{"id":19022,"date":"2019-05-20T01:00:02","date_gmt":"2019-05-20T08:00:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/datemixstaging.wpengine.com\/?p=19022"},"modified":"2021-05-31T08:46:06","modified_gmt":"2021-05-31T15:46:06","slug":"jealousy-in-an-open-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zoosk.com\/date-mix\/relationship-advice\/jealousy-in-an-open-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Overcoming Jealousy In An Open Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Even when we\u2019re just children, jealousy is a part of our everyday lives. We\u2019re jealous of our friend who got an Xbox when we didn’t. We\u2019re jealous that our best friend has been going around with a new best friend. We\u2019re jealous that our crush asked out someone else.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A part of growing up is learning to navigate these feelings. We\u2019re often told not to compare ourselves or what we have to others and that\u2019s a really good lesson. It\u2019s also very difficult to stop doing altogether. It takes time. It takes acknowledging when we do it so we can tell ourselves not to do it. But the truth is, it\u2019s nearly impossible to get rid of jealousy altogether. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s no different being in an open relationship. Even those of us who practice polyamory know that it\u2019s impossible not to get jealous from time to time. And that\u2019s why it\u2019s so important to have steps in place to combat the green monster.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 1: Acknowledge the feeling to yourself first.<\/strong>
\nOften, we don\u2019t want to admit that we\u2019re jealous. We agreed to an open relationship because it was what we wanted. We don\u2019t have qualms with our partners being with other partners. Then why am I upset that he took her to dinner at our favorite place? Why am I mad that my partner was willing to go on a long weekend with him but not with me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we start asking ourselves questions like this, it\u2019s important we don\u2019t squash them right away. We shouldn\u2019t just say that we shouldn\u2019t be upset therefore we aren\u2019t upset. We shouldn\u2019t just play it cool. Your feelings are valid, even if you feel like jealousy doesn\u2019t belong in an open relationship. Yes it does, because open relationships involve humans and jealousy is human nature. Acknowledgment of your feelings is the first step in addressing and combating them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 2: Address the feeling with your primary partner.<\/strong>
\nAnd do it in a neutral, private place. Neutral means a place that puts neither of you in a position of power in the conversation. Do it in a place where you know both of you are equally comfortable. However, try to keep it out of the bedroom. Talking about situations like this when you\u2019re a heightened emotional state, like you would be in after sex, is an all around bad idea.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As corny as it may sound, start with \u201cI feel\u201d statements. Some things are clich\u00e9 for a reason and that\u2019s because they work. You don\u2019t want your partner to feel attacked. You want them to be receptive to what you\u2019re saying. And you should want to hear their side as well. By starting with \u201cyou\u201d statements, it can come off more as an accusation and they can close themselves off from what you\u2019re saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 3: Listen and respond.<\/strong>
\nAfter you tell your partner how you\u2019re feeling, let them respond in kind. You might think you\u2019re the only one struggling, but they might be too. Especially when navigating a newly open relationship, it can be hard to know what the lines and limits are. This discussion can help you find those lines. Take the situation of you wondering why your partner took your metamour to \u201cyour place.\u201d Think about and work out together why that was a sting to you. Are you afraid that your partner is getting more attached to his new partner and losing attachment to you? Or maybe you\u2019re feeling left out of the equation as your partner is being more active with his new partner and you\u2019re alone more often.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s often a deeper reasoning to those first initial questions and talking it out, openly and honestly, can help you get down to the root. Once you get down to the root, you can put actions in place to help you both feel like you\u2019re in a better place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step 4: Be honest with your metamour about these feelings.<\/strong>
\nOnce you talk to your partner, the two of you should address these feelings with your partner\u2019s partner. It\u2019s not fair to keep them out of the loop and they should know if there\u2019s something that they can be doing, or not doing, that would be better for your relationship. Again, make sure you\u2019re in a neutral, private place. If you and your partner live together, for instance, don\u2019t invite your metamour over. He or she doesn\u2019t have the same feeling of comfort or power in your home as you do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Be honest with how you\u2019ve been feeling and do as you did with your partner. Say how you feel and then listen and respond. Maybe they\u2019ve even been feeling similarly. Having this conversation can help the three of you develop a better idea of how the relationship should go, to be sure that everyone is getting the time, love, and attention that they need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even if you don\u2019t engage romantically with your partner\u2019s partner, you still are in a relationship with them. They will become an important part of your life so it\u2019s important to foster this relationship with honesty and openness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Even those who practice polyamory know that it\u2019s impossible not to get jealous from time to time. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":156,"featured_media":19025,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[891,898],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-19022","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationship-advice","category-relationship-problems"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nOvercoming Jealousy In An Open Relationship<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Even those of us who practice polyamory know that it\u2019s impossible not to get jealous from time to time. 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