{"id":17741,"date":"2018-11-30T01:00:23","date_gmt":"2018-11-30T09:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=17741"},"modified":"2024-03-20T05:41:53","modified_gmt":"2024-03-20T12:41:53","slug":"dating-advice-2019","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/dating-advice-2019\/","title":{"rendered":"Dating Advice We Need to Stop Giving People in 2019"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Whether you like it or not, friends, family, heck, even strangers, aren\u2019t going to stop giving you dating advice anytime soon. When the new year comes, that\u2019s not going to change. And admit it: you\u2019re going to keep doing the same for your friends. But to help you and your friends out, we all need to “>stop giving bad, outdated dating advice<\/a> and improve dating for everyone. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Before you accidentally give or take the wrong advice, here are the nine pieces of dating advice we need to stop giving people in 2019.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. Just ghost them.
\n<\/b>This isn\u2019t so much advice that\u2019s spoken, but rather a thing people see their friends doing then assume is okay. Just to be clear: it\u2019s totally in your right to stop texting someone without warning, but that doesn\u2019t make it a good or nice thing to do.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unless you fear abuse from the person you\u2019re considering ghosting, verbalize the break. Don\u2019t just slip away into the night. Your reason can be as simple as, \u201cI\u2019m not feeling the chemistry.\u201d It\u2019s uncomfortable, but it\u2019s the respectful adult thing to do. You\u2019re expressing how you feel, and they can get closure and possibly learn something. It\u2019s that simple.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. Opposites attract.
<\/b>Science actually shows that people generally are attracted to people that are similar to themselves. In a meta-analytic study of multiple attraction experiments, psychologists Robert Horton and Matthew Montoya found that there is a high correlation between your attraction to someone and their similarity to you. Specifically, the study examined how similar couples were, the focus of their attitudes, and how they processed information. Invariably, the more traits the couples shared, the greater the attraction. So, no, opposites don\u2019t attract<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. When you meet someone, you just know.
\n<\/b>Attraction is a biological mechanism meant to lure you into getting to know someone, but the presence of attraction doesn\u2019t necessitate long-term relationship compatibility. Qualities of a good long-term partner include but are not limited to intelligence, kindness, supportiveness, sensitivity, loyalty, and more. And many of these are undetectable when you first meet someone. Sometimes you may meet someone, and just not know yet. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. Play hard to get.
\n<\/b>The less interest you show, the more someone will want you. We\u2019ve all heard it, but that\u2019s not how it works in practice. People actually respond worse when they\u2019re uncertain how the other person feels about them, according to <\/span>numerous studies about playing hard to get<\/span><\/a>. In other words, playing hard to get makes you less attractive.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This data follows conventional wisdom that honesty and communication serve a relationship better than unspoken intention. So if you\u2019re playing hard to get, you should cut it out right now. This includes not returning texts or calls, delaying making plans, or negging the other person. People won\u2019t be intrigued, they\u2019ll be annoyed then they\u2019ll lose interest and move on to the next one.\\<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. Love will find you when you least expect it.
\n<\/b>Like anything in life, love can find you when you least expect it, but that doesn\u2019t mean it will. Oftentimes, people find love by dating, whether that means being introduced by friends, attending social gatherings, or through online dating. If you\u2019re single and looking, actively looking will find you a partner a lot faster than waiting and hoping they\u2019ll find you. There\u2019s no shame in it. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. They\u2019re out of your league.
\n<\/b>Nobody is out of your league. The truth is that most people aren\u2019t compatible with each other, but it takes actually trying it to find out. A <\/span>recent study<\/span><\/a> published in Science Advances suggests that people swipe right on matches on average 25% more attractive than themselves and still match with those people. While there\u2019s a possibility that things won\u2019t work out with someone you consider to be very attractive, disqualifying yourself before you try to get to know the person fulfills that truth when it might\u2019ve not been that way. So put yourself out there. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

7. Don\u2019t be too enthusiastic.
\n<\/b>This is certifiable B.S. If you like someone, there\u2019s no reason to behave unenthusiastically. Earnestness is a good quality and shows confidence. The idea is that if you withhold yourself, they\u2019ll come back for more, or conversely if you show them everything they\u2019ll lose interest. It\u2019s okay to hold back. But when someone you like expresses their attraction, you like it, right? Same thing applies the other way around. If they\u2019re weirded out by you expressing interest, they might not be the best person for you to engage in a relationship with anyhow.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

8. Complimenting someone gives away your power.
\n<\/b>Compliments do not give away power. They give power to both the person being complimented and the complimenter, if the compliment is authentic. Now this doesn\u2019t mean you should flatter someone you\u2019re interested in, but if you see qualities that are commendable, feel free to shout about it. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pro tip: it\u2019s better to acknowledge people for qualities that they exhibit or have worked for as opposed to their looks, which amounts to complimenting them winning the genetic lottery.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

9. Avoid serious topics from the get go.
\n<\/b>Okay, so you don\u2019t want to be airing family tragedy or conspiracy theories on your dates, but that doesn\u2019t mean you can\u2019t also discuss things that are important to you. If human rights advocacy or environmental justice are core to your values, it\u2019s okay to discuss these issues with someone you\u2019re interested in or dating. They\u2019re a part of who you are and it shows intellectual depth in both people involved in a conversation. As long as both sides are listening respectfully, there\u2019s nothing wrong with sharing this info from the get go.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the new year, everybody makes resolutions about the gym, dating, or calling our mothers. Whether or not you follow through on whatever commitments you make, let\u2019s promise to make 2019 a better year for dating advice.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Let’s make 2019 a better year for dating advice. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":162,"featured_media":17946,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17741","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDating Advice We Need to Stop Giving People in 2019<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dating changes and so should the advice we give. If you're reading outdated advice, stop. 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