{"id":17277,"date":"2018-08-24T01:00:46","date_gmt":"2018-08-24T08:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17277"},"modified":"2021-05-31T11:09:52","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T18:09:52","slug":"nsa-hookup","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/nsa-hookup\/","title":{"rendered":"Is the NSA Hookup Just a Myth?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

It\u2019s not exactly an age old question. It\u2019s more of a \u201cdating app age\u201d old question. My parents would often tell me that, when they were my age, they dated friends of friends. They dated people from their high school and people they knew since they were three. It was kind of hard to meet anyone else. That\u2019s probably why my parents and all of my aunts and uncles all knew each other and were friends in high school. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve come a long way since then. Now you can meet and talk to a new person and go on a date with them all within the hour. The ability to meet strangers whose last name you don\u2019t even know has contributed greatly to the rise of hookup culture. You meet someone online, that someone invites you to their place for a movie, the movie turns into something else, and you\u2019re out before sun up. You never hear from that person again. That\u2019s an NSA (no strings attached) hookup.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But does the NSA hookup really exist? Are that many people really hooking up? And does it really work? <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a word: sorta. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not everyone in the world wants sex. You could be asexual or be practicing celibacy and that\u2019s completely fine. You are seen and you\u2019re awesome. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And there are some people who only want monogamous sex. You are also seen and you are also awesome. Or people who have polyamorous sex with multiple partners. Also seen, also awesome.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then there are people who like to have casual sex with strangers. Also seen, also awesome. What\u2019s not so great is when these different people connect but aren\u2019t clear on what they want. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Say you\u2019re looking for a long term partner and someone you\u2019ve been talking to for a while invites you over for dinner. It seems like a nice first date and you go for it. While there, you feel a strong chemistry and you both decide to hookup. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then you get home thinking you met a great person and you can\u2019t wait to see them again soon. You text them the next day to say that you had a great time. And you never hear from them again.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s not okay. It can lead to people feeling used and taken advantage of. And some simple communication could have made sure this never happened. We can\u2019t rely on profiles to have all the conversations for us. So many profiles say, \u201cLooking for casual fun,\u201d and that\u2019s great. That helps the monogamous people who are looking for something long term know to look elsewhere. But what does casual fun mean? A friend with benefits? An occasional partner? Or an NSA hookup? Unless it\u2019s talked about clearly, the person reading the profile has no idea. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Maybe we believe that sex is too taboo to talk about so quickly? Or maybe since we trash talk hookup culture so much, people feel like they should be ashamed to admit they are just looking for a hookup? It\u2019s hard to say. What I do know is this: people like to talk about sex on dating apps but not the hard stuff like consent or relationships. I can\u2019t tell you how many times I\u2019ve gotten a wildly inappropriate message from someone trying to start a conversation. Tens? Maybe hundreds? But I could count on one hand the amount of times someone has honestly said, \u201cHey, I\u2019m looking for a NSA hookup? Are you interested?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bluntness isn\u2019t exactly romantic, but then again neither is an NSA hookup. It\u2019s not wining and dining. It\u2019s just a hookup. And if that\u2019s just what you\u2019re looking for, be blunt. Your potential partner will appreciate the honesty if that\u2019s what they are interested in as well. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But what if they aren\u2019t interested in an NSA hookup? Well, then you and that person are not compatible and it\u2019s best to just move along. Some people who are interested in NSA lie by omission. Others just flat out lie. Don\u2019t say you\u2019re looking for something long term if you know that you\u2019re not. Be honest with yourself and be honest with your potential partner. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Say your potential partner has asked for an NSA hookup. Now what? That\u2019s up for you to decide. Why did you join a dating app? Were you looking for hookups? Or something long term? Don\u2019t settle for one if that\u2019s not what you want. Hookups don\u2019t turn into long term relationships. You can\u2019t change your potential partner\u2019s mind and make them suddenly want to date. Maybe it\u2019ll happen every once in blue moon, but don\u2019t count on it. It\u2019s not fair to you. And it\u2019s not fair to your partner. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s okay to say no. It\u2019s always okay to say no. I\u2019ve recently realized how hard it is to say no, especially when I am admittedly interested in a person. But saying no gets easier the more you do it. You can just say no or you can say no because you\u2019re looking for something long term. But you never have to give a reason if you don\u2019t want to.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Or you can say yes, but only if you are actively interested and know yourself as a person. We have long been told that, <\/span>women grow attached after having sex<\/span><\/a>. Post climax, women release oxytocin, or the cuddle hormone. On the other hand, once men climax, they have lower dopamine levels and have withdrawal symptoms, which can result in a physical desire not to be around their sexual partner. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That being said, people experience this to different degrees and it\u2019s not a universal trait. Some men love cuddles after sex. Some women don\u2019t want to be touched. And there\u2019s nothing wrong with that. You know yourself best. If you\u2019re someone who knows you get super snuggly, NSA hookups are probably not right for you. But if you\u2019re not much of a cuddler, not ready for something long term, and know that you need and want sex, there\u2019s nothing wrong with an NSA hookup, as long as your partner knows that\u2019s what it is.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Some people who are interested in NSA lie by omission. Others just flat out lie.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":156,"featured_media":17278,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,980],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17277","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-online-dating-tips"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nIs the NSA Hookup Just a Myth?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Does the NSA hookup (No Strings Attached hookup) really exist? Are that many people looking for it? 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