{"id":17497,"date":"2018-09-29T14:00:13","date_gmt":"2018-09-29T21:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17497"},"modified":"2021-10-29T03:06:50","modified_gmt":"2021-10-29T10:06:50","slug":"consummate-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/love\/consummate-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Consummate Love: The Triangular Theory and How It Works"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Most of us are either in love or looking for it, and we all know the search isn\u2019t easy. One of the reasons true love is so hard to pin down is that we can\u2019t all agree on what exactly it is. To complicate things, most of us don\u2019t know what we\u2019re looking for in love and our expectations are totally different than that of the people we date. Enter the Triangular Theory of Love, a psychologically based framework for defining relationship elements that will help you and your would-be lover get on the same page and find consummate love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Consummate Love<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Theory<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

The Triangular Theory of Love was developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg to define and understand the key elements of a relationship. According to the theory, there are eight different kinds of love, that are all rooted in three main components: intimacy, passion, and decision (also referred to as commitment).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If your relationship only has one of these components (for example, if you have intimacy with someone but no passion or commitment) it\u2019s thought that that love is a more basic, simple love. If your relationship has two of these components (for example, intimacy and passion but no commitment), you\u2019re doing even better and have a fuller, but still incomplete, love. If your relationship has all three of these things (intimacy, passion, and commitment), well then, you\u2019ve hit the jackpot\u2014consummate love<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Three Components<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

So what do we really mean when we talk about intimacy, passion, and commitment? To get a better understanding of the Triangular Theory of Love, let\u2019s take a deeper look at the three parts that make up the triangle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Intimacy – <\/b>Intimacy is the closeness, connectedness, and bond you feel in a relationship. It creates feelings of warmth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Passion – <\/b>Passion is the physical, romantic, and sexual attraction of a relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Commitment – <\/b>Commitment is the decision to love someone for the long-term.
\nThese three components are separate and distinct, but related. If two or more of the components are present in a relationship, they can amplify each other\u2019s strength. For example, increased intimacy may lead to a more passionate relationship, or more commitment might create a more intimate connection.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

All three components are equally important but can vary in presence and value between relationships and even at different points within a single relationship. For instance, a married couple<\/a> might see a decrease in passion when they have children (due to a lack of sleep and changes in day-to-day schedules), but an increase in intimacy and commitment since they\u2019re going through the profound experience of raising a child together. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The Eight Kinds of Love<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

According to the theory, there are eight possible kinds of love that come from different combinations of the three love components. Remember that most relationships won\u2019t fit squarely into any of these categories, but the framework will help you consider your past and future relationships in a new light.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Non-Love
\n<\/b>If all of the three components are missing from a relationship, it\u2019s considered a non-love relationship.. These are often casual relationships or acquaintances where there\u2019s no passion, closeness, or plans to move the relationship forward. This person is someone in your life that doesn\u2019t hold much significance. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Liking
\n<\/b>Liking is when you feel close to someone (intimacy), but passion and a sense of commitment are absent. Early stage friendships often fall into this category. Couples that began as friends often start here, too. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. Infatuated Love
\n<\/b>When there\u2019s only passion in your relationship, you get infatuation\u2014a steamy but incomplete form of love. The attraction is entirely physical, which is important for the relationship to progress through the early stages of dating, but must evolve to sustain itself. Passionate couples are often physically affectionate, even in public.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Empty Love
\n<\/b>Empty love happens when a couple is still committed to the relationship, but it lacks passion and intimacy. This often happens in older relationships where things have become stagnant. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Romantic Love
\n<\/b>Combine intimacy and passion, and you get romantic love. Both partners are bonded and attracted to each, but commitment is missing. Sometimes this happens when only one person wants to commit, or both people are afraid to take the relationship to the next level. These relationships usually fizzle out because of the lack of commitment.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Companionate Love
\n<\/b>A couple that has intimacy and commitment, but lack passion, are in companionate love. It\u2019s characterized by a strong friendship between the two members of the couple, but without the fire. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Fatuous Love
\n<\/b>When you have passion and commitment without intimacy, you get fatuous love. These relationships don\u2019t tend to last, it\u2019s hard to develop trust without intimacy..<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. Consummate Love
\n<\/b>Consummate love is also known as complete love, because all three components of the triangle are present. According to Triangular Theory, this is the type of relationship we should aim for. Of course, even once consummate love is achieved the journey isn\u2019t over. Relationships need constant work and attention to continue to flourish and that won\u2019t change no matter where you are on the journey to find love.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So how do you know your love is the consummate kind? Well, if you\u2019re happier than ever with your partner, you\u2019re still enjoying sex<\/a>, and you\u2019re committed to the relationship, it\u2019s fair guess that you\u2019re probably there.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Not there yet? Don\u2019t worry\u2014we\u2019re all working for it. It\u2019s a journey not a destination. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How many of the eight types of love have you experienced? Consummate Love: The Triangular Theory and How It Works<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":141,"featured_media":17498,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[987],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-love"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nConsummate Love: The Triangular Theory and How It Works<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What is true love? Can we define it? 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