You clicked online. You clicked on the first date. You\u2019re clicking in your relationship and everything feels like it\u2019s meant to be. But there\u2019s another click and this one is bothering you. Your partner\u2019s BFF is always around and your relationship is starting to feel more like a crowded threesome. The BFF shows up on your date nights unannounced, interferes in your one-on-one movie and cuddle time, and think it\u2019s okay to be texting with your significant other at 11:00 p.m. at night. You want to be courteous and respectful of their friendship and yet it feels off to you. It feels like they\u2019re more than just friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Should you try to remove this BFF from your life with your significant other? And how can you do it without turning off your new guy or gal? Well, if you\u2019ve tried to be gracious and tell them you need more alone time with your partner, and they continue to feel too close for comfort, then you definitely have to do something about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before you say anything, make sure you understand and acknowledge the history of their friendship. If they\u2019ve known one another for many years, share many of the same friends, have even taken trips together, offered mutual consolation over past breakups, and performed countless other BFF duties like being a stand-in date at family functions\u2014then it\u2019s pretty hard to tell your significant other they need to say goodbye to their friend. The last thing you want is to be labeled possessive or jealous, but you do want to be honest about your feelings. This is especially true if what they share as friends is interfering with what share as a committed couple.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Below are a few ways I recommend approaching this uncomfortable but fairly common situation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tell the truth. It could be enough.<\/strong> At first, this may feel like you\u2019re being selfish or a trouble-maker. But it\u2019s important to remember that if you\u2019re convinced this third person is a threat, then it\u2019s extremely important to be forthright about your feelings and not suppress them. Also, remember that when you\u2019re sharing your feelings, you are only speaking about yourself and not blaming your significant other for doing anything wrong. This is how you set up a constructive and honest conversation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Time your conversation well.<\/strong> Know your limits.<\/strong> Set boundaries.<\/strong> Here\u2019s the thing\u2014if you think you can have a real future with your partner, then being honest and open without being demanding or controlling is important. Keeping quiet about something that bothers you, staying frustrated, or suppressing your feelings is never the way to find happiness in a relationship. Authenticity and honesty is the only way to grow and thrive together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first step is to determine if this BFF is truly being inappropriate or if you\u2019re threatened because of your own insecurities. If the latter is the real issue, then it\u2019s time to reexamine how you think about yourself. You must believe that you\u2019re worthy of being fully loved and cherished in order to have a fulfilling relationship with someone who will be ready and willing to love, prioritize, and commit to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sami\u00a0Wunder<\/em><\/a>\u00a0is a leading international dating<\/a>, love, and relationship expert\u00a0whose work has led to 111 proposals\/engagements\u00a0and hundreds of revitalized relationships across the globe. Called the \u201cGet the Ring\u201d coach, Sami Wunder has created one-on-one coaching, self-study programs, a popular eBook, and a series of live-coaching events that help strong and successful women find lasting love and romantic relationships.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" How do you talk about how you feel without turning off your partner? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":169,"featured_media":17509,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[891,898],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice","category-relationship-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\nSaying something like, \u201cI know Joe\/Judy is important to you but I don\u2019t feel comfortable around him\/her,\u201d will likely result in a response like, \u201cWhy not? He\/She thinks you\u2019re great.\u201d And, while there isn\u2019t much you can say to that\u2014your point has been made and hopefully, your significant other will get the hint won\u2019t invite them to come along next time you hang out. You can also refuse to accept further invites to parties or events that the BFF asks you and your partner to come to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThe time to express concern isn\u2019t as an add-on when you\u2019re having a disagreement over something else. Instead, talk about it in a setting that invites openness like during a walk or while you\u2019re sitting in the restaurant lounge before dinner. The key is to share your feelings in an atmosphere that gives each of you room to breathe. If you\u2019re partner gets upset when you tell them, respect that and allow them to express how they feel. It\u2019s possible they could feel relief because they could use some space from their BFF now that you\u2019re making them so happy\u2014but it\u2019s more likely it won\u2019t be an easy conversation so be gentle with where and when you have it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nRecognize that this person is meaningful to your significant other, albeit playing a much different role than you. Be ready talk about what your expectations are in terms of when their presence works for you and when it doesn\u2019t. If having them join you once a week for happy hour feels okay but the three of you cooking meals together every weekend feels intrusive, then be prepared to say that. Don\u2019t complain, offer a compromise and be open to any solutions your partner suggests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nSometimes the issue isn\u2019t just the time spent with their BFF but what you know your significant other is sharing with them. Tell your partner that you\u2019re glad they have someone to talk to, but sharing details about your relationship or even talking about plans that aren\u2019t finalized yet should be kept just between the two of you. If you find that your significant other talks about fights or issues you are having a couple, let them know this isn\u2019t okay with you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n