{"id":17301,"date":"2018-08-28T01:00:12","date_gmt":"2018-08-28T08:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17301"},"modified":"2021-05-31T11:08:51","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T18:08:51","slug":"polyamorous-dating-metamour","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/polyamorous-dating-metamour\/","title":{"rendered":"Polyamorous Dating: Meeting Your Partner’s Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

For polyamorous folks, it\u2019s a fairly common occurrence but that doesn\u2019t make it any less intimidating. We all worry about meeting the parents for the first time, but what about meeting your partner\u2019s partner? <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A metamour is a your partner\u2019s partner, who you are not emotionally or sexually involved with. Unlike with a triad, where all three are in a relationship, a metamour is your partner\u2019s boyfriend or girlfriend, not yours. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

For monoamorous people, meeting a metamour is not something they\u2019ll ever have to worry about, unless someone\u2019s been cheating. But for polyamorous people who practice open relationships, it just a fact of life. It might be intimidating but you should always meet your metamour. Your metamour is an important part of your partner\u2019s life and it\u2019s important to make an effort to understand him or her. It\u2019s healthier for all of you to get how you\u2019re feeling out into the open. But where do you start?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pick a safe, neutral place to meet.
\n<\/b>You, your partner, and your partner\u2019s partner should all be involved in this conversation. Pick a place that\u2019s non-intimidating and one that holds no romantic or emotional connection for any of you. Don\u2019t pick the place that you and your partner had your first date because your metamour might feel uncomfortable or like he or she isn\u2019t welcome in that space. Don\u2019t do it at any of your homes because that can make it feel like one person has all the power in the conversation and the other two are just guests who are there to listen. Pick a relatively quiet place where you know you won\u2019t be interrupted. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pay attention to body language, ask questions, and ask consent.
\n<\/b>You might be very extroverted but your metamour might not be. Try not to overwhelm them with questions, but make an effort to get to know them. And make an effort to let them know you as well. Try to find common ground other than the fact that you are both dating your partner. You don\u2019t have to be your metamour\u2019s best friend, but it does help to try to be friends. Maybe you both have the same taste in movies or books or you both like hiking or going to the beach. This commonality can be great because, while you may not be looking to be romantic with this person, having friend dates down the road can be really fun. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, as always, consent matters, even if it\u2019s not sexual. Don\u2019t hug your metamour right away unless you ask if it\u2019s okay to hug. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let your partner lead the conversation at first.
\n<\/b>Let your partner make introductions and be sensitive to the fact that they\u2019ll likely be anxious for this conversation too. There\u2019s no guidebook that tells poly people how to introduce their partners. It\u2019s not something that really gets taught in school. If you see your partner having trouble, ask questions to guide them but don\u2019t overwhelm them either. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be honest about your expectations and desires.
\n<\/b>Remember that this is a conversation between equals. How you feel is equally as important as how they feel. Don\u2019t be afraid to share your emotions and what\u2019s going through your head. If your partner and your metamour have been spending time together and you\u2019ve been feeling a bit neglected, talk about maybe working out a schedule that works for everyone. It\u2019s okay to say if you\u2019re feeling a bit uncomfortable or even a little bit jealous. Even poly people get a little jealous sometimes, especially if they feel like they aren\u2019t getting the same time and care that they used to. It\u2019s okay to say this, but remember to focus on, \u201cI feel\u2026\u201d statements. Be sure to say \u201cI feel a little neglected lately. Can we talk about sharing our time more equally?\u201d Don\u2019t accuse or say, \u201cYou\u2019ve been ignoring me lately.\u201d It will result in defensiveness rather than openness. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let your partner check in with your metamour.
\n<\/b>Step away for a moment. Go to the restroom or volunteer to grab more drinks at the bar. Your metamour is likely sharing in some of your anxiety. Let your partner have a moment alone with your metamour so he or she can check in with them. It shows that you respect their relationship and you are showing that they respect and want to include your metamour. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Check in with your metamour yourself.
\n<\/b>Make sure you and your metamour exchange contact information. Like I said, you might be going on friend dates down the road and that would be so great! But even if you\u2019re not, make sure you have that number and try to reach out to show that you care about their feelings as well. Send them a text afterwards saying how nice it was to meet them and see where the conversation goes from there. You don\u2019t have to be best friends but you do have to respect and include one another. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meeting a metamour doesn\u2019t have to be scary. It\u2019s awkward and kind of weird which makes it a bit funny. If you treat everyone at the table with respect and openness, it can even be fun and you might make yourself a new friend.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Meeting a metamour doesn\u2019t have to be scary. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":156,"featured_media":17302,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,891],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-relationship-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nPolyamorous Dating: Meeting Your Partner's Partner<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We all worry about meeting the parents for the first time, but what about meeting your partner\u2019s partner in a polyamorous relationship?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/polyamorous-dating-metamour\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" 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\/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Jacqueline Gualtieri\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Jacqueline Gualtieri\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Polyamorous Dating: Meeting Your Partner's Partner","description":"We all worry about meeting the parents for the first time, but what about meeting your partner\u2019s partner in a polyamorous 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We all worry about meeting the parents for the first time, but what about meeting your partner\u2019s partner? A metamour is a your partner\u2019s partner, who you are not emotionally or sexually involved with. Unlike with a triad, where all three are in a relationship, a metamour is your partner\u2019s boyfriend or girlfriend, not yours. For monoamorous people, meeting a metamour is not something they\u2019ll ever have to worry about, unless someone\u2019s been cheating. But for polyamorous people who practice open relationships, it just a fact of life. It might be intimidating but you should always meet your metamour. Your metamour is an important part of your partner\u2019s life and it\u2019s important to make an effort to understand him or her. It\u2019s healthier for all of you to get how you\u2019re feeling out into the open. But where do you start? Pick a safe, neutral place to meet. You, your partner, and your partner\u2019s partner should all be involved in this conversation. Pick a place that\u2019s non-intimidating and one that holds no romantic or emotional connection for any of you. Don\u2019t pick the place that you and your partner had your first date because your metamour might feel uncomfortable or like he or she isn\u2019t welcome in that space. Don\u2019t do it at any of your homes because that can make it feel like one person has all the power in the conversation and the other two are just guests who are there to listen. Pick a relatively quiet place where you know you won\u2019t be interrupted. Pay attention to body language, ask questions, and ask consent. You might be very extroverted but your metamour might not be. Try not to overwhelm them with questions, but make an effort to get to know them. And make an effort to let them know you as well. Try to find common ground other than the fact that you are both dating your partner. You don\u2019t have to be your metamour\u2019s best friend, but it does help to try to be friends. Maybe you both have the same taste in movies or books or you both like hiking or going to the beach. This commonality can be great because, while you may not be looking to be romantic with this person, having friend dates down the road can be really fun. Also, as always, consent matters, even if it\u2019s not sexual. Don\u2019t hug your metamour right away unless you ask if it\u2019s okay to hug. Let your partner lead the conversation at first. Let your partner make introductions and be sensitive to the fact that they\u2019ll likely be anxious for this conversation too. There\u2019s no guidebook that tells poly people how to introduce their partners. It\u2019s not something that really gets taught in school. If you see your partner having trouble, ask questions to guide them but don\u2019t overwhelm them either. Be honest about your expectations and desires. Remember that this is a conversation between equals. How you feel is equally as important as how they feel. Don\u2019t be afraid to share your emotions and what\u2019s going through your head. If your partner and your metamour have been spending time together and you\u2019ve been feeling a bit neglected, talk about maybe working out a schedule that works for everyone. It\u2019s okay to say if you\u2019re feeling a bit uncomfortable or even a little bit jealous. Even poly people get a little jealous sometimes, especially if they feel like they aren\u2019t getting the same time and care that they used to. It\u2019s okay to say this, but remember to focus on, \u201cI feel\u2026\u201d statements. Be sure to say \u201cI feel a little neglected lately. Can we talk about sharing our time more equally?\u201d Don\u2019t accuse or say, \u201cYou\u2019ve been ignoring me lately.\u201d It will result in defensiveness rather than openness. Let your partner check in with your metamour. Step away for a moment. Go to the restroom or volunteer to grab more drinks at the bar. Your metamour is likely sharing in some of your anxiety. Let your partner have a moment alone with your metamour so he or she can check in with them. It shows that you respect their relationship and you are showing that they respect and want to include your metamour. Check in with your metamour yourself. Make sure you and your metamour exchange contact information. Like I said, you might be going on friend dates down the road and that would be so great! But even if you\u2019re not, make sure you have that number and try to reach out to show that you care about their feelings as well. Send them a text afterwards saying how nice it was to meet them and see where the conversation goes from there. You don\u2019t have to be best friends but you do have to respect and include one another. Meeting a metamour doesn\u2019t have to be scary. It\u2019s awkward and kind of weird which makes it a bit funny. If you treat everyone at the table with respect and openness, it can even be fun and you might make yourself a new friend."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/polyamorous-dating-metamour\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Dating Tips","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Polyamorous Dating: Meeting Your Partner’s Partner"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/9cee01cc1e4bf04a9cc365d20fddf0c9","name":"Jacqueline Gualtieri","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/avatar_user_156_1529352737-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/avatar_user_156_1529352737-96x96.jpg","caption":"Jacqueline Gualtieri"},"description":"Jacqueline Gualtieri is a dating and relationships writer and blogger whose best friend once told her to quit her job and become a couple and sex therapist. Since she'd miss writing too much, she figured writing for Zoosk would be the next best thing! You can also find her work at EliteSingles and SilverSingles. Jacqueline has been working with Zoosk to create unique, engaging content for online daters, and couples, looking to form real, meaningful relationships.","sameAs":["in\/jacqueline-gualtieri-773258108\/"],"url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/jacqueline-gualtieri\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17301","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/156"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17301"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17301\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17302"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17301"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17301"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17301"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}