{"id":17531,"date":"2018-10-08T01:00:21","date_gmt":"2018-10-08T08:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17531"},"modified":"2021-05-31T10:56:21","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T17:56:21","slug":"how-to-break-up-with-someone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/breaking-up\/how-to-break-up-with-someone\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Break Up with Someone and Come Out Stronger"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Breakups can be difficult, but, like any obstacle, they can be an opportunity for growth. The difference between a messy breakup and an empowering one, often comes down to execution. A breakup is about more than leaving your significant other: it\u2019s about embracing new possibilities, reaching closure, finding confidence, and self-expression. This is your definitive guide on how to break up with someone like a pro.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Plan out what you\u2019re going to say.
\n<\/b>Reasons to break up come in all shapes and sizes. If you feel your reasons are valid, then they are. Now count them up and list them. You don\u2019t need to rehearse every word to a T, but have something more specific than a grocery list. Breakups are emotional. You\u2019ll want to make sure, even when everything is said and done, that you\u2019ve expressed your feelings to the best of your ability so you both can move on.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, include on your list the things your partner did well. You had reasons for being together, whether you changed or they did. Build them up and you\u2019ll set a good foundation for yourself to move on from.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Treat them with respect and listen to what they have to say.
\n<\/b>When the moment comes, don\u2019t lead with anger. It\u2019s okay to feel pain, but leave the malice behind. To break up is to begin a process of healing, and anger will lead to more hurt. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re having trouble starting, just say the words, \u201cI don\u2019t think we should be together.\u201d You may feel a well of emotions. Your partner may get upset. Give yourselves time to process the words. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When things have settled, start with the list you made in the first step. Don\u2019t fault them for the relationship\u2019s failure. Explain how the relationship no longer provides what you need. Give nuanced truths: how the relationship was good, where you contributed to the failure of the relationship, when things changed. This is the time to say everything you need to say and ask all the questions you want answers to.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last, give them time to talk. You don\u2019t owe your partner a negotiation, but you owe them an ear. Relationships take time and energy from both partners, and when relationships end, well, it takes two to tango. Allow them to express all they need to, so they can begin their own healing process. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. The no contact rule and what\u2019s next.
\n<\/b>It\u2019s common for people to try to be friends after a breakup, but it\u2019s best not to. I recommend a no contact rule for at least two months, ideally longer. This period allows for emotional wounds to heal. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s important that beyond not contacting your ex, you\u2019re actively trying to put them out of your mind. This means not following them on social media, not asking about them with mutual friends, but also actively not thinking about them. This isn\u2019t the time for rosy retrospection. It\u2019s time to start the next chapter.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Lean on your friends and family for support as needed.
\n<\/b>Oftentimes, wounds will be raw for weeks or months following the breakup, even if it was amicable. Talk to your friends and family. Sharing your feelings is always better than bottling them up. If you\u2019re still upset, say it. If you\u2019re sad, say it. Friends and family will be your support groups. Give yourself permission to need them.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Focus on mental and physical wellbeing.
\n<\/b>Performing daily activities to improve your mental and physical wellbeing should be routine outside of post-breakup situations, but if they\u2019re not there\u2019s no time like the present to start. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Exercise has been proven to improve mental health. You don\u2019t have to be a gym nut in order to exercise a few times a week. Many people don\u2019t know what type of exercise best suits them, so try a bunch of things and see what you like best. Running, weightlifting, and yoga are all good places to start. Group classes are also great ways to meet people.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

To improve your mental health actively, try meditation. I recommend the app <\/span>Headspace<\/span><\/a>. It breaks down meditation into easy-to-follow steps in short, one-minute or more courses.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. Embrace new possibilities.
\n<\/b>You\u2019re single now. Without your partner, you should have a lot more time and freedom.  Take advantage of it. It\u2019s time to pick up a hobby, take a vacation, or get back to socializing in the way you used to. You don\u2019t need to consider your partner\u2019s needs at every turn, so take advantage of that. Try being a yes person for the first few months out. Say yes to every opportunity that comes your way and see where it takes you. This is time for you to figure out exactly what you want for you and you alone. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Get out there and start dating.
\n<\/b>Take your time with dating. It doesn\u2019t need to happen right away, but it does need to happen. Part of the growth that comes with moving on from a long-term partner is the ability to take on a new romantic identity in your future relationships. Push yourself to meet new people online and in person. Push yourself to figure out what you want in a partner (or if you even want one). Push yourself to find a new way to love that will serve you better than the way you\u2019ve been.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A breakup can be grueling, but there are ways to make the best of it and put your best foot forward. Embrace the end and use it to strengthen yourself for the future. Get ready for what\u2019s next.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Embrace the end and use it to strengthen yourself for the future. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":162,"featured_media":17532,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[983,998],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17531","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-breaking-up","category-break-up"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Break Up with Someone and Come Out Stronger<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A breakup is about more than leaving your significant other: it\u2019s about embracing new possibilities, reaching closure, finding confidence, and self-expression\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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