{"id":18196,"date":"2019-02-02T01:00:51","date_gmt":"2019-02-02T09:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=18196"},"modified":"2021-05-31T09:44:09","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T16:44:09","slug":"i-want-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/i-want-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"I Want a Relationship: 11 Tips to Make It Happen"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Love. It\u2019s the thing that we\u2019re told it all amounts to. And when you\u2019re not in love, it can seem like everyone around you is, and  you\u2019re missing out on something. A relationship can be a beautiful thing, and the process of finding the right person can be an amazing experience too. But that doesn\u2019t mean either are easy. If you\u2019re looking for a serious relationship, it\u2019s going to take work. But if you\u2019re ready to make it happen, then this article is for you. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Invest in yourself.
\n<\/b>This is one of the most important parts about dating, but is often the most overlooked. Everybody wants to be with someone who has it together. This doesn\u2019t mean that you need to have everything up to your eulogy figured out, but it does mean that you have a high degree of self-sufficiency. The most important elements here are financial stability, good physical fitness, emotional intelligence, and a lust for life. It\u2019s ok to struggle in these areas. In fact, many people do. But consider these the characteristics that make you a great candidate for a serious relationship:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Financial stability means you have a decent job. You don\u2019t need to be the number one innovator in your field, but you need to be able to support yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Good physical fitness does not mean you need to look like a model or an athlete, just that you work out regularly and eat relatively well. This isn\u2019t about looks\u2014it\u2019s about long-term health. Looks are just a nice cherry on top.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having strong emotional intelligence doesn\u2019t mean that you have nothing to deal with from your past, but that you\u2019re aware of your own emotions and those of the people around you. This, in turn, allows you to manage your emotions and navigate personal relationships with empathy and understanding.. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I say you need to have a lust for life, I just mean that you\u2019re living a full life and enjoying it. Have hobbies, friends, family, and interests. Be curious about learning and keep an open-mind.  <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Meet people everywhere.
\n<\/b>The most important part about finding a relationship is, well, meeting the people you might end up in a relationship with. Meeting romantic prospects online is the easiest way in 2019 but don\u2019t let it be your only way. Talk to your family, your friends, or people in your community or place of worship. Let them know you\u2019re single and looking. Meet people in social settings that you have already have a vested interest in like concerts, book clubs, or local political gatherings. Talk to people in grocery stores. You want to meet as many people from as many different places as possible, which takes us to our next step…<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Go on dates.
\n<\/b>Many people think: when it happens, it will happen. In western culture, love is often presented as the ultimate prize, yet we\u2019re also sold the idea that we should leave it entirely to chance. You\u2019d never leave your career entirely up to chance and you shouldn\u2019t treat your relationships that way either.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Go on dates actively. Go on lots of dates. Meet all sorts of different people. Odds are most of them won\u2019t be right for you. Odds are you won\u2019t be right for most of them. That\u2019s why you have to go on so many. Don\u2019t wait for love to happen to you. Go seek it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Figure out who you\u2019re looking for.
\n<\/b>Once you\u2019ve been on a lot of dates, you\u2019ll probably have a better idea of the type of person you want to be with. Maybe, common interests are important to you. Maybe, it\u2019s shared political values. Or maybe, you want to find someone from your hometown. Either way, once you have an idea of the types of people you\u2019re looking for you can start to narrow your search. Still be open-minded, but look with a bit more care.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But be realistic.
\n<\/b>While you\u2019re narrowing down the people you date, also be realistic. Nobody is going to be your perfect mold if you\u2019re looking for a rockstar, actor, who\u2019s 6\u20194\u201d, lives in the Appalachian Mountains, and rides to his six figure salary job on a sleigh driven by Alaskan Malamutes. Have standards for what you\u2019re looking for, but know that nobody will check every box you have because that\u2019s not how people work. Love and relationships are about celebrating a person for exactly who they are, so don\u2019t get caught up in ideals.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Set expectations.
\n<\/b>If you\u2019re looking for a relationship, you need to be upfront about it with the people you date. Many people aren\u2019t looking for committed relationships and honest communication will weed out the people that don\u2019t fit the bill. It\u2019ll save everybody time. Don\u2019t waste your time or energy trying to convince someone who\u2019s not looking for a relationship to date you. The right person will be as excited about being in a relationship with you as you are with them.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look out for red flags.
\n<\/b>While someone may have many qualities you like, there are certain negatives that shouldn\u2019t be overlooked when you\u2019re looking for a partner. There are a lot <\/span>relationship red flags<\/span><\/a>, but an important one to watch out for early in a relationship is someone who doesn\u2019t keep their word to you: they break dates, they lie, don\u2019t do things that they say they\u2019ll do, etc. An important pillar of a healthy relationship is reliability, and this means they\u2019re probably going to get an F in that department. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Express your feelings.
\n<\/b>This one is difficult for a lot of people, especially for people who\u2019ve been hurt in the past, but you need to be able to express your feelings to the people you\u2019re dating. A big part of relationships, not to mention life in general, is dealing with your natural emotional responses. In dating and relationships, there\u2019ll be rough patches and times where you feel like you\u2019re soring. Your partner needs to hear them both, and so do people you\u2019re dating, especially as you\u2019re relationship progresses.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Trust your gut.
\n<\/b>This one is known alternatively as the feel test. Does the connection with the person feel right? If yes, then process. If no, well, tell them you had a good time, but you\u2019re not feeling it. There\u2019s not a lot of logic to our instincts, but they\u2019re often pretty keen. Sometimes you can\u2019t put your finger on what\u2019s wrong, but you\u2019re gut tells you it is. Trust it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prepare for heartbreak and rejection…<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The worst part about opening your heart is that it can be broken. And the worst part about heartbreak is that it can happen again and again. And again. And again. You get it. Heartbreak is a part of dating too. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

…and get ready to do the whole thing again.<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s right. When you\u2019re heart is broken, it\u2019s no excuse to give up forever. Take your time to suffer after you\u2019ve been hurt, but eventually you have to get back up and try again. And it will happen again. But that\u2019s part of it. Sometimes you\u2019ll get your heart broken, and sometimes you\u2019ll be the one to break a heart. Neither situation is very fun, but it\u2019s part of how you grow and learn about yourself and the type of people who make you happiest. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of you have been searching for years and haven\u2019t found what you\u2019re looking for. My heart goes out to you. It\u2019s difficult, discouraging, disheartening\u2014all the dissess\u2014but it\u2019s out there. Love is a full court press. You want something, you\u2019ve got to get it. Work hard enough and you will. It may not sound grandly inspirational, but it\u2019s the truth: like most things in this life worth having, love is work, having it and finding it.  <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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