{"id":14998,"date":"2017-08-18T11:44:42","date_gmt":"2017-08-18T18:44:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=14998"},"modified":"2022-05-22T23:54:29","modified_gmt":"2022-05-23T06:54:29","slug":"dating-apps-hookups-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/dating-apps-hookups-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Are Dating Apps for Hookups or Relationships?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

International dating expert Hayley Quinn<\/a> has long been an\u00a0advocate for equality in love and dating. Now you can help\u00a0her spread the word by voting for her SXSW talk Dating Apps: Ruining Romance or Enabling Equality?<\/a> before August 25.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once upon a time maybe your eyes would have crossed paths with the cute guy from the next village as your hands both went for the same loaf of bread; now the second most common way people couple up is through a dating app. Romance has definitely changed: but could this be for the best? Can you find the relationship you want on a dating app?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dating apps sometimes get a bad reputation for taking the romance out of dating and creating a culture where, because we have so much choice, people are less likely\u00a0to settle down. As an international dating<\/a> expert I get asked a lot, “What app or dating site should I use to find love?” So here\u2019s the thing\u2014there\u2019s no magic app where all the relationship-minded people hang out. Technology can\u2019t guarantee lasting love. All dating apps do is help you to meet a larger\u00a0selection of people. The relationship building is still up\u00a0to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let me explain this more and give you some simple steps you can follow to find the relationship you want on a dating app.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Dating apps are a platform to meet more people.<\/strong>
\nAlongside taking that salsa class, and meeting people through friends, dating apps give you a way to meet people that you may never have met in real life. This randomization can be a powerful way to meet a much larger selection of people. And because of that, being clear about what you want will make it easier for you to match with people who want the same things as you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some people use apps to date casually, others use apps to look for a long-term partner, and just about everything in-between. Whether you just want some fun or are looking for the one, it\u2019s good to start by being clear with yourself about what you want. This will help you to look out for the right qualities in other people, and communicate clearly with them. If you want a relationship and someone just seems to be interested in meeting you between 9 p.m. and 9 a.m. on a Tuesday night, leave it. Likewise if you want to just have a \u2018netflix and chill\u2019 then be upfront about your intentions to attract other people who really like to, er… stay in and watch movies. Take responsibility for choosing people who are looking for similar things as you are from the start, and drop trying to change someone\u2019s mind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dating apps may not be able to guarantee happily ever after (that\u2019s a lot to ask from your mobile phone!) but what they do reflect is different people\u2019s different versions of happiness. For some people happiness is a lasting partnership, for others it\u2019s a flirtatious Friday night. Both are equally valid dating goals\u2014as long as you remember to be honest about what you’re looking for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Don\u2019t be afraid to make the first move to meet new people.
\n(Yes, ladies I mean you.)
\n<\/strong>One amazing thing about dating in 2017 is that it’s more than ok for women to make the first move. Sure in the past things may have seemed more ‘romantic’ but given a choice between waiting to see who sweeps you off your feet, and being able to create opportunities for yourself, I would take opportunity creation every time. This puts you in the driver’s seat when it comes to the romantic choices you have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now you may think that men like the chase and that making a move will scare them off. First of all, if any man doesn\u2019t appreciate a woman being communicative and open to dating, you don\u2019t need that guy! Secondly, stats from the dating site Zoosk<\/a> show that women who make the first move are often more successful. Women who send messages that give a clear suggestion of a date by mentioning lunch, drinks,<\/em> or dinner<\/em> get up to 73% more responses. Men sometimes feel they face an uphill struggle while trying to meet women online who are prepared to get offline. If you show clearly that you’re someone who is on the dating app to date, then you can expect a positive response from the men out there who want the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Again this doesn\u2019t guarantee the guy who turns up on that date is a great match for you, or wants the same things, this is why you want to use your communication skills to both state what you want, and hear what the other person wants.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you want a relationship there\u2019s no shame in saying, “I just don\u2019t believe in double dating, sounds confusing!” or, “For the right person, then yes of course I\u2019d be open to a relationship.” Or if you want to be more carefree then say something like, “Right now I\u2019m just focusing on my career and enjoying new experiences.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It can be a bit ouchy when you want more than the other person, but rather than seeing dating apps as the culprit, instead recognize that it\u2019s ok for people to want different things, and respect people\u2019s choices\u2026 even if you don\u2019t always agree with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Be honest about who you are to attract the right people.
\n<\/strong>You may think that by creating a more generic dating profile that you\u2019ll get more matches, which may be true, but this doesn\u2019t necessarily mean they\u2019re the right matches. You can see this right away with how you choose your photo\u2014people with a full body photo (this doesn\u2019t need to be shirtless!) get 203% more messages than those without. This is because full-body photos where someone can see all of you create trust, as they allow people to see you clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The same goes for your profile. You may think that all women want a swashbuckling alpha male who bears more than a passing resemblance to Ryan Gosling. But you may be surprised to hear that men with the word thoughtful<\/em> in their profiles get 66% more messages. As times are changing so do our expectations of what an attractive person is. People are looking for different types of relationships and because of that different qualities in men and women can be appreciated. Sure you\u2019re never going to impress everyone, but if you create a profile full of your quirks, personality, and qualities you’ll get better quality matches, and people who are really interesting in you and the thing you’re passionate about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The world of dating apps has given us more options\u2014more choice over who to date and the relationships we form. They have reflected how society is changing so that many different versions of identity, partnerships, and paths to happiness now exist. It does mean our love lives have grown more complex, but it has restored a lot of our freedom as individuals to choose how we live, and explore who we are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you’re interested in hearing more about how dating apps are shaping and reflecting our relationships, I would appreciate your vote for my upcoming SXSW talk. To learn more and vote for my talk Dating Apps: Ruining Love Or Enabling Equality?<\/em> check out my PanelPicker page<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The answer is both, and it’s not such a bad thing. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":105,"featured_media":14999,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[888],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14998","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-online-dating"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAre Dating Apps for Hookups or Relationships?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"People use dating apps for hookups but also for relationships. 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