{"id":18987,"date":"2019-05-22T01:00:30","date_gmt":"2019-05-22T08:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=18987"},"modified":"2021-05-31T08:45:54","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T15:45:54","slug":"what-to-say-date-says-im-divorced","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/what-to-say-date-says-im-divorced\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Say When Your Date Says, \u201cI\u2019m Divorced\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Maybe your date\u2019s profile mentioned their ex or maybe it didn\u2019t. Either way, there you are, sitting across from them as they say the words: \u201cI\u2019m divorced.\u201d And now it\u2019s your turn to talk. But what do you say?<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

About 10%<\/span><\/a> of 30-year-olds have been separated or divorced, which means if you\u2019re 30+ and dating, that narrative should sound very familiar. And yet, even though it\u2019s incredibly common for someone to be upfront about their divorce, many people fumble through their reaction. Do you ask what happened? Make jokes? Change the subject? What if you just say nothing? <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve been searching for the perfect way to respond to when your date says, \u201cI\u2019m divorced,\u201d then these tips have you covered.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don\u2019t say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d Do say, \u201cCongratulations!\u201d
\n<\/b>This suggestion is based on a conversation I had with a divorced friend who told me\u2014in no uncertain terms\u2014to stop saying \u201cI\u2019m sorry\u201d when someone says they\u2019re divorced. She kindly explained that, for her and for most modern divorcees, ending her relationship was an overall positive. The marriage wasn\u2019t working out and they were both happier and more excited about the future now that they were living separate lives. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the following years I\u2019ve followed my friend\u2019s advice with almost universally positive results. Occasionally you may encounter someone who was dumped and isn\u2019t happy to hear your congrats, in which case you\u2019ll have to apologize. But think about it this way: if your date is still feeling raw about their divorce, then they probably aren\u2019t ready to date you in the first place.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Follow their lead on whether to keep talking about it.
\n<\/b>Some people like to discuss their exes early on while others prefer to save the conversation for later. Just because your date married their ex doesn\u2019t suddenly change the rules. Even if you really, really want to know the gory details, it\u2019s a sign of maturity if you first ask, \u201cDo you want to talk about it?\u201d Your date may say yes or no, or they may leave it up to you. Whatever the case, you can\u2019t go wrong if you follow their lead. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And most importantly: if your date says they want to stop talking about their divorce, listen.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Get real about what divorce is. (And what it isn\u2019t.)
\n<\/b>Assuming your date is OK continuing the divorce-centric conversation, one way to make them feel at ease is to reduce the stigma around divorced daters. You can say that divorce is common or that you have a lot of divorced friends. (Side note, it\u2019s still weird to say you have a lot of \u201cfill in the blank ethnicity\u201d friends, but divorce is not an ethnicity, so saying you have divorced friends is perfectly acceptable.) <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I like to joke that divorce is basically a fancy breakup and that, if I\u2019d married my college boyfriend, I\u2019d be divorced now, too. Whatever you say, the ultimate goal of getting real about divorce is to show your date that you don\u2019t see divorced people as scarred, stained, disgraced or dishonored, and that their divorce doesn\u2019t impact your interest in dating them.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Talk about something else.
\n<\/b>Even if your date is glad\u2014or mostly glad\u2014they got divorced, they probably aren\u2019t gung-ho to spend hours rehashing it with a potential new partner. It\u2019s ironic, but because the subject of divorce is sensitive and because you both probably feel awkward talking about it, you may actually end up lingering on the topic unintentionally. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you don\u2019t know how to transition to a new conversation or what that new topic might be, you can always say, \u201cWould you like to change the subject?\u201d Most likely your date will say yes and then you can toss out some ideas like favorite bands, travel, or hobbies. Or you can give your date a compliment because who doesn\u2019t like a compliment? Whatever you choose, just choose something, otherwise the night might start to feel like a hot therapy session rather than a hot date.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course, all of this advice assumes that you\u2019re open to dating someone who has a legally-recognized ex. If you\u2019re not, then that\u2019s a shame. According to the <\/span>Bureau of Labor Statistics<\/span><\/a>, about 44% of first marriages end in divorce, which means there\u2019s a decent possibility  you\u2019ll someday find yourself divorced and dating, and you\u2019ll probably want others to give you a chance just like they want you to give them one today. Closing yourself off to anyone with a divorce under their belt also means that you\u2019re missing out on some excellent potential partners, one of which could be the future love of your life. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hint: It’s not sorry. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":188,"featured_media":18988,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[884,988],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18987","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-advice","category-divorce"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat to Say When Your Date Says, \u201cI\u2019m Divorced\u201d<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"If you\u2019ve been searching for the perfect way to respond to when your date says, \u201cI\u2019m divorced,\u201d then these tips have you covered.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/dating-advice\/what-to-say-date-says-im-divorced\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" 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