feel confused and alone. And though it may not seem like it, it\u2019s actually pretty cruel. Being with someone who either doesn\u2019t know how or doesn\u2019t want to bother with feeling anything other then basic day-to-day emotions isn\u2019t healthy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. He becomes distant when you\u2019re having a hard time or crisis. 3. He doesn\u2019t put in the effort. Sometimes we simply get comfortable in relationships and put less effort in over time. If you mention how you\u2019re feeling to your partner and he hears you out and puts the effort into changing, then great. But if you mention that you\u2019re not feeling the love and he tries to make you feel guilty, or like you\u2019re too demanding or unappreciative, then he\u2019s being a Not-So-Nice Nice Guy. Once again, it may not seem mean because he\u2019s not actively doing anything to you, but his passive behavior can be just as hurtful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Every relationship goes through a courtship phase, where you\u2019re both trying to woo each other. That courtship may end, but successful relationships\u2014the ones that last forever\u2014are relationships where two people never stop trying to woo each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. He\u2019s a flip-flopper. Here\u2019s an example from my experience: The guy wants to make you a priority in his life and do the right thing by you\u2014so one weekend he\u2019ll cancel guy\u2019s night to take you to dinner. Then the next weekend, after you get excited for another great Friday night together, he\u2019ll tell you, \u201cYou know that\u2019s guy\u2019s night!\u201d Cue major confusion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n At the heart of the Not-So-Nice Nice Guy, is a man who wants to do the right thing. So one week you\u2019re his priority and the next week he wants to hang out with his guy friends so he makes them (and, let\u2019s face it, himself) a priority. There will be times when he realizes he\u2019s making you feel bad, where he\u2019ll realize that he\u2019s not the best boyfriend in the world. He doesn\u2019t want to be a bad guy, and he doesn\u2019t want to hurt you, so he\u2019ll spring into action and do something nice so he can feel like a good guy again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But here\u2019s the thing\u2014the intentions are good but the genuine love and care just isn\u2019t there. And I would say this truly sums up the Not-So-Nice Nice Guy. They want so badly to be good. They\u2019re not bad enough to be wolves, they\u2019re not evil. They\u2019re not manipulative or even smart enough to be wolves in sheep\u2019s clothing. They\u2019re just guys who don\u2019t have the experience or maturity to realize that being a good man and having a good relationship involves more than what they\u2019re giving. Maybe they\u2019re really not capable of it yet. Or maybe they\u2019re just not willing to. Whatever it is, they don\u2019t care about you in the way you deserve.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Relationships with Not-So-Nice Nice Guys start on a foundation of mutual trust and because you see the good in them (flaws and all) it\u2019s hard to realize what\u2019s happening and even harder to walk away from it. You might still continue to fight for the relationship because of the small glimpses of good, or because you still care about him. But that\u2019s what makes the sheep that is the Not-So-Nice Nice Guy far more dangerous than the wolf.<\/p>\n\n\n\n He\u2019s not a bad guy, he\u2019s just not good for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Some guys may seem nice but when you dig a little deeper… not so much. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":92,"featured_media":13867,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[886],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13865","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice-women"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\n<\/strong>Lots of Not-So-Nice Nice Guys are great when you\u2019re getting along, but if you have a disagreement they shut down and can\u2019t (or just won\u2019t) deal. If you\u2019re with a guy who refuses to talk about uncomfortable topics, has a hard time recognizing or seeing your side, and closes up when asked about how he\u2019s feeling, he may not be emotionally mature enough for the kind of relationship you want.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Life isn\u2019t pretty. We all have our ups and downs. If you\u2019re with a guy who only likes being with you when you\u2019re up, then he\u2019s not a very nice guy. Whether it\u2019s problems at work, a fight with friends or family, a sick pet, or something stressful you just need to talk about, the person you\u2019re with should be there for you when things aren\u2019t great. Does the guy you\u2019re with tune out when you talk about something that\u2019s bugging you? Does he dismiss how you feel and tell you that you \u2018just shouldn\u2019t worry about it\u2019? Or does he make you feel like you\u2019re burdening him when you talk about something that\u2019s bugging you? Part of being in a relationship with someone is hearing them out and helping them work through things that aren\u2019t always pretty. True, you probably don\u2019t need to talk about every single problem you have with the guy you\u2019re with\u2014and there are going to be times when a good guy will call you out for focusing on the negative or letting things get to you\u2014but you should always be able to turn to the person in your life when times are tough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>There\u2019s no getting around it, little things matter. One way people show that they care about you is by going out of their way to do something nice every once in a while. Things like a text just to say hi, running an errand you don\u2019t want to do, picking up your favorite dinner, or scheduling a nice night out for the two of you are normal, thoughtful things the guy in your life should be happy to do. And you should be happy to do these things for him too! If your guy doesn\u2019t put any effort into making you happy, it makes you feel like he doesn\u2019t care. Especially if you\u2019re doing these things for him and feeling like it\u2019s all one-sided.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Is there anything more annoying than being with someone who is constantly hot and cold? The problem with the Not-So-Nice Nice Guy is that he wants to be a nice guy, he really does, so every so often he\u2019ll up his game and do something great that will make you think he really does care about you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n