{"id":16477,"date":"2018-04-05T01:00:20","date_gmt":"2018-04-05T08:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=16477"},"modified":"2021-05-31T12:43:08","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T19:43:08","slug":"getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting Back with an Ex: How to Know When It\u2019s Right"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When any relationship breaks down, it\u2019s a sign that something wasn\u2019t quite right. And while friends and family might tell you to leave the past behind you, you might find weeks or months pass by and you still can\u2019t get the thought of getting back ex off your mind.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After you\u2019ve both had some necessary time apart to reflect, it\u2019s important to get clear on why you want to reunite with your ex partner, so that you avoid taking back someone who simply isn\u2019t right for you or good for you in the long run.  <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here are some important questions to ask yourself when deciding whether you should get back with an ex or not.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why did you guys break up?
\n<\/b>Was it something serious like cheating or abuse? Or was it something significant but fixable, like petty arguments, or losing that initial fire you had for each other?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Certain behaviors and actions are unforgivable, but it\u2019s important to put your physical and emotional health first, and respect yourself enough not to be with someone who treats you poorly.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If the reason for your break up can be resolved by both of you working together as a team, then your relationship has a strong chance of working the second time around.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have we both made changes and learned our lessons from last time?
\n<\/b>It takes two to tango, and it\u2019s highly likely that both of you had a part to play in your break up. When thinking about reconciling, ask yourself if your ex has made the changes needed for your relationship to be stable and happy this time. And have you made some changes, and learned your lesson too? <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both of you should\u2019ve grown and matured from last time, which is what will make the difference the second time around. If you\u2019re both the same people as before and unwilling to make changes, your relationship will be doomed from the start.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That being said, it\u2019s important to accept each other for who you truly are as people. If you\u2019re expecting someone to change in fundamental ways, you\u2019re sending a message that they\u2019re not good enough, and the reality is people can only change to a certain degree.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Have we both recovered from any past hurt?
\n<\/b>If you still blame your ex for something that happened or the anger, betrayal, hurt or confusion you\u2019re still feeling, you\u2019re not in a position right now to be in a relationship with anyone.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For your relationship to work this time, both of you need to be able to forgive and forget, leave the past in the past, and not continue to open up old wounds. <\/span>So if you\u2019re willing to move on, you might have a bright future together.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you miserable without each other?
\n<\/b>Sometimes all people need is time apart to realize exactly what they\u2019ve lost. If you\u2019ve had sufficient time apart, and you\u2019re both struggling without each other, and you miss each other terribly\u2014it\u2019s probably worth giving it a second chance.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can\u2019t stop comparing everyone to them.
\n<\/b>If you\u2019ve had a chance to start dating other people since the breakup, you might start to realize that those bad habits and traits your ex drove you crazy with are actually tolerable compared to those of the new people you\u2019ve encountered. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So if you\u2019ve been dating a while and you still can\u2019t seem to get your ex out of your head, it\u2019s a strong sign that you should give things another go.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do you both want the same things?
\n<\/b>When two people aren\u2019t on the same page when it comes to the big things in life, the relationship isn\u2019t likely to last because eventually you\u2019ll both end up wanting to go in different directions.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe you want to have a family, and they don\u2019t. Maybe they want to travel and work halfway across the world, and you want to stay put. People do change and grow, especially as they age, but if you\u2019re not aligned with each other in the beginning, it can make for a bumpy, uncertain future together. If you both want the same things, that\u2019s a great foundation to build on.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are we both willing to give it our all this time?
\n<\/b>Relationships are hard work, and they require continuous effort from both people in order to function and blossom. If you\u2019re both willing to give your relationship everything you\u2019ve got this time, you\u2019ve got a shot; but if not, you should ask yourself if your heart is really in it. <\/span>It takes a whole lot more than love to make a relationship last. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Can you see them in your future?
\n<\/b>Many of us stay in relationships that are good for right now, but we don\u2019t think about the future. Is this person right for you in the long-term? Can you see yourself settling down with them, and growing old? Do they fit into the life you imagine for yourself in the next 5 or 10 years?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t fall into the trap of getting back with someone simply because you\u2019re lonely, and want the comfort of a relationship right now. If there\u2019s genuine potential for you two, then it might be worth the risk for you both.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What do your friends and family think?
\n<\/b>When you\u2019re considering reuniting with an ex, often you\u2019re too close to the situation to be able to see it clearly or rationally. Asking your nearest and dearest for their honest opinions can be really helpful and insightful on whether or not it\u2019s a good idea. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If everyone around you is pleading with you not to get back with this person, then chances are it\u2019s not a healthy relationship for either of you. But if your loved ones are telling you to go for it already, and your gut is telling you the same, you owe it yourself to give it some real consideration.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be willing to take things slowly
\n<\/b>Rushing back into this relationship without taking time to reflect on it or figure out what went wrong is a recipe for failure. So take as much time as you both need to rebuild the trust, and let things happen naturally. Don\u2019t pressure yourselves to label it or pick up where you left things.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trust your instincts.
\n<\/b>Your family and friends are great to lean on in times of need and get advice from, but the truth is you know yourself better than anyone else does. You know what you need, and deep down you know the kind of person you want to be with. Maybe getting back with your ex is actually a terrible idea, but if something within you is telling you that you\u2019ve got to do this, then this might just be a lesson you\u2019re supposed to learn the hard way.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Most of the time though, when you listen to and trust your instincts you won\u2019t go wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you’re thinking about getting back with an ex, there are a few things you need to think about first. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":141,"featured_media":16478,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[983,884,891],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16477","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-breaking-up","category-dating-advice","category-relationship-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nGetting Back with an Ex: How to Know When It\u2019s Right<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you're thinking about getting back with an ex, there are a few questions you should ask yourself first. Experts share their thoughts on what you should do.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Getting Back with an Ex: How to Know When It\u2019s Right\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you're thinking about getting back with an ex, there are a few questions you should ask yourself first. Experts share their thoughts on what you should do.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-04-05T08:00:20+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-31T19:43:08+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/04180420\/getting-back-with-an-ex.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Shani Jay\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Shani Jay\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Getting Back with an Ex: How to Know When It\u2019s Right","description":"If you're thinking about getting back with an ex, there are a few questions you should ask yourself first. Experts share their thoughts on what you should do.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Getting Back with an Ex: How to Know When It\u2019s Right","og_description":"If you're thinking about getting back with an ex, there are a few questions you should ask yourself first. Experts share their thoughts on what you should do.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_published_time":"2018-04-05T08:00:20+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-05-31T19:43:08+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/04180420\/getting-back-with-an-ex.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Shani Jay","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Zoosk","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Shani Jay","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/"},"author":{"name":"Shani Jay","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/84f8c32d40fc01dd6a77082438f0cb28"},"headline":"Getting Back with an Ex: How to Know When It\u2019s Right","datePublished":"2018-04-05T08:00:20+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T19:43:08+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/"},"wordCount":1209,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/04180420\/getting-back-with-an-ex.jpg","articleSection":["Breaking Up Tips","Dating Advice","Relationship Advice"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/","name":"Getting Back with an Ex: How to Know When It\u2019s Right","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/04180420\/getting-back-with-an-ex.jpg","datePublished":"2018-04-05T08:00:20+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T19:43:08+00:00","description":"If you're thinking about getting back with an ex, there are a few questions you should ask yourself first. Experts share their thoughts on what you should do.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/04180420\/getting-back-with-an-ex.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/04180420\/getting-back-with-an-ex.jpg","width":800,"height":600,"caption":"A woman thinking about getting back with an ex, closing her eyes while she kisses her ex boyfriend."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/getting-back-with-an-ex-know-its-right\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Dating Tips","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Getting Back with an Ex: How to Know When It\u2019s Right"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/84f8c32d40fc01dd6a77082438f0cb28","name":"Shani Jay","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/avatar_user_141_1523037893-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/avatar_user_141_1523037893-96x96.jpg","caption":"Shani Jay"},"description":"Shani Jay is the Creatrix & Goddess In Chief of Revoloon. Ask her what she does for a living, and she\u2019ll tell you she holds a mirror to your soul, so you can see how beautiful you already are. Shani is a bestselling author and internationally published writer. Her articles have reached and touched millions, while her books have made their way into the hands and hearts of thousands of women worldwide. You can also find some of her work at SilverSingles and EliteSingles. Shani has been working with Zoosk, sharing her knowledge and creating engaging content for online daters looking to make real connections with like-minded singles.","sameAs":["https:\/\/www.shanijay.com\/"],"url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/shani-jay\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16477","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/141"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16477"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16477\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16478"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16477"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16477"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16477"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}