{"id":16567,"date":"2018-05-02T01:00:26","date_gmt":"2018-05-02T08:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=16567"},"modified":"2021-05-31T12:40:09","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T19:40:09","slug":"single-over-40-should-you-settle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/","title":{"rendered":"If You\u2019re Single Over 40, Should You Ever Settle?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If you\u2019re single over 40, chances are your journey of surviving the dating world in the 21st<\/sup> century is starting to take its toll. And if you\u2019re anything like me, you may have come to a point where you\u2019re starting to question whether or not you should \u201csettle\u201d for someone. Nobody is perfect, but how do you decide whether you\u2019re settling for someone who\u2019s not really for you or compromising to be with someone who may be really wonderful?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Difference Between Settling vs. Compromising:<\/strong>
\nMy definition of settling is basically giving up and giving in, even though your needs aren\u2019t being met.  The Urban Dictionary defines it something like, \u201cWhen one chooses to become romantically involved with someone who is not as impressive, but simple to be with, as the best available option because it’s easier than continuing the search.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My definition of compromising is meeting in the middle and understanding that not everything is going to go your way. The dictionary lists compromising in a relationship as, \u201cEngaging in positive compromise. Sometimes compromise means one person has to give something up, or extend oneself for the greater good of the relationship.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As we get older and continue to date, one of two things can happen\u2014Either we get more set in our ways and refuse to negotiate on anything, or we become desperate and will throw in the towel and settle due to fear of being alone forever. Being a stubborn curmudgeon who is unwilling to embrace and accept new things will leave you alone and miserable. When two people are in love, compromise is an everyday occurrence, which (for the most part) occurs naturally. But settling is different. Settling means you\u2019re compromising your true self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now that we\u2019re in our 40s, it might be time to reevaluate our list of non-negotiables. What we were unwilling to accept in our 20s may be different now that we\u2019re older. Usually one of the first things we\u2019re attracted to when we\u2019re younger (and older too) is someone\u2019s physical appearance. But while physical attraction and chemistry is extremely important, we have to realize that looks change for everyone as we age. Some of us might be more fortunate than others in retaining our youthful appearance, but we need to take into consideration that we will not look the same at 40 as we did at 20. If the way you evaluate possible partners is still based on their looks, you may be missing out on some really great people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In our 20s, very few of us had achieved financial stability and success. However, in our 40s, finding someone who has a career and is financially stable is more common and important. Dating someone who is living at home in their childhood bedroom may be a deal-breaker at this point. These are some of the things to consider updating when you think about your list of non-negotiables.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Compromising occurs after you\u2019ve met someone who you\u2019re attracted to. That\u2019s when issues that may have been on your non-negotiable list, aren\u2019t so cut and dry. For example, dating someone who is financially stable may be non-negotiable, until you realized the person you\u2019re already interested in left a successful career to start out on a new path. You may not want to date someone who lives at home with their parents, but then you realized they moved back home to care for their elderly parents. These are things that you compromise on due to circumstances or the stage of life that you\u2019re in. Not because you\u2019re giving up something that\u2019s important to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one should ever have to settle, but we should all be realistic about what we\u2019re looking for and what we\u2019re willing to accept in order to find happiness.  We all have needs and wants, and I think one of the most important things to do when you\u2019re single in your 40s, is to meet your needs, and realize your wants are secondary. There is no one person who will meet all of your wants and needs. However, if they can meet most of them, you may have found that special partner who you can grow and be happy with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

To read more of Tonia\u2019s work and learn about her book Single and Not Settling<\/em>, visit toniadecosimo.com<\/a> or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Author Tonia DeCosimo explores the differences between settling and compromising in relationships. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":96,"featured_media":16568,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[975],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16567","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-in-your-40s"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nIf You\u2019re Single Over 40, Should You Ever Settle?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Nobody is perfect, but how do you decide whether you\u2019re settling for someone who\u2019s not really for you or compromising to be with someone who may be really wonderful?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"If You\u2019re Single Over 40, Should You Ever Settle?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Nobody is perfect, but how do you decide whether you\u2019re settling for someone who\u2019s not really for you or compromising to be with someone who may be really wonderful?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheToniaDeCosimo\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-05-02T08:00:26+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-31T19:40:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/24110154\/single-over-40.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Tonia DeCosimo\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@https:\/\/twitter.com\/toniadecosimo\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Tonia DeCosimo\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"If You\u2019re Single Over 40, Should You Ever Settle?","description":"Nobody is perfect, but how do you decide whether you\u2019re settling for someone who\u2019s not really for you or compromising to be with someone who may be really wonderful?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"If You\u2019re Single Over 40, Should You Ever Settle?","og_description":"Nobody is perfect, but how do you decide whether you\u2019re settling for someone who\u2019s not really for you or compromising to be with someone who may be really wonderful?","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheToniaDeCosimo\/","article_published_time":"2018-05-02T08:00:26+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-05-31T19:40:09+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/24110154\/single-over-40.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Tonia DeCosimo","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@https:\/\/twitter.com\/toniadecosimo","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Tonia DeCosimo","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/"},"author":{"name":"Tonia DeCosimo","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/c8f828dd1e77f5c3fc0abd0fb294a3ff"},"headline":"If You\u2019re Single Over 40, Should You Ever Settle?","datePublished":"2018-05-02T08:00:26+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T19:40:09+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/"},"wordCount":762,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/24110154\/single-over-40.jpg","articleSection":["Dating in Your 40s"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/","name":"If You\u2019re Single Over 40, Should You Ever Settle?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/24110154\/single-over-40.jpg","datePublished":"2018-05-02T08:00:26+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T19:40:09+00:00","description":"Nobody is perfect, but how do you decide whether you\u2019re settling for someone who\u2019s not really for you or compromising to be with someone who may be really wonderful?","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/24110154\/single-over-40.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/04\/24110154\/single-over-40.jpg","width":800,"height":600,"caption":"A woman who's single over 40 hugging her boyfriend who she didn't settle for in a sunny field."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/single-over-40-should-you-settle\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Dating Tips","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Dating in Your 40s","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-in-your-40s\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":4,"name":"If You\u2019re Single Over 40, Should You Ever Settle?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/c8f828dd1e77f5c3fc0abd0fb294a3ff","name":"Tonia DeCosimo","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/avatar_user_96_1533061739-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/avatar_user_96_1533061739-96x96.jpg","caption":"Tonia DeCosimo"},"description":"Tonia DeCosimo is a successful entrepreneur and dating and relationship author. She received her B.S. degree in Elementary Education and English from Manhattan College. Her career path took her into the fields of marketing, publishing, and sales consulting in which she has worked successfully for the past 25 years. During that time, she has built and managed several companies including her own. When she's not busy building her career or dishing out dating advice, Tonia is the proud step-mom of two teenagers, residing in Long Island with her husband. Tonia has been working with Zoosk to create unique, engaging content around online dating and relationships.","sameAs":["https:\/\/toniadecosimo.com\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheToniaDeCosimo\/","https:\/\/x.com\/https:\/\/twitter.com\/toniadecosimo"],"url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/tonia-decosimo\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16567","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/96"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=16567"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/16567\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/16568"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=16567"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=16567"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=16567"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}