You broke up. Now what? The sting of a breakup or a divorce is so stressful and emotional that it fills our bodies with adrenaline that causes us to feel disorientated and sometimes helpless. Your weekly Netflix nights, your comforting cuddles, not to mention your future plans and dreams have come to a jarring halt. How else will you fill the void in your life and in your heart?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Most likely your first reflex is to contact your ex again. Maybe go over the reasons behind the breakup more thoroughly. Buy some time. Maybe text them something funny. You think, \u201cWe can still be friends, right?\u201d Because at least then you\u2019re holding onto some sort of semblance of the connection that you once shared. And maybe, just maybe, you might find your way back together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But here\u2019s the thing: the longer you remain in contact with your ex, the harder it will be to get over them. Which is why the no contact rule is the best way to achieve the necessary clarity and healing that your breakup requires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not convinced? That\u2019s normal. Humans typically resist change. You\u2019re probably rationalizing why it\u2019s totally okay to remain in contact with your ex. You have a history. You have their toothbrush, etc. If you still need more convincing, then here are some reasons why the no contact rule is something you should definitely do post-breakup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What is the No Contact Rule? How long does this \u201cno contact rule\u201d last? Generally, it\u2019s suggested to try it for at least 30 days. At the end of the month, check in with yourself and your healing, and ask yourself if there\u2019s a legit reason to contact your ex again. Usually there isn\u2019t. But remember: this no contact rule isn\u2019t about your ex; it\u2019s about you getting stronger and healthier and reminding yourself how life was like before them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n How Can It Help You<\/strong> It gives you perspective. It offers you healing. It allows you to have more experiences.<\/strong> When It\u2019s Okay to Break the Rule And, of course, if there is an emergency situation that involves your ex, you may connect\u2014just don\u2019t create one for the sake of it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Will You Get Back Together? Breakups are tough, and the idea of never talking to someone who you loved is heart-wrenching. However, having no contact is the best way to clearly see the validity behind your breakup and will help you to break the ties once and for all so you can truly move forward. It\u2019s difficult, and you will want to relent\u2014don\u2019t. No contact means you can finally take control of your life and gain the freedom you desire.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The longer you remain in contact with your ex, the harder it will be to get over them. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":61,"featured_media":16844,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[983,973],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16843","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-breaking-up","category-moving-on"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\n<\/strong>Exactly what it sounds like: there is to be no communication or physical contact between you and your ex. That means no email, texting, calling, social media messaging, seeing, randomly \u201cbumping\u201d into each other, and, especially, no sex with your ex. This also goes for responding to your ex\u2019s texts and messages. It doesn\u2019t matter if they\u2019re reaching out to you\u2014you remain firm and silent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSo why is this rule so important? Lots of reasons…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>No contact allows you a new perspective on your relationship and the reasons why you broke up. Remaining in contact with your ex will often cloud your judgment and have you long for the good ol\u2019 days rather than see the truth behind the issues that caused the breakup in the first place. By not having your ex in your life, you\u2019re able to see why things broke down in the first place so you can come to an understanding, and later an acceptance, of why the relationship didn\u2019t work so you know what to avoid in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Your heart won\u2019t be able to mend and move on if you\u2019re constantly talking and seeing your ex. Having your ex remain in your life will probably make you think you\u2019ll get back together. You\u2019ll continue to live off hope rather than reality, which means your sole focus will be on how to be together again rather than the real reason behind the breakup\u2014and there is a reason! It\u2019s just harder to see when you\u2019re so busy denying it and reeling from your hurt. Getting space from your ex will help you accept that it\u2019s finally over, so you\u2019re able to let go more and more each day, and move forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nBeing constantly linked to your ex blocks you from placing your attention and energy elsewhere, including exploring new opportunities and new people. Each time you connect and think of your ex, you are blocking yourself off from new experiences that could fulfill you in ways that your old relationship couldn\u2019t. It\u2019s vital that after a breakup we devote time to building ourselves up to be stronger, healthier, and happier. Talking to your ex, which will only get your hopes up or hook you into potential drama, stops you from seeing people and new activities with fresh eyes and a brighter energy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>Of course if you are co-parenting with your ex, then you will need to communicate with them. However, even in that case, you should limit your conversations to strictly concerning your children. Because, otherwise, you could find yourself getting hooked into your ex\u2019s life again and everything else that came with it. Perhaps after some time and space, you\u2019ll be able to connect with the parent of your children in other ways, but it\u2019s best to refrain from too much contact directly after a breakup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>There are some theories floating around the Internet that the no contact rule will have your ex come chasing after you, especially if you\u2019re a woman and your ex is a man. It follows the sentiment that a man wants what he can\u2019t have and if he can see you thriving and happily doing your thing without him, then he will desperately want to have contact with you again because he finally realizes what he\u2019s been missing. This might very well be true, but this shouldn\u2019t be the reason behind you not having contact with your ex. The purpose of no contact is to heal and move forward\u2014not to manipulate. And if you\u2019re doing \u201cno contact\u201d for the purpose of winning back your ex, then you\u2019re doing a disservice to yourself and your healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n