{"id":17627,"date":"2018-10-24T14:00:58","date_gmt":"2018-10-24T21:00:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17627"},"modified":"2021-05-31T10:49:39","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T17:49:39","slug":"sabotaging-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/sabotaging-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships? 9 Signs"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Many of us get into relationships and try to love other people before we fully love and accept ourselves. This means we feel unworthy, our heads and hearts are a mess, and we\u2019re not able to see or know what we truly want. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This sounds dramatic but it doesn’t have to be. Many people don’t love everything about themselves and we don’t have to be perfect people with the best self-esteem in order to give and find love. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, when you’re not in a good place, you’re more likely to make mistakes in your relationships. And this can often leads to self-sabotaging behavior where you find a way to screw things up, even when they\u2019re perfect. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This might begin in small ways, like canceling plans, not answering texts, or avoiding intimacy; but eventually these little things will add up and you’ll find yourself pushing your partner away. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you think you may be headed down the slippery slop, here are some things to look out for: <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You avoid pain.
\n<\/b>Maybe you\u2019ve been hurt in the past, or you don\u2019t truly believe that real love exists. These beliefs can lead you to hold back from a relationship in various ways. For example, pulling away when things start to get serious, or avoiding saying, \u201cI love you.\u201d This is because there\u2019s a part of you that believes getting too close will result in you being hurt, so you make sure you\u2019re never in that situation.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You make excuses not to have sex.
\n<\/b>Sometimes you might be too tired, but the physical and intimate part of a relationship is equally important as all the other parts. If you find yourself giving your partner excuses and never want to have sex, it might be because you\u2019re trying to put some distance between the two of you. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You\u2019re living in the past.
\n<\/b>If you find that you can\u2019t forgive your partner for certain things he or she has done in the past, or let go of what happened and move on\u2014it\u2019s a sign that you’re not ready for the future. If you’re not engaged in the present moment, and are stuck with what came before, it will be hard to move forward. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You focus on the negative instead of the positive.
\n<\/b>Does your mind focus on all the bad things that happened in your relationship, or all the annoying habits and quirks that your partner has? If you find that you\u2019re drawn to the bad times instead of the good, it\u2019s probably because you can\u2019t fully appreciate what you have, so you\u2019re stuck focusing on what you <\/span>don\u2019t<\/span> have.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You listen to your inner critic.
\n<\/b>Is there a voice in your head telling you that you don\u2019t deserve this person, or that they\u2019ll probably leave you for someone better? <\/span>That\u2019s your inner critic (or ego) showing up\u2014the part of you that’s rooted in fear and insecurity. We all have this voice, but if you\u2019re allowing yours to run the show by believing it, then you\u2019re probably sabotaging your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can\u2019t stop comparing.
\n<\/b>Do you find yourself thinking about all the ways your current partner is different from your ex partner? And do you ever voice these thoughts to your current partner? This is a common sign of sabotage. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listen up\u2014your current partner is not your ex, and never will be. You have made a choice to be in a relationship with them, so you have to either commit to that, or let it go. Comparing the two will only hurt your current partner, and make them jealous or frustrated or feel inadequate. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You don\u2019t ever back down.
\n<\/b>Some people value being right more than they value their relationship\u2014does that sound like you? Do you have to win an argument? Do things have to be done your way, or no way at all?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Arguments can be healthy, but if it\u2019s about winning or gaining some kind of power over your partner, then it\u2019s going to end up killing your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You care too much about what other people think.
\n<\/b>Are you always listening to the advice and opinions of your friends and family, and putting more value on those, instead of your partner\u2019s opinion? Do you find yourself swayed easily by other voices, and led astray, because you have a deep desire to please everyone?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is a big relationship killer, and could also be a sign that you\u2019re sabotaging things\u2014if you regularly allow other people to influence your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You put everything else ahead of your relationship.
\n<\/b>We all have other things going on in our lives outside of our relationships, and that\u2019s healthy. But if you prioritize everything\u2014your friends, family, job, and other commitments\u2014ahead of your partner, they will get the message that they\u2019re not important to you, and they\u2019ll end up walking away. It\u2019s important to put your partner first sometimes\u2014but finding a balance is key.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are any of these signs of sabotage showing up in your relationship today? It may be time to rethink how you approach your relationship or why you feel the need to. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Are any of these signs of sabotage showing up in your relationship?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":141,"featured_media":17628,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[891,898],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17627","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice","category-relationship-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAre You Sabotaging Your Relationships? 9 Signs<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"For some, sabotaging relationships comes naturally and they don't even realize they're doing it. 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