{"id":15044,"date":"2017-09-03T01:00:45","date_gmt":"2017-09-03T08:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=15044"},"modified":"2021-05-31T13:22:42","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T20:22:42","slug":"what-is-the-friend-zone-why-stop-calling-it-friend-zone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/what-is-the-friend-zone-why-stop-calling-it-friend-zone\/","title":{"rendered":"Why We Need to Stop Calling It The Friend Zone"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I once had a close male friend who tried to woo me. Though I didn\u2019t feel the same way, I did like and appreciate him as a person and as a friend, and I expressed this to him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

“So, you\u2019re permanently putting me in the friend zone?” he asked, shuddering. (As if friend zone actually meant Twilight Zone.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead of valuing the extension of friendship, he took it as a form of penalization because his feelings weren\u2019t reciprocated, and after a few more awkward encounters, I didn\u2019t hear from him again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The definition of \u2018friend zone\u2019 refers to a platonic relationship where one party has unrequited romantic feelings for the other, and is essentially banished to a life of \u201clook, but don\u2019t touch.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Prevalent in pop culture (it\u2019s been thought that it was coined on a 1994 episode of, ironically, \u201cFriends\u201d<\/a> and has even generated into an eponymous MTV dating show), it has been quickly labeled as something negative akin to a consolation prize rather than an opportunity for a different kind of connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The problem with perpetuating the friend zone is that it further complicates relationships, and it needs to be eradicated. Here\u2019s why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. It\u2019s sexist.<\/strong>
\nAlthough the term is gender-neutral, it\u2019s mostly used to describe a situation between a heterosexual man and woman, where the man has been friendzoned by the woman. It\u2019s not that women are not friendzoned, but mostly when men complain about it, they are shaming the woman for rejecting them. They are shaming a woman for exercising her right to say, \u201cNo\u201d because of the \u201cwork\u201d and time they\u2019ve \u201cinvested\u201d into a friendship. Nope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. It infers that relationships are transactional.<\/strong>
\nSomeone who\u2019s interested in you might buy you dinner, offer to help move you out of your apartment, or create a mixed CD. Because they did these nice things for you and they believe they have the very best of intentions, there is an expectation that you must reciprocate their feelings. Double NOPE. Generosity and favors do not entitle anyone to a relationship, nor do they entitle sex. Human beings are not play things, and no one \u201cowes\u201d anyone anything, especially intimacy. The truth is all relationships require some kind of time and work. That\u2019s what being a true friend means. A true friend willingly puts effort into a friendship and never expects anything in return.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. It gives someone a way out of taking responsibility.<\/strong>
\nWhen a man talks about the \u201cfriend zone\u201d, he generally says that a woman \u201cput\u201d him there in this vague, mysterious Bermuda-like triangle way, as if he doesn’t have any way of escaping. Because he was conveniently placed there, he\u2019s able to shrug off any responsibility for his actions that might have \u201cput\u201d him there in the first place. He doesn\u2019t have to take ownership for staying in a situation that might make him feel bad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But here\u2019s the thing: people in the friend zone are responsible for themselves and their choices. If they don\u2019t like the relationship they\u2019ve been offered, they don\u2019t need to take it. And it is more than likely that their behavior is the reason why they were initially so-called banished there. Instead of blaming someone for your circumstances, it would be smart to take this as an opportunity to examine yourself and your attitude towards relationships and create what you want, otherwise you\u2019re in for a slew of future disappointments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. It implies men and women can\u2019t be friends.<\/strong>
\nHarry and Sally have been debating this for 30 years. Maybe sex gets in the way for some people, but not all. However, by perpetuating that men and women can\u2019t be friends because, ultimately, sexual complications are bound to ensue, which might lead to hurt feelings and rejection, it stops people from pursuing authentic friendships with members of the opposite sex. Which is a shame because finding a good friend, especially as an adult, is hard to find.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The reality is, relationships are hella complicated, but unrequited love is nothing new (Shakespeare wrote about it constantly). Being rejected is hard, but if you have shared your feelings from an open and honest place, there is nothing truly lost there. There are far worst things to being \u201cjust friends\u201d, but if that\u2019s hard for you, then gracefully bow out. And consider this\u2014if you were being friends and doing nice things for someone to ultimately get sex or something more from them they never promised you, then you might want to also consider how that other person feels. Because feeling like a friend was only ever using you is a way worse place to be than the \u2018friend zone.\u2019<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hint: Just because you do nice, friendly things for someone doesn’t mean they owe you more than friendship. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":61,"featured_media":15212,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[899],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-15044","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-single-life"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Is the Friend Zone and What's Wrong With It?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The definition of friend zone refers to a platonic relationship where one party has unrequited feelings for the other. 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