{"id":18209,"date":"2019-02-06T01:00:21","date_gmt":"2019-02-06T09:00:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=18209"},"modified":"2021-05-31T09:42:45","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T16:42:45","slug":"recycling-your-exes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I\u2019ve always been a sucker for a good \u201csecond chance\u201d story.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I mean\u2026 who doesn\u2019t love a good rom-com starring the lovable cad of a boyfriend who lets his awesome (and of course, perfect, gorgeous, and flawlessly thigh-gapped) girlfriend down in new appalling ways every single day; probably doesn\u2019t have a job, goals, ambition, or the ability to stay faithful for longer than one episode of a Netflix binge; and doesn\u2019t realize the error of his ways until said girlfriend has left him high and dry, and taken her Netflix password with her? (So basically Matthew McConaughey in every romantic comedy he\u2019s ever been in.) We all know what happens next, right? Mr. McConaughey sees the light, chases his leading lady to the airport\/train station\/across the world\/etc.\/etc., becomes a better man than he was five minutes earlier, and professes his undying love, then she takes him back, no questions asked. They kiss, we swoon, the credits roll. And, once again, Hollywood succeeds in making us forget why exes are, in fact\u2026 exes. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are certain ex-boyfriends out there, who always come back around. No matter how long it\u2019s been since you broke up or what remote, deserted island you moved to in order to escape him\u2014he will find you. He will online stalk his way back into your life via a tweet or a Facebook friend request or an Instagram DM. He might even start a new account to get to you since you blocked him on all the old ones. Nope\u2014ain\u2019t no mountain high enough, ain\u2019t no river wide enough to keep him from getting to you. And more than likely it will happen right at the very second that you finally get over him. It\u2019s like a weird male antenna that receives a signal that you\u2019re not hung up on him anymore and his fingers are suddenly drawn to his phone like a moth to a flame. \u201cShe\u2019s not crying into her pillow every night anymore! I better call and remind her why she was crying in the first place!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

While not all exes have bad intentions, and some might actually be texting just to see how you\u2019re doing, it\u2019s best to avoid that danger zone like you would a coffee shop with no WiFi. Why? Because as the old adage says, \u201cA leopard never changes its spots.\u201d In this case\u2014the spots being whatever reasons you had for ending the relationship in the first place. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThings ended for a reason. Remember that reason.\u201d That\u2019s something my therapist likes to remind me of every time I come to her with an ex who has popped back up in my life like a game of whack-a-mole. (Or a whack-a-leopard, I guess.)<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever spots your particular leopard had when last you saw him, you can bet they\u2019re still there\u2014even if he\u2019s cleverly hiding them behind a more mature age, smoother talk, or sudden eagerness to commit. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I once tried to date a guy when I was 20, then again when I was about 26, then again when I was 31, and I can categorically say: The third time was NOT the charm. Nope, he was sketchier and shadier every time I gave him another chance. It\u2019s like this guy went out of his way to get in his lifetime quota of weird dating behaviors with me. But I seem to just have this soft spot for my exes. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I can\u2019t help but wonder\u2026 is this just me? Or is everyone more susceptible to catching feelings for someone they\u2019ve once had feelings for? Here are the stories I tell myself to justify recycling an ex:<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

– He\u2019s changed.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Things were left unfinished between us, and this is our chance to get it right this time.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

– Maybe he\u2019s the one I\u2019m supposed to be with, and it just took time for us both to realize it.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s the thing, though: People don\u2019t really ever change THAT much. Now don\u2019t get me wrong. I\u2019m not saying people aren\u2019t capable of change. I believe they are. I\u2019ve changed greatly over the past few years. But I got here through intensive struggle and therapy and confronting my own junk. Most people aren\u2019t willing or able to take the necessary steps to effect real change. Barring a miracle or a massive life overhaul, your ex is still the same guy who told you that you were the love of his life then broke up with you via text message. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for the \u201cunfinished business\u201d excuse? I would argue that any ending, no matter how it comes about, is closure. It\u2019s okay, and even healthy, to let some things end messily, and badly. You just can\u2019t put a cherry on top of every sundae. Sometimes things just end because they\u2019re supposed to end, and you don\u2019t get an explanation or an apology or closure. My therapist also likes to remind me that we are responsible for our own closure. You should never leave your peace of mind or ability to move on in someone else\u2019s hands. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And finally\u2026 real love isn\u2019t like a movie and and it\u2019s not supposed to be. Real love doesn\u2019t have to chase you to the airport at the end of the movie, because real love doesn\u2019t leave in the first place. If he was and is the one you were meant to be with, he would have stuck around. For the hard stuff, for the intense stuff, for the messy stuff. Don\u2019t get so sucked into the idea of a perfect Hollywood ending that you mistake glitter for gold.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Exes are, by definition alone, bad news. Exile, excommunicate, exclude, extradite, exhume, exhausted\u2026 do any of these words give you a warm and fuzzy feeling? There\u2019s a reason that \u201cex\u201d comes before \u201cboyfriend\u201d\u2014and it\u2019s best to leave that relationship in the ground where it belongs and not try and recreate a moment that probably wasn\u2019t all that great to begin with. Besides, if you\u2019re filling up your calendar with X\u2019s, you\u2019re leaving no room for O\u2019s\u2014as in \u201cOh, he\u2019s so wonderful!\u201d So the only \u201cex\u201d you should be headed for is the exit, and quickly!<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the end of the day, recycling exes might not be bad for the environment, but it\u2019s bad for your environment. If he didn\u2019t make it past your past, he\u2019s certainly not worthy of your future, so quit wasting time on what might have been and look ahead to what can still be. Just because \u201cex\u201d didn\u2019t mark the spot doesn\u2019t mean there\u2019s not still buried treasure to be found\u2026 Most likely where you least expect it. So here\u2019s a shovel. Start diggin\u2019.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are certain ex-boyfriends out there, who always come back around. Don’t do it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":182,"featured_media":18215,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,973,891],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18209","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-moving-on","category-relationship-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhy Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There are certain ex-boyfriends out there, who always come back around. Here's why you should stay away from them.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Why Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There are certain ex-boyfriends out there, who always come back around. Here's why you should stay away from them.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheSingleWoman\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-02-06T09:00:21+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-05-31T16:42:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/02\/06161146\/recycling-your-exes.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Mandy Hale\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@https:\/\/twitter.com\/TheSingleWoman\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Mandy Hale\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Why Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment","description":"There are certain ex-boyfriends out there, who always come back around. Here's why you should stay away from them.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Why Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment","og_description":"There are certain ex-boyfriends out there, who always come back around. Here's why you should stay away from them.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_author":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheSingleWoman","article_published_time":"2019-02-06T09:00:21+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-05-31T16:42:45+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/02\/06161146\/recycling-your-exes.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Mandy Hale","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@https:\/\/twitter.com\/TheSingleWoman","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Mandy Hale","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/"},"author":{"name":"Mandy Hale","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/073dbc503de9ba4b36fb38230c106d9c"},"headline":"Why Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment","datePublished":"2019-02-06T09:00:21+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T16:42:45+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/"},"wordCount":1177,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/02\/06161146\/recycling-your-exes.jpg","articleSection":["Dating Advice","Moving On","Relationship Advice"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/","name":"Why Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/02\/06161146\/recycling-your-exes.jpg","datePublished":"2019-02-06T09:00:21+00:00","dateModified":"2021-05-31T16:42:45+00:00","description":"There are certain ex-boyfriends out there, who always come back around. Here's why you should stay away from them.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/02\/06161146\/recycling-your-exes.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2019\/02\/06161146\/recycling-your-exes.jpg","width":800,"height":600,"caption":"A woman who's thinking about leaving her ex, laughing on a couch."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/recycling-your-exes\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Dating Tips","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"Why Recycling Your Exes is Bad for Your Environment"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/073dbc503de9ba4b36fb38230c106d9c","name":"Mandy Hale","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/avatar_user_182_1548784532-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/01\/avatar_user_182_1548784532-96x96.jpg","caption":"Mandy Hale"},"description":"Blogger turned New York Times best-selling author Mandy Hale is the creator of The Single Woman social media movement that has revolutionized what it means to be single. The author of four books, her empowering message reaches millions of women across the world every day. Mandy has been collaborating with Zoosk, sharing her experience and expertise to help like-minded online daters to find the relationship that's right for them.","sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/TheSingleWoman","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/thesinglewoman\/?hl=en","https:\/\/x.com\/https:\/\/twitter.com\/TheSingleWoman"],"url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/mandy-hale\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18209","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/182"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18209"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18209\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/18215"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18209"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18209"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18209"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}