{"id":17696,"date":"2018-11-06T01:00:06","date_gmt":"2018-11-06T09:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17696"},"modified":"2021-05-31T10:46:52","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T17:46:52","slug":"lonely-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/lonely-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"What It Means When You’re Lonely in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Loneliness is the feeling of drift that results when you lack meaningful relationships. Loneliness isn\u2019t aloneness. It\u2019s the experience of isolation, which means, contrary to conventional wisdom, you can experience loneliness in the presence of other people. This also means you can be lonely in a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Loneliness in a relationship is a serious issue, although it\u2019s not always clear how to solve it. When you feel isolated from your partner, it can be difficult to ask for help or even have a discussion of your feelings. But before you can learn how to deal with loneliness in a relationship, it\u2019s important to learn a bit about the condition. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Loneliness has been linked to increased risk of stroke, cardiovascular disease, depression, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and obesity. It\u2019s also hereditary<\/span>\u2014<\/span>a <\/span>twin study conducted in 2005<\/span><\/a> suggests that genetics can account for 50% of loneliness in adults. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are two types of loneliness: transient and chronic. The transient or acute type of loneliness usually follows a life event such as a move or a breakup, while the chronic type may be harder to deal with. Loneliness can also change how you perceive your relationships making it difficult to evaluate why a relationship doesn\u2019t give you the nourishment you need.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

So there\u2019s all the bad, but what can you do? Well, there\u2019s no surefire way to beat loneliness in one fell swoop, especially if you and your partner have been growing apart for a long time.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re feeling lonely in your relationship, you may find it difficult to bring up the issue with your partner. This begins a vicious cycle of withholding which causes more loneliness which causes more withholding. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The best course of action is to start by telling your partner how you feel. They may feel lonely, too or maybe they\u2019ve sensed that something is wrong. It\u2019s easy to detect mood changes in committed relationship, even if you\u2019re not sure what\u2019s changed. It may be difficult, but if you want to salvage the relationship you have to get your feelings out there. This practice of withholding may not have started the loneliness on its own, but it contributes to perpetuating it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, enroll your partner in a plan to change the relationship dynamic. Plan moments of intimacy. Cook dinner for each other. Go on novel dates. Schedule sex if you have to. The key is to actively be mindful of the time you spend together. When you\u2019re together, try to cut back on the time spent on activities where you\u2019re not interacting with each other, such as spending time on social media or watching TV. The goal is to enjoy each other\u2019s company again.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next, examine your own role in your relationship. We\u2019re often fed a narrative that love is up to chance, and things will be perfect once we find our soulmate. This is never the case. Love can happen by chance, but it\u2019s never perfect when we find it. And why would you want to leave something so important up to chance anyway? You and your partner are both responsible for the maintenance of your relationship. It\u2019s easy for the relationship to become routine and mechanical. It takes effort to build happiness once the smoldering passion fades. In many cases, it\u2019s possible to reconnect with your partner, but it takes work.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

On a day-to-day basis, check in with your partner. Send them texts throughout the day and when you see them, ask how their day is going. Ask them to check in with you. And give all of these tactics time to take effect.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now that you\u2019ve set up good relationship habits. Reexamine your feelings and see if you still feel lonely. If you do, remember that loneliness can be chronic and depression can cause loneliness. If you think the issue may be chronic or you\u2019re struggling with depression, it\u2019s good to seek professional help. A licensed professional is better equipped to help you solve these problems than any casual article or friend.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve ruled out depression or chronic loneliness as the root cause of your feelings and you\u2019ve explored all other possibilities, it may be that your partner isn\u2019t giving you what you need and the relationship isn\u2019t working for you. If you\u2019re unhappy and feeling distant from them, it may have nothing to do with their behavior and everything to do with your feelings.  Other times, relationships are too entrenched in cycles of bad habits or bruised feelings to recover. The sad truth is not every relationship is salvageable. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Loneliness isn\u2019t an easy problem to confront in a relationship. There\u2019s no steadfast answer that will work for everyone, but your best bet begins with action and patience. Don\u2019t be afraid to talk about how you\u2019re feeling and you may find the power to change it. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Loneliness in a relationship is a serious issue, although it\u2019s not always clear how to solve it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":162,"featured_media":17697,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[891,898],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17696","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice","category-relationship-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat It Means When You're Lonely in a Relationship<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Loneliness in a relationship is a serious issue, although it\u2019s not always clear how to solve it. 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