Some people just aren\u2019t happy being monogamous. And that\u2019s okay! Open relationships can be a happy alternative for people who like the feeling of having one main partner, but still don\u2019t like being in just one relationship. But starting an open relationship can be difficult if you\u2019ve never done it before.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Going from a strict monogamous relationship to opening up your relationship to new people can feel a little strange, so it can help to have some rules in place when you start out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But be careful, because some rules can backfire and cause more problems than they solve. If you’re starting out on an open relationship here are a few rules to avoid.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
1. \u201cJust don\u2019t tell me about it.\u201d<\/strong> 2. \u201cYou can only have one night stands.\u201d<\/strong> 3. \u201cYou can only sleep with people of the same sex.\u201d<\/strong> 4. \u201cDon\u2019t get jealous.\u201d<\/strong> 5. \u201cI\u2019m allowed to veto.\u201d<\/strong> Open relationships work for some people, but they also take work. Having guidelines may be better than having set rules in place, as it\u2019s important to remember that some rules can stifle a relationship from growing. More than anything else, an open relationship needs open communication and the willingness to grow and change.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Open relationships work for some people, but they also take work. Having guidelines may be better than having set rules in place. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":156,"featured_media":18975,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,891],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-relationship-advice"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
\nThis rule is a terrible way to start an open relationship because it shows that one, or maybe both of you, aren\u2019t entirely happy with the thought of your partner being with someone else. Having a don\u2019t ask, don\u2019t tell policy leads to distrust and unhappiness in the long term. You\u2019re building up walls between your primary partner and a whole other part of your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nHaving a one-night stand rule is very common, unfortunately. Like the previous rule, it shows that one or both of you are not fully comfortable with the idea of an open relationship. You may be feeling intimidated by the thought of your partner having another long term partner or afraid they’ll replace you as a primary partner. This rule means you and your partner can\u2019t find someone they can develop a real, emotional relationship with. And since a lot of people can only enjoy sex with someone that they have developed a relationship with, this rule prevents them from doing just that.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThere are two schools of thought as to why this doesn\u2019t work. For one thing, there\u2019s a bit of homophobia going on here. This rule often pops up because one person doesn\u2019t think that their partner\u2019s relationship with someone of their same sex isn\u2019t a real relationship. Therefore, they are comfortable with the \u201crelationship\u201d happening. The other school of thought is around insecurity. You\u2019re wondering why your partner wants to be with a guy when you\u2019re a guy. What can that guy give your partner that you can\u2019t? Whereas you know that you can\u2019t give your partner something that a girl can because you\u2019re not a girl. This shows a bit of insecurity that should be worked past before starting an open relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThis rule doesn\u2019t work because jealousy is a human emotion. We all get jealous sometimes, whether we want to or not. This rule is actually dangerous for the relationship. With this rule in place, you feel like you can\u2019t talk about your jealousy, because you promised you wouldn\u2019t get jealous. So that jealousy will continue to fester and grow until it inevitably boils over. It\u2019s better to just talk it through when you do get jealous.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nAnother dangerous rule, the veto is a bad way to start an open relationship. If you\u2019re genuinely concerned that your partner is seeing someone who is not a good person or just not good to them, you should talk it out. Tell them your point of view and listen to theirs. But you do not own your partner. Your partner has the autonomy to choose who they want to be with. You can voice your concerns, but you can\u2019t pick who your partner spends their time with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n