{"id":1900,"date":"2009-08-13T13:05:38","date_gmt":"2009-08-13T20:05:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/about.zoosk.com\/\/?p=246"},"modified":"2021-11-02T06:19:19","modified_gmt":"2021-11-02T13:19:19","slug":"online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Online Dating Tips On Writing The First Message"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Breaking the ice\u2014in any situation\u2014is no easy feat. Whether you\u2019re approaching someone at a bar, a party, or online, putting yourself out there can be an awkward and scary experience, even for people who are naturally outgoing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lucky for us, breaking the ice online<\/a> is a lot easier and a lot less frightening than approaching someone in real life. You don\u2019t have to deal with a crowd of people watching you, you can take a really long time thinking of what to say, and you have the assurance of knowing that the people you\u2019re approaching are also single and open to meeting someone\u2014after all, they\u2019re on a dating site.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next time you log in and start meeting people, consider these five online dating tips for writing a first message:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

  1. Don\u2019t be nervous.<\/b><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

    Even if your stomach is tied up into knots and you\u2019re so nervous you can barely type, try to stay calm. Go splash some cold water on your face, look in the mirror, and ask yourself, \u201cWhat do I have to lose?\u201d Really, it\u2019s not like the person on the other end of the message is going to publicly reject you, and you\u2019ll never have to see this person in real life if nothing comes out of your attempt. The worst that can happen is an \u201cI\u2019m not interested\u201d message, which you can quickly delete. And, if you get no response at all, you can do what we all do and just pretend it never happened. The ability to compartmentalize is a beautiful thing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

    1. Do your homework.<\/b><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

      Actually take the time to read someone\u2019s profile before sending that first message. I know a lot of us are quick on the draw when it comes to messaging people who catch our eye, but it helps to actually know something about that person before you message them. And, from the feedback I\u2019ve gotten from real online daters, we know that\u2019s exactly what most online daters want you to do. One online dater Elizabetta wrote, \u201cBefore flirting or mailing, please, read my profile. Do not just look at the photo! Think: Do we have anything in common, why would she be interested in me? There is a reason she has written all that.\u201d  Another dater, Damian, said, \u201cThe best flirt I ever received was from a lady who wrote something that showed she had at least read my profile. In fact, I thank her to this day for her honesty and friendly reply.\u201d Tailor-made messages, like tailor-made clothes, really do<\/i> fit better. You\u2019ll see.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

      1. Cool your jets.<\/b><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

        \u201cCool it down,\u201d isn\u2019t just a lyric in one of our favorite Velvet Underground songs. It\u2019s also basic advice when it comes to dating.  Online dater, Nathaniel elaborated for us, \u201cGirls get tired of cheesy compliments like, \u2018you are so beautiful, you have such beautiful eyes, I think I\u2019m in love, I\u2019ve died and gone to heaven, if I\u2019m sleeping don\u2019t wake me, I must be dreaming, let\u2019s do it, your so hot, etc.\u2019 Don\u2019t use pick up lines ever. They don\u2019t work.\u201d The same goes for guys; everyone will just think you\u2019re creepy if you over-do it with compliments, especially when you barely know them. According to data from the online dating site Zoosk,<\/a> messages with generic compliments that included words like sexy, cute, beautiful,<\/em> or gorgeous<\/em> actually made responses go down. Also, while it\u2019s one thing to be tongue-in-cheek, it\u2019s another thing to be vulgar. The best way to approach a first message is to keep it in \u2018friend\u2019 territory. Keep your message light and simple. You have plenty of time to develop things further, so be patient for now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

        1. Avoid TMI<\/b><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

          TMI, or \u2018too much information\u2019, about yourself is a no-no on a first date, and it\u2019s also a no-no with a first message too. Generally, when people talk too much about themselves it reveals a real problem with listening, which is a turn off. If things work out between you and your prospective match, they\u2019ll find out everything about you in due course. There is no need to tell someone everything about your life right away. Also, keep an eye on the scale of your letter. Don\u2019t write a novel, but don\u2019t send a haiku either. While you should make sure you include enough text to spark someone\u2019s interest, don\u2019t include so much that they fall asleep while scrolling through it. And you should make sure at least some <\/i>of your sentences end with a question mark. Asking questions in your message, as opposed to talking nonstop about yourself, is also a great way to get a reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

          1. Spellcheck. <\/b>Prease<\/b><\/del>.<\/del> Please. <\/b><\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n

            Never underestimate the power of a typo-proof message. Typos and grammatical mistakes are ugly blips that detract from the sincerity and sweetness of what you\u2019re saying. Can you imagine what Sonnet 18 would be like if instead of \u201cShall I compare thee to a summer\u2019s day,\u201d Shakespeare wrote instead, \u201cShlal I compaer the 2 a sumur\u2019s dai?\u201d If you feel uncomfortable with the grammatical integrity of a message, why not run a simple grammar and spelling check on it? It\u2019s not that hard, we promise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            Just to give you an idea of what a good first message might<\/i> look like, below is a sample first message to use as an example.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            Hi _____. My name is _____, and I really liked what you said in your profile!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            We share a lot of interests, like synchronized swimming and live action role playing games. It also appears that we have really similar music taste. Norwegian death metal is the best! What\u2019s your favorite band? Also, I noticed in your picture that you have a pet turtle. I have a pet turtle too, named Rick! He\u2019s thirty-five years old. Do you have any other pets? I\u2019m a vegetarian and I love animals, and I\u2019m happy to read that you\u2019re a vegetarian too.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            Anyway, I hope to hear back from you because you sound really interesting. Have a nice day!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            Best,<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            _____.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            See how easy that was? Even if you don\u2019t think you\u2019d respond to a message like that, I\u2019m sure the pet-turtle having, Norwegian death metal loving, synchronized swimming LARPer getting that message definitely would.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            Next time you\u2019re ready to start messaging someone, remember these tips. Over time, you\u2019ll realize that breaking the ice online isn\u2019t so bad after all. In fact,you might even surprise yourself and start having fun.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

            Before you say hello, check out these five tips for the perfect first message. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":12097,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[888,889,980],"tags":[395,792],"class_list":["post-1900","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-online-dating","category-online-dating-first-message","category-online-dating-tips","tag-online","tag-onlinemessages"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n5 Online Dating Tips on Writing the First Message<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Trying to write a first online dating message? Check out these 5 online dating tips and first message example to help you write the perfect introduction.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"5 Online Dating Tips on Writing the First Message\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Trying to write a first online dating message? Check out these 5 online dating tips and first message example to help you write the perfect introduction.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Date Mix\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-08-13T20:05:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-11-02T13:19:19+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2009\/08\/22215136\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Juliette Tang\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@https:\/\/twitter.com\/juliettetang\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Zoosk\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Juliette Tang\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"5 Online Dating Tips on Writing the First Message","description":"Trying to write a first online dating message? Check out these 5 online dating tips and first message example to help you write the perfect introduction.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"5 Online Dating Tips on Writing the First Message","og_description":"Trying to write a first online dating message? Check out these 5 online dating tips and first message example to help you write the perfect introduction.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/","og_site_name":"The Date Mix","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","article_published_time":"2009-08-13T20:05:38+00:00","article_modified_time":"2021-11-02T13:19:19+00:00","og_image":[{"width":800,"height":600,"url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2009\/08\/22215136\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Juliette Tang","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@https:\/\/twitter.com\/juliettetang","twitter_site":"@Zoosk","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Juliette Tang","Est. reading time":"6 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/"},"author":{"name":"Juliette Tang","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/a0f1913b9c5e5f50a34c125a292222ab"},"headline":"5 Online Dating Tips On Writing The First Message","datePublished":"2009-08-13T20:05:38+00:00","dateModified":"2021-11-02T13:19:19+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/"},"wordCount":1125,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2009\/08\/22215136\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message.jpg","keywords":["online","onlinemessages"],"articleSection":["Online Dating Articles & Advice for Everyone","Online Dating First Message","Online Dating Tips"],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/","name":"5 Online Dating Tips on Writing the First Message","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2009\/08\/22215136\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message.jpg","datePublished":"2009-08-13T20:05:38+00:00","dateModified":"2021-11-02T13:19:19+00:00","description":"Trying to write a first online dating message? Check out these 5 online dating tips and first message example to help you write the perfect introduction.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2009\/08\/22215136\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/dq1eylutsoz4u.cloudfront.net\/2009\/08\/22215136\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message.jpg","width":800,"height":600,"caption":"A guy writing an online dating first message using some good tips."},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/online-dating-tips-for-writing-the-first-message\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Online Dating","item":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/online-dating\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":3,"name":"5 Online Dating Tips On Writing The First Message"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","name":"The Date Mix","description":"Dating and Relationship Advice for Today's Daters","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#organization","name":"The Date Mix","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/TDM-logo.jpg","width":400,"height":400,"caption":"The Date Mix"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Zoosk\/","https:\/\/x.com\/Zoosk"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/a0f1913b9c5e5f50a34c125a292222ab","name":"Juliette Tang","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en","@id":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/avatar_user_9_1523039616-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/avatar_user_9_1523039616-96x96.jpg","caption":"Juliette Tang"},"description":"Juliette Tang is a dating and relationships writer. She has years of experience and has covered multiple topics related to online dating, love, single life, and relationships. Juliette has been working with Zoosk to create engaging content for online daters looking to make real connections with like-minded singles online.","sameAs":["https:\/\/x.com\/https:\/\/twitter.com\/juliettetang"],"url":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/author\/jtzoosk\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1900","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1900"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1900\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/12097"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1900"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1900"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1900"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}