{"id":18354,"date":"2019-02-23T14:00:33","date_gmt":"2019-02-23T22:00:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=18354"},"modified":"2021-11-05T06:53:42","modified_gmt":"2021-11-05T13:53:42","slug":"future-tripping","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/future-tripping\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is Future-Tripping and How to Avoid It in New Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Before I started to get a little more grounded about dating, I had a tendency to “future trip”<\/span> (aka, start stressing out about where the relationship was going) every time I started dating someone new. If I\u2019m being totally honest, I probably still do it now. Sometimes you just can\u2019t help it. If you like someone a lot, your mind just has a way of going there. And I know I\u2019m not the only one this happens to. According to experts, it\u2019s one of the most common dating mistakes people make. But there are ways to avoid future tripping so it doesn\u2019t ruin your love life. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFuture tripping is how we try to exercise control over our unpredictable future,\u201d\u00a0Lily Womble, matchmaker and founder of Date Brazen<\/a>, says. \u201cIt happens because we desire more control and certainty over the randomness of dating and relationships.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are basically two ways to future trip. One, is where you start dating someone new, you barely know them, and yet you\u2019re already envisioning how many kids you\u2019re going to have and what you\u2019re going to name them. According to Womble, it\u2019s the, \u201coverly sunny version\u201d of  a future trip.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The not so sunny side of future tripping takes place when you\u2019ve been hurt in the past. So once you start dating someone new, you worry about all the things that could potentially go wrong. You think if you can prepare yourself for the worst, it will hurt a lot less when it happens in reality. But as Womble says, that\u2019s not always the case. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFuture tripping doesn’t prepare or protect us from whatever is coming, both good or bad,\u201d she says. \u201cIt just increases our stress.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yes, even dreaming about a happy future with someone can cause you to stress over little things that can potentially get in the way. It can even cause you to compromise your needs because you\u2019re so set on a specific outcome with a specific person. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Because future tripping won\u2019t do you or your new relationship any good, here are some ways to stop it. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t entertain the \u201cWhat if\u2019s.\u201d
\n<\/b>Any thought that starts with the phrase \u201cWhat if\u201d is sure to lead you on a future trip. What if this is the one? What if I mess things up? What if they\u2019re not ready for something serious? When you\u2019re dating someone new, it\u2019s completely normal to let your mind wander to the numerous possibilities. While some thoughts can be fun, others will only create unnecessary anxiety. The reality is, things are still new. You may like them now, but there\u2019s still so much more to discover. So if you ever have a thought that begins with the words, \u201cWhat if,\u201d just nip it in the bud. Don\u2019t give your brain the opportunity to create scenarios that may or may not match up to reality. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Turn on your curiosity.
\n<\/b>Instead of daydreaming about the future and how you hope your partner will be, get to know them as they are right now. Ask questions that will help you understand them on a deeper level. Do activities they enjoy so you can see them in their element. When you future trip, it\u2019s easy to fall for an idealized version of your new partner. Making an effort to get to know who they truly are will help you stay grounded and more in the moment. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Keep a dating journal to help you stay in check.
\n<\/b>Our minds have the ability to exaggerate things like small gestures or awkward moments. Keeping a journal about your dates that only includes basics like where you went, how the person made you feel, and what did or didn\u2019t go well, will help you keep stock of what really happened. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cA dating journal keeps you present and focused date by date,\u201d <\/span>Corrie LoGiudice<\/span><\/a>, relationship coach and author says. \u201cThe amazing part is when you finally do meet someone that’s a good long-term match for you, it’ll be obvious based on your journal entries.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mirror your partner\u2019s level of interest.
\n<\/b>According to LoGiudice, mirroring can help you get a feel for your new partner\u2019s interest in you and how compatible you actually are. For instance, if you notice that you text or initiate conversations way more than they do, you may have different levels of interest in the relationship or at the very least, different relationship needs. Knowing this will help you avoid worrying about a future with someone who may not be the best match for you. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Avoid consulting the stars.
\n<\/b>The search for love can get pretty frustrating. If you\u2019re into astrology, tarot, or live in an area like mine where psychic storefronts are just as common as Starbucks, it\u2019s so tempting to seek out guidance from “above\u201d in order to avoid wasting time. But that\u2019s the last thing you should be doing. As psychic and spiritual counselor, <\/span>Davida Rappaport<\/span><\/a> says, \u201cMost reputable psychics will tell you to spend time getting to know them and enjoy yourself without thinking about your next date or the future.\u201d In fact, you should only consider spiritual guidance once you\u2019re in a solid relationship, she says.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stay open to exploring other options.
\n<\/b>To be fair, not everyone is skilled at juggling multiple people at once. But if you have yet to define the relationship<\/a>, don\u2019t close yourself off to other opportunities that may come your way. It doesn\u2019t necessarily mean you should actively find other people to date. Just don\u2019t have the mindset of being taken when you\u2019re technically still available. When you\u2019re not anxiously holding onto an outcome (in this case a committed relationship with a specific person) you can allow things to unfold at their natural pace. You can take your time getting to know each person you\u2019re talking to, so you can better decide who\u2019s the right one for you. There\u2019s nothing sweeter than having the power of choice. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn what is and isn\u2019t out of your control.
\n<\/b>If you want to avoid tripping out over the future, get in touch with what you can and can\u2019t control. For instance, you can control how you present yourself, what you wear, and what stories you tell on your dates. You can\u2019t control how someone thinks, feels, or reacts to you. As much as we\u2019d like for someone to react the way we want them to, it\u2019s just not realistic. If you can be at peace with the things you can control and the things you really can\u2019t, you\u2019ll find it easier to enjoy things as they come. If you\u2019re into affirmations, repeating one like, \u201cIf it\u2019s meant for me, it will be,\u201d can help you let go. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The worst thing about future tripping is, it takes you out of the moment. It\u2019s hard to enjoy the relationship you\u2019re building with someone new when you\u2019re so worried about when you\u2019re going to define the relationship or when they\u2019re going to breakup with you. I know it\u2019s easier said than done, but try not to worry about things that may or may not happen in the future. Just be present and take things day by day. In doing so, you can avoid the future trip and enjoy your relationship as it is right now. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ever started dating someone and immediately pictured what your future would be like? You may be on a trip. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":186,"featured_media":18359,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,891,893],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18354","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-relationship-advice","category-relationship-stages"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat Is Future-Tripping and How to Avoid It in New Relationships<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"According to experts, it\u2019s one of the most common dating mistakes people make. 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