{"id":16845,"date":"2018-06-19T14:00:18","date_gmt":"2018-06-19T21:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=16845"},"modified":"2022-06-30T07:04:09","modified_gmt":"2022-06-30T14:04:09","slug":"im-not-interested-talk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/breaking-up\/im-not-interested-talk\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Have the “I’m Not Interested” Talk"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In this technological age, filled with sexting and booty calls, one of the worst things to come out of it all is the concept of ghosting. While you might not be familiar with the word, almost all of us are familiar with the concept. You\u2019re really into someone. You go out a couple of times. You\u2019re thinking maybe things are going well. You send a text and suddenly there\u2019s no response. You try again a few days later, not wanting to seem too clingy. Still, nothing. You give it one last shot a few days after that. Still, no response. Maybe they even have read receipts on and you can see they saw it. They just aren\u2019t responding. You\u2019re feeling ignored<\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re left with no closure and a nagging feeling of \u201cwhat if?\u201d What if he thought I was boring? What if she thought I looked too different from my profile picture? <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

No one likes to be ghosted so don\u2019t be that person. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But maybe in this digital world, we\u2019ve all gotten used to the convenience of read receipts doing our talking for us. Maybe it\u2019s made us colder. Remember that there\u2019s a person on the other end of that phone and then remember the golden rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. You don\u2019t want to be ghosted. So don\u2019t be a ghoster.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s kick the habit and get back to having those hard (and let\u2019s face it, probably a bit awkward) conversations when we\u2019re just not feeling it. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What To Say<\/strong>
\n<\/span>So your date is asking for a follow up date. That would be great, if you were feeling the same way. Maybe he was rude to the waiter. Maybe she wouldn\u2019t let you get a word in edgewise the entire date. Or maybe you can\u2019t really put your finger on it, but, for some reason, you\u2019re just not feeling it. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Clich\u00e9s are clich\u00e9s for a reason. Often, they\u2019ve been said so much because they work and a personal favorite is, \u201cI\u2019m just not really feeling it.\u201d Yes, it\u2019s kind of blunt but that\u2019s the best part. Here\u2019s another clich\u00e9 for you that’s used for a reason: honesty is the best policy. Be honest, be blunt, don\u2019t beat around the bush.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

What Not To Say
\n<\/strong>Don\u2019t blame yourself. I often hear people say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d afterward telling someone they’re not interested, and I\u2019m guilty of it myself, but the truth is, you\u2019re probably not sorry and you have nothing to apologize for. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t blame your date either. Dating will always be subjective. Maybe your date spent two hours talking about his cats. Maybe that\u2019s a turn off for you, but you never know if it\u2019ll be a turn on for someone else. If you tell him, \u201cYou bored me with your cat stories,\u201d he\u2019ll stop telling them and he might just miss out on a future love connection with a fellow cat lover because of it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When To Say It<\/strong>
\n<\/span>If you and your date are on the same page, this talk really isn\u2019t all that necessary. Mutual ghosting really isn\u2019t as bad as one-sided ghosting. Say you end your date and neither of you mention a follow up. The next day, no text comes. Days later still nothing. You don\u2019t want to reach out to them and they\u2019re not reaching out to you. It\u2019s a clean break so count your blessings and move on.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you and your date aren\u2019t on the same page, and they do text you after the date, don\u2019t put off responding because it\u2019s awkward or you don\u2019t want to deal with it. Get it over with as soon as you can and don\u2019t leave the other person hanging. Trust me, you\u2019ll both feel better.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When They Can\u2019t Understand No<\/strong>
\n<\/span>On the other side of the coin, some people have a harder time moving on. If you\u2019ve already said you\u2019re not interested a<\/span>nd then the other person replies with, \u201cCome on, one more shot? I\u2019ll make it worth it!\u201d or the angrier, \u201cSo just like that, huh? I take you to a nice dinner and that\u2019s it?\u201d it can get hard and awkward. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For some people, all you have to do is say you\u2019re not interested and they\u2019ll walk away. Maybe they\u2019re disappointed, but they\u2019re also kind of glad you\u2019re not going to string them along.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For the people who don\u2019t understand no, remember not to apologize. For some people, they take an \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d as a sign of weakness and they\u2019ll try to weasel their way back into a second date. Instead, r<\/span>emember to stand your ground, say no again, and then end the conversation on your terms. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is where you can ghost and not feel the least bit guilty about it. Walk away and, if they text or call, hit the ignore button until they stop. Any person who can\u2019t respect the word no is someone you never want to date anyways.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having the “I’m not interested” talk can be hard. It’s never easy to be honest with someone when you know it may hurt them. But part of being a thoughtful person is doing the things that aren’t easy, but right. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

No one likes to be ghosted so don\u2019t be that person.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":156,"featured_media":16846,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[983,884,973],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-16845","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-breaking-up","category-dating-advice","category-moving-on"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Have the "I'm Not Interested" Talk<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When you're just not into someone, you're just not into someone. But how can you nicely say I'm not interested without it being weird. 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