Believe it or not, there’s a right way and wrong way to argue with your significant other. Often, couples resort to tactics that can eventually erode the relationship. Things like name calling, blaming, and ultimatums can turn a simple tiff into a huge fight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To help you evade unhealthy tactics, here are 16 things you should NEVER say or do when arguing with your significant other:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. That’s stupid.\/That’s ridiculous.<\/strong> 2. Always\/Never<\/strong> “These words should never be used while arguing since they’re condemning and a massive and broad generalization,” says Orme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n 3. You did this same thing last month.<\/strong> 4. I’m leaving if… <\/strong> 5. Everyone thinks that you…<\/strong> 6. You sound just like my ex.<\/strong> 7. I think I need a break.<\/strong> 8. I don’t care.<\/strong> 9. Last week you did\/said…<\/strong> 10. You\u2019re exaggerating.<\/strong> 11. I\u2019m done talking to you.<\/strong> 12. This is exactly what you did 10 years ago\u2026<\/strong> 13. Name calling.<\/strong> 14. Nothing.<\/strong> 15. I hate you.<\/strong> 16. Anything else you don’t mean.<\/strong> Learning how to have a good argument isn’t easy. And many couples are guilty of saying one, if not more, of these things before. When you’re with someone you care about, it’s easy to get upset and make mistakes with each other. Next time you’re in a fight, remember that it’s not about winning, or proving the other person wrong, it’s about resolving a conflict. It may help you avoid a blowup and get things back on track.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" It’s easy to get upset and make mistakes with each other, but try not to make these. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":74,"featured_media":17618,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[891,898],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17617","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice","category-relationship-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\nThese are dismissive comments, not to mention disrespectful. “They are essentially telling a significant other that their views or feelings aren’t nearly as important as yours,” says Colleen Sheehy Orme, a relationship columnist who focuses on divorce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nYou always do that. You never do this…<\/em> These kinds of statements are generalizations and are often, let’s admit it, exaggerations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nLeave the past in the past, says Rachel Perlstein, co-founder of A Good First Date, a dating and relationship coaching and consultation business. \u201cIf you’ve already discussed or resolved an issue, don’t bring it up again or make jokes about it casually, as it may still feel vulnerable or result in your partner getting defensive.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\u201cUltimatums damage your relationship dynamic because they leave your partner feeling uneasy and unsafe in the partnership,”says Perlstein. “They also don’t provide an opportunity to communicate about the reasons you may be feeling the way you are. If this sounds like you, think about why you’re giving ultimatums.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nBringing other people into an argument is never a good idea. \u201cIt’s not only hurtful but arguments should stay between two people,\u201d says Orme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n“No matter how mad you are, remember everyone is unique and making comparisons could be offensive,” says Sonya Schwartz, a relationship expert and owner of the relationship blog, Her Aspiration. \u201cIf your significant other sounds like your ex, why are you two together anyway?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nUnless you truly mean it, don’t say this. \u201cYour significant other could take you seriously and give you the break you\u2019ve been asking for,\u201d says Schwartz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\u201cIf a significant other uses this phrase too often then believe them. Don’t waste time with anyone who doesn’t care enough about you to resolve conflict,\u201d says Orme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nYou don’t really listen. Yesterday I said\u2026 and then the week before you did\u2026<\/em>
\nWhen in conflict, don’t turn into a litigator providing “evidence” that you’re right. \u201cOnce you launch into your evidence, your partner will stop listening,\u201d says Perlstein.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\u201cIf your significant other is upset or angry, they need to be listened to and understood. Instead of suggesting that they’re overreacting, try to find out why it bothers them so much,\u201d says Schwartz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThis is simply disrespectful. Would you like your partner to say this to you when you\u2019re angry about something? \u201cIf you need some time off to calm down, just respectfully tell your significant other to give you a few minutes then reassume the conversation,\u201d says Schwartz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThis isn\u2019t to say that you should never discuss relationship injuries from the past, but typically a more productive route is to describe how the injury is impacting you now. \u201cBringing up the past in these situations may make your partner feel like they’re serving a lifetime sentence, or it can evoke guilt and shame which will add to their defensiveness,\u201d says Amy Bishop, a couples counselor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nWhether it\u2019s profanities or names such as lazy,<\/em> just don\u2019t. Your significant other is your partner in the most important team in your life. \u201cName calling is divisive and won\u2019t help you out. No one responds to name-calling with, ‘Now that you say that, I have been a bit too mean.’ Put simply, it won\u2019t help you and it won\u2019t help the relationship,\u201d says Bishop.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nNever leave an argument without saying anything. If you realize you’re too overwhelmed to continue an argument, let your partner know that and set a time limit on when you can come back together. \u201cSomething like ‘I want to resolve this, but this isn\u2019t going anywhere,’ will go over a lot better than simply leaving the room or house,” advises Bishop “I\u2019ve heard stories of a partner chasing the other outside while wearing nothing but a towel when the other partner left without saying anything.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\u201cThis is mean and one of the last things you should be saying to a person you supposedly like or love. It’s also just not true if you’re with them,\u201d says clinical psychologist, Dr. Jesse Matthews.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThings like, I don’t care, Go ahead and leave,<\/em> and so on are often said, but rarely meant. \u201cYou may think you mean it at the time, but chances are you’re bluffing and testing the person to see if they’ll leave you,” says Matthews. “You might also be trying to invalidate the other person’s argument or issue by acting nonchalant. That falls into the disrespectful category, because if you care about a person, you should listen to them and at least try to understand.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n