{"id":17451,"date":"2018-09-22T14:00:38","date_gmt":"2018-09-22T21:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17451"},"modified":"2024-06-28T03:47:32","modified_gmt":"2024-06-28T10:47:32","slug":"how-to-start-a-conversation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Start a Conversation with Someone You’re Interested In"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

If you\u2019re trying to express interest in someone, learning how to start a conversation is the first step. It can be daunting, sure, but there\u2019s no way around it. If you want to see if you have chemistry with someone, you start by talking to them. Here are some tips to get you started.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Build your self-confidence.<\/b><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

The number one factor affecting your ability to start a conversation with a stranger is having confidence in yourself. Self-confidence is important, because it communicates a strong belief in yourself and your ability to deal with what life has to throw at you. People take cues on how to treat you based on how you carry yourself. If you\u2019re self-confident, people will respect you. Of course, confidence doesn\u2019t come easily to everyone. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you need to build up your confidence, start by joining a sports team, signing up for a trivia league, or picking up a new hobby that\u2019s more social like a painting or guitar classes. If you\u2019re thinking this has nothing to do with your ability to make conversation, it does. By putting yourself in situations where it\u2019s easier to talk to new people, you\u2019re giving yourself an opportunity to practice your conversations skills in safe, low-pressure environments. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Develop conversational confidence.<\/b><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Having confidence in yourself is one thing, but you need conversational confidence as well. Maybe you have friends and family you chat with regularly, but you\u2019re shy around new people. Shyness comes from your perception that what you\u2019re feeling or have to say is somehow inadequate and won\u2019t be received well. The best way to get over this feeling is simple practice. Social skills are like a muscle, so make sure to keep them in good shape.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A good way to build up your conversational confidence is to chat up strangers that work in service and hospitality. Make conversation with baristas, the cashier at the grocery store, or the ticket teller at your local movie theater\u2014they\u2019re paid to be nice to you, so there\u2019s nothing to be afraid of. These microinteractions will train you to pick up on natural rhythms of conversation and nonverbal cues. Set a goal for how many of these interactions you want to have per day, even if you start at one. It will build your conversational instincts and help you get over that initial feeling of inadequacy. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Understand and control your nerves. <\/b><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

OK, the next step is to talk to someone you\u2019re attracted to. When you see someone you want to chat with, do a quick body check. If your heart\u2019s racing, take a couple deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth to calm yourself down.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are two main reasons people get nervous starting a conversation with someone they\u2019re attracted to: fear of rejection and mismanaged expectations.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Fear of rejection often stems from an irrational fear that the person you\u2019re approaching will humiliate you for even attempting to hit on them. The truth is most people who refuse your offer to start a conversation  will be very polite about it. More importantly, don\u2019t make a rejection mean anything other than that they weren\u2019t interested. Some people have a tendency to equate their self-worth with their romantic success or their ability to start these conversations. It doesn\u2019t work that way. Rejection is part of dating and everyone goes through it. Let it go and move on.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mismanaged expectations usually come with inexperience. Inexperienced flirters usually expect every conversation with a crush to be a hypersexual exchange of innuendo and batted eyelashes. While this does happen, it\u2019s usually the exception not the rule. Initial contact conversations are usually normal conversations. They\u2019re a way for two strangers to chat and decide if a conversation is worth continuing. That\u2019s it. The romance comes later.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Be natural.<\/b><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

<\/b>At this point you may have prepared a bunch of canned lines ready to start your conversation. Stop. Don\u2019t use them. You don\u2019t need openers or corny pickup lines to start a conversation. If you\u2019re chatting with a friend, you don\u2019t rehearse things to say to them\u2014you just talk. That\u2019s the energy you want to channel. Tap into the improvisational element of conversation. People can feel when it\u2019s genuine and when it\u2019s not. The best opening you can start with is something specific to the moment. If you\u2019re in a bookstore, ask about the books they\u2019re looking at. If you\u2019re at a volunteering even, ask how long they\u2019ve been doing volunteer work. If you don\u2019t know how to start, just say \u201cHi, my name is\u2026 How\u2019s it going?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just chat and be natural, like this person is your friend, because that\u2019s the goal isn\u2019t it? Don\u2019t focus on the physical attraction, but on the content of what the other person is saying. Ask questions. Get their opinions. Share an appropriate amount in response. Get a feel for whether you\u2019re interested in keeping the conversation going. I can\u2019t stress this enough: confidence is the key to letting go of your self-consciousness and it will take you farther in your love life than any other advice.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Pay attention to body language.<\/b><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Now that you\u2019re talking, pay attention to body language. Usually the conversation will take some time to warm up. That\u2019s normal. If the person seems talkative, they\u2019ll turn to face you and make good eye contact. Usually it will take a few minutes to get here.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But know when to exit. If you\u2019ve been chatting for a few minutes and they\u2019re still half turned away like they\u2019re ready to leave or just giving you short responses, it\u2019s time to call it quits. Respect their choice and make your exit. On the other hand, if the conversation is really gaining some traction keep chatting until things slow down. When they do, offer to exchange phone numbers and suggest meeting up in the future. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning how to start a conversation, especially with a stranger, is hard for anyone. So if you hit some bumps in the road, don\u2019t worry. Missteps and mistakes are a natural part of getting to know people and learning what does and doesn\u2019t work for you is an important part of dating. With more knowledge, a little guts, and a lot of practice you may be surprised by how strong a conversation starter you can be. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are two main reasons people get nervous starting a conversation with someone they\u2019re attracted to: fear of rejection and mismanaged expectations.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":162,"featured_media":17452,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,895],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17451","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-meeting-people"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Start a Conversation with Someone You're Interested In<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you\u2019re trying to express your interest in someone, learning how to start a conversation is the first step.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Start a Conversation with Someone You're Interested In\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you\u2019re trying to express your interest in someone, learning how to start a conversation is the first step.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-09-22T21:00:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-06-28T10:47:32+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/24150507\/how-to-start-a-conversation-with-someone.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Alex Bocknek\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Alex Bocknek\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"How to Start a Conversation with Someone You're Interested In","description":"If you\u2019re trying to express your interest in someone, learning how to start a conversation is the first step.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"How to Start a Conversation with Someone You're Interested In","og_description":"If you\u2019re trying to express your interest in someone, learning how to start a conversation is the first step.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_published_time":"2018-09-22T21:00:38+00:00","article_modified_time":"2024-06-28T10:47:32+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/24150507\/how-to-start-a-conversation-with-someone.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Alex Bocknek","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Zoosk","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Alex Bocknek","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/"},"author":{"name":"Alex Bocknek","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/bdaa210a544819a6f8d4a4247d51b246"},"headline":"How to Start a Conversation with Someone You’re Interested In","datePublished":"2018-09-22T21:00:38+00:00","dateModified":"2024-06-28T10:47:32+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/"},"wordCount":1112,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/24150507\/how-to-start-a-conversation-with-someone.jpg","articleSection":["Dating Advice","Meeting People"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/","name":"How to Start a Conversation with Someone You're Interested In","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/24150507\/how-to-start-a-conversation-with-someone.jpg","datePublished":"2018-09-22T21:00:38+00:00","dateModified":"2024-06-28T10:47:32+00:00","description":"If you\u2019re trying to express your interest in someone, learning how to start a conversation is the first step.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/24150507\/how-to-start-a-conversation-with-someone.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/24150507\/how-to-start-a-conversation-with-someone.jpg","width":800,"height":600,"caption":"A woman who learned how to start a conversation with someone, chatting with a man she\u2019s attracted to outside."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/how-to-start-a-conversation\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Dating Tips","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"How to Start a Conversation with Someone You’re Interested In"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/bdaa210a544819a6f8d4a4247d51b246","name":"Alex Bocknek","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/avatar_user_162_1531435580-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/avatar_user_162_1531435580-96x96.jpg","caption":"Alex Bocknek"},"description":"Alex Bocknek is a renowned dating and relationship expert with extensive experience in the field. With a deep understanding of human connections and an empathetic approach, Alex has helped countless individuals navigate the complexities of modern dating. As a featured author on Zoosk.com's Date Mix platform, Alex shares valuable insights, practical advice, and expert tips to empower individuals in their journey to find love and build fulfilling relationships. With a passion for helping others, Alex's articles provide a unique blend of personal experiences, research-based knowledge, and relatable storytelling that resonates with readers.","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/alex-bocknek\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17451","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/162"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17451"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17451\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17452"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17451"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17451"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17451"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}