{"id":17468,"date":"2018-09-28T01:00:03","date_gmt":"2018-09-28T08:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17468"},"modified":"2021-05-31T10:58:31","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T17:58:31","slug":"being-single","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/","title":{"rendered":"Becoming Comfortable with Being Single"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

In society today, as it has been for decades, single men are often viewed differently than single women. Men who remain single are seen as freewheeling bachelors who don\u2019t want to be tied down too quickly, while all too often women are still stuck with the spinster stigma, and it\u2019s assumed that they\u2019re lonely, depressed, or unhappy if they\u2019re not in a relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This type of pressure isn\u2019t always overt; it can be very subtle. It\u2019s found in advertising, literature, movies and in conversations around the dinner table with family and friends. It also manifests itself in the pressure women, as well as men, feel to stay in emotionally unhealthy or unfulfilling relationships, instead of being single and on their own in a world designed for couples.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In reality, the fear of being single is not only harmful; it\u2019s a very real issue. Fear of being single even has a name\u2014anuptaphobia. In a 2013 study by S.S. Spielmann and others in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that the fear of being single and the subsequent anxiety could be used to predict whether an individual would settle for less in a new relationship or remain in an undesirable and unsatisfying relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Settling for less in a relationship<\/span><\/a> may not seem like a bit deal at first. After all, we all make compromises in relationships and we can\u2019t all wait forever for the perfect partner or Mr. or Mrs. Right. However, choosing to settle for someone vs. being okay with being single can have real consequences.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Problem With Settling
\n<\/b>Settling for less than the partner you deserve and desire is about more than facing reality. It\u2019s often a defense mechanism and a way to appease society while abandoning your own goals and desires.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my new book, “The Marriage and Relationship Junkie: Kicking Your Obsession,” I explore how this phenomenon of settling for someone in the mistaken belief that this person can be fixed or improved upon, or that all they need is your love to help them to grow and change in a positive direction, is a potential sign of love addiction.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you find yourself willing to overlook bad behaviors, emotional distance, or even emotionally damaging and abusive things, you ma<\/span>y not be just settling; y<\/span>ou may be in a destructive and harmful place. If you find that being in any type of relationship is better than being single, you\u2019re doing more than settling. You may have an addiction to being in a couple, regardless of the deep unhappiness you may experience when the partner never changes, and the behavior simply gets worse over time.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In other words, the more you strive to be happy in a relationship, the more likely you are to enter into a relationship that will rob you of your happiness, your sense of self, and your sense of worth.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Healthy Way to Be Single
\n<\/b>As I talk about in the book, learning to be happy being single is a way to break the cycle. It isn’t easy, but taking small steps to become comfortable being you and being on your own is a deeply rewarding journey.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learning how to be happy and single starts by finding things to do by yourself. Spend a day doing something you enjoy and do it alone. Don’t take a friend or a family member, just be comfortable with yourself. Try something you\u2019ve always wanted to do such as taking a class, going on a vacation, learning a new hobby, or volunteering in your community. Meeting new people and feeling comfortable as one of a group, and not one of a couple, is another step in growing as a person and realizing the value, worth, and happiness you can find as a healthy, happy single.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once you\u2019re in this place where you\u2019re comfortable being single, you\u2019re ready to see the opportunities for a healthy, loving relationship. From this place, you\u2019ll choose partners who will give and take, respect boundaries, and see you as an autonomous individual, not simply an extension of themselves. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sherry Gaba, LCSW is a Certified Transformation and Recovery Coach and the leading Psychotherapist on VH1\u2019s Celebrity Rehab and Sex Addiction. She helps singles navigate the dating process to find the love of their lives. <\/span><\/i>Take her quiz<\/span><\/i><\/a> to find out if you\u2019re a love addict or sign up for a <\/span><\/i>30-minute strategy session.<\/span><\/i><\/a> She is also the author of <\/span><\/i>\u201cThe Marriage and Relationship Junkie:Kicking your Obsession\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/a>. Sherry maintains a private practice in Westlake Village, and is a sought after online dating and relationship coach. For more information visit <\/span><\/i>www.sherrygaba.com<\/span><\/i><\/a>.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The fear of being single is not only harmful; it\u2019s a very real issue.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":164,"featured_media":17470,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[899],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17468","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-single-life"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nBecoming Comfortable With Being Single<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In reality, the fear of being single is not only harmful; it\u2019s a very real issue. Fear of being single even has a name\u2014anuptaphobia.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Becoming Comfortable With Being Single\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In reality, the fear of being single is not only harmful; it\u2019s a very real issue. Fear of being single even has a name\u2014anuptaphobia.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2018-09-28T08:00:03+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-31T17:58:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/26145709\/being-single.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sherry Gaba LCSW\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Sherry Gaba LCSW\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Becoming Comfortable With Being Single","description":"In reality, the fear of being single is not only harmful; it\u2019s a very real issue. Fear of being single even has a name\u2014anuptaphobia.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Becoming Comfortable With Being Single","og_description":"In reality, the fear of being single is not only harmful; it\u2019s a very real issue. Fear of being single even has a name\u2014anuptaphobia.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_published_time":"2018-09-28T08:00:03+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-05-31T17:58:31+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/26145709\/being-single.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Sherry Gaba LCSW","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Zoosk","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Sherry Gaba LCSW","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/"},"author":{"name":"Sherry Gaba LCSW","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/29655e1c20a4517fba018e12bdd9b140"},"headline":"Becoming Comfortable with Being Single","datePublished":"2018-09-28T08:00:03+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T17:58:31+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/"},"wordCount":796,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/26145709\/being-single.jpg","articleSection":["Dating Tips for Singles from Dating Experts"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/","name":"Becoming Comfortable With Being Single","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/26145709\/being-single.jpg","datePublished":"2018-09-28T08:00:03+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T17:58:31+00:00","description":"In reality, the fear of being single is not only harmful; it\u2019s a very real issue. Fear of being single even has a name\u2014anuptaphobia.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/26145709\/being-single.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2018\/09\/26145709\/being-single.jpg","width":800,"height":600,"caption":"A woman who\u2019s comfortable being single smiling to herself in bed with a glass of wine."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/being-single\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Single Life","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/single-life\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Becoming Comfortable with Being Single"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/29655e1c20a4517fba018e12bdd9b140","name":"Sherry Gaba LCSW","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/avatar_user_164_1531524574-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/avatar_user_164_1531524574-96x96.jpg","caption":"Sherry Gaba LCSW"},"description":"Sherry Gaba is a Certified Transformation and Recovery Coach, helping singles to navigate the dating process and find the love of their lives. She's a sought-after online dating and relationship coach based in Westlake Village. Take her quiz to find out if you\u2019re struggling with co-dependency nor sign up for a 30-minute strategy session. Sherry has been working with Zoosk to create engaging, informative content around all aspects of dating, love, and relationships.","sameAs":["https:\/\/sherrygaba.com\/"],"url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/sherry-gaba\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17468","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/164"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17468"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17468\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/17470"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17468"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17468"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17468"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}