{"id":18675,"date":"2019-03-25T14:00:40","date_gmt":"2019-03-25T21:00:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=18675"},"modified":"2021-05-31T09:15:23","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T16:15:23","slug":"moving-in-together-is-a-bad-idea","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/moving-in-together-is-a-bad-idea\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Tell Your Partner Moving in Together Is a Bad Idea"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

There comes a time in every committed relationship, when you\u2019re faced with the next step: moving in. The pressure can come from anywhere\u2014your partner, friends, overeager parents, or even yourself\u2014but it doesn\u2019t matter. If you\u2019re not ready, you\u2019re not ready. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Nobody can force you into something you\u2019re not ready to do, although sometimes it can feel like you don\u2019t have a choice. There\u2019s always a choice. You can love your partner, say no to the big ask, and still salvage the relationship. It won\u2019t be easy for every relationship, but it\u2019s doable. Here\u2019s how.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask for time to consider your options.
\n<\/b>It\u2019s completely reasonable to need time to think when someone poses you a question that has real life consequences. Tell them you need to consider before you commit. Assure them you\u2019re not just putting them off, but that you can\u2019t take the leap without considering all angles. Remind them that you do love them and that whatever your answer is doesn\u2019t affect your feelings for them. Saying no to moving in does not necessarily mean you have to break up. Let them know that!<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come up with your pros and cons.
\n<\/b>Make a complete list of your considerations and take equal time on the pros and cons. You\u2019re with this person for a reason, many reasons probably. Those are worth noting and will come in handy in the big conversation, especially if things get a little raw. Your pros can be as simple as you like the way they treat you or that you love them deeply. Just brainstorm things you\u2019d write in a Valentine’s Day card and you\u2019ll be good. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, for the cons. These will be different for everybody, but make sure to get them all down. These can be things like apprehension about sharing finances, worries about personal space, or even just simple messiness. Remember, unexpected things come out when you live with someone.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Schedule a time to talk.
\n<\/b>When you\u2019re ready, reach out to your partner and let them know you want to talk. Because you asked for time to think, it\u2019s your responsibility to bring up the conversation again. Don\u2019t wait for them to broach the subject again. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lead with the good\u2026
\n<\/b>In personal matters like this, it\u2019s easy to get hurt. If you want to keep seeing your partner, it\u2019s best to start with the things you love about them. This can be summed up in the pros from your list in step two, but don\u2019t be afraid to share from the heart, too. It\u2019s tough to capture every feeling in a list.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

…then the less good.
\n<\/b>Now, for the tough part. Give them all your considerations with as delicate wording as you can find. Start with the line items that are rooted in your fears: you don\u2019t know if you\u2019re ready for that level of commitment, you\u2019re scared, you\u2019ve never moved in with a partner before. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then, you\u2019ll have to talk about the them stuff: you think they\u2019re too messy, you think they\u2019re a little neurotic, you don\u2019t know if the lack of space is good thing. The second type of cons are harder to talk about, because they probably point to flaws elsewhere in the relationship. They\u2019ll likely start a deeper conversation but stay on topic for now. You can always pick that talk up later. And you can say all that. But as always, tread lightly when you\u2019re discussing what you take to be your partner\u2019s flaws. It\u2019s a slippery slope to hurt feelings, and as The Dude says, \u201cThat\u2019s just, like, your opinion, man.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remind them that no for now, doesn\u2019t mean no forever…
\n<\/b>Of course, you\u2019re not saying no for all time and let them know that, too. You\u2019re not ready now, the keyword being now. Feel free to tell them when you might be ready, even if it\u2019s not a hard commitment. Feel free to tell them what might help you be ready, maybe they can start working on that and get you to a place where you feel comfortable taking the big leap.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2026 unless it does mean no forever.
\n<\/b>If you know that you\u2019ll never want to move in with someone, and that you\u2019re happy with the relationships as-is and don\u2019t want to take things further, you need to be honest about that too. For your partner, moving in together might be about much more than simply sharing space. Most likely, they want the relationship to take a major step forward and for you to give them a forever level of commitment. If you know you\u2019ll never be able to give that to them, it\u2019s important to say so. Otherwise you could be stringing someone along or giving them false hopes for a level of commitment that you\u2019ll never want with them.  <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be sweet.
\n<\/b>Nobody likes to be rejected by someone they care about. No matter how gentle the conversation, there\u2019s room for your partner\u2019s feelings to be hurt. It\u2019s your responsibility to make them feel the love. Help them lick their wounds and reassure them that your relationship is still solid. This means romantic dates, quality time, and backrubs. Break out all the stops.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Remember, the conversation won\u2019t be easy, but moving in has to be the right move for both of you. Ultimately, your partner will understand that. Be as reasonable and kind as possible, without giving up your ground. And remember, your partner needs to be true to what they want and need from the relationship too. It may be that not taking the relationship to the next level is a real problem for them, and it could mean you need to have a bigger conversation. But, no matter what happens, respect where they\u2019re coming from and how they feel. Stick to what you feel is right, and you\u2019ll get through it. Things will be okay. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You can love your partner, say no to the big ask, and still salvage the relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":162,"featured_media":18676,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[891],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18675","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Tell Your Partner Moving in Together Is a Bad Idea<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There comes a time in every committed relationship, when you\u2019re faced with the next step: moving in. 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