You know that blog post you read that told you how to make your ex-jealous? Or that article that told you women like it when guys tease them about their physical features? If you weren\u2019t already aware of it, some dating advice is not only bad, it actively stops you from getting into great relationships.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As an international dating<\/a> expert who has helped men and women all over the world become better at meeting people, my goal is to give you dating advice that is motivating, authentic, and actually works. That\u2019s why I want to flag five pieces of dating advice that are sabotaging your love life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 1. Play it cool. From my years of coaching men and women I know that people don\u2019t always get each other\u2019s signals. Men in particular look for a strong yes sign from a woman, before they make a move, because they don\u2019t want to risk being rejected. Women, on the other hand, have been taught to delay responding to a man\u2019s messages online, or not make eye contact with a man at a bar. Both of these behaviors force men to read unclear signals; when most men aren\u2019t great at reading even the clearest of female signals in the first place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n As a result, men are often too afraid to make a move, and women are left wondering why their dating life got so boring. The key here is for women to start ditching the myth that by playing it cool they\u2019re making a man work harder. This is unsurprisingly not a great basis for a relationship. I\u2019m strongly in favor of ditching the games, communicating clearly, and looking out for partners who respond to you when you\u2019re being authentic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You don\u2019t want someone who only likes you when you\u2019re pulling away; you want someone who you can reliably and consistently communicate with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 2. Make them jealous. If someone isn\u2019t choosing to be with you then the healthy thing to do is to find someone who does value you. If you feel like you need to convince someone to be with you then you\u2019re giving your own self-esteem a huge thumb\u2019s down.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Plus, chances are as soon as you\u2019re done playing hard to get, the person you\u2019re interested in will lose interest again and move onto someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. Tease them about their looks. This started a tidal wave of men walking up to women and telling them that their smile was a funny shape, or that their nose wrinkled when they laughed. It also sent the message that paying a woman a compliment made you the dreaded \u2018nice guy\u2019 who was doomed to never be attractive to her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n This is one piece of dating advice that will definitely sabotage your love life. Most sane people prefer compliments to insults. A compliment lets someone clearly know your intentions and also implies that you\u2019re self-assured enough to want to raise the person you\u2019re dating\u2019s self-esteem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Most women will take an unsolicited piece of criticism about their appearance about as kindly as a parking ticket. This is not how great romances get started, so keep your comments positive and complimentary.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 4. Wait until there\u2019s a spark. First dates make people nervous and are not the best in terms of getting to know someone. I understand you might be an adrenaline junkie when it comes to dating, in that case this advice doesn\u2019t apply to you. However, if you\u2019re looking for someone stable, then give those people a chance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re motivated by passion and romance own up to it and get those sparks flying; if you want someone who makes you feel secure then look for that feeling instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 5. Get your ex back. I understand that breakups are tough and that when you end up Googling things like \u2018how do I get my ex back\u2019 you\u2019re probably not feeling great. The problem is (and I know this is a clich\u00e9) that you can only go forwards, not backwards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019re going to get way more out of planning for the future, creating new opportunities to meet people, and focusing on your other goals in life then you are in trying to get your ex back. Every Google, social media stalk, and plot to win your ex back takes time, energy, and emotional resources away from your life and leaves you stuck in the past. So distrust any advice that plays into your insecurities, block your ex on social media, and start thinking about what you want to achieve instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Great dating advice is about keeping it positive, proactive, and real. I want you to attract people to YOU. To do this you need to become a great communicator, not a mass manipulator!<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re like more advice check out www.hayleyquinn.com<\/a>. I am passionate about giving you smart, ethical dating advice.<\/p>\n\n\n\n For men who want to know how to have great conversations with her (instead of resorting to \u2018negging\u2019) head to www.hayleyquinn.com\/conversation<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Traditional dating advice tells you that women need to play it cool because men like the chase. The problem with acting like you\u2019re not interested is that people really think you aren\u2019t interested. I blame the play it cool strategy for creating a dating environment that can feel like the Cold War between men and women\u2014where everyone is so uncertain about what other people are thinking that no one dares to make a move.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Another game-playing piece of dating advice that is destined to backfire is trying to make someone jealous. I can see the logic\u2014you want someone to see what they\u2019re missing out on. The big problem with playing games like this in a relationship is that you\u2019re the one that ends up getting played. You want a particular outcome so badly it can be easy to lose sight of whether getting this person would even be good for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>A long time ago a really bad piece of dating advice for men was let loose into the world and messed up no end of male and female interactions\u2014It was called the neg. A neg is making a NEG-ative comment about a good-looking woman\u2019s appearance to demonstrate that you\u2019re unimpressed by her looks.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>I understand that if there\u2019s zero attraction between you, that you end up with a friendship. However, I don\u2019t think you have nothing if you don\u2019t hear birds singing or feel butterflies in your stomach. Sometimes you get a lightning bolt of attraction\u2014But even though that lightning-bolt feeling is a great indicator of short-term attraction, it isn\u2019t the best indicator of long-term compatibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>The pieces of advice that I\u2019d most like to delete from the Internet (and that are most certainly sabotaging your love life) are any plots and schemes to get your ex back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n