{"id":17400,"date":"2018-09-24T14:00:13","date_gmt":"2018-09-24T21:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17400"},"modified":"2021-05-31T10:59:16","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T17:59:16","slug":"funny-tinder-bios","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/funny-tinder-bios\/","title":{"rendered":"30+ Funny Tinder Bios That Will Crack You Up"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

When writing a bio on Tinder, there are many ways to catch somebody\u2019s attention, but being funny is of the best among them. Marilyn Monroe said, \u201cIf you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.\u201d I think that line goes for most people. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

While Tinder is full of unfunny and unoriginal bios left and right, there are still quite a few gems. Here\u2019s a list of over 30 funny tinder bios that will inspire you to spruce up your own profile.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Three<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like my men like I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like sticking my hands in towels. And I like smelling books.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m looking for a guy who is really trusting and healthy! You must have both kidneys, non smoker, and not be a big drinker or take any drugs that could damage the liver…Type O negative blood a plus! ESFP<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shit, I\u2019d date me.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel as out of place on tinder as a nun doing squats in a cucumber field.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I take hot showers because I like practicing burning in hell.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t have Ebola.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

My ideal date? I pick you up in my car, and there\u2019s candles gently licking the air on the dashboard \u2018Rich, there\u2019s candles on the dashboard\u2019, I smile. \u2018Yeah, I know.\u2019 <\/span><\/i>We take a drive, go to a restaurant, have a wonderful meal and talk about life, goals, and ideals.  <\/span><\/i>As we leave, you notice my car is ablaze. \u2018Rich, your car is on fire!\u2019. \u2018It\u2019s okay – it\u2019s not mine\u2019 – at which point I pull out marshmallows. <\/span><\/i>We cook them & eat them. <\/span><\/i>Then I kiss you passionately. In front of the burning car.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Let\u2019s be honest I\u2019m on Tinder and my first picture is of me in a bikini, I\u2019m not looking for a relationship or a friend.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All men are pigs and I\u2019m in the mood for bacon.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I do stuff, I also do things.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Roses are red, bacon is red. Poems are hard. Bacon.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Two<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hello Ladies, <\/span><\/i>Look at the last guy you matched, now back to me, now back to the last guy you matched, now back to me. Sadly, he isn\u2019t me, but if he stopped leaving his bio blank, and had better pictures, he could be like me. Look down, back up, where are you? You\u2019re on Tinder with the man of your dreams. What\u2019s in your hand, back to me. I have it. It\u2019s a pizza with your favourite toppings on it. Look again, the Pizza is now your favourite dog. Anything\u2019s possible when you match me on Tinder.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m the kinda guy you can take home to meet your mom. She\u2019ll think I\u2019m super funny, and charming..and cute, but actually kind of sexy at the same time? She falls in love with me. I..think I feel the same way. We get married. I\u2019m your dad now. <\/span><\/i>I confront you, \u2018young lady why are you on Tinder?\u2019 You are now grounded.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Grandfather seeking companion for granddaughter. She suffers from poor choices.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Went to a party dressed as an egg, and got with a guy who was dressed as a chicken. A life long question was answered that night. It was the chicken\u2026<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Runner up for Time\u2019s \u2018Sexiest IT Man Alive\u2019. Once rescued a fireman and a puppy from a burning building. And after mastering French, I became an international super spy. Right now, I\u2019m sailing across the Pacific, stealing top-secret information, and sipping Moscow Mules…shaken, not stirred. <\/span><\/i>Okay, okay. Perhaps I exaggerated *just* a tad. But I can fix your laptop, and puppies love me. Message me for more straight talk, and I\u2019ll send you FB links, delicious cocktail recipes, and MUCH more.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"Two<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Threesome? No thanks…if I want to disappoint two people in the same room, I\u2019d have dinner with my parents.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I accidentally (purposely) changed my name to Jeb Bush on Facebook in a 2AM burst of inspiration, not realizing you can\u2019t change it for 60 days, so if that doesn\u2019t tell you enough about me as a person then I don\u2019t know what to tell you<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Two reasons to date me:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Because you\u2019d be the good looking one<\/span><\/i><\/li>
  2. Please<\/span><\/i><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    My brother once put me through a Christmas tree wrapping machine then my parents put me in the boot for the ride home.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Professional Eugoogoolizer at the Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can\u2019t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Aye wassup, I\u2019m Clint, I like to take girls out for a massive plate of barbecue ribs on a first date. I judge them according to how many and how aggressively they consume them. Whoever defeats me in this porcine endeavor shall become my warrior bride. My Boudicca. I\u2019ll set nations ablaze at her feet just to watch the flames dance in her eyes. Our love will be beautiful in its violence as a tempest hits the Bering Strait, and should it die; it dies as it began with a mount of bones between us.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I hope you like alpha males because I\u2019m your guy. That\u2019s right, I\u2019m the whole package. I\u2019ll defend your honor in public, won\u2019t take shit from waiters, and I\u2019ll even get you pregnant, leave, and then come back to eat the child.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    \"Three<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

    <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I\u2019m the kinda girl you can take home to your family. I will then get closer to them than you are and we\u2019ll slowly phase you out.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I\u2019m on tinder to make friends the same way I\u2019m on Pornhub to see the plumber repair the sink.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I like long walks on the beach with my girlfriend, until the LSD wears off and I realize I\u2019m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Wendy\u2019s parking lot.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Don\u2019t swipe right, just on here to catch my lying boyfriend. <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Hey honey! If you\u2019re seeing this its over youre caught. <\/span><\/i>Oh another thing that girl Brittney youre seeing sunday at 7pm in charlottesville to catch a movie. She has showed me everything. Were besties now bye loser!<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I\u2019m look for a girl who is super mean. She also has to be really clingy and jealous. I prefer women who talk a lot about their ex and a love for da bootyliciousness. In my free time I like to take off my shirt and take selfies. I\u2019m super in shape thanks to my strict diet of Mountain Dew and twizzlers. We\u2019re a twizzler family, red vines have no place in my home. I work nights fighting crime. I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m Batman, but I am saying no one has seen the Riddler in Austin Texas.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Carolina V 2.0 Tinder Edition Updates
    \n<\/span><\/i>-minor bug fixes
    \n<\/span><\/i>-improved selection algorithm
    \n<\/span><\/i>-new pictures (bikini pic added)
    \n<\/span><\/i>-performance enhancements: summer tan
    \n<\/span><\/i>-multilingual support<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    Actually several thousand years old idk why it says 21 lol
    \n<\/span><\/i>Downside: I\u2019ve only been nailed once
    \n<\/span><\/i>Upside: I would die for you, so you know I\u2019m committed\u2026
    \n<\/span><\/i>Also my dad is a pretty big deal. He always beats me in dreidel
    \n<\/span><\/i>Swipe right if you need some Jesus in you.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

    I\u2019m on here because I\u2019m trying to date your dad.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    From the weird, to the hilarious, to the gross, these were the funniest Tinder bios we came across. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":162,"featured_media":17461,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[888,890,980,991],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-online-dating","category-online-dating-profile-tips","category-online-dating-tips","category-tinder"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n30+ Tinder Bios That Will Crack You Up<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"From the weird, to the hilarious, to the gross, these were the funniest Tinder bios we came across.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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