Ever been in a relationship where the person made you feel like you were crazy for feeling the way you feel? That\u2019s called gaslighting, and it\u2019s commonly used to describe abusive manipulation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The term, gaslighting, comes from the 1938 stage play, \u201cGaslight,\u201d in which a man tries to convince his wife she\u2019s insane by changing up her environment\u2014by doing things like dimming the gas lighting\u2014and questioning her perception of reality.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Gaslighting is an insidious act that makes the victim doubt and mistrust what they think, experience, or feel. In short, it\u2019s a brilliantly brutal way of messing with someone\u2019s mind. The more doubt the abuser can create in the victim\u2019s head, the easier it is for them to manipulate the victim and every situation to their liking. Eventually, the victim loses their self-confidence and sense of self, and is easily swayed by the other person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are various degrees of gaslighting, but usually it starts off seemingly innocuous. For example, the perpetrator agreed to see you on Friday night, but when you remind them of it later, they say something like, \u201cNo, I didn\u2019t say that. Remember I said I\u2019m busy Friday night. I told you Saturday was better for me.\u201d While it might seem rather innocent, the perpetrator would rather place blame on you for remembering the date wrong than take responsibility for a misunderstanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Typically, gaslighting in relationships starts off rather small, so that the victim doesn\u2019t even know they\u2019re being gaslighted. Soon, more seeds of doubt are planted, and eventually, the breadcrumbs are transformed into full-on fabrications that are designed to make you not only doubt your reality, but allows the abuser to assert control over your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Other examples of gaslighting include the abuser telling the victim that they’re \u201coverreacting\u201d to a situation, denying responsibility for something that was said or done, denying the victim\u2019s experience of a certain situation (\u201cIt didn\u2019t happen like that\u201d), claiming the victim misunderstood them, brushing things off that are important to the victim (\u201cIt\u2019s not a big deal\u201d), or outright denying that they said something that they, indeed, said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The extreme end of gaslighting involves the abuser isolating the victim from their friends and family, and even convincing the victim that their family and friends don\u2019t care about them as much as they do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If you think you\u2019re a victim of gaslighting, here are some examples on how to get control back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Stand By Your Decisions<\/strong> Keep a Record<\/strong> Maintain Your Independence<\/strong> Confide in a Trusted Support System<\/strong> Disengage<\/strong> Don\u2019t Blame Yourself While the purpose of gaslighting is to wear you down, it\u2019s important to stay defiant and vigilant as possible. By understanding what gaslighting is, and knowing your options, you\u2019re closer to illuminating the truth of your situation so you can decide what’s best for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you think you\u2019re a victim of gaslighting, here are some examples on how to get control back.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":61,"featured_media":17661,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[891,898],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17660","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice","category-relationship-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\nWhen in doubt\u2014and there\u2019s a lot of that\u2014trust your version of reality. Know what matters to you and don\u2019t allow it to be altered or interfered with. Dig your heels in and remain confidant about what you know to be true. Listen to your inner voice that knows better than someone else\u2019s disbelief. You don\u2019t need to win an argument with the abuser\u2014you simply need to stand by your decisions with absolute faith.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nIf you suspect you\u2019re being gaslighted, keeping track of everything that\u2019s been said and done between you and the perpetrator is an excellent way of proving who\u2019s really right. Written proof of any questionable exchange is a strong defense against anyone trying to pull the rug out from you, and will help you make sense of the truth when you\u2019re being questioned.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThe gaslighter ultimately wants control of your life, which is why it\u2019s vital to keep your life as independent and self-sufficient as possible. Invest in your own interests, activities, and friends. Be as committed to your own life as you are with your relationship\u2014even more so. Additionally, your continued sense of independence and self-reliance will make it easier for you to stand up to the gaslighter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nIf you suspect you\u2019re being gaslighted, it\u2019s important to confide in a trusted friend, loved one, or professional. Opening up to someone is not only an additional form of documentation, but it will help you make sense of what\u2019s happening to you, and will help you gain the courage to walk away\u2014if that\u2019s an option you choose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nWhile there are certain situations where someone might stay in a relationship with a gaslighter, the best decision for most may be to walk away. You can\u2019t change a person, and if the gaslighter refuses to change their destructive and abusive behavior, then leaving the relationship for the sake of your mental and emotional health is your best option. Don\u2019t let the gaslighter attempt to convince you that things will be different or that you\u2019re overreacting. Again, these are all common signs of gaslighting. If your partner genuinely wants to change, then they\u2019ll acknowledge their part, apologize for any wrongdoing, and want to work on the relationship, which will be evident to you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n<\/strong>The gaslighter often suffers from their own trauma, which they\u2019re not willing to address or fix on their own, so in turn, they become toxic and abusive to those closest to them. It\u2019s important to remember that how they treat you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. The sad truth is that your abuser may never realize or admit what they were doing\u2014mostly because they don\u2019t think they\u2019re doing anything wrong. All you can do is remember that there\u2019s nothing you could\u2019ve done differently. Logic and reasoning don\u2019t work with a gaslighter. While things might never make sense to you, that doesn\u2019t mean you should shoulder the blame. Understand that their twisted ways aren’t your fault.<\/p>\n\n\n\n